Internet dating disappointment!
Recently I decided to join a website and to be honest they all seem pretty much the same. So I chose one with a 5 star rating and signed up for a 3 month subscription. I had do the subscription as most of the men’s faces were blurred and in order to access their profile pic, this became a necessity. So in good faith, I put in my credit card details and low and behold, access was granted.
I had hoped to believe that over time with heartache, growth, and some self development that looks were not going to be that important to me, but it seems they are. To be honest, I was quite horrified at the profiles presented, because if that is the best foot they are putting forward, I have my nikes on and am running in the opposite direction. I did have some thoughts that maybe they were taking the mickey out of being on a dating site, but alas as I proceeded to explore their profiles further, it generally got worse. Who puts a sweaty profile pic up? Who shows off the sweep of there beer gut popping out between their shorts and t-shirts? Well, quite a few men clearly believe it’s okay to and seem quite enamored with how sexy they are!
So after a few weeks of looking etc, I finally find someone who seems to be proud of himself. His profile is lovely, charming and mature. We connect and start to chat. Thank goodness he was not a major ditherer when it came to wanting to be my new pen pal and shortly after we started chatting, suggested we meet for a coffee.
Sure, may as well see in reality what he is like. So we make a date for the next day. Feeling positive I sleep with a bit of excitement in my belly.
I arrive on time, he is running late, but is courteous enough to call and apologize. A few minutes later he zooms up in his big silver Merc and parks right in front of the restaurant. He confidently strides up to our table, gives me a hug and a very warm greeting and settles down very comfortably in his seat.
We order our coffee, and the conversation flows easily. A bit of bantering, sharing a bit of history, more his than mine, he flirted a bit, said I had a great chest and found it a bit distracting. I laughed and moved the conversation away. I guess a man has to try! Anyway for the next hour he was delightful, well mannered and respectful.
As the time came for me to leave, the bill was called for and I requested to split it. He would not to hear of it. Impressed. However, when he pulled his wad of R200.00 notes out of his pocket and put his cash on the table, he confidently looked up and asked me for R10.00 for the tip. I was a little surprised, but hey no problem, whipped it out and contributed the tip. I must say I did feel a warning bell go off but the morning had been the most lighthearted fun I had had in a while. He gallantly walked me to my car and we shared a warm farewell, and off I went.
I thanked him via sms for coming to my side of the world to meet me. He responded charmingly and said he hoped he would see me again. I was flattered and intrigued.
The following evening I received an invite to the movies. I said yes, I would enjoy that and a plan was set in motion.
The next evening off I set looking forward to seeing how this evening would pan out. First off, he was late again, and I politely waited. He came flying around the corner to meet me, and there in that moment, I knew this was going to be a long evening. Thank goodness we were going to a movie. Tickets bought, and a drink was on offer prior to the start of the film. Sure, I said and the two of us strolled off to find a spot to have a quick sundowner. My choice of venue was somewhat different to his, (next warning bell) so we landed up in a noisy, beer swigging venue with lots of beer belly filled men. Not really my kind of taste at all, but then again let’s not be too judgmental.
We sipped our beers rather furiously, as we were on the clock, and called for the bill. The staff were not exactly in a hurry to do anything, which did not help his mood. I sensed a bit of a petulance hanging in the air. Finally, the bill arrived and he pulled out his wad of R200.00 notes with a R50.00 and two R20.00’s. The bill total was R103.00. My date, my charming little man looks over at me and says “do you have a R20.00? Don’t want to break up my R200.00 notes. I have to honest I was rather taken aback. Here is a man, asking me out on a date, making it quite clear he is interested in me, and needs my R20.00. Once again I politely oblige but my warning bells are now screaming at me. And I still have to sit through an entire movie next to him.
The movie was brilliant. I, however, am sitting in my seat clutching my bag for dear life with both hands, praying he is not going to get all touchy feely with me in the movie. After all, he did ask if I wanted to sit in the lovers seats with him when getting the tickets. I am just getting to know you, I am thinking. So far, I am regretting being a polite human being, berating myself for being shallow, judgmental, etc. But something does feel off here.
Finally the movie ends and he suggests coffee, but I am tired and feeling uptight. The charm of the initial meeting has dissipated and I just want to go home and sit with my feelings. So I politely explain that I am feeling exhausted and would prefer to head home. Strolling down to our cars in the underground he continues to be charming, polite and makes it quite clear he would really like to see me again, possibly this weekend. I kinda know that we are both headed in two very different directions.
We get to the pay station and I slot my ticket in, the machine requests my fee and I happily insert my cash and voila, I am free to go. My date, looks at me and says “gee all my change is in my car. I suppose I will have to walk all the way to it and get my coins, I really don’t want to break up my R200,00 notes. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. What is it about these R200.00 notes that he can’t break. He looks at me with pleading eyes and waits........ holding up the queue.
So, obviously, I offer to pay for his parking. He is overjoyed. Says thank you so much, I owe you. I am thinking - fuck no you don’t. Please just let me get out of here.
We walk to my car, he hugs me before I know it, plants a kiss on my cheek and says “goodnight my sweet. I hope to see you soon.” Not likely I think and drive off with a polite thank you for the movie.
My point to sharing this experience is as my title says - What has has happened to men? Gone are the days of chivalry, charm, romance. They want to see you, date you, kiss you, touch you but have no clue on how to woo you. The conversations revolve about themselves, what’s wrong with the variety of woman they have dated, their failed marriages that had nothing to do with them, etc etc. They cling to their so called manhood but have no idea how to be men. I understand the world has changed. I understand bills get split. I have no issue with that, but when you insist on picking up the bill, fucking pick it up. Why do you expect a woman to be enamoured with your small change mentality? If you want a woman, a real woman, who is independent, sexy, strong and capable then you need to put on your superhero outfits and man the fuck up. It is all in the details.
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