Don't Let Me Go

Ainsley Bright ♦ 23 ♦ Waitress Malcolm Sullivan ♦ 23 ♦ Mechanic I can see your shadow laying in the moonlight. I can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side.

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal​:

The boys on the football team loved to tease him often. They’d ask him when he was finally going to get a girlfriend. He wasn’t getting any younger, and he was starting to ‘embarrass’ them. Of course, they were joking. But, he knew how psyched the guys would be when he told them that he finally had the guts to tell her how he felt. Y’know – after leaving out the fact that she had to say something first. 

Ainsley was always so frank and to the point. The corner of his lip tugged up in a grin as he raised his eyebrow in curiosity, “I can, yeah? Alright. Tomorrow night at 6:00. I’ll pick you up, and we will go on our first official date.” As she mentioned the diner, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Wait a minute – not the diner? C’mon, I love those peanut butter cup milkshakes. And they always give me the discount,” Carter teased, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to be take her there on their first date. He had plenty of time to conjure up a plan. 

He couldn’t pull her in tight enough as he locked his arms around her waist. Grinning against her lips, he pressed them back against hers in another tender kiss. There was something so much more freeing about these kisses now. Nothing holding them back. No secret, underlying feeling of longing for something more. He was so unsure about what the future looked like, but Carter wanted to believe that he wasn’t going to regret this. 

Ainsley couldn’t wait to tell Sydney that it had finally happened. That she’d gotten the courage to finally tell Carter exactly how she’d felt. Syd had been the only person she’d confided in about her true feelings back when they were in high school. She hadn’t even told Mady. She’d been too afraid to tell too many people, afraid that word would get back to him. And she’d honestly expected it to just be a phase. Eventually she’d grow out of it and it would have been nothing but a silly little crush. But that had never happened, and over time, her feelings had just grown more and more intense. 

She wondered where Carter would be taking them. She didn’t care where, as long as she wasn’t going to visit work on her night off. She loved the diner and working there, but it got old being there day in and day out. She just needed a break sometimes. Besides, she wanted to be able to enjoy their first official date without people teasing them left and right about finally being together. “Maybe I’ll let you take me there for dessert. Just maybe.” She giggled. “Hey, you only get a discount when I’m working, because I’m a nice person. You think the other girls would be half as nice?” She teased, poking his arm.

She had to remind herself that they were in a public park with people around. Pulling away, she looked up at Carter and smiled, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek. “Remember the day we met?” She asked, tilting her head. “Kindergarten, out on the playground. My friends wanted to race from the slide to the monkey bars, so we ran as fast as we could, and I tripped over my shoelace and completely face planted in front of everyone. My knees were all scraped up, my palms were scratched up, and I thought the whole world was ending because everyone was laughing at me. But there you were, pushing past everyone and helping me up, and telling them to quit laughing. My hero.”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal​:

“Forget what you think that I deserve. If you would’ve asked me what I wanted, I would’ve said you! Braeden?” Releasing a long exhale, Sydney raked her fingers through her hair and tugged on her lower lip with her teeth. “You want to know what was wrong with Braeden that made it impossible to continue on in a life with him? — He wasn’t you, Sul. He was never going to be. I realized that and I bailed.” Malcolm Sullivan never gave himself enough credit for the happiness that he brought Sydney. All he’d ever wanted was for her to be happy, but he could never completely grasp the fact that the constant in her life that provided her that happiness was him. And she wanted so badly to take his face in her hands and try with all her might to get him to realize that now. “You. You made me happy.”

Moving past him to sit in the love-seat styled chair in the spot next to his, she turned and facd him again, “It’s okay, Sul – I forgive you. I said what I needed to say. Thank you for apologizing.” Opening the bag in her lap, she reached in and placed the bagel on top before taking a long awaited sip of her coffee. Tasting the caffeinated bliss, she let out a sigh of relief. She was taking a bite out of one half of her bagel as she heard his question. Quickly chewing and swallowing, she nodded to the bagel as if to ask if him if wanted the other half. “I graduated from NYU and clearly had no idea what I wanted to do next. The city was amazing, but rent was too much for an unemployed college graduate. And, honestly, I realized that the city life wasn’t truly what I wanted at this season of life. So, I moved back home to get my shit together and figure out what my next step was. — And I still don’t know yet entirely. I have a business degree that I don’t exactly know how I want to use it yet. I’ve thought about starting a business selling art or starting a business for photography – but really, no clue.“

Sully looked down, feeling guilty. Even when he was trying to make things easier for Sydney to move on, he was making it harder just by existing. He sighed and gave a small shrug. “...I guess I just wasn’t thinking. It was stupid of me to do it. And if I could go and take it back, I would.” And he absolutely would have. In a second, without a doubt. Sydney was the best part of his life. They’d been friends for ages before they’d started dating, and nobody was surprised when they did. The two of them had always been attached at the hip, even as little kids. He’d always begged whatever Nanny he had at the time to bring him over to her house, or to let her come over, and then when they were old enough to get around on their own, he was always sneaking her in because nobody was ever around his place. She’d always been the one to make him smile, make him feel better. And he really wished he hadn’t ruined that.

He gave a small shake of his head when she offered the other half of her bagel. “I...attempted to make breakfast. Burned the eggs, like the genius that I am, and ended up just throwing some Pop-tarts in the toaster. Such a healthy meal.” Honestly Sully didn’t even know how he’d managed to survive on his own as long as he had. He was a complete mess when it came to house keeping, and he couldn’t cook to save his life. He lived off of take out and TV dinners, things that were simple enough to quickly heat up.

