Hi, I'm Rebby. He/They pronouns. LGBTQ+ friendly. My main blog is @teyvattales . I'm an INFP and 30 years old. I enjoy writing, reading, singing, acting, and painting. I play D&D every Friday with a group of friends. I have a current fixation on BG3 and decided to make a lil RP blog of everyone's favorite Vampire Spawn.
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Be respectful. I'm a real person behind a screen, not just some character you're pretending to talk to.
Be patient with replies. It can take up to a week, sometimes more. There is no guarantee that I'll reply to all RPs as I burn out easily, though I will try to get through all I can. If you sent one in and it was one of them that didn't get replied to, please don't get discouraged, and feel free to try again!
Due to the number of followers I now have, Astarion's ask box will only be open on Saturdays and Sundays. The ask box will be closed Monday-Friday. If you would like to message me(Rebby) just to chat during the days the ask box is closed—feel free to!
Absolutely NO dark content RP(i.e noncon, dubcon etc.) You will be blocked immediately.
NSFW 🔞 headcanons are allowed, but please be mindful of the rule above. You must also be 18+ and have your age on your blog. Blank blogs will be blocked. Minors who attempt to ask for a headcanon with NSFW tendencies will also be blocked.
SFW comfort/fluff/angst RP is also allowed and encouraged. Just be mindful of the first rule.
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You are homophobic, racist, misogynistic, and just an overall mean person.
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Send anon hate. We raise and cheer people up around here, not tear them down.
If your intent is to try and start up a RP involving dark content.
Hi y'all....it's been a while. I've had a lot happen the past year and that's kinda why I'm posting right now...mostly asking for help or even to share this, but I'm financially struggling heavily to the point where I had no choice but to make a gofundme. Please feel free to take a look. You don't have to donate, but even if you could share it...it would mean a lot to me.
Heya, Rebby here...this is my main account, and this is all true. I could use all the help I can get at the moment. If you can't donate, please feel free to reblog. That helps, too <3
Hi y'all....it's been a while. I've had a lot happen the past year and that's kinda why I'm posting right now...mostly asking for help or even to share this, but I'm financially struggling heavily to the point where I had no choice but to make a gofundme. Please feel free to take a look. You don't have to donate, but even if you could share it...it would mean a lot to me.
Heya, Rebby here...this is my main account, and this is all true. I could use all the help I can get at the moment. If you can't donate, please feel free to reblog. That helps, too <3
Hihi, Rebby here. I'm back from my impromptu hiatus. I've been struggling heavily with my mental health and hit a rough patch. That being said, I am starting completely from scratch. All previous asks and drafts have been deleted, and I deeply apologize for that. Going forward, I will stick to my schedule of asks only being open Saturday and Sundays and CLOSED Monday-Friday. I will also not answer all RP prompts and only answer ones that inspire me. There are over 700 of you, so it'd be difficult for one person to answer everyone. Anyways...thank you all for those of you who decided to stick around waiting for me ❤️
"The Uthgardt barbarians are a black-haired and blue-eyed people - large, hale, bloodthirsty folk [...]."
It is safe to assume that the word "large" here indicates that the Uthgardt are larger than most humans, since it is one of the barbarian distinctive traits.
Uthdardt barbarian genes could explain Halsin's exceptional height and broadness, since both characteristics are uncommon for wood elves.
Halsin has body hair. Without being extremely hairy, he definitely has more than your typical elf. (Astarion has virtually none, in comparison; same goes for elven Tav/Durge.)
Hairiness:
Source: D&D 4e Player Handbook, page 41
"Elves have little body hair [...]. "
Source: D&D 5e Player Handbook, page 21
"Elves have no facial and little body hair."
Human genes in Halsin's ancestry could explain his characteristic hirsutism.
Eye color:
Source: D&D 5e Player Handbook, page 24 , Wood elf subrace
"Their eyes are green, brown, or hazel."
Halsin has hazel eyes. But his eyes are blue hazel, rather than the green or brown hazel that is typical with wood elves. as can be noticed from this screenshot taken from the game:
Family's resting place:
Then again, Uthgardt barbarians were known for their blue eyes!
"The Uthgardt barbarians are a black-haired and blue-eyed people - large, hale, bloodthirsty folk [...]."
It is not so farfetched, then, that Uthgardt blue eyes turned blue hazel somewhere down the line, especially if there has been mixing with wood elves.
According to Halsin's in-game dialogue, his family as been laid to rest near the Grandfather Tree, in the High Forest.
Uthgardt barbarians inhabited the High Forest. The Tree Ghost tribe, specifically, appointed themselves as the Grandfather Tree guardians; the Grandfather Tree became their ancestral mound, and is where some of them, if not all, are buried after passing.
Monster fucker this, monster fucker that. What if I want a monster RELATIONSHIP huh?! Monster HAND HOLDING, monster INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS, monster COMFORTABLE SILENCE??
