Summary: You and Jongho moved in together and Jong's brothers are coming to congratulate you.
Fandom: ATEEZ
Pairing: Jongho x (f)Reader
Genre: Established relationship, Fluff, Romance
Warnings: none
Word Count: ~600
The doorbell rings, making you laugh in surprise. Ateez are not the type to come at the promised time, someone would always run late either because of the schedules or just because they procrastinated too much. You stop serving the table and head to the door, but Jongho beats you running to greet your friends. Loud voices and excited laughter fill your apartment instantly.
“Doll! How’s newlywed life?” boys greet you with a group hug.
“We are not ‘wed’ we just moved in together”, you smile, “but so far so good”
Some boys came with their partners, so you greet them too and take them to show around the house while Ateez congratulate Jongho on his new step in life. When you are back at Jongho’s side, one of the boys looks at you with some mischief in his eyes:
“Doll, are you sure Jjongho is love of your life?”
First you don’t catch any suspicions and give a sincere “yes, of course” as your answer.
“I swear I still think sometimes your type is San, not Jongho. You look like you could use someone hot instead of cute” another one joins.
These brats are teasing you! Everyone smiles except you and Jongho. Your boyfriend shifts in his seat uncomfortably but still glances at you checking if you are alright. He places his hand on your thigh to ground you, but you are not planning to let those jokes slide.
You scrunch your nose giving the boys a disapproving look, “First of all, ew. I thought these jokes expired when me and Jong started dating. Second! You don’t come to our house and ask such rude questions. Even as a joke. So. Either you stop the jokes and have some respect for your brother. Or you can leave” your voice is calm and you aren’t exactly mad. You just state your opinion.
The room goes quiet; Jong squeezes your thigh reminding that he is still here with you.
“You are so sensitive, chill”, Wooyoung come back to his senses first.
You shrug, “Maybe I am. But you guys are straight up rude to Jongho. Even if you think you tease me, it still affects him. And my job here is to protect my boyfriend. I know you don’t mean bad, and I love you very much. I am just trying to let you know that I don’t tolerate this behavior”.
Maybe you overreacted, but you don’t want Jongho to be uncomfortable in his own house that is supposed to be his safe place.
“Sorry. We overstepped” Hongjoong apologizes and other boys nod in agreement.
“Okay” you say and smile. “I forgive you. Jong?” you turn to your boyfriend to check if he is okay. He nods looking at you.
“Call us your brothers-in-law” San says causing others to giggle.
“Then case closed. Wine anyone?” you clap your hands and raise up to get the wine bottle.
The rest of the evening goes well. You don’t talk about this anymore and no one dares to bring these jokes up again.
Later when the boys are gone you leave to shower; Jongho lays on your shared bed waiting for you. He waits until you turn on the water and checks the shelf inside of a bedside counter. The little box is waiting for the right moment there, and maybe the moment will come faster than Jongho thought. He closes the counter and gets his phone to text to the group chat with brothers.
“Did you see her today? She is the most caring person in my life unlike you assholes. You can’t even dream about a partner like her”
He sends the message and puts out his phone waiting for you to come back.
synopsis: This could be a disaster, there's so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losin' it all, at the critical chapter where I say, "I love you", and you don't say it after
genre: fem!producer!reader; best friends to lovers; idiots in love; angst; fluff
wc: 4.4k
cw: Jongho is the biggest idiot; alcohol; reader gets drunk; mutual pining in the worst possible way; Wooyoung does Wooyoung shit; possibly the most cursing I’ve ever written out, I don’t even really curse personally but reader deserved to have her crashout; reader crashes tf out; the song is a mess and they’re a mess and I love everything about it actually
Disaster by Conan Gray
Let me just set the scene, I'd just left the party at Blake's and it's Halloween,
“I can’t do it.”
“Jongho. It’s not like I dressed her up in a slutty nurse costume. It’s just a Halloween party.” Wooyoung tried to reason.
“She just got here. If you leave now she’s going to start to have a conundrum. You can’t keep avoiding her.” San agreed.
“I’m not avoiding her. I just don’t like parties. And she knows that!”
Jongho had been avoiding you. For almost a week.
It was unusual behavior as the two of you were typically inseparable at best. The boys could all feel the separation. You were downright irritable with how frustrated it was making you and Jongho felt as if he were an imaginary friend with how often he’d vanish. No one knew the reasoning behind the sudden change in behavior.
You were Jongho’s best friend. A producer brought in once upon a time to help Hongjoong out on a composition and the rest was history. You fit in almost seamlessly as a whole, but you and Jongho had just clicked from the moment you met.
Yeosang spotted you from across the room and waved you over. Your eyes lit up as you saw Jongho, but by the time you’d made it to the group he was gone. Yeosang, San, and Wooyoung didn’t even see him leave.
“I have no idea what’s going on with him.” Yeosang muttered as he pulled you into a hug. You rolled your eyes so aggressively it was almost comical.
“The second I get my hands on him, I’m gonna wring his pretty little neck for this.”
