A-Spec People are Beautiful

All a-spec people are beautiful. That's just how it is. I don't make the rules.

[necropolis144]

Figured this one would be a hit with the aros.

[mr-sir-elysian]

Just a quick digital coloration I did of a sketch I found in one of my high school notebooks. I don’t know what inspired me to make it AroAce flag themed. I planned to digitize two other drawing in that notebook. I might give one an aromantic color scheme and the other asexual flag themed.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Did a genuine double-take at a "used to like me" recently, so you know the drill

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

So the kind of attraction I feel towards people seems to shift between alterous, sensual, and sometimes sexual. Is there a label for that?

(Abrosexual isn't right because the attraction type shifts, not the gender.)

You could use abro without the sexual suffix, abro simply means an identity that shifts between different orientations. Without any suffix to say which type of attraction its referring to it could be any or multiple types.

There's also aflux, which means someone who's identify shifts or fluctuates between different orientations, but is on the a-spectrum enough to the point of identifying with it. Aflux identities may also fluctuate between asexual, aromantic, asensual, aplatonic, a-aesthetic etc. spectrum identities and may or may not also include allo spectrum identities.

Unfortunately I'm not aware of a label specifically specifying someone whose attraction shifts between different types of attraction. Though if someone knows of one or has their own suggestion, please do share. Otherwise hopefully the above is helpful.

All the best, Anon!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

https://www.tumblr.com/aspecpplarebeautiful/815814558247682048/ok-so-im-gonna-tag-my-gimmick-blog-at-the-end-so?source=share

You're all good, I understand it can get busy in life ^^

Since I've sent this ask, there's been a bit of an update

Yesterday I went to Bible Study again... I saw him, I talked to him a little, and we already kinda scheduled to go see an early release of the TADC finale in early June...he even asked for my number to send me the tickets he bought

But I guess the guilt of a lie of omission from my parents and not saying anything about possibly having my first date mixed with the uptick of stuff I've been seeing in my recommended about what guys do when rejected and stuff about alpine divorces has made me kinda scared.......

I mean I kinda implied that we'd drive to Bible Study together after the feature ends, but idk...I mean I don't know a ton about him, I've seen him a total of 3 times since I met him....

And even though I doubt he'd do anything to me, I'm just- scared. And I have some issues with trusting people and in a world where women are more at risk in public, I can be a bit overly cautious...

And because I can't drive I have to at least say SOMETHING to one or both of my parents to get a ride to the movie theater and I just don't know how to bring it up...

And I COULD get someone to third wheel our date on the DL just in case, but idt any of my friends would be free and I think having one of my family members do so would be kinda embarrassing so probably not

I also haven't, like, fully worked up the courage to text him after he sent me the tickets yesterday (to wait inside in case he's a couple minutes late getting off work) cuz like- how do I even start a conversation?

And I think I experienced queerplatonic attraction first hand yesterday, but just- what if I mess it up? What if I'm not ready for a relationship yet? I mean...how can I have a healthy relationship with another person if I still don't fully have a healthy relationship with myself? Are we moving too fast? And what if I friendzone him for a little bit but his crush just fully goes away???

Sorry...I'm. I'm spiralling a little.. I just- this is all so new to me, idk what to do..

@the-state-of-georgia-official

Take things at your own pace, Anon. Early parts of relationships are all about feeling things out, and seeing how you feel and how they go. But remember this is as much about you as him, ask yourself what you want out of the relationship, where you're hoping things will go. And you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to do, or to go any faster than you want to go.

The big goal at this stage is to just see if you're compatible. But it's also normal to need some time to get to know someone and to feel comfortable around them.

There are a lot of horror stories that go around, but usually those are the exception rather than the rule. Especially if you're not seeing any red flags from this guy in particular. But it's always a good idea to practice basic safety when starting to date someone. Stick to public places with lots of other people around for now, make sure someone else always knows where you are and when you'll be home. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or pressured to go faster or do more than you want to, make sure you listen to that voice.

If you're not comfortable yet driving alone with him, that's OK too. Even if you already implied you'll drive together. You're allowed to change your mind and a good partner will understand that. Just be clear and upfront. Bringing someone else along to start is also alright, or maybe you can find some friends to double date with. Though if you're comfortable with your parents knowing, keeping them in the loop and getting rides from this can also be a good idea and will help you feel safer.

