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let me get you up to speed on what i have been working on
completed 5k yunho oneshot (a lil dark, a lil angst. very diff from the usual content that i usually write)
wip jongho oneshot (the plot is all written out. im just slowly progressing and writing it. there's a lot that happens in it so im careful not to rush or ruin the flow of events)
usual WFBITD chapter
plotting for medical slice of life series. reader and atz boys are all working in a hospital <3 i've been toying with the idea for a bit so might as well write the plot for it but im not sure if i should choose a partner right now / make it ot8 x reader / write and decide along the way?
Summary: When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?
[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]
Word count: 3.2K
Chapter warning(s): Heavy chapter. Mentions of abandonment, childhood abuse (physical and mental), suicidal thoughts.
Safe to say, Hongjoong didn't have ANY plans to race that night. From what his men told him, there was some sort of exchange between you and Jihoon, which left you a little distraught? Upset? Hongjoong didn't know, he didn't want to ask you when you didn't bring it up to him.
He respected your space and your privacy, in that sense. But he would not tolerate you being disrespected so he'll try to keep Jihoon away from you.
"Hey, love." Hongjoong came back, shooing Mingi away from his initial seat. You looked away from Jihoon's direction and looked up at Hongjoong, a small smile on your face.
"Is everything okay?" You asked.
"Mhmm. You know, I have to greet people for business relations and stuff." Hongjoong informed.
"I understand." You nodded. Hongjoong laced fingers with you, he lifted your interlocked fingers and kissed the back of your hand before resting it on his thigh.
"There are a few races a night, motorcycle races and car races. Or some people will go admire modified cars." He explained, pointing.
"Yes, while you were away, San and Mingi were giving me the run down of the races." You giggled, making him roll his eyes.
"Anyway, my point is, if you want to leave at any point, we can go. This can go quite late into the night. Some of the boys get bored and just leave too." Hongjoong assured.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Right now, I am excited!" You shook your free fist.
"Alright, I'm glad you're finding excitement in this, love." He chuckled and pulled you in just to kiss your temple. Honestly, Hongjoong really thought that you would be turned off or afraid by this whole thing but you seemed to really accept it.
"Ah, Wooyoung. I forgot." Hongjoong took an envelope out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Wooyoung. The younger saluted and walked out.
"What's that?" Your eyes widened.
"The bets for tonight. It's not drugs or anything." Hongjoong explained, raising an eyebrow in amusement.
"I-I didn't think it was!" You covered your embarrassment with a scoff, turning your nose up at him. But you turned back to the tracks when the races were going to start.
"And there's Yunho." Hongjoong pointed to the car. Yunho drove to the start and rolled his window down, resting his arm against the sill.
"I shouldn't cheer, right?" You leaned over to whisper to Hongjoong, remembering this was an 'underworld' thing.
"You can do whatever you want, my love." He laughed. You were so adorable with your questions. The family owned this track, no one would dare say anything if you wanted to cheer.
"This might get messy, my love. I just have to warn you... Things have gotten ugly before." Hongjoong warned.
"Aren't there rules?"
"Of course. But it's the streets, rules hardly matter. All for the glory and the win." He replied. You nodded, it was finally hitting you how this wasn't something the rest of society did at night. This was the underworld, the streets, the place where rules didn't have any standing. One wrong move and it might cost your life.
"But don't worry. The boys know how to get themselves out of a situation." Hongjoong patted your hand, noticing how the look on your face turned grim.
"Let's go, Yun!" Mingi yelled, clapping. Hearing that, some people erupted in cheers as well.
"See? Do whatever you want." Hongjoong said, making you giggle.
Yes, Hongjoong was worried about drawing too much attention to you but he wasn't going to let his fears make you even more paranoid and scared of this place.
He just wanted you to enjoy yourself. Hongjoong watched you watch the race earnestly, your eyes sparkling with anticipation.
"That guy keeps going close to Yunho. Look." You said, watching them in a distance.
"It's an intimidation technique, love. You think he's gonna crash into you so you break and he gets the advantage." Hongjoong explained. His arm rested on the back of your chair protectively.
"Here you go." San cracked open a cold can of soda for you.
"Go, Yunho!" Seeing him pass the finish line, you couldn't help but stand up from your seat to cheer and clap for him.
"Keep track of our winnings, Jongho." Hongjoong said to the youngest, who nodded his head and gave a thumbs up. He watched in adoration as you cheered and clapped for Yunho. But you didn't realise that with your cheering, you drew attention to yourself.
"I think I drank too much soda, I need to use the bathroom." You said to Hongjoong. He put his iPad down, ready to accompany you when you stopped him.
"You have people at every inch of this place. I can go on my own, support the other races." You said.
"If you're not back in 15 minutes, I'm coming to get you." He said with a serious frown.
"Yes, captain." You saluted playfully and left the VIP area. There were recognisable faces of Hongjoong's men around, some of them giving you acknowledging nods.
After you were done with the washroom, you exited, not really wanting to stay in there since it was quite dirty.
"Oh! I'm sor- Jihoon?" You bumped into him as you were walking back. He stared at you in surprise.
"So, it was really you earlier..." He muttered but you heard him. You felt your cheeks heat up, that means that people really did hear you cheer for Yunho just now.
"I-I didn't know you r-race." You tried to act like things were okay between the two of you. Jihoon just shrugged indifferently.
"You don't know a lot about me recently, (y/n)." He said, tucking his hands into his pockets. You opened your mouth.
"You would never come to a place like this. But now that you're with Hongjoong, you're appearing in places like these, sitting in the VIP section like you own the place." He cut you off, making you close your mouth. There was something in his voice like a bitterness that you couldn't quite pinpoint.
"I'm still me. My relationship with Hongjoong has nothing to do with my friendships, that's separate." You didn't know what you were trying achieve, justify yourself? Defend Hongjoong?
"Right..." He chuckled sarcastically.
"Miss, is everything okay? The boss is looking for you." One of Hongjoong's men approached carefully.
"I was just leaving." Jihoon rolled his eyes, as if you were the one wasting his time.
"Jihoon-" You tried to stop him but he ignored you, walking back to where his friends were. You chewed on your bottom lip, you hated how your conversations ended with no conclusion.
"I told you, 15 minutes, if you weren't back, I wou- What happened?" The playful smile on Hongjoong's face fell and was replaced by a frown.
"It's nothing." You shook your head.
"Mm-mm, no lying to me. It's not 'nothing'." Hongjoong held your face in his hands, lifting it up. His eyes searched yours before they analysed your face, looking for possible injuries.
"Please... It's really nothing." You begged him to let it go. Hongjoong let you go, holding your hand and kissing the back of it.
"I'm tired. Shall we go home?" He asked, with a little whine in his voice. You were unsure, knowing that Hongjoong probably wanted to go home because of you and the others haven't even raced yet. As their leader, he should be here, right?
"But I want to watch the race. The others haven't even gone yet." You swallowed.
"But I want to go home and cuddle." Hongjoong emphasised. Only you could make the leader of the fearsome Ateez mafia whine and pout, that was your power.
"We only watched like... 2 races and 1 of them was Yunho's." You reminded. Hongjoong rolled his eyes, he really didn't care.
"We'll come back again, hmm?" He squeezed your hand. You sighed, relenting and nodding your head.
"That's my girl." He pulled you in to kiss your temple. With his arm around your waist, he led you out of there. Hongjoong's men didn't form a circle around you two but were still on guard.
"Sir." When Hongjoong's car was driven up, he opened the door for you to enter the passenger seat first and closed the door.
"You report to me what happened later." Hongjoong said to one of his men.
"Yes, boss." The man bowed. You couldn't see what they were talking about, you only saw Hongjoong's lips move and the man bow his head in submission.
"Everything okay?" You asked when Hongjoong slid into the driver's seat. He nodded and patted your head before starting the car.
"Yes, I'm just hungry. Shall we get some drive thru?" He randomly asked. You nodded, not minding to get a bite. Hongjoong winked and began to drive to the nearest fast food drive thru. People in the parking lot stopped to stare at the loud sports car that pulled up, making you giggle.
"What do you want?" Hongjoong stopped at the menu. He was used to the staring, he didn't really care. You leaned forward to look at the menu on the board.
"Ooh, chicken burger with extra pickles, please. I don't need a drink." You ordered.
"Share fries?" Hongjoong checked, to which you hummed. He wound down his window, leaning an arm on the window sill to order.
In that moment, even with the glow of the fast food menu's lights on his face, Hongjoong looked so handsome. With you, he was soft and clumsy but there were moments of charisma and charm.
"You alright, my love?" His question broke you out of your trance. He had a teasing smirk on his face.
"Y-Yeah." You cleared your throat, fanning your face.
"Thanks." After paying, the worker handed Hongjoong everything. You held the paper bags in your lap as Hongjoong drove out to find somewhere to park.
"Alright." He said, putting the car in park. You dug through the bags, unwrapping his burger and handing it to him.