Yeosang and Wooyoung shared a concerned look, both wondering what the heck was going on.
Had the keys to my car in my hand, but I didn't leave,
Jongho wanted to hit himself with his own car. This whole thing was so stupid and he knew it, but as he saw you talking to his members through the window of the house, he couldn’t bring himself to start the car and leave.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone this long without hearing your voice. It was driving him mad, but he couldn’t face you, not after what he’d done.
Laying his head against the steering wheel, Jongho groaned. He missed you in every sense of the word and every way possible, but that just made him want to keep his distance even more.
He just sat in his car, thinking back a week ago when he’d drunkenly kissed you. It was perfect, more incredible than he could’ve dreamed, until you pushed him away. He’d been so embarrassed that he’d just left.
He just got up, and walked out. He’d been avoiding you ever since.
For good reason, at least he thought so. If he didn’t face you, he wouldn’t have to face your spoken rejection of him. He understood you pushing him away loud and clear, but he didn’t think his heart could handle actually hearing the words.
He knew you hadn’t told the rest of the guys about what had happened, because none of them had tried to fight him on your behalf yet, but it was likely coming. Until then, he could pretend everything was fine so long as you weren’t in the room with him.
Jongho wasn’t planning on avoiding you forever, just until he could handle you telling him you never wanted to see him again.
Cause the potential of us, it was keeping me up all night long. I left a text you won't read all night long.
“Answer the phone damn it!” You yelled at the automated voice, getting really tired of hearing it instead of your best friend.
You laid out on your bed, staring at the ceiling and willing your blood pressure to drop back into safe and normal levels. You were exhausted, had been for a week, but every time you closed your eyes, you felt his lips pressed to yours and it spiked your heart rate all over again.
You felt like you were going insane. The man kissed you, and then just walked away and became a ghost. You didn’t know if you wanted to strangle him or make out with him once you finally got your hands on him again.
You had always known the two of you would make a perfect couple, you were just waiting for him to wake up and realize it. Then, once it seems like he finally does, he does this.
You sigh, reaching for your phone once more. As you clicked on his contact again and watched your phone dial his once more, you were convinced that at this point if someone looked up the definition of insanity, they'd find a picture of you holding that damn phone.
Let me just lose my mind, is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?
Jongho wanted to throw his phone out a window or off the nearest skyscraper. He couldn’t understand why you kept calling him.
There were a few times his finger had hovered over the answer button. A few times he’d considered hearing what you so desperately wanted to tell him. But the memory of your last rejection kept him from finding out.
But he couldn’t understand why. He wouldn’t call someone multiple times every night if he never wanted to see them again.
Jongho figured he was being dramatic. He was looking too much into everything and letting his mind wander away. You wouldn’t abandon him entirely because of one drunken mistake.
You probably just want to talk it out and get your best friend back. He could understand that.
Except, he couldn’t be your best friend again. Not in a perfectly platonic and normal person way. And, as much trouble as it was causing him now, he could never treat the kiss like a mistake.
So Jongho decided to do what anyone in his predicament would do, and turned his phone on silent and buried it in a box of rice he put in the pantry.
You know, Ashley believes that there's something between you and I.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Y/n were having a lovers quarrel.” Hongjoong said into the almost empty studio.
Jongho had decided to take the last recording session of the day, knowing you always went home right at seven so you could feed your cats, and you would work on the leftover recordings the next morning.
Jongho bristled at his Captains words. “What do you mean by that?”
Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at his tone.
“I mean you’re acting like she put shit in your cereal bowl instead of giving you cocoa pebbles. And she’s so tense that she actually snapped at Yeosang today. So, what are my favorite lovers quarreling about?”
“We’re not lovers.” Jongho grumbled.
Hongjoong made a noise of understanding that put Jongho even more on edge.
“I see.”
“You see what?”
“You two finally did something about your feelings. I’m sorry it didn’t go well, I really thought it would.”
“What are you talking about? We don’t have feelings of any sort.”
Hongjoong actually laughed at that. “Yeah, and I’m tall. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us.”
“You’re wrong. There’s nothing going on between us.”
Hongjoong stared at Jongho for a good long while, long enough that Jongho actually started to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Then he just sighed.
“Okay. I’m gonna need you to sing the last line again.”
Jongho didn’t know if he should be thrilled or completely disappointed that Hongjoong was so willing to believe that there was nothing between you and him.
But if I'm readin' it wrong, then it'd be better off if I died, oh
Jongho couldn’t stop thinking about Hongjoong’s words for the next couple of days. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us. What did he mean by that? Jongho hadn’t even realized he’d had feelings for you until fairly recently.
Did everyone else know? Have you known all this time even when he didn’t?
He tried to keep from panicking at the prospect.
What if you’d spent all this time constantly hoping he wasn’t going to ruin your friendship by announcing the crush you could already see he had on you, and then he went and did exactly that?
Hongjoong suggested that it was mutual though, that you also had feelings for him. But Jongho knew that wasn’t true. It couldn’t have been. You’d pushed him away. You’d set that boundary. Jongho knew you didn’t feel the same way as he did because you’d made that painfully clear.