Thinking about this line from Cazador and what implies:
I keep thinking about how strange and new must have been for Astarion to finally be surrounded by people who actually listen to him and no one there to punish him for speaking up.
How it must have felt for him to be able to freely joke around and find that Tav actually laughs at his jokes and even joins in the fun. How new it must have been to be able to express himself and have people who actually listen to him and don't treat him like he is a nuisance, but truly listen to what he has to say.
I imagine a Tav who just listens, even when he is complaining and whining on purpose, they listen and maybe smile a bit between themselves because they've seen through him, and they never tell him to shut up, they let him vent, they listen to his stories about Cazador, they laugh with him at his jokes.
No wonder he falls so hard for Tav or becomes very fond of them in a friendship route.
After 200 years where even the Gods didn't care to listen, he has found someone who sits down with him and hears him out.
Hey there! I wanted to request some vampire themed dividers, with like roses, red and black if that's alright? Thank you so much ♡
Hi! I LOVE this idea, thank you so much! These were fun, I have been in such a vampire mood lately - I hope these are close to what you’re looking for! 🧛🌹
And I have other red/black sets (roses, grunge, and hearts) - they might mix-and-match some of these as well! 💕
Any chance you could do the tiefling trio as dads? Love everyone’s perspectives on this. 👀
okay i admit it i have a soft spot for hot dads. sue me!!
they aren't perfect dads by any means but i think that makes it cuter hehehe
also i just like imagining tiefling babies. there's a serious lack of fan art about how tieflings look as babies.
i need a thousand pictures of chubby red babies with teeny tiny tails and two dark spots on their head where their horns will eventually grow okay. i need it!!!
Dammon, Rolan, & Zevlor - Fatherhood
How the tiefling boys handle fatherhood
Dammon:
First off, I think Dammon throws himself into being a dad the same way he does everything else: wholeheartedly. He’s the type of guy to do things with every ounce of effort he can, and having a family is no different.
He’s the kind of guy who isn’t afraid of getting in the thick of it or getting his hands dirty, so he’s more than present in all the hard parts of fatherhood as well as the fun parts.
Dammon isn’t a very nervous parent, though he does get nervous when the younger children are around the forge.
When they’re babies it’s easy; he can put the littlest ones in a bassinet or strap them to his chest when he’s around the shop (he never works with hot metals on days when the kids are there).
But when they start to walk it becomes an actual nightmare. There are so many things in the forge that they can hurt themselves with, from tools to weapons to materials scattered about.
While he loves having them there, the days when he brings them to the forge to take care of them stress him out to no end.
Dammon is the fun dad, the goofy dad, the dad who always knows how to make his little one smile. He’s the kind of father that is remembered by his kids for all the laughter he brings, all the good times he creates.
I think part of this stems from being a refugee and seeing the tiefling children deal with unimaginable circumstances. After all that, he wants his children to know nothing but pure happiness.
He’s definitely the parent who is most lenient on punishments, always having a soft spot for those big puppy dog eyes his children know how to wield so well. His partner has to be the stern one most of the time.
Despite being the fun dad, he knows when it’s time to stop being a friend and to start being the parent. It’s a fine line, but one that comes naturally to him. As such, he is extremely close with his children. He’s there for them when they mess up and need help, when they need a shoulder to cry on, when they need a cheerleader to urge them on.
Dammon’s children know that no matter what they do, their dad will always be there for them. Even well into adulthood.
Rolan:
Rolan’s an absolute trainwreck of a dad at first. Definitely not a natural at parenthood. Completely and utterly in over his head.
He tries, the poor guy, he does. But he freezes up so easily when he doesn’t know what he’s doing. And when it comes to fatherhood, that’s literally all the time.
Everything comes awkwardly at first. He seems stiff when holding the baby, he talks to them like they’re an adult, he can’t ever get them to stop crying. It’s a lot, even for a first-time parent, and I definitely think he would have a little melt down about it. Lots of stomping around the tower complaining about how inept he is and how he should be able to do something blundering idiots do just fine.
He’s quick to learn, though. It doesn’t take long before he’s comfortably carrying the wiggly child around, changing nappies like a pro, even getting them to quiet down for bedtime faster than his partner. He still talks to them like an adult though, a habit he never grows out of.
Rolan is a very panicky parent, and as his child grows and changes, he finds himself with that “fish out of water” feeling he felt when they were first born. The older they get and the more trouble they can get into, the worse his nerves get.
Because of this, he’s a bit overprotective. No, they aren’t allowed to go to their friend’s house, he has no idea who their parents are. No, they cannot walk home from class by themself, it’s too dangerous.
He desperately hopes that his child will show some aptitude for magic, just like he did as a boy, though he knows he’ll love them just the same if they don’t. But he does start testing them young, trying to provoke any tiny, newly formed connections to the Weave to present themselves.
