stars and space, oh my~ @astrolnogy-blog - Tumblr Blog

the signs as ross geller fuck ups

aries: getting fired for screaming at his boss for eating his sandwich

taurus: getting stuck in a pair of his own leather pants

gemini: saying the wrong name at the altar

cancer: faking a british accent for his first day as a professor then trying to phase it out thinking that nobody would notice

leo: being the only person to raise his hand when phoebe asked an entire party if anyone liked ross

virgo: getting his couch stuck halfway up the stairs of his apartment building, cutting it in half to extract it, then expecting a refund

libra: flirting with the pizza delivery girl by telling her that he happens to like 8 year old boys

scorpio: leaving teeth whitening strips on his teeth for a whole day and scaring his date by glowing in the dark

sagittarius: his fake tan

capricorn: trying to kiss his cousin then defending himself by saying that he hadn't had sex in a really long time

aquarius: holding a fake memorial service for himself and listening through the door as people were mourning

pisces: coming fourth in a vanilla ice lookalike contest and crying

The Venus Signs Kissing

**Requested by anonymous. Overdone and my opinion**

Aries: An Aries Venus kisses in a blur. It's exciting and quick and powerful. All bumping teeth and urgency. They'll try and dominate no matter how much you push back and by the end you're out of breath and wondering how the fuck you even survived that.

Taurus: A Taurus Venus' kisses are all about possessiveness. They claim you, letting you know exactly where home is. They can be slow and dazzling yet their kisses leave bruises and your lips tingling well after it's over.

Gemini: No one leaves you more breathless than a Gemini Venus after a make out session. You never know what's coming, each time it's a whole new experience and maddeningly addicting. They're breezy, light and refreshing to the extreme.

Cancer: A Cancer Venus' kisses are soft and filled with emotion. Their lips are light but linger and send shock waves through your body. You can never quite tell if they're teasing you on purpose or if they're really that innocent. (Probably the first)

Leo: For those with their Venus in Leo, kisses are fiery and claiming. Everything about the moment burns you both up in a blaze of passion and love. They let their heart and deepest desires show when they're kissing and leave you physically and mentally spent.

Virgo: A Virgo Venus is a calculating kisser. They're not just making out with you, they're studying you. They pick up on the tiny things you like and use them against you until you're a wreck. They somehow manage to be both beautifully fragile and powerfully in control all at the same time. It'll probably be the best and well thought out kiss of your life.

Libra: A Libra Venus is all about the build up. They crave the romance of the setting and the atmosphere around them. They'll have you on edge, the build up consuming you and making your heart pound. Their kisses are simple but powerful and sweet and intoxicating.

Scorpio: Dominance and submission. That's what a Scorpio Venus craves, no matter what side they're on. They like it hard and full of grabbing hands. Nothing turns them on more than messy bites and sloppy moans, preferably in a dark and secluded place where they can really lose control.

Sagittarius: Those with a Venus in Sagittarius are arrogant kissers almost. They're good at what they do and they know it. Don't even attempt to be in control when kissing them, you're out of your depth. Their skill has been long worked on and they'll leave you crazed and wanting more.

Capricorn: A Capricorn Venus is another calculating kisser. They know you and they know what you like. Often emotion is kept out of this and its a solid A* performance. You can't fault them, can't improve on them. Their kisses are cold and business like and yet again addicting, but if you're lucky they'll take it easier on you and leave you a gooey mess.

Aquarius: An Aquarius Venus' kisses are brisk and detached. They make you get lost in the moment, their mouths fresh and new. They're an adventure almost, someone you could get lost in. You won't feel much of an emotional connection and something about them makes you want to cling to their shirt to keep them with you.

Pisces: A Pisces Venus is a quirky kisser. They're a little different and unique, their rhythm going from jumpy and eccentric to slow and meaningful in seconds. Their kisses are full of emotion and attachment and can be quite frankly adorable.

the signs as the little things in life

Aries: tummy aches from laughing too hard

Taurus: movie soundtracks

Gemini: corny jokes and puns

Cancer: cuddling with a pet or stuffed animal

Leo: sweet compliments from strangers

Virgo: meeting up with old friends

Libra: long hugs and cuddles

Scorpio: good books and baths

Sagittarius: listening to waves crash

Capricorn: sunrises and sunsets

Aquarius: learning something new

Pisces: picking flowers and recieving cards

zodiacmind

The Signs’ Traits As Lovers

Aries: Passionate, attentive, loving, intense, impatient, confident, alluring.

Taurus: Sensual, physical, affectionate, slow and steady, charming, conversational, protective, thoughtful, passionate.

Gemini: Passionate, friendly, flirty, light-hearted, frivolous, pleasure-seeking, witty, unattainable, fantasy.