Hongjoong was wrong. It was that simple.
But if so, why did he even suggest that?
Jongho didn’t want to think too much into it. He was better off pretending none of it happened. He’d get back to normal soon, he just needed a little more time.
And if you're reading the text all night long.
You were getting to the point where you were no longer frustrated. You were getting downright pissed off.
Jongho wasn’t answering his calls, he wasn’t answering his texts. He wasn’t at home, but he also was never at the studio. You knew he was still coming into the studio, you had received a number of recordings to work into various pieces despite never once laying eyes on the man to prove as much.
You had a suspicion that he was purposefully choosing times to come in and record that he knew you wouldn’t be able to. His avoidance of you could be considered impressive if it wasn’t so aggravating.
Scrolling up past the dozens of messages you’d left him over the past two weeks he’d been missing from your life, you let yourself settle in for a quiet night of reading old texts to pretend everything was okay.
It was sad, you could admit that. What grown woman that worked in the music industry was spending her Saturday nights reading old texts and acting like she’s going through a divorce just because her best friend was actively treating her like a plague? You, apparently.
You almost found yourself wishing you could go back in time and change it. If you knew Jongho was going to get this freaked out, you would have never let him kiss you in the first place.
You missed your best friend. You missed receiving complaints about his members and what they’re doing throughout the day, you missed being able to reach out and randomly discuss super deep topics before cracking a joke and moving on into something more lighthearted. You missed Jongho.
And as elated as the kiss had made you, you’d rather get a random out of context tmi text again.
At least then you knew Jongho wanted you in his life.
This could be a disaster there’s so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losing it all,
Wooyoung was getting real sick of this shit.
One of his dearest friends was a ghost and the other would probably snap someone’s head off if they breathed too loudly.
It was getting out of hand and he’d had enough, so he did the only logical thing a person could think to do. He invited them both over to his house without telling them that the other would also be there.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
Wooyoung wasn’t pleased with the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the team. You and Jongho went from inseparable to unbearable so fast it’d give a normal person whiplash. But Wooyoung wasn’t a normal person, and this was exactly what he thought you’d need. He was going to get to the bottom of why his two friends were acting so weird if it was the last thing he did.
Wooyoung had it all figured out. He knew neither of you would be very happy with the intervention, that’s why he had your favorite snack and Jongho’s favorite drink to help calm the storm that he will most definitely have to deal with.
You arrived first and you knew almost immediately that Wooyoung was up to something. You didn’t have time to question him about how suspicious he was acting before the door opened again.
You felt your heart leap into your throat as Jongho quietly hung his jacket up next to Wooyoung’s door. He shook out his hair, which you noted had gotten slightly longer, before finally looking up and seeing you.
Jongho froze like a deer in headlights, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes met yours.
“Hi.” He sounded breathless, a little scared, and looked like he was itching to turn and run the opposite direction.
“Hi.” You responded, feeling like you wanted to throw up or throw yourself at him.
“So um, why don’t we all take a seat?”
And just like that, the spell was broken. The tension turned almost palpable as both parties turned on Wooyoung who, to his credit, shrunk into himself some.
“Hey hey, we’re not here to talk to me.”
“That’s literally why probably both of us showed up.” You deadpanned.
“Okay well, surprise! That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to get to the bottom of why you guys have been so weird the past few weeks.”
“I haven’t been weird at all.” Jongho defended.
You scoffed.
Jongho’s eyes narrowed on you. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“No, not nothing. What? Why’d you scoff?”
“Maybe because you’re just going around spreading lies now.”
“I am not.”
“You just did. ‘I haven’t been weird at all’. Jognho you’ve been nothing but weird since we kissed!”
Wooyoung gasped, but his mouth was almost immediately covered by San’s hand. You didn’t even notice that the entire group was present, your sole focus was pinned on Jongho.
“Well maybe I wouldn’t have been weird if we hadn't kissed.”
Wooyoung was glad to see the two of you talking things through, though he was beginning to wish he’d had the foresight to make popcorn for it. What Wooyoung hadn’t accounted for, however, was your fathers temper shining through and bringing out Jongho’s.
“You, ugh! I can’t stand you! You kissed me, Jongho! And then you just left! Just got up and walked right on out the door! And you’ve been ignoring me ever since as if I’m the one that kissed you!”
“No, you’re not the one that kissed me. You’re just the one that pushed me away!”
“Pushed you away? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I kissed you. I’m man enough to admit to that. But you’re the one that pushed me back. You drew that line and I’ve been trying to respect it, Y/n. But damn, if I knew it was going to bother you this much I wouldn’t have done it!”
At the critical chapter where I say, "I love you" and you don't say it after?
“It didn’t bother me and I didn’t push you away. I’m literally in love with you!”
You hear another gasp from the group watching off to the side, but you couldn’t care enough to see who it came from. Your chest was rising and falling shakily. Your eyes were pinned to Jongho’s and you couldn’t look away if you wanted to.
