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@atamh
Ah, I see you’ve arrived at the most rational corner of this otherwise chaotic platform. How fortunate for you.
I will have you know that I do not ‘blog.’ I’m here strictly for research purposes.
And I highly doubt you’ll pose a question deserving of my attention. But by all means, leave your message with Anthea. We may respond. We may not. Probability suggests the latter.
MH
What is your favourite book? Anthea's too, I suppose.
Is there a formal procedure to the spying (or whatever your preferred term for it is) there is you do on your brother, or is this just unofficial (illegal? Not that I imagine you'd be terribly concerned about breaking the law, but, you know)?
How do you manage...everything? I don't mean the world (although I'm sure that's interesting!) I just mean from a mental-health standpoint this seems like a frankly terrible job. Like one of the worst I can imagine.
Is there anyone else like you anywhere? Like one person who's the government of, like, Namibia or something behind the scenes?
Relatedly, do you work for the UK because it's easier, or out of some sense of patriotic duty, or what? I just...wouldn't have put you down as the super-patriotic type. I don't know.
This one isn't a question but I hope you have a very nice day month year!
I trust you are aware that my untimely respond is entirely the fault of current worldly affairs.
1. Favourite? I’m afraid that’s rather a childish way of categorising literature. Books are tools, not pets, anonymous.
However, if you insist on an answer, I have always found a certain reliability in The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. One can consult it for almost any human failing and discover that it was thoroughly documented several centuries ago.
As for Anthea, I suspect she would claim something fashionable and modern in order to appear interesting. Whether she’s actually read it is, of course, another matter entirely.
2. Spying is such an unnecessarily melodramatic word, and for melodramatics you should turn to my brother @artofdeductionbysholmes.
If you must know, the British government maintains a number of perfectly legal mechanisms for remaining… informed about individuals who possess both exceptional abilities and a catastrophic disregard for personal safety. My brother happens to qualify on both counts.
The process, as you call it, is therefore neither illegal nor especially mysterious. It is simply prudent governance.
Besides, keeping an eye on Sherlock Holmes is less a matter of surveillance and more a matter of damage control. Left entirely unsupervised, he has an unfortunate tendency to wander directly into explosions, metaphorical or otherwise…. Though, now that he has a family with @johnhwatsonblog, I have the foolish hope it will make him less reckless.
So, think of it less as espionage and more as… familial risk management.
3. An understandable question, though it betrays a rather modern assumption that one must enjoy one’s responsibilities in order to carry them.
I don’t manage it because it is pleasant. I manage it because someone with intelligence must.
The machinery of government is not held together by enthusiasm or emotional wellness initiatives, but by a quiet collection of individuals who are simply unwilling to let it fall apart on their watch. One develops certain habits—routine, discretion, distance. They are quite sufficient.
Besides, the work itself is not the burden you imagine. The burden is people. They are unpredictable, irrational, and perpetually convinced they understand matters that would give them nightmares if they truly did.
Fortunately, I rarely require their understanding. Only their cooperation.
And when that fails…..one improvises.
4. Clearly and unfortunately, no.
5. Patriotism is a rather theatrical word, don’t you think? It tends to conjure images of flags, speeches, and enthusiastic singing. None of which, I assure you, feature prominently in my daily routine.
I serve the United Kingdom for a far simpler reason: it is mine.
One does not choose one’s country the way one chooses a restaurant. One is born into a system, legal, cultural, institutional, and if one happens to understand that system rather well, it becomes difficult to justify abandoning it to people who understand it rather less.
So no, I would not describe it as such.
6. That is considerate of you. Considering the challenges, I know it won’t be a boring year. Pleasant, however… no.
MH
For someone who "doesn't dance" you sure have some sexy hip motion going on, Mr. Holmes: https://www.tumblr.com/leagueofno9/800024280661360640/two-small-clips-from-early-league-how-cute-is?source=share
You should dance more often. I'm sure Lestrade would love to see you in a tuxedo swinging and swaying 🔥❤️🔥💋
Send your resume to my office.