Sitting back, he listened as she spoke about why she was home and he nodded. “I totally get that. I thought about staying in California. Teased that idea for about ten minutes before I remembered that I hated the heat, LA is a tourist trap, and I didn’t really have any meaningful friendships over there. Figured there’s cars everywhere, I can fix ‘em back home just as easy as I could over there. Almost decided against it though when I realized it meant telling my parents that their perfect son wasn’t joining the family business. They loved that news.” He sighed. “So for now, I’m working at a friend’s garage, living in the tiny apartment right above it, and just sort of...figuring things out. But hey, it’s an adventure.”

[asmalltownmumu]

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Maybe Sydney could’ve held off on the first conversation she had with him in years being the one that she decided to re-hash their break-up and fallout. But, could she?? With it eating her up inside for years, could she have held off any longer without having any sort of closure? If closure was even possible. 

“Then why, Malcolm? If you didn’t want to do it, then why did you? Because you knew that I was all in. Breaking up was never even an option for me.” As she heard him carry on into the fact that he was not who his parents wanted him to be, her nose scrunched. Sydney was not his parents by any means. She didn’t care what they wanted for his life. She wanted him to do what he wanted to do. She wanted him to be happy. “Don’t you get it? I never wanted what your parents wanted for you! I didn’t have to have you as some put together lawyer. I just wanted you. You didn’t have to worry about your messy apartment because you had me to make sure it got clean. Do you think I had any idea what I wanted to do either? The only thing that had ever given me comfort was that I got to figure it out with you.” Her lip jutted out slightly with almost a quiver as she blinked a tear away. She gripped the bag her bagel was in tight and shifted her gaze to break the contact that she’d held the entire time she spoke.

“I don’t hate you, Sully –” A deep, long exhale escaped her lips before she decided to lock eyes with him again. “I could never hate you.” I love you. That was what she wanted to follow, but she just couldn’t say that yet. “Look – I’m sorry for unloading on you. I never got the chance to say what I’d wanted to say…And I just wanted you to know how much it hurt – but you were my best friend, Sul. And I have to believe that we are both back in town for a reason. So –…yeah, it would be better if we were friends.” She offered him a soft smile and held up her bag. “How about we catch up now? I’ll share my bagel.”

“You might not have wanted for me what they wanted for me, but it’s what you deserve! I saw your Instagram posts with whats his name. He seemed like a pretty swell guy. Like the type of guy who could give you a life that I’d never be able to give you.” Sully sighed. “I just wanted you to be able to have the life that you deserve, with someone that deserved you. You’re so smart, and so amazing. You have so much ahead of you in life. So much going for you. And I just...don’t.” He looked down. “I just wanted you to be happy.” But he was an idiot that messed that up, obviously. And now she was starting to cry. Way to go, Sullivan, you asshole. First time seeing the only girl you’ve ever loved in years, and you made her cry.

But at least she didn’t hate him. That was reassuring. He’d been so sure that she would hate him. He’d hate him if he were in her shoes. It hadn’t been an easy decision for him to make, to break off what they’d had. He’d thought about it for days before finally coming to the decision that it needed to be done. He’d almost chickened out, and maybe that would have been the better decision. To chicken out. Maybe he should have given them the chance to get through the distance and see what had happened. Maybe someone would have come along, and maybe they would have made it through college. But now he’d never know, because he’d ruined the best thing he had.

He looked down as Sydney spoke, calling him her best friend. “...I wasn’t lying when I said I’d wanted us to stay friends. I don’t know what happened there. ...maybe I was too scared to talk to you after. I’d already hurt you enough...I didn’t want to make things worse.” He sighed. “But...I’m glad you want to be friends. I really am sorry. I don’t know how else to say it.” Maybe just stop saying it, genius. She gets it. She’s smart enough to get that you’re sorry. He gestured to the chair he’d been sitting in before. “I’ve got a few hours before I need to be to work. ...I’d like that. To catch up.” He smiled. “So...what brings you back to town?”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

Typically Carter was the one to try and shoot for optimism. She had that affect on him. When he first got injured, he went into such a dark place that Ainsley really had to help pull him out of. He could never see the brighter side until she taught him how to again. Now, here she was talking him down from the fear of the unknown. Honestly, it’d made it so much easier for him to lose that feeling in his gut that continuously replayed the what if. 

I think it would be a good thing. Ainsley’s sweet, angelic tone eased his mind. He nodded his head to agree with her. “I – yeah, you’re right. How much difference does it make anyway? I mean – y’know, now I’ll hold your hand as we walk down the sidewalk. Take you out on dates instead of just hanging out..” He rambled on, and he had to admit that he was growing slightly giddy at the thought of all the things that could change at the fact that they would be a couple.  

As she snaked her arms around his neck, he ran his larger hands down her forearms until he snuggly wrapped them around her waist. Pulling her in close, he let the warmth of her body fight the slight chill in the night air. Chuckling and raising his eyebrow at how she’d launched herself at him, he nestled his nose against her rose colored cheeks. “I should’ve known you’d be able to weasel the truth out of me..” He mumbled against her cheek before shifting his head down to lightly press his lips against hers. “Mm –” He took it all in as he was able to kiss her with no guilt. With nothing being held back. “I love you…I love you..I love you.” 