The room fell deathly silent.
You waited. You weren’t sure for what, but you stood in that silence until you couldn’t take it anymore.
“I have to go.”
You were at the door, dodging Jongho’s hand as he reached out for you before slamming the door shut behind you.
You weren’t sure what you’d expected to happen, but you could feel your heart as it shattered into tiny pieces. You felt each individual shard pierce through your soul.
You didn’t want to let yourself have hope, but for a moment while you were arguing, he’d seemed so passionate about that night that you’d thought, just maybe…
But now you felt like the worlds biggest idiot. How were you supposed to face any of them after announcing you loved him and getting rejected like that?
Sure, they were your friends. But they were his friends first, and if he makes them pick sides you’ll not only be losing your best friend, but seven of the dearest people to your heart. And your favorite job.
This could be a disaster, I'm pedaling backwards by sayin' that "I'm drunk I really shouldn't have called,"
“Y/n pick up the phone, I just want to make sure you’re safe.” Yeosang looked up at the group and shook his head no.
Jongho felt about ready to punch every surface he could reach, and just keep going until his hands went numb or the skin was completely scraped from his knuckles. Whichever came first.
He felt like an idiot. He was an idiot. He had spent weeks avoiding you from fear of rejection, only to shut down and say nothing when you told him you loved him.
As he remembered the look on your face just before you bolted out the door, he felt like he was going to be sick. He knew that image would be burned into his memory for many years to come.
It was almost ironic, how fast the script had been flipped on him. Jongho spent weeks dodging your calls, and in one afternoon he became the one unable to get an answer.
He didn’t know where to even start to look for you. If you didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t have gone home or to the studio, those were the first places Jongho would look for you.
Jongho and the rest of the boys spent hours looking for you, calling you, texting you. Everyone was getting worried, Wooyoung even went to your place to make sure your cats were fed on their proper schedule.
Jongho was ready to pull his hair out from frustration when his phone lit up with his favorite picture of you. He dropped his phone in his rush to answer, but answered before it went to voicemail.
“Y/n.”
“You’re a dick, you know that? Like honestly I don’t even know why I love you. You lead me on for like, years, and then you kiss me, and then you ignore me, and then we finally talk and I tell you I love you and you like, just look stupid. Standing there like a, I don’t fucking know, you looked like a fish or something.”
“Y/n, where are you?”
“Fuck off, you don’t get to sound worried about me.”
“How much have you had to drink, love?”
“Don’t love me asshole. Ah fuck. Did I call you? Damn I’m stupid. I gotta go, Jongho. I shouldn’t have called you.”
“No! Y/n, baby don’t hang up on me. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you. Or one of the other boys can if you don’t want to see me right now.”
The quiet on the other end of the line had him nibbling on his lip nervously. Then his phone dinged with a message saying you shared your location with him.
“I’m on my way baby, okay? Ask for some water and stay put. I’ll be there soon.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
I'm a little bit plastered, you call me a liar, now I'm fallin' in faster, this could be a disaster.
“Hey baby.” Your head snapped up off the counter of the bar at the sound of his voice, the cadence slicing through every other overwhelming sound in the building.
“The fuck are you doing here?” You mumbled, reaching out for him.
You watched blearily as he gave his card over to the bartender, paying out your tab before gently looping your arms around his neck and scooping you up like you weighed nothing.
“You called me to come get you.”
“Did I? Shit, how much did I drink?”
“Hopefully enough that you forget this whole day and we can try talking again tomorrow.”
Your eyes widened. “Oh yeah! I told Jongho I loved him today. Damn, rejection fuckin sucks.”
“I didn’t reject you.”
“Lies. Totally did. Like, who just stares at someone after they told you they loved you?”
Jongho wanted to argue it, wanted to be upset by you calling him a liar. But you were too damn cute to be upset with, and you had a point. He did just stand there like a fool staring at you.
“Let’s just get you home, okay? We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“Don’t wanna talk about it. Loving you has just been one disaster after another. ‘M tired, Jongho.”
“I know, Y/n. I know.”
You were asleep in his arms before he even got out of the bar. He held you a little tighter as you curled into him, hoping he hadn’t messed everything up entirely.
When he got you back to your apartment, he helped you as you sleepily did a limited version of your night routine. He tucked you into bed before turning to leave you alone.
“Jongho,” turning to look at you, he took note of how beautiful you looked curled up in the sheets and looking at him. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
He walked back over to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
“Never again, baby. I promise.”
Maybe I'm mistaken, you’re not mine for taking.
When you woke up the next morning, it was to your head pounding. You sat up sluggishly to find a glass of water and some medication on your nightstand.
Slowly, you gulped down the medicine and water before attempting to get out of bed as the day before started resurfacing in your memories. You immediately looked to the other side of the bed, hoping to find your best friend tangled up in your bed. But instead you found completely untouched sheets.