I'm not sure I quite understand what you mean by lying by omission. Generally that refers to misleading someone and keeping key information back. But you're not obligated to tell everyone everything about you. It's also OK to wait until you're ready to share some things, not everything has to be shared immediately.

It's OK to date before you have a good relationship with yourself, but it is good to be aware of that, and to be working on yourself too.

All that said, it is also OK if you just don't feel ready to date, or not enjoying it the way you thought you would, and you'd rather call it all off. And generally people are understanding about these kinds of things, even if they might be disappointed.

Remember to do what's right for you here.

Good luck, and all the best!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

OK so I'm gonna tag my gimmick blog at the end so I don't forget when you answer this, but-

There's this guy that I met at church who's been flirting with me the past two times I've seen him (at a game night on Saturday three weeks ago and before the Bible Study I went to on Monday).....I've tried my best to flirt back, being arospec(cupio & demi) and not knowing how exactly to flirt back

He's nice, I suppose he's cute, and I don't think I'd mind anything happening with him, but I don't fully know how to feel or how go figure that out, yk? But at the same time I'm somewhat excited cuz what if this is my first IRL relationship what if I go on my first date-

And then I checked the Bible Study groupme sub-chat for prayer requests and a different guy who goes to my Catholic Bible Study but is Lutheran sent out a prayer request for a trans woman from his school and misgendered her and asked for others to pray that she "finds faith", which I'm not opposed if she ends up wanting to go to church or Mass or be close to God, I'm just opposed to the transphobic way this guy phrased it and that he used he/him for a trans woman...

6 other people reacted with prayer hands and none of them were the guy who likes me/has flirted with me, but this now makes me somewhat more scared to tell him I'm arospec if and when it comes up cuz I'm only out to two of my IRL friends...

If and when it does come up, I plan to first ask him how he feels about gay people and if that goes well to ask him if he's heard about aromantic and asexual people and gauge from there

But I was already scared and now I just feel so much more scared and there's even more of a sense of dread over me that the one time a guy has showed interest for me IRL that he MIGHT be queerphobic and that I'll never find a husband who's Catholic and (at the very least)an ally and I'll die alone...

I'm gonna pray about it later and ask God about some things, but I'm just so terrified of rejection, man...what if that's a deal breaker? What if he ends up not liking me anymore if and when I tell him that? What if he's the only person who'll ever like me romantically IRL and I fuck it up?

— @the-state-of-georgia-official

First of all, Anon, I want to apologize for taking so long to answer this ask. Usually I try and keep an eye on this ask box, but the last few days have been busy and I only saw this question today.

As to you ask, I think you're approaching this in a really smart way. Sometimes we figure things out as we go, and that's fine. And asking questions and gauging responses is a good way of feeling people out, and a good idea when figuring out if someone is a person you want a relationship with.

Though I would recommend trying not to put so much pressure on yourself and this relationship to succeed. In the moment it can feel like this is your only chance, but if having a relationship is important to you, and this one doesn't work out, you will get other chances. Especially if you make the effort to get out and meet people and the more people you meet the more you'll find that you're compatible with.

There's also a lot of Catholics out there who are queer or queer allies, Catholicism especially is very large and diverse. Sometimes it may not feel that way, especially if a community is particularly insular, so it's important to keep this in mind too.

This guy may turn out to be a good guy and things may go well, but if they don't remember that that's just how things go sometimes. Try and enjoy the experience as much as you can.

All the best, Anon! And good luck!

[aromantic--asexual]

Asexual space

[aromantic--asexual]

Aromantic Space

[mixelempire]

Happy International Asexuality Day

[lynxgriffin]

Painted a little something for International Asexuality Day and waving big hellos to all my fellow aces out there!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

as someone who has known theyre aro for... gosh, 6 years now, part in thanks to this blog! I was giving a younger aro person some comfort and advice when they were feeling kind of lost and its awesome to have my footing and confidence a lot more than I used to. Thank you <3

I'm so glad, Anon! And love seeing people sharing kindness and knowledge. Thank you so much for sharing!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi so when I was 14 I was asked to have sex by the person I was dating back then. I kinda agreed when she asked me via message, but I froze when the moment finally came. I really didn't want to do it but I'm so shy and I didn't want her to get mad at me, so I didn't fully agree, but I didn't refuse to it either. I didn't enjoyed it and I was visibly not enjoying it but she didn't stop. also, then my brother and his friend returned home and she kinda talked me into continuing. I remember she was moaning so loudly I bet my brother and his friend probably hear it and idk even now (I'm 22) just thinking about that specific part makes me anxious and repulsed and idk I really hated every moment of it tbh. idk whether that counts as sa since I didn't really say no and we're still friends... and also if that's why I don't feel like attracted to people and idk if that's a valid enough reason to call myself ace?