Ainsley had to learn at a young age to look on the bright side of things...no pun intended, considering her last name. Her mother had been so sick...most of the memories Ainsley had of her was her in a hospital. And after she’d died, her father hadn’t been there to hold things together. He’d done nothing but drink himself silly for six years. She had to learn how to take the sad and spin them into something good. Her mom wasn’t sick anymore, so that was a good thing. And when her dad was drunk, at least he wasn’t sad. And at least she had Mady to take care of her. Most kids fought with their older siblings, but not Ainsley and Mady. It was them against the world. And she took that positive attitude and tried to show that to everyone else in the world. She always had.

She smiled as Carter worked things through out loud. She nodded along with what he said, agreeing with him. “Exactly! Holding hands and going on dates. I think that sounds like a great idea. In fact, you can start by taking me on a date tomorrow night. I’ve got the night off, and would love the opportunity to be spoiled.” It was a rare occasion that Ainsley had a full night off work. She worked at the local diner, and night shifts were where most of the tips were. Plus it left the day for her to focus on her school work. But the semester was over, and she’d picked up a rare breakfast shift instead of a night shift just to change things up a bit. “I’ll let you figure out where you’re going to take me.” She paused. “Just not the diner.” She giggled.

It felt nice to be this close to him with no secrets between the two of them. Carter’s arms around her, her face in the crook of his neck, she felt like she could breathe a sigh of relief and everything was okay. Ainsley giggled as he mentioned how she managed to get the truth out of him. “I’m very persuasive. You should know that after all these years.” And then his lips were on hers and it was like time stood still. They’d kissed so many times before, but not like this. Not with nothing standing between them. It was pure. And then he was saying those three words over and over again, and she couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. “I love you, too.”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

There wasn’t much for Sydney at NYU her freshman year. She’d missed out on much, didn’t even think about trying to date again, and simply tried to stay on top of her classes.  She’d tried to go to all the mixers and socials. She tried making friends mid-year in her classes, but there was really no use in trying. If you didn’t put that effort in at the beginning of the year, it was best for her to just wait until the next year. And that was exactly what she did. She had made a handful of friends and stuck towards a group of four that were her core friends during the rest of her years. She got involved heavily in art and found it to be the best outlet for her to work through all of the emotions that came with her parents divorce, the gain of three new step-siblings, and losing Sully.

First, it was photography. She was in the top of her class and enjoyed submitting art that was praised by her professors. Next, it was drawing and sketching that turned into painting. After her parents split and Sydney followed her dad’s lead when he got remarried, it was impossible for Sydney to feel like she was enough. Her father married a fairly wealthy blonde woman who was new to town and had three flawless teenagers who looked like exact clones of the other. And then there was Sydney. Short and petite in stature compared to them – and totally the epitome of the brunette step child mixed in with their golden, blonde, and striking ways. At NYU, Sydney was finally being seen again. She was slowly beginning to heal. Then, she met Braeden.

Braeden Chase was anything that a woman could want. He was handsome, but not too handsome. He was musically talented and planning to be a doctor. He came from wealth and was not ashamed to spoil Sydney rotten. He was just what she needed to move on. So, they dated for a year and a half. A very serious relationship to Braeden, but Sydney didn’t quite let herself reach the level he was on. She didn’t think she would ever catch up. When she’d caught wind from her best friend Cierra that he was planning on proposing to her, Sydney spiraled into self destruction. She never pictured herself spending the rest of her life with anyone else but Sully. The thought of marrying someone who didn’t have her whole heart was terrifying. So, she broke it off. Didn’t give much of an explanation why except for the fact that it just wasn’t him. 

Moving back to town wasn’t always the simplest transition. She was still on the hunt for a job that she enjoyed or trying to use her business degree productively by looking into different businesses to start. Maybe a photography business. Maybe she could work as a free-lance artist? Maybe she could do both? All she knew was that she needed to be home to get that inspiration. It didn’t take much but Ainsley begging her to move back, and she found herself on the next flight home.  

That handsome smile turning to a frown really hit her where it hurts, and she really wished that she could’ve kept silent the word vomit that could not be kept down. “I know you’re sorry, Sul – but sorry is what you say when you accidentally step on my foot or show up late for class. Sorry is what you say when you accidentally miss my call or bring me back the wrong flavored soda. Sorry is not what you say when you completely broke my heart with very little warning.” Her words were like spit-fire, and she could see the pain in his face which was enough to calm her town. “It took my entire freshman year of college to get over what happened with us, Sully. And, even though I say that, I don’t think I ever really got over it.”

Sully sighed. He should have known this conversation wasn’t going to go well. He should have just left well enough alone and let Sydney go on her merry way without having ever seen him. He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. That was the last thing he’d wanted to do. In fact, all he’d wanted was to make things easier for her, but in trying to do that, he’d done the exact opposite.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Syd...” He sighed. “That I made a mistake? Because I did. It was the worst mistake of my life. I didn’t want to break up with you. I think it’s safe to say, now that it’s been four years. It killed me just as much to do it. But I did it because you deserved better. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life when I got out of college. My parents expected this...lawyer. They wanted me to go off to law school, join the family firm. And that’s the type of guy you deserve. Not the guy who lives in a messy one bedroom apartment above the garage he works in. I don’t know what the future holds for me. Am I going to stick with fixing up cars? Maybe. But I know one thing is for sure, that I’m not going to be the guy that my parents pushed for me to be. And you deserve someone that knows what’s they’re doing. Someone that can give you a good life.”

