Assorted Beans

Tales of a Non-Domestic in a Domestic World

[assortedbeans]

Changes

Before second baby made his debut, I use to think it was impossible to cook while watching a toddler. Now having two babies makes having only one seem like a walk in the park, day at the beach, insert any other cliché phrase here. I never thought I'd want my husband to watch the kids so I could clean up or even cook dinner but I welcome that as my alone time. What the hell? I now actually want to clean? I suppose it's easier to clean stuff than breastfeed a baby while dealing with toddler meltdowns. Still surprised by this turn of events.

[assortedbeans]

This is a picture from one of my husband's many books growing up. Either I'm just pervy or this really is 50 shades of bear...

[assortedbeans]

Baby boy

I feel anxiety each time I change my newborn boy's diaper due to the loaded weapon that taunts me with the fear of getting peed upon. Well, the anxiety didn't protect me yesterday. I started changing his diaper until I noticed he was spitting up. Of course I went to clean it up and as I did, he started peeing so I switch gears to block the urine and as I did that he started pooping. At that point I congratulate my new son and say well played.

[assortedbeans]

Toddlers and T-Rex

I was watching jurassic park the other day and I couldn't ignore the similarities between the massive T-Rex, velociraptor and my adorable toddler H. Just like Rex, if H is about to do something like pick up the dog water bowl and dump it, all I have to do is make loud noises, shine bright lights and she's distracted long enough for me to rescue said bowl. I guess dumping water on the floor doesn't carry as much catastrophe as Rex eating a human. Next is velociraptors. In the movie, remember the fear and amazement when these raptors figured out how to open a door with handles? I feel that when H figures out how to open cabinet drawers, pull soil out of a pot, stand up in her high chair, stand in the tub, take caps off markers...need I go on? I still prefer my dangerous little dino. If she were more like a branchiosaurus, life wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.

[assortedbeans]

I may have more chocolate and pb in my oatmeal than oatmeal. Still counts as a healthy breakfast though...right?

[assortedbeans]

Cheat sheet to Thai food. I like.

[assortedbeans]

Apparently feeding baby some beets, strawberries and Mac and cheese makes for a beautiful masterpiece.

[assortedbeans]

I introduce you to our clean up crew...

[assortedbeans]

Two of my favorites in one picture

[assortedbeans]

Brain, present yourself

The item: A pair of baby nail scissors, specifically lizard scissors

The details: Last scene while trying to clean up the house before Super Bowl and by cleaning I mean taking everything and throwing it into a room that we can lock so not a soul can see how utterly messy I/we are

The cause: My 10-month-old's lengthy finger nails that will scratch her face and continue to grow with each day these scissors go missing

The action: Cleaning up a room all Sunday in hopes of finding missing scissors. Looking between couch cushions and finding a quarter but now what I was searching for...I digress.

The result: No such luck and although the room is clean - the item was still missing. So we drove in snow about twenty minutes (forty round trip) to the closest store that sells them to buy a replacement pair. They didn't have any so I sat with the employee for what felt like an hour so she could order them online and have them shipped to our house for free.

The kicker: I got home, looked behind a picture frame and there they were. The original pair of lizard scissors.

The conclusion: Our house is haunted.

**Amendment to original post. I shared the news of the lizard scissor reuniting moment with said husband. He starts laughing and realizes he was the one who put them there and totally forgot. The title of my next post may be "when it's ok to physically abuse husband"

[assortedbeans]

This world isn't the same without you in it. Will miss you lil Robot...with my whole heart

[assortedbeans]

Loss of Cool Points

When I tell people I'm obsessed with christmas music...and am not even that religion.

[assortedbeans]

You know you're a mom when...

you go for a run by yourself and the song stuck in your head is "the wheels on the bus"

[assortedbeans]

Today's Meal plan

consists of stuffing for breakfast, stuffing for lunch and a new twist on dinner called: stuffing. Lesson learned...don't make too much stuffing for thanksgiving unless willing to accept the consequences.

[assortedbeans]

Where Oh Where

I remember pregnancy and the loss of brain cells that happened then. For some hopeful reason, I thought my brain would return after birthing the human.

False. Case in point - I emailed out my address to a bunch of people only to be informed by Picks that it wasn't, in fact, our address. I dropped my wallet in the store and when I couldn't find it at the register, my first reaction is that I must have left it in the car. Yesterday was a classic though - one of my favorite moments actually. We went to pick up Picks' car so when he got out of my car I went to him to get the keys. He politely informed me that my car was running. 

Did I instantly understand what he meant? Of course not. It took a good minute of me trying to understand that the keys were in the ignition so he can't hand them to me.

I have this fear that this condition might actually get worse.

[assortedbeans]

Travel Section

I went to the library to check out Chelsea Handler's Uganda Be Kidding me and have to admit I found much humor in the fact that it was situated in the travel section among books suggesting hotels in Iraq.

[assortedbeans]

Economy Plus

I recently flew with baby H for the first time and solo. Yep - my brain isn't entirely present sometimes. It was fun and showed me how helpful and nice strangers can be to new moms! Security went fine, waking up super early, great, and all the other nuances of traveling.

The most exciting part of the trip had to be take-off/landing. Baby H wanted to make it memorable by having an excessive blowout on our flight home. I'm not talking a little leak here and there. No. I'm talking full on, everything that's possibly in her body and then some, coming out during the fifteen minutes of take off - you know - the time where you are not free to move about the cabin. It was so bad that not only did it seep through the baby carrier and her clothes. No - it starting pouring through and onto my hand, my pants, the seatbelt and even the floor.

It was in this moment I realized a couple of things. First, I'm going to have to get use to flying in the middle seat since babies get the window. Second, always wear dark colors in case of blowout situations. Third, I decided not to inform the crew that there may be a little poopidue (think residue but with poop) on the seatbelt and floor because I feared they would ban us from economy plus...and I really like economy plus.