ASPD Confessions

A blog for people with ASPD and supporters/friends/family to vent, ask questions, and recieve support.

[aspd-confessions]

Intro

Hi, I'm Cognac, I have ASPD and NPD. I run this blog. She/he/neos.

This is a blog for people with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) or friends/family/supporters of people with ASPD to vent, ask questions, receive advice, and find support.

Asks I am willing to answer:

Questions about the disorder(s).

Vents about having the disorder(s).

Questions about how best to support a person with ASPD.

Achievements and celebratory stuff.

"ASPD/antisocial is..." type asks.

Conduct disorder related asks.

Asks I am not willing to answer:

Requests for diagnoses (e.g. asking me if you have ASPD).

Vents or disparaging comments demonizing any disorder.

Anything regarding any sort of "[disorder] abuse" (e.g. "narc abuse", "antisocial abuse").

Asks I might answer:

Questions or advice about any other disorder I haven't mentioned. Whether or not I answer will depend on my level of understanding, though I may post it for others to answer if they want.

I am not a professional nor am I your therapist. I don't know your personal experiences or history, I only know my own. I may not personally answer your ask depending on my capacity for the day, but as long as it follows my guidelines, I will post it for others to answer if they want. I may also reblog ASPD-related posts.

Disclaimer: This blog is based entirely on my own experiences, what I've learned as a psychology major, and research I've done on my own.

We also run a Cluster B Discord server (supporters can join as well): https://discord.gg/sm2KegzN89

A server run by npd-confessions on tumblr! A truly safe and non-judgemental space for any individual with narcissistic personality disorder

My husband owns a sister blog focused on NPD! Check that out for more NPD specific posts: @npd-confessions

I also run a Cotards confessions blog: @cotards-confessions And my personal: @boneandbourbon

Claimed anons:

Aeter | :^ | ⚔️ | 🪽| 🧯| ⌨️ | 🛹 | 🪄🃏 | 🍬🐝 | 🐑 | 🪓🎧

[aspd-confessions]

Relyin on physical violence to express love with friends/SO's isn't inherently "abusive" if they want it. Homegirl who had cigs put out on her isn't even mid barrel as far as things I've done to others and they still look at me with love and I with them. Physical violence is an understandable craving, and most of us can agree the urge is something we feel. Why shouldn't we be allowed to exhibit it healthily? This is why sadomasochism exists and calling cigarette burns on a wanting girl "abuse" is silly and honestly might push other people with ASPD to repress their needs that much further out of fear of disgust. I'd argue that's not what you should be doing.

Yeah. It had been a very long day and I really misunderstood what anon was saying. It is not an excuse but I have brain damage and struggle to make sense of words a lot of the time. My response was pretty immediate when I should have taken time to fully process what it said.

I stand by that you should not be putting out cigarettes or joints on a non-consenting partner. Anon never said their ex wanted it and there's a very big difference in putting out cigarettes on someone for kink or play and doing it to be a jackass.

Physical violence is an understandable craving and one that I deal with. The problem was it doesn't sound like this was exhibited healthily. Just because a partner doesn't push back on something doesn't mean they're okay with it or want it.

However, I do acknowledge that I responded very poorly. After looking at it again, I see that anon is taking steps in harm reduction. That's not at all how I interpreted it the first time and that's on me.

To that anon, I apologize for my inappropriate response and misinterpretation. I see now that you're working on bettering yourself and I am proud of you for that. I hope this can still be a place you come to, but I understand if not.

To everyone else, I also apologize. I do my best to create a safe space here for pwASPD to freely express their experiences and I did not do that last night with my knee jerk reaction.

[aspd-confessions]

aspd culture is literally only caring about saying insensitive things around your exception because they're the only person whose feelings you care about

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[aspd-confessions]

had to break up with a partner last night because she didn't see how what I did (putting a joint out on her, tried to burn her with my lighter) was abuse or a problem. she kept saying that she wasn't afraid of me and that she loves me no matter what, but couldn't understand that her clinging onto me and not seeing physical harm as serious is in itself the problem

on the bright side, turns out breaking up with people is actually really easy and painless. no idea what I was scared about there

No idea why you were scared either when you were abusing her.