He’d been on a few dates after he broke up with Sydney. There had been Karen, the psych major, who tried to psycho-analyze him and failed because he’d been too creeped out by her that he never called her back for a second date. Then there was Josie, who worked in the school library. She was nice, but in a too nice way. She just wasn’t his cup of tea. The only girl he’d really seen more than once was Brittany. He’d gone on three or four dates with her before he realized something was missing. He knew what it was, she wasn’t Sydney. And she realized something was off, too, because in the middle of their last date, she got up, told him it just wasn’t working, and left. They’d never spoken again.

But now here he was, standing in front of the only girl he’d ever loved. He’d kept tabs on Syd over the years, never unfriending her on facebook, and looking at her instagram. He’d just wanted to see what she was up to. He was glad she was doing well, and seemed like she’d moved on. Clearly he was wrong on that part. He sighed, and shook his head.

“I really don’t know what else to say. ...I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t think I could live in a world where you hate me. We’re both back in town, and we’re bound to run into each other sometimes. It’s a small town,Syd. ...wouldn’t it be better if we were friends rather than you hating me?”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

The tears. If you could ask Carter what his kryptonite was, it would be seeing Ainsley cry. He would move mountains to keep her from being sad. She could get anything she ever wanted out of him with one single tear. His thumbs reached up and tried to brush the ones that she had missed with the back of her hand. Letting go of her face, he gently slipped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. He rubbed his hands along her back before pulling back slightly to look her in the eye.

They were adults now. They weren’t kids, and their teenage years were long behind him. He was 24, and he knew that the longer he kept his feelings a secret from her was the longer that it would take for them to finally move to new stage in their life. There wasn’t much that was going to change. Maybe a label thrown onto their relationship along with the fact that they would do more “couple” things. This was Ainsley. There was a level of comfort with her that he never had with anyone else.

“But, what if –” He squinted his eyes shut and even tried to comfort himself by giving her a gentle squeeze. “I just – I don’t want this to fail.” Deep down, though, he knew that the failure of their relationship was not enough of an excuse to keep from trying. But, what if it didn’t? If he didn’t want it to fail, that meant that he had to put all of his effort into keeping that from happening. He released his hold on her and put his hand back up on her cheek. Instantly, he felt a smile try and tug at the corner of his mouth. “You know what — alright. Let’s give it a shot. Let’s see what we’ve been missing.” Locking his eyes with her, a chuckle slipped from his lips, “Okay? – does that sound okay?”

Half of her wanted to pull away from his embrace. She wanted to push him away and cross her arms stubbornly until she got the answers she was looking for. But she just couldn’t do it. Ainsley melted into Carter’s embrace, head on his shoulder, shivering a bit as his hand came to her back. She sniffled a bit, but at least the tears had stopped falling. She let out a small sigh of contentment as his arms came around her, and she felt like she was home.

“But what if nothing. I don’t want it to fail either. But there’s always a chance. Nobody thought that Sydney and Sully would end up the way they did, but they did. ...mainly because Sully is an idiot, but still. There’s always that chance. But it’s a chance we need to take, because if we don’t, and we know both of us feel something, things are just going to get awkward.” She sighed and sat back, giving a small smile. “It’s terrifying. I get it. But I think it’d be a good thing.”

She felt relief when he agreed that giving it a shot was a good thing. Ainsley let out a sigh of relief and her small smile turned into a bigger grin as she launched herself at Carter, arms coming around his neck. “It sounds better than okay. It sounds perfect.” She forgot about all their fears about things not working out, and focused on the fact that this was really happening. She and Carter had finally put a label on things, and they were together.

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

Oh, that ache in her chest when she saw his grin and heard the chuckle that was the soundtrack to her childhood. No matter how thick her throat felt or how much her palms began to sweat, the chuckle made her more at ease. “You think I’ve shrunk?” There was a slight raise in her eyebrow, and she quickly began to shake her head. “That’s the new height on you. I’ll have you know that I grew a whole inch and a half since graduation.” Her hands rested on her hips, craning her neck up, and finally making true eye-contact with him.

Immediately, her thoughts took her back to four years ago. May 25th. They had just decided to bail out on Katie Ryan’s party and go back to his place. She’d always known when something was on his mind. She knew that night that something wasn’t sitting right with him…She just had no clue what it was. The car ride home was ominous as neither of them talked. The silence was filled with a song on the radio that was playing almost too quietly.

“Syd, look –” His deep voice echoed in her ear, and instantly she could recall how the room felt like it was spinning. How the Earth completely shifted on it’s axis. “We’re just graduating high school. We’re not supposed to have this figured out – We are going to be on completely opposite ends of the country. There’s no way – distance just doesn’t work that way.” All she could do as he spoke was shake her head, trying to force back the tears that were in her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. She could hardly compose herself. Tell him over and over how wrong he was. Almost begged for him to reconsider. However, that night ended with her shutting down, ending the conversation after talking in circles for hours, and running out of his house having never seen him again. 

The next month and a half was spent with Sydney wallowing in the intense heartache. Never leaving her new apartment in the city. Never trying to take hold of any opportunities or make any friendships. Day by day, she felt the intense pain of the Sullivan shaped hole in her heart until the pain slowly began to subside. But, did it ever completely heal? No. She didn’t just lose her boyfriend that night. She lost her best friend too. His apology quickly tuned her back in to reality. Almost mimicking that night, she began to shake her head. “Malcolm –” His first name. Good one. Her hand reached up and tucked a curled up strand behind her ear, “Look, you did what you had to do. It is what it is.” She dropped her head down blinking back the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes. Saving her from her emotions, the barista called out her order. She turned and quickly snatched her coffee and the bag her bagel was in, “Thank you –” Whipping her head back around, she glanced up at the boy. “Right, let’s chat – How was it after you dumped me, hm? Because, really, I wouldn’t know. I mean – we never talked again. I know I lost my boyfriend that night, but I didn’t know I was going to completely lose you too.”