Trying to stave down the pang of hurt blossoming in your chest, you went about your morning routine while mentally preparing boundaries you were now going to have to set with your best friend. Jongho may be your favorite person, but you weren’t dumb enough to break your own heart to keep him around now knowing there was no chance there. Things were going to have to change between the two of you if any friendship was going to stay intact.
But then you heard rustling from somewhere outside of your bedroom, immediately putting you on edge. You grabbed the closest possible weapon, your flat iron, and made your way towards the door, ready to investigate like some sort of horror movie heroine. Times like this are when you’re going to miss Jongho the most going forward, seeing as you’d usually hide in your closet and call him in this kind of scenario.
As the shuffling outside your door got closer, you took a deep breath, sent up a prayer for safety, and then opened your door and swung.
“Ow! What the- Y/n?”
You dropped your weapon with a gasp.
“Jongho? What are you doing here?” You hissed.
“I’m bringing you something to eat, what are you doing?” he asked incredulously.
“Someone was in my house.” You shrugged.
“Yeah, me.”
“Well how was I supposed to know that?”
Jongho just stared at you blankly.
“Because you asked me to stay.”
He said it as if it were the clearest answer to any question ever asked. Your heart fluttered slightly, but you just straightened your shoulders and looked him in the eye.
“I was drunk.”
“And I wasn’t going to leave you in that state alone.”
He stared right back, and a part of you wanted to just break down and run to him.
“I’m not now, so what’s your excuse?”
“I already told you, I’m bringing you something to eat. Your stomach will thank me later.”
The air was thick with tension as he gently grabbed your hand to pull you down the stairs toward your kitchen. You found a delicious looking breakfast spread out beautifully across your dining table, and your stomach grumbled loudly at the aroma filling your living space.
He pulled out a chair for you and you thanked him quietly as you sat. He joined you for your breakfast, making sure your plate was filled first before touching the food himself.
The silence that hovered over that table was unlike anything you’d ever experienced by Jongho’s side. It was awkward, tension-filled, and made you want to cry at times. As if you were both mourning the end of your friendship, as if you both knew nothing would be the same between you two again after this meal. You ate slowly, hoping that you could prolong your time with your best friend, even if only for a few minutes.
Once he finished his plate, Jongho watched in silence for a few moments before finally clearing his throat.
“I’m not sure there’s going to be a good time to say this, so I’m just gonna do it. And it’s okay if you want me to leave after, I’ll understand.” Jongho took a deep breath, suddenly unable to meet your gaze, but gently took one of your hands from across the table.
“Y/n, I love you. So much it makes me stupid. Which is why I avoided you after the kiss, and why I was silent yesterday. I know it’s not really a good reasoning, but it’s the truth. I was so terrified that I’d made a mistake, that I messed everything up, that I ruined what we had, that when you — yesterday I mean — I don’t know, it’s like my brain refused to let me believe it was true.”
You squeezed his hand firmly, sensing he was getting close to full on rambling. You’d seen that side of him before, but rarely. It was a side of himself that shined when he was really nervous and emotional.
When he finally looked up at you, you just smiled and squeezed his hand again.
“You’re such a disaster, Choi Jongho. But I love you so much it makes that fact endearing.”
Maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe I just made it up, messed it up. (He didn’t.)
synopsis: You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips? You love her, it's over, you already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit.
genre: fem!idol!reader; lovers to exes; exes to ?; angst; fluff if you wait til sunrise
wc: 3.8k
cw: San pov primary; he lowkey self isolates a lot; depression; mentions of/allusions to cheating; mentions of harassment; I mean it’s based of a Conan Grey song so take that as a warning in itself lol
The Exit by Conan Gray
February, and the flowers haven't even wilted, it’s crazy how fast you tilted, the world that we were busy buildin'.
It felt like all the air was suctioned straight out of the room as soon as the words were uttered.
San looked at you, the tears already welling up in your beautiful eyes made him want to reach out and comfort you, or haul off and hit a manager. He didn’t even necessarily care if it was his or yours that would be receiving.
“Now I understand this isn’t the response either of you were hoping for, but it’s what’s going to be the best for both of your bands and our companies. You have to break up.”
Mid-November, and I'm sippin' on a half-cold coffee, staring at a girl who's not me, on your arm, a carbon copy.
San couldn’t believe his eyes. He didn’t want to believe what he was looking at.
Years the two of you had been together, years of planning your future together. Then your companies tell you to split and not even a few months later your face is splashed all over every surface in the arms of another man.
He didn’t know what to think, he just felt angry, sad, numb.
His brain started floating through your last few months together, had you seemed off any? Was it possible you’ve been seeing this other idol for a while now?
He didn’t want to think that way of you, but you’d both been idols for several years before deciding to ask your companies if you could make it public. So surely you wouldn’t have gone public already if it weren’t serious. If it hadn’t been serious for a while.
Would you?
I can't hate you for getting everything we wanted, I just thought that I would be a part of it.
San couldn’t breathe without seeing your smiling face lighting up another man’s world, or hearing rumors about the possibility of an engagement coming up any day now.
He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to be supportive that you were living the dreams you’d discussed together, but a much bigger part of him just wished it was him by your side. That you were going through these things together.