"Let me balance this here." Hongjoong took the pack of french fries and put them over his dashboard.
"It might leave an oil stain if you do that." You frowned slightly. He shrugged to show that he didn't really care before unwrapping his burger to pick out the vegetables. You let him put the vegetables on top of your burger so you could eat them.
"Child." You snorted under your breath.
"I heard that!" He hissed.
"So, did you enjoy your time at the tracks? I know it's not your first time there... But it's your first time there with us." Hongjoong asked. You nodded with a hum.
"Obviously, it's different to my experience there with my friends. But I enjoyed it, it was fun, kind of?" You chuckled.
"That's good... Are you worried about your friend?" Hongjoong finally asked about Jihoon.
"I didn't even know that he races. I guess I haven't really been keeping in touch, maybe I'm not being a very good friend." You replied with a small shrug.
"You have a lot going on too, love. Friendship works both ways, if you don't keep in touch, they could have reached out." He pointed out.
"That's true... But still..." You sighed, shaking your head.
"It'll be okay. Before I met Ateez, I never really had friends. I had too much going on at home that I just didn't have the headspace to make friends, or maybe I am just not likeable." He chuckled.
"Not true, look at your relationship with the boys. And I'm sure at that time, you were already having a hard time with your dad." You said.
"Yeah... Him..." Hongjoong nodded with a grim look on his face, his jaw tensing slightly.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." You were quick to apologise, realising that you probably spoke out of turn. Hongjoong's family was definitely still a taboo topic, even for you. He was still slowly letting you into his world and the realisation hit you that you still didn't know everything about him.
"You know, I used to be such an angry kid outside of home. Because I felt like... so much was taken away from me by my dad and then my mom... I hated everything and everyone." He chuckled bitterly.
"Hongjoong, you don't have to-"
"I know. But I want to. You should know my past, I promised you that I would let you in, little by little." He smiled softly.
"I was always jealous, seeing kids with their parents. Why did they look so happy and perfect while I had to suffer? My dad beat me and my mum never protected me." He spoke.
Another realisation hit you. Learning about Hongjoong's past also meant that you would learn about the Mrs Kim that Hongjoong hated.
Whether you were ready to hear it, it didn't matter to you. This was about Hongjoong, not you.
"Until today, I never learnt why my dad hated us so much. Why have kids if you were going to hate them? Why did my mum not keep us safe?" Hongjoong frowned.
"Time and time again, I would ask myself what I did wrong." He looked at you.
"It's not your fault. You shouldn't have been made to feel like it was." You shook your head, feeling a rage slowly brew inside you.
"It's funny that no one knew what it was like at home. We had this perfect family image outside. If my brother and I had injuries that weren't healed or things that would make people suspicious, they would just leave us at home." He shrugged.
It broke your heart, imagining a small Hongjoong, covered in bruises and injuries, huddled together with his older brother, the two of them alone in the dark.
"I don't want to debate over who 'saved' me, whether it was my brother or Seonghwa. They both did." He said.
"I'm glad they did." You spoke softly.
"Really? Because at first, I didn't want them to. I asked them why, I wasn't worth saving. My brother's in a coma and Seonghwa almost plunged himself into debt." He let out a long, shaky sigh.
"But after that, I knew that I didn't want to be saved anymore. I was tired of having people save me." He clenched his fist.
"But that's okay... You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone." You reasoned.
"I know but at the same time, I was determined to prove myself. That's how I formed this empire with Seonghwa." He finally cracked a small smile.
"You've come so far." You smiled with him.
"We brought in all the others and ran the streets. I couldn't have gotten this far without them." He chuckled.
"And I wouldn't have met you. The only good thing my mother has ever done, even in death. She brought you to me." Hongjoong spoke without thinking but he saw how your smile faltered slightly. It was still a topic of slight contension, the differing feelings that you and Hongjoong had for his mother.
"Shall we go home?" He was quick to change the subject. While you didn't reply him verbally, you nodded your head, gathering all the trash to put it back into the paper bag.
"Hey." Hongjoong caught your shaky hands in his.
"It's okay." He pulled you for a hug, even with the middle console of the car between the two of you.
"Why did you have to go through all that? It's not fair. Why?" You cried. You cried for little Hongjoong and his brother, all the suffering they had to endure.
"I'm okay, my love. That's my past but it has built me to be what I am today." He stroked the back of your head to comfort you.
"It'll be okay." He hummed.
One day, when you learn the whole truth of Hongjoong's past and who he really was, he hoped that you would still stay with him. That you wouldn't let the horrors scare you away.
Hongjoong wasn't just a monster that roamed the street with his devilish gaze, he was the ruler, a leader with power.
"Sir." The butler opened the door when Hongjoong's car pulled up. Hongjoong gave a nod and carried you out.
"Quiet. She's asleep." Hongjoong spoke softly, looking down at you as you snuggled against his chest. The butler and the maid nodded, bowing to Hongjoong. The chauffeur was called to move Hongjoong's car to the carpark.
Kicking off his shoes, Hongjoong walked across the living room and up the stairs with you in his arms. Then he entered his bedroom and carefully laid you down on the bed.
"Mmm, Hongjoong..." You stirred slightly when you felt Hongjoong's warmth leave you.
"Love, I brought you to our room. Why don't you change and go back to sleep?" Hongjoong asked, brushing the hair away from your face.
"Here. I'll change in the bathroom so you don't have to get up." He handed you one of his shirts and left. You yawned and changed your clothes, folding them neatly and putting them on the nightstand.
"Done..." You rubbed your eyes.
"Go back to sleep." Hongjoong came out, dressed in comfortable clothes. He crawled into bed, pulling you to him.
"Goodnight, my love." He kissed the top of your head. As you slept in his arms, Hongjoong's eyes caught the ring that sat on your finger. His ring that signified his belonging to this family.
As much as he loved that you were a part of his family, it still scared him. You shouldn't be a part of this.
'Meeting in my office. Now.'
Hongjoong sent the message to his men and slowly slipped out from under the covers. He made sure you were safe before grabbing his phone and walking out of the bedroom, it seemed like some of the others were arriving home from the races. His mind was active, he couldn't go to sleep now.
"What are you still doing up? Is (y/n) okay?" Seonghwa poked his head into Hongjoong's office, having walked past and seeing the lights on inside.
"She's fine." Hongjoong replied, not giving much away. Seonghwa shot his best friend a suspicious look.
"Starting tomorrow, I'll be busy. I still have that thing I need to go sort out, I'd better just get it done." Hongjoong sighed.
"Are you sure you don't want to involve (y/n) in it?" Without further explanation, Seonghwa knew exactly what Hongjoong was referring to. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.
"I will... Just later at the end, after everything is done. I cannot have her there right now." Hongjoong said.
"I know. It's hard for me but I know it's not just about me anymore." Hongjoong replied in a soft voice. Seonghwa nodded his head in agreement. There was a knock on the door.
"Boss." Two men shuffled into the office, bowing to Hongjoong then Seonghwa.
"Thanks, Hwa." Hongjoong said, dismissing his second in command. Seonghwa hummed in acknowledgement. Just as he was closing the door, he heard.
"Tell me what happened at the tracks with (y/n) when I was not around."
Summary: When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?
[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]
Word count: 3.2K
Chapter warning(s): Heavy chapter. Mentions of abandonment, childhood abuse (physical and mental), suicidal thoughts.
Safe to say, Hongjoong didn't have ANY plans to race that night. From what his men told him, there was some sort of exchange between you and Jihoon, which left you a little distraught? Upset? Hongjoong didn't know, he didn't want to ask you when you didn't bring it up to him.
He respected your space and your privacy, in that sense. But he would not tolerate you being disrespected so he'll try to keep Jihoon away from you.
"Hey, love." Hongjoong came back, shooing Mingi away from his initial seat. You looked away from Jihoon's direction and looked up at Hongjoong, a small smile on your face.
"Is everything okay?" You asked.
"Mhmm. You know, I have to greet people for business relations and stuff." Hongjoong informed.
"I understand." You nodded. Hongjoong laced fingers with you, he lifted your interlocked fingers and kissed the back of your hand before resting it on his thigh.
"There are a few races a night, motorcycle races and car races. Or some people will go admire modified cars." He explained, pointing.
"Yes, while you were away, San and Mingi were giving me the run down of the races." You giggled, making him roll his eyes.
"Anyway, my point is, if you want to leave at any point, we can go. This can go quite late into the night. Some of the boys get bored and just leave too." Hongjoong assured.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Right now, I am excited!" You shook your free fist.
"Alright, I'm glad you're finding excitement in this, love." He chuckled and pulled you in just to kiss your temple. Honestly, Hongjoong really thought that you would be turned off or afraid by this whole thing but you seemed to really accept it.
"Ah, Wooyoung. I forgot." Hongjoong took an envelope out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Wooyoung. The younger saluted and walked out.
"What's that?" Your eyes widened.
"The bets for tonight. It's not drugs or anything." Hongjoong explained, raising an eyebrow in amusement.
