I’m not really back on Tumblr, I just needed some place to put down some words. Today’s been a day.
Having been writing for a living for almost five years now should mean that I, at least, have a good gasp with words. But somehow that doesn’t matter when I’m filled with such grief that I haven’t experienced in years. This isn’t unlike how I felt seven years ago. It’s that same feeling of loss over something you only marginally had in your possession and yet it still meant so much to you.
I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that Naya had an immense impact on my life. Anyone who knew me when I was in high school, when Glee was airing, would know how much Naya meant to me and that she was invaluable. Naya and Santana mean so much to me; they’ve helped me grow as a person.
Time for a little backstory, maybe. When Glee aired, I was the same age as the characters. So, obviously, I felt like I could already relate a bit. It was only during season 2 where I actually paid more attention to the show. That was when, as most know, Santana and Brittany’s story really started. Everything about their story got me hook, line, and sinker. And it was Santana that struck the closest to me. A young teenage girl of color struggling with her feelings and sexuality while being raised in a conservative religious family? That was me. (Granted, I was different in that I was so painfully out about being a lesbian to people in my school but at home I tried as hard as I could to hide it.)
I was, at that time, absolutely dubious about how the crew and cast would handle the brittana storyline that I was willing to ignore half of their comments about it. But when Naya herself started advocating and pushing for Santana’s story to be treated well, for Santana’s story to have meaning to young queer girls, I knew at that moment she was different. It wasn’t performative, she did truly believe that we deserved that, that Santana deserved that. And from then on, I had been unabashedly following her as a fan.
I’ll admit, when Glee ended, I may have drifted from the show and cast. It was hard, for me, to keep up with the goings-on and I ended up falling into another trap (I got into anime. Go figure.). But even then, I never lost any love for Glee--for Naya. Even after all the time since, I always go back and listen to my fave songs when I feel like I just can’t get the emotion I want from a Japanese song. Glee was a safe space for me.
(I feel like at this point I’m rambling a bit; forgive me. I’m about to ramble a little bit more.)
When I was in my first year of college, I had to give a presentation in one class about someone who inspired me. It was a no-brainer. I made a presentation about Naya and about how she was an inspiration to me. Her advocating for LGBT rights as well as her portrayal of Santana were the main points in that presentation of mine.
“She gave me the courage to be proud of who I am.” Was a little note I made in my powerpoint. It wasn’t a lie; I may not be out to all of the members of my family but to those that I am out to it was all thanks to Santana that I was able to tell them who I really am. She was an inspiration to me and, I’m sure, to many other young queer girls.
I will never forget all of the emotions, all of the smiles and tears, I had watching Santana on my screen. No matter what happens, Naya Rivera will always be special to me all thanks to her influence. An amazing woman. She wasn’t just an actress, or a singer, or a dancer, or what have you. I may have been out of the loop for some time but from the few times I’d check Naya’s Twitter and/or Instagram in my downtime, I’d see her posts about her son. I remember always being amazed at how much love would just radiate from their photos and videos. They were, in a word, radiant. It was obvious that Josey was her world. For Naya’s last act to be saving her son, her world, is both heartbreaking and awe-inspiring.
I think I’ve rambled long enough.
Thank you for everything you’ve done Naya Rivera. You will never be forgotten. Rest in peace.