San knew he was entirely off kilter. He was hardly eating or sleeping properly, let alone his singing and dancing. Everyone could see it. Staff, his band mates, Atiny could probably tell at this point.
But he couldn’t even be bothered to try and pretend he was fine. How could he be? You seemed like you were the happiest you’d ever been, and it wasn’t with him.
His world was crumbling to pieces, and he just let it happen.
I was movin' into your apartment when you met someone, she's from your hometown. I hate the East coast, it's where you live now.
“New up and coming boy group already taking the world by storm with their debut song, and member dating rumors with Y/n of Icarus Flew?”
Having to see you in love with another man was hard enough. San didn’t need or want to learn that your new lover was a trainee of your company. That opens up a whole new can of worms for him to shuffle through and dissect.
Did the two of you get close because you were helping him train? Were the random late nights in the studio you spending time with him? Did your group know and help cover for you? Had you actually been-
San couldn’t even think it. He refused to. Even if that was where the arrows point, even if that’s the best explanation he could possibly reason with, he still loved you. He still respected and trusted you.
You may have agreed to the split mutually, as mutual as a breakup can get with seemingly two separate companies breathing down your necks about it, but the years still happened, the memories still existed, and the love you shared remained in tact. At least for San.
Impossible to understand how you're not comin' back but I can't say it out loud.
The apartment you’d picked together felt hollow without you. Even the kitten you’d adopted seemed to understand something was wrong.
San would sit on the overstuffed couch you’d insisted on getting, waiting for you to walk through the door as if nothing had changed. As if everything was as it was always supposed to be.
But you never did walk through the doors. Not to move your stuff in, not to check on the cat, not to check on San.
He’d been tempted to end the lease, to move back into the dorms with his bandmates, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It probably wasn’t healthy, his only reason for keeping the apartment was so that if you’d decided to come by, for any reason, it’d be there for you.
Everything San ever did was for you.
Feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised
“Would you just leave me alone! I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be near you. I want nothing to do with you. The faster you get that through your thick skull, the better off we’re all going to be.”
San had only said your name.
Award shows were always a mixture of companies and groups, San knew he would see you tonight, he’d hoped you could at least be cordial with each other. He’d hoped that maybe you’d talk to him, that maybe there’d be some sort of explanation on your tongue for everything that had happened in the past few months. He felt foolish for getting his hopes up.
Your eyes, once meeting his, glazed over with an instant regret that San couldn’t handle. He’d always told you that you didn’t need to sugarcoat anything with him. He was always pushing you to be completely honest, completely open.
You were a people pleaser at heart. You had a habit of saying things you thought people wanted to hear instead of what was on your mind. As much as your words hurt, a part of him was so proud of you for saying them. He couldn’t bear the regret shining in your eyes, he couldn’t be the reason it was there after preaching to you the importance of standing up for yourself and your wants.
So, despite the knife piercing his chest, San bowed politely and walked the opposite direction. Holding back tears when you didn’t even call after him.
And yours is perfectly fine.
The award show continued on without a hitch after that. Everything was perfectly normal the rest of the night.
Your boyfriends band sat directly behind your band, with your boyfriend behind you. The cameras were eating it up, the crowd ‘aww’ing everytime the two of you would appear on the screens.
Hongjoong didn’t know what to think. San had yet to confide in him about anything. He knew his member, he knew he needed to talk, but it was like if he did, that would make everything real.
Despite not knowing the situation, Hongjoong was only more confused by it.
You weren’t happy. You put on a fantastic show, he’d give you that much. But he’d watched you and San together for years. He and the others likely knew the sparkle of pure, sickening love better than maybe even San did. Too also sickeningly in love to recognize it.
To Hongjoong, you looked like you wanted to scratch your own skin off with how uncomfortable you were. And of course, there was the non stop glancing at San anytime the cameras weren’t on you.
Hongjoong felt as though he could go grey just watching. He made eye contact with the leader of your group, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Which told Hongjoong that whatever was going on, she didn’t like it either.
Feels like we buried alive something that never died.
All the groups were called to the stage, San was praying to anyone that would listen that he didn’t have to stand near your group on that stage. That he wouldn’t have to pretend his heart wasn’t actively in shreds, and even worse, act like you were a stranger.
There were no public relations between your groups. You’ve never done challenges together, or worked at the same music festivals. By the worlds view, your groups have never coincided outside of award shows, which would mean by the worlds view, you’re strangers.
Of course, if anything heard his prayers, they didn’t care or had a sense of humor vehemently against San. Because not only did Ateez end up directly next to Icarus Flew, but his arm was brushing yours.
He felt you stiffen at the initial touch, and then it was like you melted. Like the tension in your whole body dissipated from the proximity alone. He tried not to think about it. Tried not to recall the countless memories of you calling him your stress relief, of him being the person you needed every time the world got to be too much.