"I-I didn't think it was!" You covered your embarrassment with a scoff, turning your nose up at him. But you turned back to the tracks when the races were going to start.
"And there's Yunho." Hongjoong pointed to the car. Yunho drove to the start and rolled his window down, resting his arm against the sill.
"I shouldn't cheer, right?" You leaned over to whisper to Hongjoong, remembering this was an 'underworld' thing.
"You can do whatever you want, my love." He laughed. You were so adorable with your questions. The family owned this track, no one would dare say anything if you wanted to cheer.
"This might get messy, my love. I just have to warn you... Things have gotten ugly before." Hongjoong warned.
"Aren't there rules?"
"Of course. But it's the streets, rules hardly matter. All for the glory and the win." He replied. You nodded, it was finally hitting you how this wasn't something the rest of society did at night. This was the underworld, the streets, the place where rules didn't have any standing. One wrong move and it might cost your life.
"But don't worry. The boys know how to get themselves out of a situation." Hongjoong patted your hand, noticing how the look on your face turned grim.
"Let's go, Yun!" Mingi yelled, clapping. Hearing that, some people erupted in cheers as well.
"See? Do whatever you want." Hongjoong said, making you giggle.
Yes, Hongjoong was worried about drawing too much attention to you but he wasn't going to let his fears make you even more paranoid and scared of this place.
He just wanted you to enjoy yourself. Hongjoong watched you watch the race earnestly, your eyes sparkling with anticipation.
"That guy keeps going close to Yunho. Look." You said, watching them in a distance.
"It's an intimidation technique, love. You think he's gonna crash into you so you break and he gets the advantage." Hongjoong explained. His arm rested on the back of your chair protectively.
"Here you go." San cracked open a cold can of soda for you.
"Go, Yunho!" Seeing him pass the finish line, you couldn't help but stand up from your seat to cheer and clap for him.
"Keep track of our winnings, Jongho." Hongjoong said to the youngest, who nodded his head and gave a thumbs up. He watched in adoration as you cheered and clapped for Yunho. But you didn't realise that with your cheering, you drew attention to yourself.
"I think I drank too much soda, I need to use the bathroom." You said to Hongjoong. He put his iPad down, ready to accompany you when you stopped him.
"You have people at every inch of this place. I can go on my own, support the other races." You said.
"If you're not back in 15 minutes, I'm coming to get you." He said with a serious frown.
"Yes, captain." You saluted playfully and left the VIP area. There were recognisable faces of Hongjoong's men around, some of them giving you acknowledging nods.
After you were done with the washroom, you exited, not really wanting to stay in there since it was quite dirty.
"Oh! I'm sor- Jihoon?" You bumped into him as you were walking back. He stared at you in surprise.
"So, it was really you earlier..." He muttered but you heard him. You felt your cheeks heat up, that means that people really did hear you cheer for Yunho just now.
"I-I didn't know you r-race." You tried to act like things were okay between the two of you. Jihoon just shrugged indifferently.
"You don't know a lot about me recently, (y/n)." He said, tucking his hands into his pockets. You opened your mouth.
"You would never come to a place like this. But now that you're with Hongjoong, you're appearing in places like these, sitting in the VIP section like you own the place." He cut you off, making you close your mouth. There was something in his voice like a bitterness that you couldn't quite pinpoint.
"I'm still me. My relationship with Hongjoong has nothing to do with my friendships, that's separate." You didn't know what you were trying achieve, justify yourself? Defend Hongjoong?
"Right..." He chuckled sarcastically.
"Miss, is everything okay? The boss is looking for you." One of Hongjoong's men approached carefully.
"I was just leaving." Jihoon rolled his eyes, as if you were the one wasting his time.
"Jihoon-" You tried to stop him but he ignored you, walking back to where his friends were. You chewed on your bottom lip, you hated how your conversations ended with no conclusion.
"I told you, 15 minutes, if you weren't back, I wou- What happened?" The playful smile on Hongjoong's face fell and was replaced by a frown.
"It's nothing." You shook your head.
"Mm-mm, no lying to me. It's not 'nothing'." Hongjoong held your face in his hands, lifting it up. His eyes searched yours before they analysed your face, looking for possible injuries.
"Please... It's really nothing." You begged him to let it go. Hongjoong let you go, holding your hand and kissing the back of it.
"I'm tired. Shall we go home?" He asked, with a little whine in his voice. You were unsure, knowing that Hongjoong probably wanted to go home because of you and the others haven't even raced yet. As their leader, he should be here, right?
"But I want to watch the race. The others haven't even gone yet." You swallowed.
"But I want to go home and cuddle." Hongjoong emphasised. Only you could make the leader of the fearsome Ateez mafia whine and pout, that was your power.
"We only watched like... 2 races and 1 of them was Yunho's." You reminded. Hongjoong rolled his eyes, he really didn't care.
"We'll come back again, hmm?" He squeezed your hand. You sighed, relenting and nodding your head.
"That's my girl." He pulled you in to kiss your temple. With his arm around your waist, he led you out of there. Hongjoong's men didn't form a circle around you two but were still on guard.
"Sir." When Hongjoong's car was driven up, he opened the door for you to enter the passenger seat first and closed the door.
"You report to me what happened later." Hongjoong said to one of his men.
"Yes, boss." The man bowed. You couldn't see what they were talking about, you only saw Hongjoong's lips move and the man bow his head in submission.
"Everything okay?" You asked when Hongjoong slid into the driver's seat. He nodded and patted your head before starting the car.
"Yes, I'm just hungry. Shall we get some drive thru?" He randomly asked. You nodded, not minding to get a bite. Hongjoong winked and began to drive to the nearest fast food drive thru. People in the parking lot stopped to stare at the loud sports car that pulled up, making you giggle.
"What do you want?" Hongjoong stopped at the menu. He was used to the staring, he didn't really care. You leaned forward to look at the menu on the board.
"Ooh, chicken burger with extra pickles, please. I don't need a drink." You ordered.
"Share fries?" Hongjoong checked, to which you hummed. He wound down his window, leaning an arm on the window sill to order.
In that moment, even with the glow of the fast food menu's lights on his face, Hongjoong looked so handsome. With you, he was soft and clumsy but there were moments of charisma and charm.
"You alright, my love?" His question broke you out of your trance. He had a teasing smirk on his face.
"Y-Yeah." You cleared your throat, fanning your face.
"Thanks." After paying, the worker handed Hongjoong everything. You held the paper bags in your lap as Hongjoong drove out to find somewhere to park.
"Alright." He said, putting the car in park. You dug through the bags, unwrapping his burger and handing it to him.
"Let me balance this here." Hongjoong took the pack of french fries and put them over his dashboard.
"It might leave an oil stain if you do that." You frowned slightly. He shrugged to show that he didn't really care before unwrapping his burger to pick out the vegetables. You let him put the vegetables on top of your burger so you could eat them.
"Child." You snorted under your breath.
"I heard that!" He hissed.
"So, did you enjoy your time at the tracks? I know it's not your first time there... But it's your first time there with us." Hongjoong asked. You nodded with a hum.
"Obviously, it's different to my experience there with my friends. But I enjoyed it, it was fun, kind of?" You chuckled.
"That's good... Are you worried about your friend?" Hongjoong finally asked about Jihoon.
"I didn't even know that he races. I guess I haven't really been keeping in touch, maybe I'm not being a very good friend." You replied with a small shrug.
"You have a lot going on too, love. Friendship works both ways, if you don't keep in touch, they could have reached out." He pointed out.
"That's true... But still..." You sighed, shaking your head.
"It'll be okay. Before I met Ateez, I never really had friends. I had too much going on at home that I just didn't have the headspace to make friends, or maybe I am just not likeable." He chuckled.
"Not true, look at your relationship with the boys. And I'm sure at that time, you were already having a hard time with your dad." You said.
"Yeah... Him..." Hongjoong nodded with a grim look on his face, his jaw tensing slightly.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." You were quick to apologise, realising that you probably spoke out of turn. Hongjoong's family was definitely still a taboo topic, even for you. He was still slowly letting you into his world and the realisation hit you that you still didn't know everything about him.
"You know, I used to be such an angry kid outside of home. Because I felt like... so much was taken away from me by my dad and then my mom... I hated everything and everyone." He chuckled bitterly.
"Hongjoong, you don't have to-"
"I know. But I want to. You should know my past, I promised you that I would let you in, little by little." He smiled softly.
"I was always jealous, seeing kids with their parents. Why did they look so happy and perfect while I had to suffer? My dad beat me and my mum never protected me." He spoke.
Another realisation hit you. Learning about Hongjoong's past also meant that you would learn about the Mrs Kim that Hongjoong hated.
Whether you were ready to hear it, it didn't matter to you. This was about Hongjoong, not you.
"Until today, I never learnt why my dad hated us so much. Why have kids if you were going to hate them? Why did my mum not keep us safe?" Hongjoong frowned.
"Time and time again, I would ask myself what I did wrong." He looked at you.
