thoughts and longings...

20. original poems and sometimes thoughts.

[athousandunsentletters]

I cherish literature because like me, at the first glance, it makes sense.

And like me, at the end, it doesn't.

It has an intricate understanding to it.

Once understood, you can never look at it the same again.

When ignored, it rots on the pages.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

What are you so afraid of?

When a corpse rots, it rots from the inside out.

Where are you rotting?

Is it really around you?

Or you made it that way to escape the rust present in your heart?

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

This moment now, speaks more to me than my wants, my desires.

It speaks more to me than my beliefs, my religion.

This moment, speaks more to me than my god.

And I worship it.

I worship this silence, this wind, where the vastness of the sky bows.

I worship this moment, which is now, as all that exists, exists in it.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

I am afraid.

My heart leaps out of my body with every breath I take.

There is nothing to placate me.

The fear, horrid, consuming and poisonous,

Holds me so dear, such gentle grip that I forget it's killing me.

Slowly but surely.

Let me go. Let me go.

I claw inside my own mind.

But who is there to listen?

Who is there to pull me away and into the sky?

The fear, it drowns, it pulls, it seethes in the dark.

Like a snake to it's prey, it holds and it waits.

Let me go. Let me go.

It waits.

Always by the sidelines, quiet and ready to strike.

It waits.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

I doubt my heart is mine anymore,

With how much it is full of you.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

I carry you in my heart wherever I go.

It's like having a knife embedded in my chest.

You make me bleed over and over.

The blood as red as my love and the pain as throbbing as a fresh wound.

But I carry you still.

For the red reminds me of your bedroom and the pain, of you.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

Fav quote of all time?

My very first ask yay! Thank you for asking!

My favorites change over time but currently this is the one I like the most.

There is a complex beauty in being within oneself and refusing to let the world change you. Whimsical. Odd. Weird. Insane. All because we listen to the voice in us instead of the one outside.

I say this often to myself, whenever the outside world pulls me into it's clutches I repeat these words to remind myself that what I feel is what I am. No matter how odd or unrealistic. If the heart believes, then the world doesn't matter.

[athousandunsentletters]

I saw the stars today.

They lined up and molded into a question mark.

It looked whole, but empty.

Is it true then? That the sky too wonders at times.

Like us, it ponders about itself.

Like us, it is lost in it's vastness.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

What is love if not death of the soul?

Lit up on fire, as it dies, it lives.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

I am in perils yet again.

Summer has arrived, and with it, I burn.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

"A Personal Hell"

The stove is burning.

It's heat feels like hellfire to my skin.

The food on it is warm now, as is my hand.

The flame keeps on rising.

Steady, hungry and ready to consume.

All I can do is gaze at it as the warmth floods my hand and upto my arm.

It will soon reach my heart.

And I can do nothing but witness it.

Nothing but witness my own burning.

Above me, the fan spins quietly as it cools the cabinets and the shelves.

It appears calm and serene, as if to pacify me.

But I'm still ablaze.

The fan cannot cool the fire set upon me.

It cannot extinguish these flames that have been searing for centuries.

From one hand to the next.

They grip with an urge to devour.

I can hear voices from down the hall, the men waiting for their food to be served.

Chattering, laughing, carefree.

I pray that the flames catch them as well.

But they stop by the edge of the door.

The fire only burns in these walls and no where else.

Only here, in the kitchen,

A woman's personal hell.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

The deepest void I had ever known was not the sadness inside my heart,

Nor was it the shallowest ocean pits.

While they both drowned me, keeping me still,

His eyes, his eyes pulled. They pulled me in.

They grasped my heart with the most gentle gaze and paralysed my body with their vastness.

I could do nothing but be an onlooker as they captivated me.

And I allowed them.

I allowed them until I forgot everything but the intimacy of his love and how it touched my soul without ever touching my body.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

I think the world loves to see me in pain.

It hangs me from a tree and swings me back and forth.

It pokes me to see if I'm alive.

A small breath means the cycle repeating all over again.

The world loves to see me in pain and all I do is breathe.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

My heart chants your name.

Quietly. Deeply. Vigorously.

I am nothing but a witness to it.

A witness to my heart as it loses itself in you.

I see and I let it. I let it fall. I let it consume.

This way, I fly.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

The soul of the burdened is never at rest.

It's always full of still rocks.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

The only difference between your heart and mine is the bodies they reside in, the truth is, they both beat for you.

- athousandunsentletters

[athousandunsentletters]

Signing is as close I can go to screaming without loosing my mind.

- athousandunsentletters