Sully hadn’t done very well after the break up. He’d packed his things, said goodbye to his friends, and boarded a plane to California. He’d thought about going and saying goodbye to Sydney. He’d even driven over to her house and stayed parked outside, trying to work up the nerve to get out, knock on her door, apologize profusely, and tell her he didn’t mean it. But he’d chickened out and gotten back in his car and gone home. And when he’d gotten to California, he was a mess. He didn’t know anyone, and felt truly alone. He focused on his school work, just trying to stay out of trouble, which was very un-Sully like. The true Sully would have been goofing off, making the whole class laugh, but he’d just kept to himself, quiet as can be.

He had a hard time making new friends at first. For years, it’d been him, Syd, Ainsley, and Carter. They didn’t need anyone else in their little circle, and one of them was always around. He’d honestly forgotten how to make friends, how that worked. Did he just go up to someone and say ‘Hey, my name is Sully, let’s be friends’? The thought just made him anxious and it made him keep to himself even more. But slowly, over time, he came out of his shell more and the true Sully showed up. It was easier to make friends when you were making people laugh.

He’d thought about staying in California. If he didn’t come home, he wouldn’t need to face his parents and tell them that he just didn’t want to be a lawyer. It just wasn’t for him. Lawyer’s needed to be serious, straight forward, and that just wasn’t Sully. He wanted to have fun and get his hands dirty. He didn’t want to wear a suit and tie everyday to work, he wanted to wear whatever he felt like when he pulled it out of his laundry hamper, because god knew that boy just didn’t use drawers or hang things up. 

But California just wasn’t for him. He’d made a couple good friends, but nothing like what he’d had back home. He missed his friends, and he missed the small town life. So after graduation he’d packed up and moved back home, and got to have the fun discussion with his parents that he wasn’t going to law school in the fall, and he already had a job lined up at the local garage. They’d thrown a hissy fit, told him how working on cars was a waste of time, not a real job, and that they would not be funding that. He’d be in charge of paying all his student loans from now on, if he wasn’t going to do what they had envisioned for him.

He’d, of course, expected this. It really wasn’t a surprise. His whole life his parents had told him what he was going to do, what he was going to wear, where he was going. They’d gone to UCLA, so he was going to UCLA. They worked at the family firm, so he would be working at the family firm. He’d worked there in high school helping to file paperwork and get his foot in the door. It wasn’t something he wanted, and he was miserable the whole time. The only person who knew how truly miserable he was had been Sydney. Sydney...who he’d hurt.

His lopsided smile instantly turned into a frown when she spoke. It was like a slap in the face. He was stupid for thinking she would be over the breakup. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I said I was sorry...” He mumbled. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Syd...I can’t take it back. All I can say is I’m sorry.”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

Carter was watching Ainsley easily unravel – something that he had seen before. Anytime Ainsley could not clearly see the next step, she was easily racking her brain to problem solve until the solution was clear. Why did he think that it was okay to just suggest ice cream? Knowing that answer was not going to do any good for Ainsley. Knowing good and well that he was wanting all of the same things that she was confessing to him — why was he so fearful? He was never afraid of anything. Anything except losing her. Anything except taking a risk, failing, and things never being the same again. Ainsley was his only constant. The one thing in his life that never changed or got worse. She was his rock, and he didn’t know what he would ever do if he didn’t have that. 

“Okay – yeah, ice cream wasn’t the best way to go –” Was he sweating? Did he feel a little bead of sweat form on the top of his forehead? He ran his hand across the back of his neck, massaging his fingers into his tense skin. “Okay, okay – “ His hands went up in the air, surrendering to her. Trying to get a word in as she demanded for answers. She demanded for the truth. “Ains – Ains – Ainsley –” His hands reached up, taking hold of her face and cupping it in his hands. “I love you too – Just – just breathe, okay?”

He took a deep breath, eyes widening at the realization that he so easily slipped out those three words that he locked up so tightly in his heart. Letting out the large inhale very slowly, his words came out almost breathless, “I love you too..” His head drooped slightly. Resting his forehead on hers as their noses touched right at the tip, “I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I’ve loved you since we were seniors. I’ve loved you then, and I love you now –” There was a catch in his throat, eyes glassy and filled with the scary reality of what was happening…but a thumping in chest that was anticipating what was to come. “And I can’t have a life without you in it either – that’s why I just never told you. I never wanted to lose you, and I still don’t." 

Ainsley’s heart was pounding practically out of her chest. She hadn’t had a panic attack in years, but she remembered what they felt like. The squeezing of her heart, the shortness of breath, the tears threatening to spill over as she tried so hard to hold them back...she was on the verge of one as she demanded answers. She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and took a deep breath, sniffling a bit as Carter began to talk.

When those three words came out, it was like the world was lifted off her shoulders. She let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. He loved her, too. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, everyone could see it. Even people who didn’t know them could see how in love the two were, just by their mannerisms and actions. They already acted like a couple...what was the difference?