"It's not your fault. You shouldn't have been made to feel like it was." You shook your head, feeling a rage slowly brew inside you.
"It's funny that no one knew what it was like at home. We had this perfect family image outside. If my brother and I had injuries that weren't healed or things that would make people suspicious, they would just leave us at home." He shrugged.
It broke your heart, imagining a small Hongjoong, covered in bruises and injuries, huddled together with his older brother, the two of them alone in the dark.
"I don't want to debate over who 'saved' me, whether it was my brother or Seonghwa. They both did." He said.
"I'm glad they did." You spoke softly.
"Really? Because at first, I didn't want them to. I asked them why, I wasn't worth saving. My brother's in a coma and Seonghwa almost plunged himself into debt." He let out a long, shaky sigh.
"But after that, I knew that I didn't want to be saved anymore. I was tired of having people save me." He clenched his fist.
"But that's okay... You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone." You reasoned.
"I know but at the same time, I was determined to prove myself. That's how I formed this empire with Seonghwa." He finally cracked a small smile.
"You've come so far." You smiled with him.
"We brought in all the others and ran the streets. I couldn't have gotten this far without them." He chuckled.
"And I wouldn't have met you. The only good thing my mother has ever done, even in death. She brought you to me." Hongjoong spoke without thinking but he saw how your smile faltered slightly. It was still a topic of slight contension, the differing feelings that you and Hongjoong had for his mother.
"Shall we go home?" He was quick to change the subject. While you didn't reply him verbally, you nodded your head, gathering all the trash to put it back into the paper bag.
"Hey." Hongjoong caught your shaky hands in his.
"It's okay." He pulled you for a hug, even with the middle console of the car between the two of you.
"Why did you have to go through all that? It's not fair. Why?" You cried. You cried for little Hongjoong and his brother, all the suffering they had to endure.
"I'm okay, my love. That's my past but it has built me to be what I am today." He stroked the back of your head to comfort you.
"It'll be okay." He hummed.
One day, when you learn the whole truth of Hongjoong's past and who he really was, he hoped that you would still stay with him. That you wouldn't let the horrors scare you away.
Hongjoong wasn't just a monster that roamed the street with his devilish gaze, he was the ruler, a leader with power.
"Sir." The butler opened the door when Hongjoong's car pulled up. Hongjoong gave a nod and carried you out.
"Quiet. She's asleep." Hongjoong spoke softly, looking down at you as you snuggled against his chest. The butler and the maid nodded, bowing to Hongjoong. The chauffeur was called to move Hongjoong's car to the carpark.
Kicking off his shoes, Hongjoong walked across the living room and up the stairs with you in his arms. Then he entered his bedroom and carefully laid you down on the bed.
"Mmm, Hongjoong..." You stirred slightly when you felt Hongjoong's warmth leave you.
"Love, I brought you to our room. Why don't you change and go back to sleep?" Hongjoong asked, brushing the hair away from your face.
"Here. I'll change in the bathroom so you don't have to get up." He handed you one of his shirts and left. You yawned and changed your clothes, folding them neatly and putting them on the nightstand.
"Done..." You rubbed your eyes.
"Go back to sleep." Hongjoong came out, dressed in comfortable clothes. He crawled into bed, pulling you to him.
"Goodnight, my love." He kissed the top of your head. As you slept in his arms, Hongjoong's eyes caught the ring that sat on your finger. His ring that signified his belonging to this family.
As much as he loved that you were a part of his family, it still scared him. You shouldn't be a part of this.
'Meeting in my office. Now.'
Hongjoong sent the message to his men and slowly slipped out from under the covers. He made sure you were safe before grabbing his phone and walking out of the bedroom, it seemed like some of the others were arriving home from the races. His mind was active, he couldn't go to sleep now.
"What are you still doing up? Is (y/n) okay?" Seonghwa poked his head into Hongjoong's office, having walked past and seeing the lights on inside.
"She's fine." Hongjoong replied, not giving much away. Seonghwa shot his best friend a suspicious look.
"Starting tomorrow, I'll be busy. I still have that thing I need to go sort out, I'd better just get it done." Hongjoong sighed.
"Are you sure you don't want to involve (y/n) in it?" Without further explanation, Seonghwa knew exactly what Hongjoong was referring to. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.
"I will... Just later at the end, after everything is done. I cannot have her there right now." Hongjoong said.
"I know. It's hard for me but I know it's not just about me anymore." Hongjoong replied in a soft voice. Seonghwa nodded his head in agreement. There was a knock on the door.
"Boss." Two men shuffled into the office, bowing to Hongjoong then Seonghwa.
"Thanks, Hwa." Hongjoong said, dismissing his second in command. Seonghwa hummed in acknowledgement. Just as he was closing the door, he heard.
"Tell me what happened at the tracks with (y/n) when I was not around."
Summary: Growing up together, falling in love, you thought the universe had laid everything out for the two of you. But he packed up and left, leaving behind his past, his life and you. And after so many years, you meet again. Then you realise, the place the both of you once called home is just a house.
Word count: 4.4K
Story warning(s): Character death (Not main characters), funeral, lowkey toxic family dynamic, familial pressure/ guilt tripping, childhood bullying,
With a deep breath, you took the step off the train, hearing the doors close behind you and the train go off towards the next station. While everyone else moved, you stood on the platform for a few seconds, chewing your bottom lip.
You knew this was a bad idea, a big part of you wanted to cross over to the other platform and take the other train home but you remembered your mother's words on the phone.
"It's just for a day, (y/n)." Her voice was disapproving, as she always was with you.
"I haven't even spoken to or seen him in years." You replied, sandwiching your phone between your ear and shoulder.
"But he was still your friend, you are from this town, whether you like it or not. I'm not asking you to this for yourself but to respect your friend's memory." She said.
"Fine. I'll be there." You sighed.
So, here you were. You adjusted your bag over your shoulder and left the train station.
"(y/n)." You turned to see your parents standing there by their car. You plastered on your best smile and went over to them. Your mother hugged you while your father placed a hand on your head.
"Your skin condition doesn't look so good. Have you not been taking care of yourself?" She asked with a scrutinising look.
"I have, Omma. Just busy with work. I manage my own team now so it's an adjustment." You said.
"That's good, a promotion is good after working with the company for two years. You didn't mention this to us." Your father said as he opened the back door of the car for you to slide in. You sat inside, watching your father enter the driver's side while your mother sat in the passenger seat.
"It just never came up. I know I still have more of myself that I can prove to the company." You spoke like you were reading a script in your head.
"Exactly. There's always areas for improvement, never be too complacent where you are." Your father echoed.
"Are we going straight? Or stopping home first?" You asked.
"We'll go straight. If we go home first, we'll be late." Your mother replied. You hummed as a reply and took your compact out, touching up your make up to be 'presentable'.
As your father drove, you looked out at the scenery. The town you hadn't changed much since your last visit 3 years ago.
"They're building a new theatre. The old one was starting to have issues." Your father informed.
"Last time we wanted to watch a movie, we had to take an hour train out." You replied with a soft smile at the memory. After you grew up, they built a theatre but even that grew old and withered.
"Do you know who else will be there?" You finally asked the question that had been weighing on your mind since your mother called.
"No. But of course, we expect that most of the neighbourhood will be there. We're all supporting the family." Your mother said. You nodded wordlessly, falling back onto the seat. There was an odd churning in your stomach and a tightness in your chest.
"Why are you so nervous?" She questioned.
"It's nothing." You shook your head, continuing to look out the window so you wouldn't feel like you were going to throw up in your parents' car.
"I don't understand why you get all tense. The whole neighbourhood watched the group of you kids grow up, taking care of you." She said.
"We're here." Your father announced, stopping the car. You took a deep breath and got out of there.
'In Loving Memory of Lee Jungjae'
The sign was right in front of the memorial hall as the 3 of you walked through the entrance. You remember Jungjae, he was one of the 'good' kids, happy with life.
"Our condolences." Your father said, shaking Jungjae's father's hand while your mother hugged his mother, letting her cry in her arms.
"You came, (y/n) ah." Mrs Lee said, finally noticing you.
"My condolences, Mrs Lee." You gave her a full bow. She forced a smile, her and her husband kneeling at the side while your family paid their respects to Jungjae. Your parents went first, then you.
"Rest easy, Jungjae." You whispered, staring at his picture for a few seconds, before bowing to him, placing the lit incense in the urn.
After you stood up, you moved to sit with the other mourners. Your parents were already engaged in conversation with the neighbours. Of course, they asked you how you were, hinting at the fact that you haven't been back to visit for 3 years. All you could do was smile, giving textbook answers.
No one actually spoke in memory of Jungjae, or what a shame it was that he passed away so young, a victim of a heart condition. It was as if this was just a gathering for people to catch up.
"(y/n), your other friends are there. You should go catch up with them. I bet you all don't recognise each other." Your mother said.
"I can stay here." You replied softly. You recognised them but you weren't in a sociable mood right now.
