A Thousand Idle Pranks

A collection of the bard of Avon's most salacious and bawdy.

[athousandidlepranks]

Quoth she, 'Before you tumbled me, You promis'd me to wed.'

(Hamlet, Act IV, Sc. 5)

[athousandidlepranks]

There speak, and strike, brave boys, and take your turns; There serve your lusts, shadow'd from heaven's eye, And revel in Lavinia's treasury.

(Titus Andronicus, Act IV, Sc. 4)

[athousandidlepranks]

If love be rough with you, be rough with love; Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down. Give me a case to put my visage in: A visor for a visor!

(Romeo and Juliet, Act I, Sc. 4) 

[athousandidlepranks]

thy father, that poor rag,... who in spite put stuff To some she-beggar and compounded thee

(Timon of Athens, Act IV, Sc. 5)

[athousandidlepranks]

HOSTESS QUICKLY: Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd me in mine house, and that most beastly. In good faith, 'a cares not mischief he does, if his weapon be out; he will foin like any devil; he will spare neither man, woman, nor child. FANG: If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust. HOSTESS QUICKLY: No, nor I neither

(II Henry IV, Act II, Sc. 1)

[athousandidlepranks]

Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me; I saw't i' the orchard.

(Twelfth Night, Act III, Sc. 2)

[athousandidlepranks]

Wife, take her in; instruct her what she has to do, that she may not be raw in her entertainment.

(Pericles, Act IV, Sc. 2)

[athousandidlepranks]

Cleopatra, catching but the least noise of this, dies instantly; I have seen her die twenty times upon far poorer moment: I do think there is mettle in death, which commits some loving act upon her, she hath such a celerity in dying.

(Antony and Cleopatra, Act I, Sc. 2)

[athousandidlepranks]

DESDEMONA: O, these men, these men! Dost thou in conscience think,—tell me, Emilia,—That there be women do abuse their husbands In such gross kind? EMILIA: There be some such, no question. DESDEMONA: Wouldst thou do such a deed for all the world? EMILIA: Why, would not you? DESDEMONA: No, by this heavenly light! EMILIA: Nor I neither by this heavenly light; I might do't as well i' the dark.

(Othello, Act IV, Sc. 3)

[athousandidlepranks]

Oh, if thou couch But one night with her, every hour in't will Take hostage of thee for a hundred,

(The Two Noble Kinsmen, Act I, Sc. 2)

[athousandidlepranks]

there's no bottom, none, In my voluptuousness: your wives, your daughters, Your matrons and your maids, could not fill up The cistern of my lust,

(Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. 3)

[athousandidlepranks]

But Tuesday night last gone in's garden-house He knew me as a wife.

(Measure for Measure, Act V, Sc. 1)

[athousandidlepranks]

IAGO: Come on, come on; you are pictures out of doors, Bells in your parlors, wild-cats in your kitchens, Saints in your injuries, devils being offended, Players in your housewifery, and housewives' in your beds. DESDEMONA: O, fie upon thee, slanderer! IAGO: Nay, it is true, or else I am a Turk: You rise to play and go to bed to work.

(Othello, Act II, Sc. 1)

[athousandidlepranks]

How will she love, when the rich golden shaft Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else That live in her; when liver, brain and heart, These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd Her sweet perfections with one self king! Away before me to sweet beds of flowers: Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

(Twelfth Night, Act I, Sc. 1)

[athousandidlepranks]

No, holy father; throw away that thought; Believe not that the dribbling dart of love Can pierce a complete bosom. Why I desire thee To give me secret harbour, hath a purpose More grave and wrinkled than the aims and ends Of burning youth.

(Measure for Measure, Act I, Sc. 3)

[athousandidlepranks]

We may, each wreathed in the other's arms, Our pastimes done, possess a golden slumber.

(Titus Andronicus, Act II, Sc. 2)

[athousandidlepranks]

Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

(Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act III, Sc. 1)