MH
Hullo again, Mr. Holmes. I’m not sure exactly how to put what I’m about to write, but since you’re the most easy to contact government official I know – and you “practically are the British government" as your little brother says – I feel like you’re my best bet. Actually, I would go to Sherlock himself about this, but I have a horrid feeling about it. Like I should be telling curious people like him to stay far away from this place. Sorry, I’m rambling. Anyway, it happened last week. I was down in Westminster visiting The Tate Britain when I came across a strange building on my way there. It was an institute that I’d never heard of before. “The Magnus Institute". Interested, I went in for the hell of it. And I deeply regret it now. Something’s wrong with that place. Do you happen to know what the bloody hell it is?
Good day, mouse of mischief (I appreciate the alliteration),
I’ll indulge you. First, allow me to correct a common misconception encouraged by my brother @artofdeductionbysholmes : I am not “practically the British government.”
I merely find myself in a position where certain parts of it occasionally ask my… approval opinion before they do something regrettable.
Now then, your Institute.
Yes, I am aware of the establishment calling itself the Magnus Institute. Officially, it is an archival and research body concerned with… unusual personal accounts and folkloric phenomena. Unofficially, it is a great deal less tidy than its letterhead suggests….
If you experienced a sense that something about the place was wrong, I suggest you treat that impression with a certain degree of respect. Institutions that specialise in collecting disturbing stories have an unfortunate tendency to attract them.
My advice is quite simple: do not return, do not correspond with them further, and do not attempt to investigate the matter yourself. Curiosity is a delightful human trait right up until it becomes hazardous (read Lewis Caroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland).
MH
That sounds like an invitation to look into the 'Magnus Archives'. I mean, what could be that bad about it?
Ah, the common mistake of the curious.
Good evening Sherlock! So it was Mycroft who demanded you in a flatshare . Hmmm, I thought it was you who wanted to snatch John off the market asap.
Mycroft had already decided I required a flatshare well before I ever met John.
SH
Next thing I know, you’re telling me it was your brother who arranged for me to be shot, just so I’d end up on your doorstep.
Not funny, John. Entirely possible, though.
Don’t be absurd.
Hi there Mr. Holmes. Has Sherlock expressed his gratitude towards you for the security detail you provided for his wedding?
Has my brother ever expressed his gratitude? @artofdeductionbysholmes
You give him too much credit.
MH
Why are you balding?
Hair, much like idle curiosity, tends to thin out with maturity. Some of us acquire responsibilities and manners instead.
Some of us. Clearly not all.
MH
Hullo again, Mr. Holmes. I’m not sure exactly how to put what I’m about to write, but since you’re the most easy to contact government official I know – and you “practically are the British government" as your little brother says – I feel like you’re my best bet. Actually, I would go to Sherlock himself about this, but I have a horrid feeling about it. Like I should be telling curious people like him to stay far away from this place. Sorry, I’m rambling. Anyway, it happened last week. I was down in Westminster visiting The Tate Britain when I came across a strange building on my way there. It was an institute that I’d never heard of before. “The Magnus Institute". Interested, I went in for the hell of it. And I deeply regret it now. Something’s wrong with that place. Do you happen to know what the bloody hell it is?
Good day, mouse of mischief (I appreciate the alliteration),
I’ll indulge you. First, allow me to correct a common misconception encouraged by my brother @artofdeductionbysholmes : I am not “practically the British government.”
I merely find myself in a position where certain parts of it occasionally ask my… approval opinion before they do something regrettable.
Now then, your Institute.
Yes, I am aware of the establishment calling itself the Magnus Institute. Officially, it is an archival and research body concerned with… unusual personal accounts and folkloric phenomena. Unofficially, it is a great deal less tidy than its letterhead suggests….
If you experienced a sense that something about the place was wrong, I suggest you treat that impression with a certain degree of respect. Institutions that specialise in collecting disturbing stories have an unfortunate tendency to attract them.
My advice is quite simple: do not return, do not correspond with them further, and do not attempt to investigate the matter yourself. Curiosity is a delightful human trait right up until it becomes hazardous (read Lewis Caroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland).
