Pros: we are TIPSY
Cons: idk if the wifi is working so this may be on the wrong blog; will fix later if needed YOLO
Pros: is this what it’s like to relax/not have anxiety!? Omg no wonder people are unbothered. Wish I could be like this all the time (not tipsy- just relaxed/unbothered). I truly feel like like I haven’t had a second to breathe in months (and tbh that’s true- I’ve been working on classes non stop since January and am now doing PA school applications, plus the full time SLP job, which is 40-50 hours a week). Like, no WONDER I have been so stressed
And I have such high standards for myself (not in a braggy way- just this is like, what I expect me to do way) that I don’t do well giving much myself grace or cutting me slack. Like, you’re talking to someone who decided she was going to take a Neuro exam after having a grand mal seizure because she didn’t feel like studying again (I got an A, but my professor was like…wtf why did you not get a doctor’s note and ask for an extension)? And to be fair, totally valid. That’s what most people would do. But no, I was like…I’m taking this fucking thing
So keep in mind that’s my BASELINE
And again, not braggy- just pointing out I expect crazy things of me. So to be like “nbd Ruby just chill, give yourself a break” is like…not in my software
But holy fuck
I took seven classes at once (plus the job), got A’s in all of them, and am somehow alive and seizure-free (thanks, Briviact. Wish you were under $2,000 though)? Like, what the actual fuck? I’m kind of a badass???
Ok, so yeah, had some really rough moments, especially with ED relapse periodically throughout this process. But also, for the most part, have been doing really well with it? Like, for the most part, my relationship with food is the healthiest it’s been in YEARS (yay therapy, trying new foods on plane, and supportive friend). And how huge is that? Like, learning to properly take care of myself has been bananas, but also hugely gratifying. What do you mean I’m not broken, just my body legit thought I was in a fucking famine and my metabolism adjusts to try to keep me alive (I think the Polish side influenced this)? Because it’s been like this for years, we have to reassure ~the body~ that we are fine and okay and going to get nourished on a schedule. But when I do that, and sleep, my metabolism is happy and starts to correct itself? I NEVER thought we would get there.
Admittedly yeah fucked up this week, but considering everything I’ve been through, the death in the family, and all overall healing journey?
I am doing fucking AMAZING.
And even if I don’t get into PA school this round, I deserve all the kudos for what I’ve done.
And if I do, yay, but also, this whole plan was batshit insane. I need to remember that and reward myself.
TLDR: tipsy Ruby rambling to remind herself of her accomplishments because she is bad at that and a recovering perfectionist