If you came here looking for sympathy or to be related to, you can search elsewhere.

[aspd-confessions]

ASPD culture is Child Psychology by Black Box Recorder

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[aspd-confessions]

This is gonna sound strange but I saw one of your posts on my for you/main thread page. But now I can’t find it I’m not sure if it was new or old. But it was an anon describing now they hated how people don’t fit in with society and makes them so angry it you explained it was in the criteria. and you had a response but I was to tired to read it but now idk where it went. Or if the anon wanted it taken down and that’s why I can’t find it. Or if it was another blog.

I don't know which specific post you're referring to but I have not had anybody ask me to take anything down, therefore I have not deleted any of my posts.

If you remember a specific keyword, it might help you to search by it on my page? I'll dig through posts later and edit this with the link if I find it, but I'm pretty sure I have over 200 posts at this point. ^^;

[aspd-confessions]

what do psychopath/sociopath mean? are they actual terms? i always thought that "psychopath" meant "doesn't care + actively enjoys hurting people" and "sociopath" meant "not necessarily sadistic but they don't care" but i don't think that's quite accurate

Not sure if you wanted the short answer or long answer but I'll go with long because it's pretty interesting to me.

So socio/psychopath are used in colloquial speak but they're not formal diagnoses in the DSM or ICD.

"Psychopathy" is more of a research term/construct, mostly measured by the Hare PCL-R (psychopathy checklist), though there is no single test that is a "gold standard" for assessing psychopathy and scores do not predict the future.

"Sociopathy" isn't really used in clinical settings or research, it's more of a cultural term.

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There is no 100% agreed on definition, but broadly:

• Psychopathy: research wise, it usually refers to people who show

- High emotional detachment

- More affect-level differences (blunted/flat/labile affect, no/low empathy)

- Blunted fear and anxiety responses

- More calculated behaviors

- Viewed as neurologically shaped

It's conceptualized as "built-in" or neurological. Not "enjoys hurting people", that's a myth (sadism ≠ psychopathy).

• Sociopathy: usually used to describe people who

- Are more impulsive, reactive, inconsistent

- Have lower empathy (often still experience some)

- Are prone to anger and are "chaotic" or lower masking ASPD

- Viewed as environmentally shaped

So sociopathy is like "ASPD but learned" (trauma, instability, lack of socialization), and psychopathy is "ASPD but with strong neurological traits" in the way people describe it online, not official offline criteria.

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Enjoying hurting people is not part of socio/psychopathy or ASPD. Sadism is its own thing that can appear in people with and without ASPD/traits. We aren't driven by harm necessarily, it's more:

- Lack of empathy

- Lack of guilt

- Impaired inhibition/reservation

- Reward/gain-seeking behavior

[aspd-confessions]

First confession here.

I dont have ASPD. I do have BPD though and I wanna confess that when I was younger, i.e, 9-13 i manipulated people hardcore. Not even to like...get them to harm themselves or others, but instead about stupid shit. To get the gum they had, to get them to believe that I personally knew a serial killer, and even more outrageous stuff (which gets up to the point of harmful but never crosses it)

But not out of malice. I was bored. Unbearably bored and had wondered if manipulating people was that easy. Turns out it is. I feel a little bad about it now but I know if i had the opportunity to do it again I would.

is that bad? Ive been trying to 'train' myself out of that behavior and mindset i had then but i've fallen right back into it. Should I be worried?

Eh I mean you were a child and it was just little shit. I did the same thing. I convinced my entire class in elementary school that I was Barack Obama's daughter just to see if I could do it (I could, apparently). It isn't bad per se in my opinion unless you're continuing to do it and harming people.