MH
Anthea you are so pretty. Please marry me and we'll be lesbians forever
I'm sorry, my (somehow legitimately-elected HOW) president is probably creating massive headaches for you right now and something tells me you're not going to get an apology from him so uh. Sorry. We. Uh. Now that I think about it, "only about a third of us like him but that's probably mostly because he's not handling inflation well and not *gestures* everything else" is not quite as complimentary as I thought it was originally.
P.S: Send help. Or don't. We kind of chose this, for some reason, because we're a bunch of [please fill in your own insult here because you can probably come up with a much better one than I can].
P.P.S: Entirely off-topic: What's your favourite colour? And why on earth do you keep those u's? They're not even doing anything!
Please don’t trouble yourself with national apologies. The world is burning and, right now, everyone is to blame…
As for your request for help, I’m afraid international intervention is rarely improved by desperation or sarcasm, though I do appreciate the creativity of your postscript.
My favourite colour? Navy blue. It is appropriately understated and, unlike most political movements, demonstrates admirable moral consistency.
And the ‘u’ in colour, I assure you, is doing exactly what it was designed to do: reminding the world that English existed perfectly well before Noah Webster decided to tidy it up for administrative convenience. One hesitates to call that an improvement.
MH
Just wanted to tell you that you're very handsome :)
Flattery is rarely accidental. Should I assume you want something, or are we merely conducting a social experiment?
MH
How many slices of cake did you eat at Sherlock’s wedding?
Two. Any more would have suggested enthusiasm, which, as you know, I try to avoid at family events.
MH
I fear I don’t have any interesting questions or hypotheticals.
Just wanted to confess that I’ve been absolutely obsessed with you since I was 12 and you’re my favorite person ever.
My condolences. I sincerely hope you’ll grow out of it.
MH
Hi UK government, on a scale of 1 to 10, what's the score for Mrs hudson's holiday baking?
I couldn’t possibly say. I wasn’t invited.
MH
What are the rest of the British government's (is there a rest of the British government?) plans when you die or are otherwise incapable of continuing to run the country? Surely relying to this degree on one person isn't a very good plan in the long run.
(I promise this isn't some Russian assassin threatening you or something it's genuine non-murderous curiosity)
(...that made this weirder didn't it)
(sorry)
Is there a ‘rest’ of the British government? In theory, yes. In practice, you vastly overestimate both its coherence and its foresight.
To answer your question: no, the country does not rely on one person. It relies on systems, redundancies, committees, contingency plans, and an exhausting number of colour-coded binders. I merely ensure those systems continue to function despite the people operating them.
Should I die or become incapacitated, which I note you are very keen to imagine, the machinery would continue. Slower, noisier, and with considerably more public embarrassment, but it would continue. Civilisation rarely collapses all at once; it limps and embarrasses itself until it spirals out of control. One need only glance across the Atlantic for a current example….
And for the record, if a Russian assassin were asking, they would not bother with hypotheticals. Your clarification was… therefore… unnecessary.
MH
Your baby brother ended up on tabloid. Again. For kissing Santa this time.
Yes, I was made aware. The tabloids alerted me before you did. Christmas came early, and with it, my annual headache.
MH
how much is your brother actually the british government? like how much could you deduce about his opinions on things based on official uk government positions?
also, merry christmas and a happy new year!
...or not, come to think of it. Wishing you a happy new year would probably mean wishing for a rise in crimes, even if you solved them. Miserable new year? New year that is quite happy except as regards crime where you are sorely disappointed by the lack of crime? or aren't disappointed but there's still a lack of crime?
I'm afraid I can't disclose the exact extent of Mycroft's involvement in the British government. For safety reasons. Mostly his. @atamh
And a Happy New Year to you. 'Happy' is a rather subjective concept, after all. Yes, solving crimes does make me happy — but what makes me happier still is solving them with John. And spending time with him. And with Rosamund.
If your well-wishes involve that rather than universal misery, I'll gladly accept them.
SH
Don’t flatter yourself, Sherlock @artofdeductionbysholmes. My safety has never depended on your discretion. If you’re unable to disclose the extent of my involvement, it’s not for my protection; it’s because you don’t know all of it.
And before you start enjoying the mystery too much: anything you do know was information I allowed you to have.
MH