I'm sorry you went through that, Anon. Situations like this are complex but that doesn't make it any less traumatic, in fact it can make it more so since it can make it harder to process and conceptualize what happened, and leave you without an easy direction to place blame. There's also a lot of societal pressure to be sexual, even at younger ages, and not nearly enough education around sexual boundaries and consent.

Could this experience be the reason you relate to asexuality? It's definitely possible. Can you still ID as ace? Yes, especially if you feel like that label would be useful for you or you feel a connection to it. It doesn't matter why you connect to a label, it only matters that you do. And a lot of aces identify as ace in part or wholly because of past traumatic experiences, and they're just as ace as people who just happen to be wired that way.

One resource you may find useful is asexualsurvivors.org. This isn't to tell you how you should define your experience or yourself (I'm not qualified to do so), but this is a really good resource for anyone on the ace spectrum who's been through any kind of sexual trauma.

All the best, Anon. Take care.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Got a question for the Aro people! If anyone has a hunch if I could be Aromantic. I am in a committed relationship. I feel drawn to my partner, but mostly still bodily. And I have a safe feeling around him. However any romantic gestures kind of fly over my head, or don't interest me as much. I am not repulsed by it, but rather confused. For example, gifting flowers are seen as romantic, however I question what the h*ck I do with flowers when I receive them. I also feel really bad whenever he is trying to be romantic, I often don't know what to do and sit there a bit awkwardly.

Yeah, I think figuring out if you're alloromantic or not can be a bit tricky sometimes. Romance has a bit of an ineffable quality to it. And it's very individualized, what is seen as romantic or not tends to depends very much on the individual and their personal interpretation of romance.

Romantic feelings tends to be scenario or situation based, there are scenarios/situations the person finds romantic, and would like to experience, and they would like to experience them with the person they're romantically attracted to. This is why when you ask an alloromantic person what romantic attraction feels like, they'll often start describing scenarios. So for example surprising someone with flowers is a romantic situation for some people, or it can be things like growing old together, sharing a first kiss, falling asleep looking at them, etc.

If all of this sounds very alien to you, and you don't have your own scenarios you see as romantic that you think about doing with the person you're attracted to, that could be a sign of being aromantic. Aromantic identity also isn't necessarily anti-romance, some aromantic people may still choose to be in romantic relationships, participate in romantic scenarios, etc. and even enjoy it, but just aren't feeling those specific romantic feelings about it.

Something else that might help you with questioning can be both reading up on aromantic experiences (Arocalypse is a great resource for this, it's an aro-themed forum and they have threads on things like how you figured out you were aro, they also have a good faq.) but also alloromantic experiences. Very often alloromantic culture operates on an assumption that everyone is experiencing the same feelings, so those feelings are very rarely elaborated on. Seeing people describing their feelings can make it a lot easier to see where you might fit on that spectrum.

Hopefully this gives you some direction and some things to think about, but if you have more questions, feel free to send in another ask. And any other aros who have their own thoughts/observations they'd like to share, please do!

All the best, Anon!

[lauravian]

Happy Aro week of visibility! 💚

(and an ace knight because these two often go hand in hand 💜)

[PRINTS]

[staticuserboxes]

low quality aroace userboxes

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Pride is coming in a few months and I'm planning to get decked out for every day of the month! I'm looking into buying a bunch of pins and stuff to put on a lanyard so they'd be easy to wear around, including multiple aro ones, because I am not being subtle about it this year!

Love this! That's gonna look great, Anon.

Hope you have a great pride this year!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I just realized recently that I don't think I have any aro friends. I have a couple of ace friends, and I love them dearly, and certainly they understand more quickly than my allosexual friends, but I don't kow anyone else who is also aro and. I should get out there more, I want some aro friends.

This is a good plan, Anon! I'm personally a big fan of having both ace and aro friends if possible.