Yes, he was right. Things could get tricky. “I know things could get hard and it’s taking a risk, but...honestly, Carter...the way things are going as it is, if we don’t do something about it, we’re going to find ourselves in a tricky position. If we don’t speak up and just...figure out what’s going on, I just might lose it. You’ve got to admit, it’s not easy hearing people tell us over and over that we belong together and just brush it off, knowing that deep down, we want it just the same as them.” She sighed. 

“What if we just...tried it? We already act like a couple. Now it’s just a matter of putting a label on it. We try it, and we see how it goes, and if it goes well, then awesome. And if it doesn’t, well...we tried, and we just go back to the way things were before. I think we’re adult enough to realize if things were going bad and we just quit while we’re ahead, so that we don’t mess with what we have, and we still get to keep each other in our lives?”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

When Sydney woke up this morning, her bedroom wasn’t filled with the sounds of the busy city streets below from her apartment window. She didn’t hear the honking of cars in traffic or the busy street life. Filling her ears was the sounds of birds chirping and the soft hum of the television from when she’d left it on the night before. She was thankful for her father that helped her find a cheap — but still nice – house for rent while she did what she could to adjust to life back in town. “What a life,” Sydney thought to herself. New York City was where thousands upon thousands of people came with big dreams, but half of them were typically leaving years later to end up back where they started. After graduating from NYU with a degree in business administration, Sydney was still left wondering what she wanted to do with her life. With no job that she particularly loved or enjoyed and no way of starting the life that she exactly wanted to yet, Sydney decided to go back home to her roots and do some much needed soul searching. Something was missing, and she knew that. The thought first planted it’s seed in her mind when she broke off her year and a half relationship with one of the most stable, consistent, ambitious men in the city because he just wasn’t it. Well..at least it was the term that she used to describe it. But – you could replace the word it with Sully and you would find exactly what Sydney was missing. How could she be so silly? It has been four years since Sully broke up with her, and she still could not justify why she left such a stable relationship with Braeden without even having contacted Malcolm in years. After healing from the wounds that were left from Sully, and even her relationship with Braeden, Sydney was finally at peace. Or…at least that was what she thought.

Sydney’s day started with a morning run through the side streets of town. One thing she missed about this tiny town was how crisp the air was in the morning and how the streets smelled so much cleaner than the city. Once finishing her run, Sydney went back to her home and showered before setting back out again. She slipped on some faded, ripped jeans with a tank top before covering herself with her favorite NYU sweatshirt. While her naturally wavy hair was air-drying, she applied on a light face of makeup before setting out for town. She wasn’t meeting Ainsley until much later that day, but she was desperate for her morning coffee and starving. What better way to start the next part of her day than a hazelnut latte and breakfast bagel sandwich from Brewins. That place was the highlight of her high school experience. So much of her money that she earned working babysitting jobs was spent on coffee and pastries at Brewins. After handing the cashier a crumpled up ten dollar bill and accepting her change, she didn’t take the time to put it in her wallet and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans. Before she could turn and move to find a table, the most familiar voice broke her concentration and made her heart sink into the bottom of her stomach. 

Her legs felt like jello, her pulse began to race, and she felt as if all of the air had been knocked out of her. Standing there, towering over her small petite frame, was Malcolm Sullivan. The love of her life, her best friend, and the boy who broke her heart. The sight of that lopsided grin sent so many emotions through her body. One of familiarity – the feeling that resembled the welcome home that she desperately craved. And one of overwhelming ache – of years of friendship and love lost out of fear and uncertainty. “Yeah, I – I got in a week ago –” How was she? She bit the tip of her tongue and quickly decided that he wasn’t ready to hear the loaded answer to that question. “I’m great – totally great. You know, just…getting used to being back in town. And you? Have you gotten taller?” Taller? Are you serious, Sydney? Four years and that is the best you can do? 

Had he gotten taller? Sully chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “No, can’t say I’ve gotten taller. You might have shrunk a bit, though.” He teased. He was glad that joking with her still came at ease. He’d honestly been worried that having been apart for so long, having ended things the way he did, that they’d be nothing but awkward. And sure, there was the slight awkwardness in the air, but nothing like he’d expected. Sully took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding in his chest that wouldn’t go away.

He felt guilty about the way he’d ended things. Sydney had been his best friend, his partner in crime, the love of his life. He’d honestly thought that they’d end up married someday. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he’d spent nights sitting up and thinking about the day she’d walk down the aisle to him, and they’d live their happily ever afters. But he was stupid, and had messed all that up.

He’d had good intentions. Poor Sully had horrible self-esteem issues, and never thought he was good enough when it came to anything, including Sydney. She deserved better, in his eyes, and what if she found that when she went off to New York, and he went off to California? He didn’t want to hold her down and stop her from going for something she wanted, just because he was there. Syd deserved the person that his parents wanted him to be: the rich lawyer that had something going for him. Not the kid who wanted to play with cars all day.

So he’d ended it. Told her that the distance was just going to be too much, and that they were better off apart. Nobody ever made it long distance. They’d seen plenty of people have good intentions of staying together, coming home for holidays and being all over each other, only to end it because it was just too hard. And it wasn’t like they were going to be just a couple of hours from each other and could spend weekends together. He was going across the country to UCLA and she was going to NYU. That was two different coasts and a three hour time difference. No, he’d told her, they were just better off starting over, going to school with no baggage, no matter how much it sucked. But hey! They could still be friends! 