He’ll take on the role of teacher for his child once they’re old enough to study magic, but despite meaning well, I think he would be a bit too overbearing. He’s just too eager, which causes its own problems. But getting into that whole fiasco is a whole other story!
Zevlor:
As an older man having a child for the first time brings some insecurities to the surface. Can he bond with a child at his age? Will he be able to do all the things a father should do? Would his child be embarrassed by him for being so old? He knows it’s silly, but he can’t help it.
He tries to never let those fears get in the way of his relationship with his children.
From the very start, Zevlor instills in his children a sense for morality. He wants his children to grow up knowing the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, strength and weakness.
He takes them to the temple every time he goes to volunteer, showing them how to help others without needing anything in return, ingraining the love of charity in them. He hopes more than anything that his children will grow up to be good people. They can be anything they want to be, as long as they are good.
Zevlor is a big storyteller. Every night he sits down and tells his children a bedtime story, starting when his first child is born, and continuing until the youngest is old enough to tuck themself in. Each story is different, every night a new one is told ranging in subject from his youth as a new Hellrider, the adventures of the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, or even some fantastical tale passed along the children in Elturel.
As the children get older his stories become something more like history lessons. He loves recounting the past with them. There are certain things he will never tell them though, out of fear that it will change the way they look at him.
They know from general history lessons about Elturel falling into the Hells, but that’s one subject he doesn’t like to talk about. At least when it comes to his own experiences.
Sometimes, due to his own trauma, he can be closed off or seemingly distant. It’s something he becomes very aware of with his first kid, and it tears him apart the first time it’s brought to his attention.
It gets better with time as he works through his internal struggles, but unfortunately it never fully goes away.
Still, Zevlor’s children know that their father would do anything for them. He makes it very clear that he would move the ground beneath their feet if that meant his children were happy. After all, he isn’t perfect, but he’s a good, loving father.
I know many people like to imagine the scene with a sexy woman on Astarion's lap but when I saw the scene I couldn't help myself but laugh, remembering that the default dark urge is a huge dragonborn which makes everything A.Astarions says even more hilarious.
Another reason might be that I just can't take the race dragonborn very seriously. It's probably Oblivions (and other games) fault but I just see a lizard on two legs making occasional funny sounds. (I'm sorry haha)
„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”
That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.
But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.
Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.
I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.
This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!
And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.
Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’
“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.
1. Astarions Abuse
Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.
Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.
The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.
Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.
“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2
Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.
Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?
Well. Yes and no.
Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.
Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)
Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.
Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.
“Have you no respect for yourself?”
“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”
“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”
“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”
All Act 3, Crypt
Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).
Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.
This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.
Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.
I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.
The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.
2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance
By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.
In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.
This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.
This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.
This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.
3. The Astarion we know and love
Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.
I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.
One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.
“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children
“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual
And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.
This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.
“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt
“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt
And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.
This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.
Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.
“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children
And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.
As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.
It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.
A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.
Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!
If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:
“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav
Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.
“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children
This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.
The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.
Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.
The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.
Examples of that would be:
“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj
“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children
“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex
The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.
The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.
We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story.
We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters.
We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.
It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.
“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”
That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.
4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”
Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.
So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.
But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.
He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.
He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.
He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.
Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.
5. Over the Course of the Story
Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!
Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.
A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.
On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.
#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad
Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.
And I’d assume that this is because of two things.
First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’
As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.
“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt
“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt
And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?
This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.
Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.
“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion
His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.
He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.
The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!
Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.
Good job, chap. Good fucking job.
And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.
In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.
And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.
They’re helping him save himself.
By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.
“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt
Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.
“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge
As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.
But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.
6. The Crypt
All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.
It’s not an immediate thing, of course.
At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.
It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.
All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.
Which, of course it does.
The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.
“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”
It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.
The guilt, however, is not where it ends.
No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.
Weak, desperate, hungry.
There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.
“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”
He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.
“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”
The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.
Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.
Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.
After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.
“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”
This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.
Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.
Manipulation.
He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.
“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”
This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.
Of course he’s fucking panicking.
Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.
“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”
Another textbook example.
They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.
So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.
Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.
Remember that for the last section, per favore.
7. The Ascension
“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”
That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.
Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.
And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.
And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.
Astarion is very much not okay right now.
In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.
“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”
Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.
The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.
"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."
And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.
“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”
A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.
That crying? That is healthy crying.
That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.
And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.
Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.
Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.
Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.
Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.
This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.
You were so scared of this thing.
And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.
It was so easy.
And yet you suffered for so long.
8. Evil Playthrough?
An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.
All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.
On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.
9. Final Conclusion
I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.
“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”
And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.
So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.
That version of him is dead.
✞ 𝖄𝖊𝖘, 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌? ✞ @astariondisapproves - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