Cancer: Graceful, appealing, emotional, guarded, secretive, tough, imaginative, sensual, romantic, adventurous, finicky, loyal.

Leo: High expectations, glamorous, attention-seeking, exciting, memorable, romantic, affectionate, warm, alluring, demanding, critical.

Virgo: Classy, graceful, composed, funny, reserved, facade, sensitive, careful, passionate, mysterious, loving.

Libra: Charmer, active, true romantic, thoughtful, independent, needs admiration, giving, pleasing, understanding.

Scorpio: Passionate, caring, thoughtful, charming, protective, intense, all or nothing, stubborn, imaginative, romantic, demanding.

Sagittarius: Loyal, independent, charming, low-maintenance, pleasant, adventurous, sensual, not overly affectionate, friendly, magnetic, conversational.

Capricorn: Slow to warm up, clear, reserved, take-care attitude, desires true romance, passionate, sincere, faithful, independent.

Aquarius: Independent, goofy, friendly, passionate, accepting, honest, not overly affectionate, unconventional, reserved, magnetic, communication.

Pisces: Passionate, changeable, wanting to fix, attentive, sensitive, listener, adventurous, romantic, intriguing, protective, alluring, charming, conversational.

Source: Unknown

pros and cons of the moon signs

aries pro: you're not a big sulker when you don't get your way, and you hate manipulating people. you're super passionate about the things you like!

aries con: you don't always look before you leap and you can tend to rush into things too fast

taurus pro: you appreciate beautiful things and you're so strong willed! you're a true romantic at heart

taurus con: you don't like to hear out the other side of the argument

gemini pro: you're so charming and open-minded, you're also a loyal and caring friend

gemini con: you can sometimes be quite moody and irritable

cancer pro: you love to love people, and you're always happy to help people in need!

cancer con: you might get so caught up in your own feelings that you become self absorbed

leo pro: you're sociable and charismatic, and a great natural entertainer!

leo con: you might have a little jealous streak, and when you're upset you may like to close yourself off from everyone

virgo pro: you always put in the extra mile in everything you do, no matter how big or small!

virgo con: you might be too critical of yourself

libra pro: you're very sociable and quite easy-going, you really love your family and your close friends and loved ones

libra con: your mood changes can be quite unpredictable, and you can get very upset when you don't get your way

scorpio pro: you can basically look into people's souls and see their true self, and you're a human lie detector

scorpio con: you may take criticism too personally, and you can get very jealous very easily

sagittarius pro: you love expanding your own horizons, and you love to learn and discover new things

sagittarius con: you speak your mind a lot, and sometimes this can hurt others

capricorn pro: you strive to be respected and you're always ready to help out and take responsibility for something

capricorn con: you might not take enough risks, and it can be very difficult to show people that you care about them

aquarius pro: you're kind and compassionate, also very optimistic and friendly

aquarius con: you can be so stubborn that you're unwilling to consider the other side of the argument, you don't take criticism too well

pisces pro: you genuinely care about everyone, and you have a great sense of humour

pisces con: you may sometimes let people walk all over you without realising it

zodiacmind

Sadness expressions of the Zodiac Signs

Aries : Rage, impulsivity and failure to get worked up about the things they normally do, oppositional but with less verve and energy

Taurus : Isolation, binge eating and lethargy, a sense of ‘me against the world’, less patience, easier to enrage

Gemini : Silence, nerves, over thinking, easily distractible and seems ‘elsewhere’; they are fairly intolerable to sadness they tend to detach/dissociate from feelings after a short while

Cancer : Teariness, neediness, isolation, binge eating, crying after insignificant events, stomach aches, a feeling of separation from everyone around them

Leo : Obvious displays of stress, they become like a wound up string and as if they are on the brink of a nervous break down. Short tempered and needy (only around close friends/family) and become martyred

Virgo: Isolation, heightened compulsions (cleaning, washing hands more etc;), unresponsive in conversations, at time blunt and more oppositional Libra : General feeling of instability/moodiness, reduced urge to socialize/be with friends, hopelessness, a feeling of being disliked/rejected by everyone, you can sense them ‘trying’ to be happy and keep composed

Scorpio : Isolation, opposition, hostility and violent mood swings. Intense melancholy with at times delusions and paranoia. Thoughts even scary to them, a sense of ‘me against the world’.