"Ah, all the young people are like that nowadays. Raise them to grow up together but all they do is pack up and leave." One of the neighbourhood aunties scoffed.
"Excuse me, let me go to the washroom." You said. Your parents nodded and you stood up, excusing yourself.
You wanted to splash your face with water but you remembered you had make up on so you just took a deep breath and exited the toilet.
"You're really here." You felt your blood run cold as you heard the voice. Your palms grew sweaty and your chest tightened, you couldn't breathe for a few seconds.
"Shouldn't I say that to you?" You couldn't help the spite and coldness of your words as you turned to look at him.
"(y/n)-"
"Don't. Don't speak to me like you know me." You hissed and glared at him, hands clenched by your sides. He was rendered speechless, seemingly taken aback by your malice.
"What? Did you expect me to run into your arms?" You felt so much rising anger in you, everything that you had tried to suppress and forget just came out. This was why you didn't want to come back. You resented him, you resented his memory.
"I'm here for Jungjae. I just wanted to know how you have been doing." He held his hands up, the only thing he could do was defend himself.
"(y/n)." You stiffened when you heard your father's voice. Once again, you were taken back to when you were a teen, getting caught by your parents for hanging out with Wooyoung.
They've never liked him.
"Coming." You kept your head low and went to him. Your father wrapped his arm around your shoulders and led you back in.
Wooyoung stood there, a frown on his face. Yes, he did think that there was a chance he may run into you here. But that wasn't why he grew upset.
He hated the way you still lowered your head around your parents, the way you tried to placate them with obedience.
"Wooyoung. Are you done? We should go in." One of his friends, who accompanied him here, asked.
"Yeah, San. Let's go." He said. San, his best friend, squeezed his shoulders encouragingly. Even if he wasn't the 'leader', Hongjoong let Wooyoung walk in front, entering the funeral hall.
"Is that Jung Wooyoung?"
"Why is he here?"
There were whispers from everyone there. Wooyoung took a deep breath, keeping his gaze forward. Of course, he was the black sheep, the stain on their community. Seeing Wooyoung walk in with his friends, Jungjae's parents stood up, looking at him with apprehension and uncertainty.
"I'm just here to pay my respects." Wooyoung said, giving them a deep bow. While Mr Lee remained guarded, Mrs Lee softened, holding Wooyoung's hands in her own.
"Thank you for coming, Wooyoung ah." She gave him a small smile, letting him go so he could pay his respects.
"Jungjae was a friend." He said before kneeling to pay his respects. Wooyoung's 7 friends remained behind him to pay their respects.
"I know Jungjae was the main breadwinner of the family. I hope this helps." Wooyoung took an envelope out of his leather jacket and handed it to Mrs Lee.
"Wooyoung, we can't-" Their eyes widened, feeling how thick the envelope was.
"It's okay, really." Wooyoung said, patting her hand. Hopefully they understood his underlying meaning, in that it was clean money.
"Thank you." Mr and Mrs Lee bowed to Wooyoung gratefully. He nodded and walked to sit at one of the empty tables with his friends. Two of them went to get drinks for everyone.
You hadn't realised how long you were staring at Wooyoung until he lifted his head and his gaze met yours.
There was a tightness in your chest, almost like a sob, that threatened to escape you. It was an odd mix of resentment, anger and a little bit of longing. But you forced yourself to look away, you couldn't go running back to him.
"Dad said he saw you talking to him outside. Don't tell me you're meeting him again." Your mother leaned down and said in a low voice. She was worried that other neighbours might hear her.
She claims that it was the time you embarrassed her and disappointed her the most, being with Wooyoung.
"No. He spoke to me but I didn't reply." You lied.
"Good." She hummed in approval, patting your leg. You moved to sit with the other old neighbourhood kids. It was all surface things like current relationship status, work, etc.
Nothing too deep. Because after this, you all knew you wouldn't meet again. Not until someone else dies.
"Is that her?" Someone broke Wooyoung out of his trance. He blinked, turning to Seonghwa with a slight tilt of his head.
"You've been staring at that girl since you spoke to her outside the bathroom. I'm assuming that's your childhood lover." Seonghwa asked. Wooyoung nodded with a grimace.
All of them knew where Wooyoung came from, the feelings he harboured towards his childhood, the regrets he carried.
"Excuse me." You gave a fake smile and stood up, leaving the funeral hall to answer your phone.
"Go. Talk to her." Hongjoong encouraged. Wooyoung chewed his bottom lip, what was there to talk about? You made it clear that you didn't want to see him, much less talk to him. But he got up, taking a deep breath and walking out. He found you standing by a big window in a quiet corner.
"Mhmm. Alright, I'll see you." He heard the last bit of your conversation before you hung up. When you turned around, you jumped slightly, not expecting to see him there.
"W-What are you doing?" You backed away but unfortunately, you were the one that was cornered.
"I just want to talk." He spoke calmly. It irritated you, how calm he was, compared to you.
"Well, I don't." You squeezed your upper arm, a habit you've had since you were a kid, Wooyoung knew. It's what you did when you were nervous or anxious. Your mother always scolded you for it.
"Please, (y/n)." He said.
"Why should I listen? You obviously didn't care about me so why do you care now?" You asked.
"I do care! I've always cared, I always will care." He said through gritted teeth. You stared at him, emotionless for a while before you started laughing. All of this, it was just too much now.
"Don't lie. You don't care about me, Wooyoung. If you did, you wouldn't have left. So don't tell me you care." You said.
"No, that's not true... I-I should explain myself to you, to tell you why I left." He reasoned.
"It's okay, Wooyoung. Please... don't put me through this anymore. I don't want to go through this anymore. I just want to get through today and leave." You opted for begging. Maybe that was the only way for him to listen.
Wooyoung didn't say anything but his heart hurt when he saw how broken you were. So wordlessly, he stepped aside, letting you rush back into the funeral hall.
"Hey, (y/n). Are you alright?" Mina, one of the girls, asked when you returned and sat down.
"Mhmm. What did I miss?" You changed the subject, wanting to move the attention away from you.
"Sungwoo was suggesting that we all go out for dinner tonight. In honour of Jungjae, just like old times." Mina informed. You nodded your head slowly.
Just like old times?
The moment everyone got their college acceptance letters, they upped and left. Not once has anyone initiated a reunion. No one was ever interested in coming back to reminisce about the past.
Everyone, like yourself, just wanted to move on and only look at the future, not be bound by your past.
"Sure." You nodded. Even if you wanted to go home after the funeral, you couldn't decline them.
If your mother knew you were perceived as the 'unfriendly', 'anti-social' one that didn't even want to go for dinner with them, you were sure that you would never hear the end of it. So you will just tough it, plaster on your fake smile, and go for dinner. You could always go home after that.
Just as expected, your mother was delighted when you informed her of the dinner. She was happy you were reconnecting and that you weren't in such a rush to leave 'home'.
You were not sure if you were surprised or not surprised when you saw Wooyoung there with the group.
Considering the reputation Wooyoung had, you weren't sure if the group would invite him. But you figured they were being courteous.
Also, they didn't know the truth about him leaving. After he left, you had been maintaining a lie the entire time, making people suspicious and jump to negative conclusions.
"The group is big enough, you can avoid him." You told yourself, taking a deep breath. The owner was happy to usher all of you in, letting you all take your seats at the long table.
While the others reminisced about coming here after high school, you didn't have many memories here, only a handful.
"(y/n), are you coming with us for dinner? We're going for BBQ." Your friends asked, having stayed late at school to cram for exams.
"You guys go ahead." You smiled.
Your friends shot each other quick looks, knowing that you were waiting for Wooyoung. It was no secret that Wooyoung was a black sheep of the community, having dropped out of school recently.
"Stay safe." Was all they offered. Jiyoon gave you a brief hug before they all left for dinner.
"(y/n)." You turned to see Wooyoung approaching you, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He had a playful smirk on his face.
"Wooyoung. You're here." You smiled softly. He crushed the cigarette butt under his foot and let you hug him. Wrapping an arm around you, he placed a kiss against your temple. To you, he was still the same Wooyoung you grew up with.
His parents passed away, leaving him alone. You didn't blame him for doing what he had to do to survive. The community turned on him when he needed them the most.
"I packed food for dinner." You held up the lunch bag.
"Let's go eat what my girl cooked then." He patted your head. Holding hands, you returned back to Wooyoung's house.
After his parents passed, he sold his family's home and used some of the money to get a small rooftop apartment. It was small but cosy, just enough for Wooyoung and sometimes, you.
"Sorry, I disappeared for a few days." He said, throwing his shoes aside as he entered his place.
"Mm-mm. It's fine." You shook your head, arranging his shoes and your own together.
The two of you sat and ate together at the small, foldable table, with the dishes that you brought. With a tight money situation, you would always try to bring Wooyoung food.
"What happened?" You finally noticed the small bruise on his cheekbone, seeing the slightly discoloured skin under the light.
"It's nothing. Don't worry, it doesn't even hurt anymore." He held your hand and kissed your fingertips.