There at that very public stage, your arm pressing against his, the two of you much closer than you likely needed to be, San felt the most himself he’d been in months. Since the breakup. And if he didn’t know better, if he hadn’t already been snapped at by you once in that very same building that night, he would’ve been able to let himself believe that your smile was just a little bit brighter than it had been in months as well.
Then you looked at him, your eyes shining with a million words you didn’t have time to say, and he didn’t want you to ever look away from him again. Neither his nor your smile faltered once in that moment underneath the stage lights, confetti spraying everywhere, the world silencing like you were in your own bubble.
Then the bubble was broken. Hongjoong grabbed San and pulled him back to his group, your leader doing the same, and the second your eyes were pulled from his, everything rushed back in. The air felt suffocating again, his chest aching, his smile faltering momentarily before he was able to get his mask up. He was still an idol, he was still on a public stage with cameras and fans everywhere, and you were still very much his ex-girlfriend whose current boyfriend was also on this stage somewhere.
The moment the two of you shared on stage was a natural reaction to a person you’d dedicated years of your life to. San knew that. He knew how you felt about him now and he knew it was just the moment.
And as much as he knew it was wishful thinking, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t.
So, God, it hurt when I found out, you love her, it's over.
“Rumors of an engagement are circling the internet. The hottest new band on the scene were spotted in a jewelry store. Could everyone’s favorite couple really be discussing tying the knot?”
San hadn’t been to the dorms since moving into the apartment. He just met the guys at the practice room, the studio, or wherever he was needed for that day. He had never before felt like an intruder when standing at the doors, but in that moment he did.
He wasn’t even sure why he was at the dorms in the first place. But when the door swung open, and Wooyoung was tackling him into a tight hug, he didn’t let himself dwell on the emotions or thoughts, he just hugged his friend back, biting back the tears threatening to escape.
San noticed the others behind Wooyoung, all dressed as if they were getting ready to go somewhere. A pang of loneliness flushed through him but he shoved it down as far as he could.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your plans.”
He was ready to go back to his far too empty apartment, sit alone on his way too stuffed couch, and try to finally come to terms with his emotions when Seonghwa lightly flicked his forehead and dragged him into a hug.
“We were on our way to you.”
That was the pebble that broke the dam. San collapsed into Seonghwa’s arms, tears streaming down his face. He held onto his friend as if he was the only thing keeping San from coming entirely unraveled.
“We saw the rumors, figured you could use a cheer up.” Mingi said, getting elbowed almost instantly by Jongho.
Hongjoong ushered everyone back inside, all eight boys piling into the living room, San was placed on the couch and everyone else filled in around him.
He was grateful for his team. His friends that cared about him, not just about his capabilities on stage. His family that was worried about him.
Furiously rubbing his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears, San mumbled a pathetic sounding, “It really is over, isn’t it?”
Do you even doubt it on your lips?
You ran. You didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t have any goal in mind, you just needed to get out of that building. You needed to get away from those people. You needed to put as much distance as physically possible between you and him.
The dating was one thing. Any publicity is good publicity, and all that absolute crap. But when he showed up with a ring and a disgusting smirk on his face, spouting off about how it’d be the best idea because the fans would be thrilled to have an engagement to gossip about, you wanted to throw up or just outright swing on the man.
So you did the only thing that made sense to you, you bolted.
You knew your leader would be panicking any moment if she wasn’t already. You knew your members would inevitably start a search party for you. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you just pushed your legs to keep moving forward. If you stopped running, if you gave yourself time to breathe and think, you’d likely just end up in a ball sobbing your eyes out.
Tired. You were so tired. Tired of your company, tired of pretending to be okay, tired of him. You were forced to leave the love of your life and weren’t even given a month to mourn the life you’d created and envisioned before you were being pushed into some sort of messed up publicity stunt. When you’d agreed to “date” a member of your company's newest band, you assumed it’d be for a music video, maybe some social media content. You had no idea it would come to this.
Your company was trying to put to rest any potential rumor that had ever existed regarding a relationship between you and San. You hadn’t realized that until the meeting today, with that bastard looking so smug about putting a ring on your finger that was meant to be San’s, with your company breathing down your neck about “image”, with an non disclosure agreement sitting in front of you regarding the nature of your “relationship” and the expectations the company was going to be adding to it.
You weren’t sure where your legs were carrying you, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings as you went, you just knew you had to go somewhere. You had to escape the life you’d stuck yourself in.
You love her, it's over, you already found someonе to miss,
There was an insistent knock on the apartment door that jerked San awake from where he’d dozed off on the couch. The cat was already meowing incessantly in response to the knocking, being none too pleased at the rude wake up call.
“I’m coming.” San grumbled out, making his way to the door. “I told you I’m fine Wooyoung, you don’t have to-” The comment died on his tongue immediately as he took in the sight in front of him.
You. You, breathing heavily and sweating, hair all frizzy as if you’d run a marathon before coming here. You, looking every bit the picture of gorgeous he’d always known you to be, even in such a state. You outside of his apartment that was meant to also be yours. The one he hadn’t sold in case of this exact scenario.