Sagittarius : Lethargy, escapism (substance use etc;), uncharacteristically more serious and tense, less tolerance, feelings of worry when thinking into the future

Capricorn : Demotivation, lethargy, hopelessness, over thinking, they seem tense and ‘overly alert’, hyper vigilant, force themselves to ‘go through the motions’, nothing impresses them

Aquarius : Uneasy, harder to ‘reach’; as if they are far away. Silence, isolation, detachment, even though they try to appear happy. Distracted

Pisces : Teariness, anxiety, isolation, when they feel sadness they tend to feel ‘all at once’, nerves, obsessive/ruminating thinking, remembering everything bad that ever happened to them, crying over insignificant events

More Fun Zodiac Facts Here

astrologyandlife

Scorpio in the...

1st house: Piercing eyes, long gaze, serious look, quiet. 2nd house: Love/hate relationship with money, inherited items, values security, secret collections. 3rd house: Lots of secrets, sarcasm, intense relationship with siblings, a sibling near death. 4th house: Intense feelings about parent(s), wanting to control home, not a relaxing home. 5th house: Controlling of children, seeking extreme pleasure, passionate creativity. 6th house: Strong food opinions, owning strange pets, healing, obsessive daily habits. 7th house: Controlling partners, spouse on the brink of death, deadly confrontations, sexual partners. 8th house: Emotional ties with sex, complicated death, jealous of others’ money. 9th house: Jealous of others’ beliefs, fixed religious opinions, wanting to change the world, complex relationship with god. 10th house: Jealous of others’ success, having a powerful parent, widely known as sexual, wanting a power career. 11th house: Friends tied with control, crusading for sexual rights, intensely focused on long-term goals. 12th house: Secret dream journals, sleeping in total blackness, deep secrecy, dreams of dying.

"I hate it when people..."

aries: think all I want to do is fight

taurus: assume I'm self-righteous because I share my opinions

gemini: fail to understand me

cancer: assume i'm weak because i share how i feel

leo: think i'm a conceited ditz just because i love myself

virgo: don't take my advice

libra: take advantage of my friendship

scorpio: don't tell me the truth

sagittarius: try to make me stay

capricorn: think they can have it all

aquarius: think i don't have feelings

pisces: tell me i'm too naive because i'm an idealist

How to recognize the signs~ Beauty Edition

Aries:Thick Eyebrows

Taurus:Full Lips

Gemini: Pale Skin

Cancer: Round Face

Leo: Wild Hair

Virgo: Slender Build

Libra: Big Smiles

Scorpio: Piercing Eyes

Sagittarius: Friendly Posture

Capricorn: Prominent Teeth

Aquarius: Tall Height

Pisces: Soft Skin

whatdoesthezodiacsay

The signs as hot drinks

Aries: Green Tea

Taurus: Apple cider

Gemini: Mint tea

Cancer: Chamomile tea

Leo: Black Coffee

Virgo: Lavender tea

Libra: Ginseng tea

Scorpio: Hot chocolate

Sagittarius: Black tea

Capricorn: Jasmine tea

Aquarius: White Tea

Pieces: Blueberry tea

Your Ascendant + How You Dress

Fire Sign Ascendants (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius): provocatively or otherwise drawing a lot of attention to yourself with lots bold colors and prints.

Earth Sign Ascendants (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn): modestly with classic cuts and monochrome colors since you don't typically like to stand out in a crowd.

Air Sign Ascendants (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius): artistically; unlike the earth sign ascendants, you don't mind standing out, so you aren't afraid of adding personal touches to your wardrobe by accessorizing in order to create an individualized look.

Water Sign Ascendants (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces): romantically with knit fabrics and soft, pastel colors or quietly seductive with lots of dark colors and prints; you're receptive and adaptable so anything goes.

The Signs As Bitches

Aries: pitiful slut bitch

Taurus: psychotic bitch

Gemini: bitch who won't shut up

Cancer: not even a bitch

Leo: shopaholic bitch

Virgo: smart mouth bitch

Libra: every kind of bitch

Scorpio: the realist bitch

Sagittarius: the jealous bitch

Capricorn: the successful bitch

Aquarius: Alien loving bitch

Pisces: pot smokin' bitch

izzieanne

Cry baby songs for the signs

astrological-stars

What the signs should stop doing (tough love) (use moon sign tbh)

Aries: Stop pretending you don’t care

Taurus: Stop pre-judging people

Gemini: Stop waiting for everything to happen

Cancer: Stop whining

Leo: Stop blaming yourself

Virgo: Stop getting angry at those who are trying to help

Libra: Stop pushing people away

Scorpio: Stop putting everyone else first

Sagittarius: Stop passing on opportunities

Capricorn: Stop stressing out

Aquarius: Stop building a wall

Pisces: Stop being so tense

messyastrology

why does your sign ____? google edition

if this has been done before please tell me and i will delete this immediately

disclaimer: these are just the first results that popped up on google sorry that some are repetitive and stereotypes

aries

taurus

gemini

cancer

leo

virgo

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

zodiacspot

How Psychic is Your Sign?