You remained quiet after that, watching Wooyoung eat. You had chosen to ignore rumours of Wooyoung working underground, doing illegal jobs, to earn a living because you believed he wouldn't do that. But every time you asked about his injuries or what he was up to, he would suspiciously brush it off.
Plus, he would disappear for a few days at a time. Completely silent and uncontactable. Then he would come back and act like nothing was wrong.
Just like he was right now. He acted like nothing was wrong. The way he would refill your glass and put meat on your plate.
You felt trapped but you weren't going to start acting up in front of everyone.
"So, (y/n). Do you have someone? You were one of the first of us to head to the big city of Seoul." Jiyoon asked, resting her head on her hand with a teasing smile.
"Ah..." You rubbed the back of your neck.
"Omo! You didn't deny it! Good for you, girl." Mina patted your shoulder with a giggle.
Even your parents didn't know about your partner yet. You weren't ready for him to meet your parents yet since your relationship was still new. You didn't want to risk scaring him off with them.
"His name is Seokjin." You were showing them a picture after their pestering. Your smile showed how proud you were of Seokjin.
Wooyoung clenched his fists under the table, his jaw tight. He knew he didn't have the right but he didn't like hearing you talk about Seokjin. The last time he heard you like that was when you were talking about him.
Last time, you defended Wooyoung, saying he was a victim in all this. He wasn't the delinquent that everyone assumed him to be.
The whole time, you always fought for him and defended him.
He failed to see how much of a toll that would be on you; your parents berating you for it, the others ostracising you from the group, the whispers you heard as you walked past the neighbours.
All he cared about was himself and how he was struggling to survive, desperate for a fresh start.
"Wooyoung, come join us for dinner tonight. In honour of Jungjae. Just like old times."
Wooyoung was surprised when they invited him, just before they were about to split up after the funeral. You would think everyone was going to leave, to get on with their lives.
Old times? Wooyoung wondered if he even had those memories anymore, having willed himself to forget this place.
"You should go." He remembered the oldest of the group, Seonghwa, telling him.
Seonghwa was the oldest but Hongjoong was the leader. Wooyoung greatly respected them both. Despite only being a year older, they became parental figures to Wooyoung.
No matter what people say, these people were his family now. Wooyoung was happy, he would gladly die for any of them. His tantrums that they had to put up with, the trouble and mischief they constantly had to bail him out of. They were the bunch that accepted him for who he was.
The support that he never felt when he was back here.
It was funny that Wooyoung didn't really resent this place. He tried to but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because it was this place that gave him you.
You were there when life was good and when life was bad. You stuck by him through it all. You were his person.
But leaving his past to start anew also meant leaving you.
It was his biggest regret, to this day, leaving you. Out of desperation, you had even begged him to take you with him so the both of you could get away from here.
Until today, he can never erase the image of you standing there, in the middle of the street, crying for him as he rode off on the back of Yunho's motorcycle.
"Please, Wooyoung. Take me with you."
But Wooyoung was leaving blind, headed towards an unknown future, not knowing what was coming tomorrow. Life might be harder and worse but he was willing to take a chance.
He didn't feel like it was fair to take you away from a place that still had some sort of stability. Or at least, more stability than what he could give you.
"So, Wooyoung. Have you been back since you've left?" Someone asked, making Wooyoung turn his attention back. He knew that they invited him out of courtesy, they haven't talked since he left years ago and Wooyoung barely knew their names.
He only accepted the invite because he knew that you would come, out of pressure from society and your parents.
"Not really. Life's busy in Seoul." He forced a smile.
"Ah, it's fine. None of us have come back. It's been busy." Another person added and he nodded in agreement. No one had a reason to come back. There was nothing here for them.
So after some time, it was time to pay the bill and split up to go your separate ways again.
Back to your own lives, away from here.
"Where are you headed, Wooyoung?" One of the guys asked. Technically, Wooyoung was supposed to meet up with his friends to ride their bikes back.
"I'll wait for (y/n)." He spoke softly, watching you hug and bid the other girls goodbye.
"I'll see you." You held their hands. It was a lie, you knew you wouldn't see them again. Unless, of course, someone else dies.
You didn't bother acknowledging Wooyoung, it was time for you to head home and forget all this. It would just be another moment in life that you would file away and never come back to.
But nonetheless, Wooyoung still trailed behind you, keeping his distance. Since you were walking alone, he wanted to make sure that you got home safely. But a big reason why was that he didn't want to part from you yet. Who knows? It might be the last time that he'll ever see you.
"Stop following me." You stopped in your tracks, clutching onto the straps of your bag in frustration.
You could hear his footsteps stop behind you momentarily. However, they didn't retreat. Instead, they got a bit closer to you, making you spin around to glare at him.
"Stop! Wooyoung! Just stop!" You yelled.
"(y/n), I-" His eyes widened in surprise at your outburst. You let out a shaky sigh, your arms dropping beside you in defeat.
"Stop acting like you care when you don't. I don't need you to care about me." You frowned. Wooyoung's heart broke at your words, of course he cares, he loves you.
"(y/n), I do care."
"No, no you don't. If you did, you wouldn't have... Nevermind, I can't keep going back to revisit that." You laughed bitterly.
The memory of opening the door to Wooyoung's home, finding it empty of all his possessions. Only to hear the roar of a motorcycle downstairs through your panic and anxiety.
And when you ran downstairs, Wooyoung was climbing onto his friend's motorcycle, a big bag slung over his shoulder.
Then it dawned on you, he was leaving you.
When he caught sight of you, he looked mortified. Like he was planning on leaving you without a word, to just have you come to his empty house. Despite that, you pushed the hurt down and begged him to take you with him.
Then he rode away, leaving you alone in the middle of the street as you cried out to him.
You closed your eyes to compose yourself. That memory had been tucked away for a long time and for it to come up again, you felt sick to your stomach.
It was too much to handle.
"I couldn't take you with me... You had a life here, it was better for you to stay here and for me to leave." Wooyoung hung his head.
"How was leaving me, better for me? I still had to deal with everything. But this time, I was on my own." You began to cry.
"I didn't know what my future was. I was going into the unknown, if I was going to suffer, I couldn't possibly have you live in hardship." Wooyoung tried to explain but even to him, it sounded like excuses.
"I shouldn't have left you. I should have taken you with me. I still carry that regret with me all these years, I'm so sorry, (y/n)." Wooyoung shook his head.
"Is there really a point in apologising and regretting now?" You asked bitterly. Wooyoung didn't know what to say.
All these years, he waited for the chance to tell you how sorry he was. But now, given the opportunity, why did it feel like a farce?
"I think it's time to let go of what and how things could have been. I have to move on, after all these years, I think it's time to move on." You concluded.
"You provided me shelter for so long. I'll always be grateful for that. But when you left me, I realised, you were just a house that I had to move out from, not a home. You were not my home, never was, never will be." You smiled tearfully, feeling all the resentment and anger that you've held on to dissipate.
"Thank you for everything, Wooyoung." There, you drew the line, going back to being passing strangers with him.
"Don't harbour any more regret and guilt, okay? We both have to let go." You whispered. After that, you politely bowed and turned around to leave.
Years ago, you had to stand there and watch him leave you. But now, you were one leaving him to move on.
but ive kinda been thinking of writing the short series idea i had for lemon drop. ot8 x reader (but maybe not romantic, i haven't decided yet) like maybe 3-5 parts?
Summary: Growing up together, falling in love, you thought the universe had laid everything out for the two of you. But he packed up and left, leaving behind his past, his life and you. And after so many years, you meet again. Then you realise, the place the both of you once called home is just a house.
Word count: 4.4K
Story warning(s): Character death (Not main characters), funeral, lowkey toxic family dynamic, familial pressure/ guilt tripping, childhood bullying,
With a deep breath, you took the step off the train, hearing the doors close behind you and the train go off towards the next station. While everyone else moved, you stood on the platform for a few seconds, chewing your bottom lip.
You knew this was a bad idea, a big part of you wanted to cross over to the other platform and take the other train home but you remembered your mother's words on the phone.
"It's just for a day, (y/n)." Her voice was disapproving, as she always was with you.
"I haven't even spoken to or seen him in years." You replied, sandwiching your phone between your ear and shoulder.
"But he was still your friend, you are from this town, whether you like it or not. I'm not asking you to this for yourself but to respect your friend's memory." She said.
"Fine. I'll be there." You sighed.
So, here you were. You adjusted your bag over your shoulder and left the train station.
"(y/n)." You turned to see your parents standing there by their car. You plastered on your best smile and went over to them. Your mother hugged you while your father placed a hand on your head.
"Your skin condition doesn't look so good. Have you not been taking care of yourself?" She asked with a scrutinising look.
"I have, Omma. Just busy with work. I manage my own team now so it's an adjustment." You said.
"That's good, a promotion is good after working with the company for two years. You didn't mention this to us." Your father said as he opened the back door of the car for you to slide in. You sat inside, watching your father enter the driver's side while your mother sat in the passenger seat.