San opened his mouth to ask you why you were here, ask if you wanted to come in, if you needed water. But before he could actually formulate any words at all, you were already cutting him off.
“I’m sorry.”
It felt like all of the air was hit right out of his lungs.
“I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorry for that God-awful relationship that was plastered all over everything. I’m sorry for the pain I know I’ve caused you these past few months. I’m sorry for randomly showing up on your doorstep, though I am relieved it is still yours, I was worried you’d already moved out. But most of all I’m sorry I didn’t tell my company to fuck off when I had the chance. I know you’ve probably already moved on. I understand, I probably would’ve as well if I’d seen you plastered everywhere with another girl before even getting a chance to mourn. No actually, I probably wouldn’t have already moved on because damnit you’re the only person in the world for me, but that’s not what matters right now.
“What I mean is, I’m not here for your forgiveness or to win you back, I just thought you of all people deserved to know the truth. I don’t love him. I don’t even like him. I actually can’t fucking stand to be around him, and he’s who I thought was behind me that night at the award ceremony, not you. But I didn’t come after you because I signed a stupid contract and couldn’t talk to you. But legalities be damned because the only thing in this whole universe that I want right now is for you to know that all of it was bullshit. That the rumors are bullshit and no matter what you hear or see in the next few days, it’s not real. I won’t marry him, San. I don’t think I could marry anyone that wasn’t you.”
San opened his mouth to say something but rustling in the kitchen pulled both of your attentions away from one another. When he turned back to you, you were white as a sheet.
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. I’ll leave you be now. I just, I thought you deserved to hear the truth from me.”
While I'm still standin' at the exit.
San didn’t let himself think anything over as he reached out for your arm, dragged you into his arms, and kissed you like you were the air he was being starved of as he drowned. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, returning the kiss just as desperately. The two of you holding each other, uncaring of the semi public display right in the middle of the hallway, until you were forced to part by the necessity of oxygen.
He leaned his forehead against yours, breathing in your presence the best he can. You clung to him as if your very life depended on it.
“That sound was your stupid cat, not some other girl. Just so you know.”
You couldn’t stop the relieved giggle if you wanted to.
“You’ve always been the only one for me, Y/n. I’m sure I can be offended about you thinking otherwise some other time, but right now I just need to prove it to you and remind you who you belong to. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”
And with that San swept you up bridal style, and finally carried you into the apartment that was always meant for the both of you.
You love her, it's over.
“News spreading like wildfire that Icarus Flew’s very own Y/n was forced into a publicity relationship by her company, who also forced her to end things with long term boyfriend, San of Ateez. KQ Entertainment is helping Icarus Flew file a lawsuit against their now former company for duress and mismanagement. Y/n also reportedly suing fellow idol, her former alleged boyfriend, for harassment and coercion. Keep up to date with all things Y/nSan and the cases right here on-”
“Well, I for one am excited about having Icarus Flew signed to the same company. We finally get to do challenges together!” Wooyoung shouted happily, picking you up and twirling you around.
“I’m just relieved to be out of that company for good. Though I guess the way we got here isn’t exactly ideal.” Your leader cringed, sighing as she got comfortable on your couch.
“Yeah, good riddance to that awful place. Is it too late to add on to the charges, we could probably sue the company for years of neglect, mistreatment, harassment, and a few other things.” One of your other members said, carrying in some of your boxes. She was followed by Yunho and Mingi as they carried in some of your furniture.
The past few weeks since you’d found your way back to San had been a whirlwind of leaving your company, your band following you, starting legal battles left and right, and finally moving into your apartment with San. You were grateful for San’s group and for yours. You weren’t sure you ever would’ve had it in you to break away from your company if it weren’t for all the support you’d received. Even your fans were in full support of you, some of them even offering their legal expertise should you need it.
The biggest shock came in the form of Atiny. You’d always loved and appreciated San’s fanbase. They were loyal and most of them obviously cared abundantly and genuinely. But having a front row seat to them not only accepting you with the widest of arms, but also going to literal war online for you and your group as everything came to light, you knew your band would make it out okay.
If your former company thought a falsified relationship with an unknown newbie would be good for your career, they’re likely losing their minds seeing how much more attention you were garnering now.
You hadn’t been this happy or at peace in a long time, and as San’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back into his chest, surrounded by your bands helping you move into your dream apartment with the man you love more than life, you couldn’t see yourself in any other situation. You didn’t want to be in any other situation ever again.
You weren’t positive of what would come of your bands careers, you didn’t know if you’d be able to successfully relaunch Icarus Flew or if leaving your company meant the death of your band. But you couldn’t bring yourself to fully care at that moment.
You already found someone to miss.
Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfic Masterlist
a/n: I’m actually super excited for this series and while if you’re not new around here you know me and how I am (I will disappear for extended durations of time) I actually already have 4/8 written🫣🤭 I hope you enjoyed! and I hope you look forward to the rest of the slightly heart wrenching world of reading stories based on Conan Gray songs!!
annaxmalina
pixelskylines
vaporwave
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
gummygunk