ARIES: You approach the psychic world like you approach everything else – head on! You’re forthright in your beliefs (or your skepticism) but being too sure of yourself can hinder your psychic development in some ways, as can your arrogance.

Your Psychic Talent: Precognition – how very Aries it is to get information before anyone else!

TAURUS: You take a step by step approach to psychic development and you’re cautious about protecting yourself from psychic attack. Very grounded, your kindness is an asset in psychic work and your determination to learn puts you ahead of your peers.

Your Psychic Talent: Psychometry – having a physical object to hold helps you enormously in picking up psychic impressions.

GEMINI: You love to communicate and can’t stop yourself from giving people messages and psychic advice. The constant chatter of your mind can be a hindrance to psychic development though, and it’s important that you learn some stillness and calm.

Your Psychic Talent: Mediumship – doing what you do best – talking – but to spirit instead of to living people!

CANCER: You’re highly sensitive but slightly wary of the psychic world, and your fears can put up barriers to psychic communication. Your compassion is a great help, however, and you are shrewd enough to understand when you’re being taken for a ride.

Your Psychic Talent: Tarot – you have an intuitive understanding of imagery and symbolism.

LEO: You love the sense of importance that being psychic gives you, and you milk the “look at me” factor for all it’s worth. Your genuine desire to help others is very spiritual, however, and if you can put your ego aside you can be a great channel.

Your Psychic Talent: Clairvoyance (seeing spirit) – you especially love being able to see grand figures from times past.

VIRGO: You have the technical ability to make a great psychic, but you’re held back by a lack of confidence and a dislike of the vagueness of it all. Methodical and disciplined, you would shine in a psychic art which takes many years to master thoroughly.

Your Psychic Talent: Astrology – where you can seamlessly synthesize hundreds of details into a helpful, coherent whole.

LIBRA: You find it difficult to trust the psychic impressions you receive, for fear of saying the wrong thing or upsetting someone. Nonetheless, much of what you think is imagination is actually spirit input – stop trying to over-rationalize it and just feel.

Your Psychic Talent: Tai Chi or any other kind of moving meditation – a graceful and fluid way to connect with spiritual energies.

SCORPIO: A natural psychic and mystic, you have strong potential and an affinity with spiritualism, the occult and all things mysterious and unknown. You love to research the history of these topics, and can become quite the aficionado of the psychic world.

Your Psychic Talent: Telepathy – want to know what other people are thinking or to manipulate their thoughts? You can!

SAGITTARIUS: You’re not sure whether you believe in psychic abilities or not, but you do accept that there’s more to the world than we can know. Sudden or dramatic incidents in your life up your psychic senses and you’ll find yourself much more open at times of crisis.

Your Psychic Talent: Astral travel – go wherever you’d like from the comfort of your chair or bed!

CAPRICORN: You take the psychic world very seriously and get irritated with those who think it’s a game or an entertainment. A traditionalist at heart, you’re interested in the old ways of the psychic arts, and suspicious of the new-agey take on psychic abilities.

Your Psychic Talent: Runes – you’re fascinated by these ancient tools and have a unique insight into their use.

AQUARIUS: You know there’s something out there – you’re just not sure what. You look for a rational, scientific answer to psychic phenomena, but you’re excited when you can’t find one. Ahead of your time in many ways, you could tune in to alien races or beings.

Your Psychic Talent: Channeling – wise words from other races or entities just surge through your stream of consciousness.

PISCES: As a true empath, you’re very open to psychic vibrations and you’re among the most sensitive of all signs. You must learn to keep your emotions at arm’s length, however, otherwise they will interfere with the psychic impressions you are able to pick up.

Your Psychic Talent: Clairsentience (feeling spirit) – sensing pains, emotions and states of mind comes naturally to you.

More Zodiac Here

What the Signs Should Cook

Aries: Donald Trump with a fresh parsley garnish

Taurus: the homophobes baked at 350°F

Gemini: Unfollowers with a caramel sauce drizzled lightly

Cancer: Their ex with a nice salty rub

Leo: Sliced Justin Bieber served with a nice wine

Virgo: sautéed math teacher

Libra: The 2008 version of yourself toasted a crispy brown

Scorpio: Diced Kylie Jenner with her boiled lips on the side

Sagittarius: Fried Nash Grier with EXTRA hot sauce to cover up the blandness

Capricorn: a nice dish of chopped Iggy Azalea (extra tip: for an amazing dining experience, play actual rap, so even while she's on a platter, she can take notes)

Aquarius: Carter Reynolds with a cherry on top

Pisces: the minions dipped in chocolate and frozen to perfect the hard chocolate case

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stars and space, oh my~