"It just never came up. I know I still have more of myself that I can prove to the company." You spoke like you were reading a script in your head.
"Exactly. There's always areas for improvement, never be too complacent where you are." Your father echoed.
"Are we going straight? Or stopping home first?" You asked.
"We'll go straight. If we go home first, we'll be late." Your mother replied. You hummed as a reply and took your compact out, touching up your make up to be 'presentable'.
As your father drove, you looked out at the scenery. The town you hadn't changed much since your last visit 3 years ago.
"They're building a new theatre. The old one was starting to have issues." Your father informed.
"Last time we wanted to watch a movie, we had to take an hour train out." You replied with a soft smile at the memory. After you grew up, they built a theatre but even that grew old and withered.
"Do you know who else will be there?" You finally asked the question that had been weighing on your mind since your mother called.
"No. But of course, we expect that most of the neighbourhood will be there. We're all supporting the family." Your mother said. You nodded wordlessly, falling back onto the seat. There was an odd churning in your stomach and a tightness in your chest.
"Why are you so nervous?" She questioned.
"It's nothing." You shook your head, continuing to look out the window so you wouldn't feel like you were going to throw up in your parents' car.
"I don't understand why you get all tense. The whole neighbourhood watched the group of you kids grow up, taking care of you." She said.
"We're here." Your father announced, stopping the car. You took a deep breath and got out of there.
'In Loving Memory of Lee Jungjae'
The sign was right in front of the memorial hall as the 3 of you walked through the entrance. You remember Jungjae, he was one of the 'good' kids, happy with life.
"Our condolences." Your father said, shaking Jungjae's father's hand while your mother hugged his mother, letting her cry in her arms.
"You came, (y/n) ah." Mrs Lee said, finally noticing you.
"My condolences, Mrs Lee." You gave her a full bow. She forced a smile, her and her husband kneeling at the side while your family paid their respects to Jungjae. Your parents went first, then you.
"Rest easy, Jungjae." You whispered, staring at his picture for a few seconds, before bowing to him, placing the lit incense in the urn.
After you stood up, you moved to sit with the other mourners. Your parents were already engaged in conversation with the neighbours. Of course, they asked you how you were, hinting at the fact that you haven't been back to visit for 3 years. All you could do was smile, giving textbook answers.
No one actually spoke in memory of Jungjae, or what a shame it was that he passed away so young, a victim of a heart condition. It was as if this was just a gathering for people to catch up.
"(y/n), your other friends are there. You should go catch up with them. I bet you all don't recognise each other." Your mother said.
"I can stay here." You replied softly. You recognised them but you weren't in a sociable mood right now.
"Ah, all the young people are like that nowadays. Raise them to grow up together but all they do is pack up and leave." One of the neighbourhood aunties scoffed.
"Excuse me, let me go to the washroom." You said. Your parents nodded and you stood up, excusing yourself.
You wanted to splash your face with water but you remembered you had make up on so you just took a deep breath and exited the toilet.
"You're really here." You felt your blood run cold as you heard the voice. Your palms grew sweaty and your chest tightened, you couldn't breathe for a few seconds.
"Shouldn't I say that to you?" You couldn't help the spite and coldness of your words as you turned to look at him.
"(y/n)-"
"Don't. Don't speak to me like you know me." You hissed and glared at him, hands clenched by your sides. He was rendered speechless, seemingly taken aback by your malice.
"What? Did you expect me to run into your arms?" You felt so much rising anger in you, everything that you had tried to suppress and forget just came out. This was why you didn't want to come back. You resented him, you resented his memory.
"I'm here for Jungjae. I just wanted to know how you have been doing." He held his hands up, the only thing he could do was defend himself.
"(y/n)." You stiffened when you heard your father's voice. Once again, you were taken back to when you were a teen, getting caught by your parents for hanging out with Wooyoung.
They've never liked him.
"Coming." You kept your head low and went to him. Your father wrapped his arm around your shoulders and led you back in.
Wooyoung stood there, a frown on his face. Yes, he did think that there was a chance he may run into you here. But that wasn't why he grew upset.
He hated the way you still lowered your head around your parents, the way you tried to placate them with obedience.
"Wooyoung. Are you done? We should go in." One of his friends, who accompanied him here, asked.
"Yeah, San. Let's go." He said. San, his best friend, squeezed his shoulders encouragingly. Even if he wasn't the 'leader', Hongjoong let Wooyoung walk in front, entering the funeral hall.
"Is that Jung Wooyoung?"
"Why is he here?"
There were whispers from everyone there. Wooyoung took a deep breath, keeping his gaze forward. Of course, he was the black sheep, the stain on their community. Seeing Wooyoung walk in with his friends, Jungjae's parents stood up, looking at him with apprehension and uncertainty.
"I'm just here to pay my respects." Wooyoung said, giving them a deep bow. While Mr Lee remained guarded, Mrs Lee softened, holding Wooyoung's hands in her own.
"Thank you for coming, Wooyoung ah." She gave him a small smile, letting him go so he could pay his respects.
"Jungjae was a friend." He said before kneeling to pay his respects. Wooyoung's 7 friends remained behind him to pay their respects.
"I know Jungjae was the main breadwinner of the family. I hope this helps." Wooyoung took an envelope out of his leather jacket and handed it to Mrs Lee.
"Wooyoung, we can't-" Their eyes widened, feeling how thick the envelope was.
"It's okay, really." Wooyoung said, patting her hand. Hopefully they understood his underlying meaning, in that it was clean money.
"Thank you." Mr and Mrs Lee bowed to Wooyoung gratefully. He nodded and walked to sit at one of the empty tables with his friends. Two of them went to get drinks for everyone.
You hadn't realised how long you were staring at Wooyoung until he lifted his head and his gaze met yours.
There was a tightness in your chest, almost like a sob, that threatened to escape you. It was an odd mix of resentment, anger and a little bit of longing. But you forced yourself to look away, you couldn't go running back to him.
"Dad said he saw you talking to him outside. Don't tell me you're meeting him again." Your mother leaned down and said in a low voice. She was worried that other neighbours might hear her.
She claims that it was the time you embarrassed her and disappointed her the most, being with Wooyoung.
"No. He spoke to me but I didn't reply." You lied.
"Good." She hummed in approval, patting your leg. You moved to sit with the other old neighbourhood kids. It was all surface things like current relationship status, work, etc.
Nothing too deep. Because after this, you all knew you wouldn't meet again. Not until someone else dies.
"Is that her?" Someone broke Wooyoung out of his trance. He blinked, turning to Seonghwa with a slight tilt of his head.
"You've been staring at that girl since you spoke to her outside the bathroom. I'm assuming that's your childhood lover." Seonghwa asked. Wooyoung nodded with a grimace.
All of them knew where Wooyoung came from, the feelings he harboured towards his childhood, the regrets he carried.
"Excuse me." You gave a fake smile and stood up, leaving the funeral hall to answer your phone.
"Go. Talk to her." Hongjoong encouraged. Wooyoung chewed his bottom lip, what was there to talk about? You made it clear that you didn't want to see him, much less talk to him. But he got up, taking a deep breath and walking out. He found you standing by a big window in a quiet corner.
"Mhmm. Alright, I'll see you." He heard the last bit of your conversation before you hung up. When you turned around, you jumped slightly, not expecting to see him there.
"W-What are you doing?" You backed away but unfortunately, you were the one that was cornered.
"I just want to talk." He spoke calmly. It irritated you, how calm he was, compared to you.
"Well, I don't." You squeezed your upper arm, a habit you've had since you were a kid, Wooyoung knew. It's what you did when you were nervous or anxious. Your mother always scolded you for it.
"Please, (y/n)." He said.
"Why should I listen? You obviously didn't care about me so why do you care now?" You asked.
"I do care! I've always cared, I always will care." He said through gritted teeth. You stared at him, emotionless for a while before you started laughing. All of this, it was just too much now.
"Don't lie. You don't care about me, Wooyoung. If you did, you wouldn't have left. So don't tell me you care." You said.
"No, that's not true... I-I should explain myself to you, to tell you why I left." He reasoned.
"It's okay, Wooyoung. Please... don't put me through this anymore. I don't want to go through this anymore. I just want to get through today and leave." You opted for begging. Maybe that was the only way for him to listen.
Wooyoung didn't say anything but his heart hurt when he saw how broken you were. So wordlessly, he stepped aside, letting you rush back into the funeral hall.
"Hey, (y/n). Are you alright?" Mina, one of the girls, asked when you returned and sat down.
"Mhmm. What did I miss?" You changed the subject, wanting to move the attention away from you.
"Sungwoo was suggesting that we all go out for dinner tonight. In honour of Jungjae, just like old times." Mina informed. You nodded your head slowly.
Just like old times?
The moment everyone got their college acceptance letters, they upped and left. Not once has anyone initiated a reunion. No one was ever interested in coming back to reminisce about the past.