[aspd-confessions]

Something I find rather odd about the more palatable psychopaths(the types who go onto interviews or tiktoks for fame and attention) claim to need to intentionally control their blink rate to blend in with NTs...? Feigning affect is reasonable enough and something I do myself. But blinking is an automated reflex done the cerebral cortex, by an area of the brain decently far from the amygdala(emotional center/things pwASPD have atypical developments in). So what is that whole shtick about?

Controlling your blink rate sounds like way too much effort and unless I'm sitting in an interrogation room I do not care that much.

[aspd-confessions]

i fucking hate people with moral ocd so much. you are all getting anxious and upset over thinking about maybe doing something ive actually done. especially since i just see so many people like "thought crimes arent anything to be ashamed about! youre still a good person" buddy ive done crimes 💀 i still have to figure out how to move on and try to not repeat past bad behavior. i know theyre going through their own shit it just annoys me.

Yeah sure man. Interesting post but okay.

[aspd-confessions]

does anyone else with ASPD hate people who are really shy and apologize a lot or is that a me thing?

Yeah.

[aspd-confessions]

(not aspd i just feel safest here)

godddddd it pisses me off so bad when people call me their friend. motherfucker i'm aro. friendship is the only thing i have that's sacred to me and you're just barging in and claiming it you worthless fucking dog? would you sidle up to an allo person and go "i'm your girlfriend lol :3c teehee ^.^" NO!!!! YOU FUCKING WOULDN'T

YOU HAVE NO PLACE IN MY HEART GET OUT GET OUT I HATE YOU ALL

-🍬🐝

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[aspd-confessions]

I hate being so bored, so apathetic, so angry. It's funny or scary or a quirky edgy trait to you*, but this is my life and I am going to die with it. I will be like this forever. I have no choice. I die today or live tomorrow.

I feel very sick of having this disorder.

*"you" does not refer to blog owner, just the easiest way I can put it

@mostly-problimatic-child

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[aspd-confessions]

Holy moly thanks guys. You rock.

[aspd-confessions]

today's confession: I hate my husband's mother. I hate her so fucking much.

it takes a lot of holding back to not say some shit to her whenever I see her, because she opens her trap to start yapping about him and I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HER. OR HER STUPID OPINIONS.

she's so fucking annoying, I just get so angry because my husband is afraid of her, and I hate her, and I wanna fucking wrangle her but can't.

full of rage.

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[aspd-confessions]

Vent, I have nowhere else to express my thoughts..

But I think I'm going to cut everyone off and just isolate myself, or keep everyone at a far distance. I'm tired of meaningless relationships and the patterns of the same things happening over and over again, I find it pointless to keep letting it happen or engaging in it. I wouldn't have to go through the grueling process of masking just so that I'm acceptable to others, just so I don't have to deal with their drama just in general. Like I know how to treat people, but I hate the masking and not being able to "be myself" in the sense that I just don't care much. I can't handle other people's emotions or feelings, and I can't handle the responsibility that comes with having someone in my life. Most people hate being alone but I think it would be peaceful. Or is this destructive thinking? Find out more on the next episode of House M.D.

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[aspd-confessions]

why can aspd only be diagnosed if you have a diagnosis/evidence of a conduct disorder before 15? can it not develop after then? is it just called a different thing?

This one got buried in my inbox, sorry for such a late reply anon.

ASPD can't be diagnosed without evidence of conduct disorder before age 15 because of how the DSM defines the disorder. ASPD is essentially the adult continuation of longstanding patterns of behavior beginning in childhood. It isn't something that magically appears after you turn 18 and for a diagnosis, professionals have to see:

- conduct behaviors before age 15 (lying, aggression, theft, assault, etc)

- a continuing pattern of disregard for others that continues into adulthood

So if someone shows antisocial traits for the first time at 25 with no childhood history, the DSM wouldn't call it ASPD, not because it's impossible but because the diagnostic category is literally defined around early-onset behaviors.