...they hadn’t stayed friends. In fact, Sully hadn’t seen or heard from Sydney since the break up. Seeing her now, it brought back all those old feelings, and it was like a punch to the gut. He sighed, and looked down. “...I’m sorry, Syd...” He looked at her. “...I shouldn’t have ended things the way I did. I was an idiot. ...I’m still an idiot. I’m glad to hear you’re doing good. And uh...welcome back to town.” He paused. “...do you want to sit? Catch up?”

[asmalltownmumu]

smalltownmal‌:

The weekend was here, and Carter was more than excited for the weekend off. The football season was quickly approaching, and his Friday nights would soon be occupied in the next three weeks for the full length of football season. Carter loved weekends for many reasons. Aside from the very obvious reason of a weekend with no work and high school students who could really test his patience, weekends meant more time with Ainsley. As if he didn’t spend every single day with her in some way, shape, or form. Ainsley Bright — could he even call her his childhood best friend if she never stopped being his best friend? At least, that’s what they would call it. Anyone else who knew the pair would call it something much different. 

His attachment to Ainsley was more significant after his injury during his senior year. How could he not become so much closer to the only person that kept him from going off the deep end?  The only person that went to every physical therapy appointment and willingly listened to him complain about the unfairness of life. However, his attachment to her first solidified during his junior year. Sitting in the tree house that his father built for him, they were leaning back in a giant bean bag chair munching on potato chips and drinking glasses of strawberry lemonade when the question was posed – “ Do you think we will find anybody and fall in love before we graduate high school?” Everyone was so consumed with dating and getting out of town, but the pair had not quite caught up with everyone’s urgency to leave. That was when Ainsley let him in on the shocking truth – she had never even been kissed before. Honestly, he was surprised. Ainsley was gorgeous. Arguably one of the prettiest girls in school. She never dated – never even showed interest in any of the boys at their school. Rightfully so, they were a bunch of pigs. He couldn’t have that – he couldn’t have Ainsley go the rest of her high school career without experiencing her first kiss. That was the night that he knew that he was completely smitten for Ainsley Bright. 

From that moment on, their weeks were filled with sneaking kisses behind the bleachers at football games or Carter sneaking Ainsley in his house late at night to cuddle and sneak quiet make out sessions before they fell asleep. They spent years writing it off – they were simply friends. Nothing more. A relationship would simply ruin things. But.. here they were….four years later…still making out like teenagers.

Carter was more than ready to start the weekend. He and Ainsley went ordered some takeout from the Diner, grabbed a couple of beers, and headed for the park. The food was eaten, tossed in the garbage, and the beers were already consumed. Conversation was made, laughs were shared, and now they were wrapped up in each other like a bunch of school kids. His hands were tangled in her hair as they were sharing a kiss when Ainsley quickly pulled away. He watched her pout and cross her arms – which he would find totally adorable if it weren’t for what followed from her lips. Her words spilled from her lips in a blur, and his hand raked up through his hair. Was his eyes widening? His jaw slightly dropped as she confessed her love for him in a matter of minutes. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest, and he wondered if she could possibly hear it. What did he do? What did he say? Obviously, he loves her too  — but – no, Carter. Deny, deny, deny. It’s better this way. It has to be – what would happen if it failed? But, what would happen if it didn’t? “You – “ He looked around. Maybe she wouldn’t notice if he headed for home and didn’t look back. “Maybe you need some ice cream. I think the beer is getting to you..” He mumbled as he scratched the scruff on his chin and shifted his gaze in hope that the night sky was enough to cover up the blushing in his cheeks. He knew that she would not be happy with his response. “Ains – I – Jesus, I don’t know –” But, that was where he was wrong. He did know. He knew that he loved her too.

What had she done? Ainsley’s hand came up quickly to cover her mouth. She was always one to act on impulse, but this? This was bad. She could have just ruined everything. Their entire friendship flashed before her eyes. The day they’d met in kindergarten, when Ainsley had tripped and skinned her knee at recess and he had been the only kid to help her up and brush off her wounds, glaring at anyone that dared laugh at her. When she was in the first grade and her mom had died, and he had been there to make her smile when she just didn’t understand when people would tell her that her mom was gone. Gone? Where had she gone? She’d just been there a little while ago. Or in the fifth grade when Johnny Rose had made fun of her when she’d gotten sick in front of the whole class. And when her dad died, the accident...that hadn’t been an easy time. She knew what everyone meant when they said her dad was gone, too. She was just glad that Mady lived in town still and she didn’t need to uproot her entire life to move somewhere else, even though her older sister talked about doing it multiple times.

Their whole lives had been spent together. And now she could have just ruined that by spilling her deepest secret that she’d kept from everyone,including herself. She’d made a mistake. A big mistake. And Carter’s response to what she’d said didn’t help at all. Get some ice cream? He didn’t know? Didn’t know what? It wasn’t that hard. Either he loved her back, or he didn’t. She felt everything falling apart around her and she was starting to lose it. Her whole life was about planning. She’d stayed on track for so long. She lived a simple life. Work, school, babysit for her sister sometimes, and the rest of the time was spent with Carter. Pretend there was nothing more. Act like friends. Just friends. Nothing bad could happen if they were just friends.

But now that she’d gone off track, a new plan had to be made. And how did she fix this? This was bad. Really bad. Her mind was spinning and she took a deep breath, shaking her head. “No.” She crossed her arms again. “You don’t get to pretend like I didn’t just say all that. You don’t get to pretend like everything is still normal because it’s not. I just told you the most important thing in the world, and you’re telling me to get ice cream? I don’t want ice cream. I want answers. I don’t want an ‘I don’t know’, because this isn’t fair, Carter. We can’t just go around pretending like this is normal, because it just isn’t. And it hurts. I physically cannot go around pretending anymore, because pretending like there’s nothing there when there clearly is, is eating me up inside!” Ainsley balled her fists together.

