SENSE OF RUMOR

SENSE OF RUMOR Home to the latest and greatest hot gossip. Well, aside from the great Jordan, of course! Here to report on all things hot and not around the glorious campus grounds known as ASU. Brought to you by your favorite local Auradonians, Brooke & Rory. Got anything on your mind and want to get it off your chest? We are here for you! Hit us up and let the good times roll!

[asuxsor]

Mal and Jay are a secret couple and I can't believe nobody's talking about it! They even live together and have never dated anybody else, how much more obvious can you get?

Please. @malbfaery screams repressed virgin to me, and there’s no way @jaynassar would be in a sexless relationship. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help her with that sexual frustration, though. If all of a sudden she’s less of a bitch, you can bet it’s because she starts knocking on his door in the middle of the night. 

[asuxsor]

I spotted all of the Little Hero Six boys at a furry fest the other day, so if anyone wants am actual shot with them, you'd better find a pair of cat ears...

Is this better, or worse, than the fact that I was convinced they were all fucking robots in their spare time? Because like, at least animals are alive...

[asuxsor]

I heard that Felix and Emmett are into girlfriend-swapping, if you know what I mean. It helps that their girlfriends are identical already.

How boring. Is that not literally the same vagina just on different people? Why bother swapping at all?

[asuxsor]

I saw Cassidy working closely in a studio with someone that wasn't Diego. Is another one of his bands falling apart already? And who's her new musical partner going to be?

Maybe @mayariverax? Seems to be one of the few people around here she isn’t about to knife at all times, and also a musical partner she hasn’t worked with yet. Maybe @thediegodevil will give her a pass for stepping out on him, since the two of them together seem like any musical guy’s wet dream. Or maybe he won’t. Guess we’ll find out when their future concerts get cancelled and we’re all left with nothing to do that night.

[asuxsor]

Who's going to tell Audrey that the reason Ben doesn't pay enough attention to her is because he has an Isle fetish? She needs to slap on some leather and hair dye, pronto.

@audreysrose probably hasn’t noticed, since she still seems to be in denial that VKs are even here... But she’s lived in La La Land thinking that five years is a normal break time for this long, I’m sure she can stay completely clueless for a few more decades.

[asuxsor]

Snow White is definitely secretly Doug's mom. Why else would he be friends with the royal kids crew? And who else would fuck Dopey?

There are so many things wrong with this I don’t even know where to start, but I’ll start here: Really? All the dwarves Snow White could have had an affair with and you’re going with that one? Also, a secret mom is way harder to hide than a secret dad; @dougdeppert fully has an older brother so unless Snow White popped out two secret babies, multiple people have fucked Dopey... and the Royal Kids love people they can boss around, see: @janetobin. Do I really need to keep going or do you feel as stupid as you sound yet?

[asuxsor]

I totally think Bernie and Bianca secretly got married straight out of high school and it's so cute! I wish them a happy life together!

High school marriages don’t last anymore; have fun hating each other in about five years, @berniewijanto and @bianca-ellis.

[asuxsor]

Someone told me that Chad's paying Anne to pretend to date him since everybody in Auradon kind of unanimously decided he was undateable. I didn't think the Fitzherberts needed any money but she must've taken him up on it and gotten Chanel swag to boot.

Um, excuse you??? I thought this was just the world’s most pathetic instance of backsliding, and that @annefitzherbert hated herself so much she went back to a boy who was stepping out on her because no one else would have her and he’d finished sleeping with everyone who was willing. If @chad--charming is willing to pay someone to date him then where’s my money at, though? Hit me up, I’m very interested.

[asuxsor]

Did anyone else catch that Hadie doesn't know how to wear a condom? I bet he already has secret kids somewhere, the only question is with who.

Well, @hadieathanasius‘s clearly got a blonde kink, so if you’re really hunting for illegitimate demi-demi gods, check if any of them mysteriously disappeared for nine months first thing. 

[asuxsor]

Gaston Jr likes to slurp up Izzy's hair like spaghetti before sex, it turns his knobs all the way to eleven.

Apparently spit’s fantastic for hair then, because hers always looks great. Keep doing your weird shit, @gastonthejr and @izzyslade. Apparently it’s working for you.

[asuxsor]

Scooter Pendragon doesn't just have a Finsta, he also has a fEtsy - a fake Etsy where he makes weird little earrings that he sells under a fake name.

And we care about some freshman’s ear kink why? Anyone would use a fake name on Etsy if that’s all they were a royal freak, @scooterpendragon isn’t special.

[asuxsor]

Emery sneaks into the Auradon Museum of History after hours and draws smiley faces and penises all over the statues.

The smiley faces I’d believe, but I doubt @emery-gothel even knows what a penis is. If she’s drawing something like that, she probably thinks it’s actually a mushroom.

[asuxsor]

Have you heard that Leander pays for sex with spells? Because he totally does!

Hadn’t heard that, but I did hear that @leanderambrosius uses spells during sex. Maybe that’s what has everyone hitting him up when it’s late at night and they’re lonely -- honestly? Even I’m a little tempted.

[asuxsor]

Alicia has been slowly but steadily using her wizard friend's magic to alter some of her features to look more and more like Andy so that she can steal her older sister's life! Seriously, look at them side by side now versus two years ago!

Think that’s just called finally losing your baby fat? Girls either go to college and gain 15 pounds  from the endless buffet, or lose it because they discovered eating disorders, there’s no in between. Looks like @aliciatriton fell into the latter category...

[asuxsor]

Has anyone else noticed that Liam and Lily don't seem to spend as much time together anymore? I bet it's because he's sneaking around with Freddie. Their spark never really fizzled, after all.

This would be literally the least surprising thing ever. I’d love for them to actually not be boring and predictable; like, if you told me it was @lilyofthegoth and @fredcilier hooking up instead? Now that would have my jaw on the floor.

[asuxsor]

I'm like 100% Claudine is the secret fanfiction writer. She's only so vocal about hating love so that nobody suspects that she hunkers down and writes romantic and/or erotic stories about her fellow classmates in her free time. I mean, she just went on a date with Carter, doesn't that prove that the anti-love thing is just an angle?

Congrats, this is one of the least stupid theories you’ve ever sent us. Anyone ever taken a creative writing class with @claudine--frollo? Or read her journal? Do some more digging, we want some hard evidence next time.

[asuxsor]

If Cris thinks it's a secret that everybody can't tell she's got a crush on her friend who's emotionally compromised by his friend-cult, she's sadly mistaken.

“Oh, gosh, who me? Flirting with him constantly? Begging for his attention? Hehe, I don’t know what you’re talking about, oh my gosh, @kyohamada, why are they saying this stuff about us? I’m so confused!” - @crisdubois, probably.