Lil’ rant after long time not telling a single word about a very peculiar fact.
Dunno why I want to write this loooooong post just now. Guess I’m more mature and I face life with a newly attitude. Still have some rocks on the socks and they’re quite annoying. Better throw them away.
But I won’t write names, links or post screenshots. I’m not that kind of person.
Let’s say I had a friend, who perhaps was a very close friend only in my mind. We shared same tastes on art and animes and other POVs about life. I wanna add again: perhaps it was my mind that thought we were close friends, so I acted very sticky and sometimes paranoid. I admit it, no remorse.
At that time I had no one else to speak to, just my girlfriend and a couple of persons I saw not so often that I wished. You know, I was that kind of antisocial being who got crazyly happy to have anyone to talk to every day. That was my mistake at that time.
Fact is I shared my time, my thoughts, my happiness and sadness, my advices, my complete support with this person. We also met and I didn’t totally consider that there was something wrong in the air. I’ve always been and still I am a dirty joke person. I talk dirty about everything, I love it, and this person was the same or I unconsideraly “forced” the dirty talking, maybe? Who knows.
I never wanted to become more than friend with this person. Damn, I was and still am engaged, and this person was too! And even when they broke, I was there for total support, no profit. When they quarreled, I joked about tiny revenges but this was not necessarrily meant to get sex. When we met I took a double room in that city because that was the only cheapest opportunity at that moment, and yeah, I joked about staying at night with me but no, hell no, never meant anything else. I repeat, perhaps my dirty jokes are too much and when another person gets along with them I assume it’s ok, until I’m told the opposite.
Whatev. When I returned home I noticed something changed in our relationship, I asked but answer was “no no just need time to be alone”. I commented a single post on FB about a newly found work, then I was blocked. I asked again because walls are nothing good, speaking is the best weapon to me. I was answered “I’ll keep this account for family only” in short. It was ok to me, understandable. so I acted normally.
Then fuck yeah, my paranoid became stronger and I investigated more and more to understand if the problem was another or just me. Found out it was me.
What did I receive in return? A long shitpost about harrasment and stalking. WIth a family member too (on online gaming, where I knew anyone else to play to.). O-ok? I tried to ask why, what and when. I couldn’t even enter the main post, and privately I was told to stop asking or I’d have got a report.
I was also told that I tried to become famous by copying this person’s drawing style. Sweetheart, you already copied the style of a japanese artist adding some of yours here and there. I was a total noob about digital art and I admired that style, so I tried the same method. If only you could see my current drawing, you’d recognize yourself that I have nothing in common with you. No artist has been born taught. Whoever tries to simulate, then concentrate to own style.
Plus, about anonimous messaging: I was really worried that person could have thought it was ME the sender. Nope dear, I wasn’t, and seems I wasn’t the only one being paranoid.
By the way.
All this with my name and link to my art profile shown.
What would have you done when thousand of fans of a person throw indirectly shit to you, and you’re not able to answer back? Isn’t that social blaming? Oh yes, it is.
So I remained silent until now. Time has passed by, I learned my lesson. I said sorry then, I am sorry in this moment. I am. I was too sticky, too paranoid, I didn’t get that I was also super annoying. I wish I could have acted more quietly but I didn’t, that was a terrible mistake. And sorry also if my jokes makes you wonder if I really had the intention to become your sexual partner.
And sorry for this rant too.
But are you sorry for the shitpost? Are you sorry for acting like a sissy victim who didn’t have neither the guts to say how things really were nor having the ability to talk shit in front of my face? Oh, I doubt you are but again, perhaps I’m wrong.
I will never understand when a person choose to be surrounded by tons of fan sheeps and get comfy with them avoiding a simple private face-to-face. Communication is the best way, a straight, sincere communication.
Not the “kind way-to-say hoping you will understand”. No, DIRECT.
We all know that public blaming is a weak way to fight problems and also get attentions. “Best” if tons of people are blindly on your side and don’t even wanna hear that opposite face ot the medal.
I was weak.
You were weak too.
I still hope everything is fine in your life.
But never ever wanna enter it again.
izzy806
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