“Just tell me how you really feel. Because either you feel the same way, and I didn’t just royally screw up everything we have, or you don’t feel the same way, and I need to figure out how to fix what I just destroyed, because I can’t live without you in my life.”

[asmalltownmumu]

Small towns talk. There’s gossip everywhere. And more often than not, Ainsley could hear people whispering whenever she and Carter walked down the street. They’d been attached at the hip for years and it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when people started making assumptions that they were going to eventually become an item. If she was being honest, the gossip just made her more adamant that she and Carter would not be getting together. Why give everyone the satisfaction of being right? 

But she couldn’t help but notice that as they got older, feelings started to pop up. She probably noticed them and came to terms with them around their junior year in high school, the first time that they kissed. She’d never been kissed before, and had come clean to him in the old tree house in her back yard, left over from the previous owners. It was old and creaky, but it was their go to safe space, away from the world. It was a shame it’d been torn down after she and Madelyn, her older sister, had moved out and moved in with Mady’s fiance. She definitely would have made a point to sneak in there, just for old times sake.

But the first time they’d kissed, it had been in the tree house, and Ainsley had told him the truth, she’d never been kissed before. She’d wondered if it was because she just had no interest in dating, or if it was because of the truth: she secretly had eyes only for one person, but she was too scared to tell that one person the truth. But there they were, the moonlight streaming in from the hole in the roof of the tree house, lips connecting for the first time.

It wouldn’t be the last time they’d kiss. More often than not, their late nights of sneaking out together ended in a make out session or two. But never would they say anything about it. It would happen, and that would be the end of it. Never to be spoken of again. And if someone caught them, they’d just brush it off. They were bored, and neither of them had anyone else to kiss, so why not?

But those excuses were getting old the older they got. It was getting harder and harder for Ainsley to push those feeling she had down deep, deep to where they couldn’t surface. People talked more and more, and it was hard to tell the lies. ‘We’re just friends’ ‘There’s nothing there, we’re just bored’ ‘I could never do that’. 

All these thoughts were going through her mind as the pair laid on a blanket in the park, close together as always, “just sharing a kiss”. And finally, Ainsley lost it. She pulled away, crossed her arms, and a pout formed on her lips. “I can’t do this anymore.” She exclaimed dramatically. “I can’t pretend like this is normal. Because this is not normal, Carter. It’s just not! Normal friends don’t lay in a park, making out!” She sighed. Those feelings she shoved deep down were bubbling up. “I pretend, day in and day out, that this is just something people do. That there is nothing between us, and we’re just friends. But we’re not, and I think we both realize this but neither of us are willing to say anything because we’ve done this for so long. But I can’t pretend anymore, Carter. Maybe people are right when they talk about us. ...maybe we would be better together. And maybe I do love you. ...actually, not maybe. I do. I do love you.”

[asmalltownmumu]

It was nice to be back in town. Sully had gotten so used to the beaches and sunshine, and honestly even the tourism that Los Angeles had to offer, that being back home where it was quiet was such a difference. He’d only been home about a week, but already was getting back into the swing of small town things. He’d forgotten how easy it was to get caught up in the gossip of a small town just by being there and listening. He’d heard about old man Jenkins mysteriously dropping dead and his wife (who everyone knew was having an affair) stood by in all black, accepting everyone’s condolences. He’d heard that Kelly Moore, one of the more provocative girls from his class in high school, was on her third kid in four years, all with different dads. And he’d heard how Ainsley and Carter (probably most importantly because he knew them directly) STILL hadn’t admitted that they were madly in love. (He’d have to remember to give Carter crap for that when he saw him.) And to think...he’d heard all this just by listening to people when they came into the shop, or overhearing things while getting his morning coffee.

That’s where he was now. Brewins had the best coffee around, and honestly, Sully had missed it. Back in California they really only had the big chain coffee shops, and it was hard to find a good spot to get morning coffee. Here at Brewins, he could just sit back and relax, scroll through Facebook (where he also got some of the gossip around town), and enjoy people watching. A lot of the people he knew from growing up. A lot of the time, people didn’t leave town. And even if they did, much like him, they often found themselves right back where they started. Sully’s shift started in a couple of hours and he just wanted the chance to relax before going on in, so with his coffee (black, all that added stuff just ruined it), he sat back in one of the chairs, and watched to see who would come in today. It was after he’d seen Mrs. Rodney (the health teacher in town), his mother (who completely ignored him, big surprise), and Derek Shaw (the local bartender) that she walked in. At first, Sully had to do a double take to realize who it was. ...Sydney. He hadn’t seen her since...well, since he’d broken both of their hearts four years ago, right before leaving for college. He wasn’t sure if he should just let her go, see if she noticed him and said something, or if he should get up and say hello. ...he was honestly going to go with the first option, but something in him told him to get his ass up, and so he did.

“...Syd...?” It came out more as a question, his hand coming to the back of his head as he gave a lopsided smile. Typical Sully look. “Hey, I thought that was you. ...I uh...I didn’t know you were back in town. How uh...how are you?”

[pezmanips]

[jkhelps-blog]

Noah Centineo & Maia Mitchell —

[daniellecamp]