Everyone, like yourself, just wanted to move on and only look at the future, not be bound by your past.
"Sure." You nodded. Even if you wanted to go home after the funeral, you couldn't decline them.
If your mother knew you were perceived as the 'unfriendly', 'anti-social' one that didn't even want to go for dinner with them, you were sure that you would never hear the end of it. So you will just tough it, plaster on your fake smile, and go for dinner. You could always go home after that.
Just as expected, your mother was delighted when you informed her of the dinner. She was happy you were reconnecting and that you weren't in such a rush to leave 'home'.
You were not sure if you were surprised or not surprised when you saw Wooyoung there with the group.
Considering the reputation Wooyoung had, you weren't sure if the group would invite him. But you figured they were being courteous.
Also, they didn't know the truth about him leaving. After he left, you had been maintaining a lie the entire time, making people suspicious and jump to negative conclusions.
"The group is big enough, you can avoid him." You told yourself, taking a deep breath. The owner was happy to usher all of you in, letting you all take your seats at the long table.
While the others reminisced about coming here after high school, you didn't have many memories here, only a handful.
"(y/n), are you coming with us for dinner? We're going for BBQ." Your friends asked, having stayed late at school to cram for exams.
"You guys go ahead." You smiled.
Your friends shot each other quick looks, knowing that you were waiting for Wooyoung. It was no secret that Wooyoung was a black sheep of the community, having dropped out of school recently.
"Stay safe." Was all they offered. Jiyoon gave you a brief hug before they all left for dinner.
"(y/n)." You turned to see Wooyoung approaching you, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He had a playful smirk on his face.
"Wooyoung. You're here." You smiled softly. He crushed the cigarette butt under his foot and let you hug him. Wrapping an arm around you, he placed a kiss against your temple. To you, he was still the same Wooyoung you grew up with.
His parents passed away, leaving him alone. You didn't blame him for doing what he had to do to survive. The community turned on him when he needed them the most.
"I packed food for dinner." You held up the lunch bag.
"Let's go eat what my girl cooked then." He patted your head. Holding hands, you returned back to Wooyoung's house.
After his parents passed, he sold his family's home and used some of the money to get a small rooftop apartment. It was small but cosy, just enough for Wooyoung and sometimes, you.
"Sorry, I disappeared for a few days." He said, throwing his shoes aside as he entered his place.
"Mm-mm. It's fine." You shook your head, arranging his shoes and your own together.
The two of you sat and ate together at the small, foldable table, with the dishes that you brought. With a tight money situation, you would always try to bring Wooyoung food.
"What happened?" You finally noticed the small bruise on his cheekbone, seeing the slightly discoloured skin under the light.
"It's nothing. Don't worry, it doesn't even hurt anymore." He held your hand and kissed your fingertips.
You remained quiet after that, watching Wooyoung eat. You had chosen to ignore rumours of Wooyoung working underground, doing illegal jobs, to earn a living because you believed he wouldn't do that. But every time you asked about his injuries or what he was up to, he would suspiciously brush it off.
Plus, he would disappear for a few days at a time. Completely silent and uncontactable. Then he would come back and act like nothing was wrong.
Just like he was right now. He acted like nothing was wrong. The way he would refill your glass and put meat on your plate.
You felt trapped but you weren't going to start acting up in front of everyone.
"So, (y/n). Do you have someone? You were one of the first of us to head to the big city of Seoul." Jiyoon asked, resting her head on her hand with a teasing smile.
"Ah..." You rubbed the back of your neck.
"Omo! You didn't deny it! Good for you, girl." Mina patted your shoulder with a giggle.
Even your parents didn't know about your partner yet. You weren't ready for him to meet your parents yet since your relationship was still new. You didn't want to risk scaring him off with them.
"His name is Seokjin." You were showing them a picture after their pestering. Your smile showed how proud you were of Seokjin.
Wooyoung clenched his fists under the table, his jaw tight. He knew he didn't have the right but he didn't like hearing you talk about Seokjin. The last time he heard you like that was when you were talking about him.
Last time, you defended Wooyoung, saying he was a victim in all this. He wasn't the delinquent that everyone assumed him to be.
The whole time, you always fought for him and defended him.
He failed to see how much of a toll that would be on you; your parents berating you for it, the others ostracising you from the group, the whispers you heard as you walked past the neighbours.
All he cared about was himself and how he was struggling to survive, desperate for a fresh start.
"Wooyoung, come join us for dinner tonight. In honour of Jungjae. Just like old times."
Wooyoung was surprised when they invited him, just before they were about to split up after the funeral. You would think everyone was going to leave, to get on with their lives.
Old times? Wooyoung wondered if he even had those memories anymore, having willed himself to forget this place.
"You should go." He remembered the oldest of the group, Seonghwa, telling him.
Seonghwa was the oldest but Hongjoong was the leader. Wooyoung greatly respected them both. Despite only being a year older, they became parental figures to Wooyoung.
No matter what people say, these people were his family now. Wooyoung was happy, he would gladly die for any of them. His tantrums that they had to put up with, the trouble and mischief they constantly had to bail him out of. They were the bunch that accepted him for who he was.
The support that he never felt when he was back here.
It was funny that Wooyoung didn't really resent this place. He tried to but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because it was this place that gave him you.
You were there when life was good and when life was bad. You stuck by him through it all. You were his person.
But leaving his past to start anew also meant leaving you.
It was his biggest regret, to this day, leaving you. Out of desperation, you had even begged him to take you with him so the both of you could get away from here.
Until today, he can never erase the image of you standing there, in the middle of the street, crying for him as he rode off on the back of Yunho's motorcycle.
"Please, Wooyoung. Take me with you."
But Wooyoung was leaving blind, headed towards an unknown future, not knowing what was coming tomorrow. Life might be harder and worse but he was willing to take a chance.
He didn't feel like it was fair to take you away from a place that still had some sort of stability. Or at least, more stability than what he could give you.
"So, Wooyoung. Have you been back since you've left?" Someone asked, making Wooyoung turn his attention back. He knew that they invited him out of courtesy, they haven't talked since he left years ago and Wooyoung barely knew their names.
He only accepted the invite because he knew that you would come, out of pressure from society and your parents.
"Not really. Life's busy in Seoul." He forced a smile.
"Ah, it's fine. None of us have come back. It's been busy." Another person added and he nodded in agreement. No one had a reason to come back. There was nothing here for them.
So after some time, it was time to pay the bill and split up to go your separate ways again.
Back to your own lives, away from here.
"Where are you headed, Wooyoung?" One of the guys asked. Technically, Wooyoung was supposed to meet up with his friends to ride their bikes back.
"I'll wait for (y/n)." He spoke softly, watching you hug and bid the other girls goodbye.
"I'll see you." You held their hands. It was a lie, you knew you wouldn't see them again. Unless, of course, someone else dies.
You didn't bother acknowledging Wooyoung, it was time for you to head home and forget all this. It would just be another moment in life that you would file away and never come back to.
But nonetheless, Wooyoung still trailed behind you, keeping his distance. Since you were walking alone, he wanted to make sure that you got home safely. But a big reason why was that he didn't want to part from you yet. Who knows? It might be the last time that he'll ever see you.
"Stop following me." You stopped in your tracks, clutching onto the straps of your bag in frustration.
You could hear his footsteps stop behind you momentarily. However, they didn't retreat. Instead, they got a bit closer to you, making you spin around to glare at him.
"Stop! Wooyoung! Just stop!" You yelled.
"(y/n), I-" His eyes widened in surprise at your outburst. You let out a shaky sigh, your arms dropping beside you in defeat.
"Stop acting like you care when you don't. I don't need you to care about me." You frowned. Wooyoung's heart broke at your words, of course he cares, he loves you.
"(y/n), I do care."
"No, no you don't. If you did, you wouldn't have... Nevermind, I can't keep going back to revisit that." You laughed bitterly.
The memory of opening the door to Wooyoung's home, finding it empty of all his possessions. Only to hear the roar of a motorcycle downstairs through your panic and anxiety.
And when you ran downstairs, Wooyoung was climbing onto his friend's motorcycle, a big bag slung over his shoulder.
Then it dawned on you, he was leaving you.
When he caught sight of you, he looked mortified. Like he was planning on leaving you without a word, to just have you come to his empty house. Despite that, you pushed the hurt down and begged him to take you with him.
Then he rode away, leaving you alone in the middle of the street as you cried out to him.
You closed your eyes to compose yourself. That memory had been tucked away for a long time and for it to come up again, you felt sick to your stomach.
It was too much to handle.
"I couldn't take you with me... You had a life here, it was better for you to stay here and for me to leave." Wooyoung hung his head.
"How was leaving me, better for me? I still had to deal with everything. But this time, I was on my own." You began to cry.
"I didn't know what my future was. I was going into the unknown, if I was going to suffer, I couldn't possibly have you live in hardship." Wooyoung tried to explain but even to him, it sounded like excuses.
"I shouldn't have left you. I should have taken you with me. I still carry that regret with me all these years, I'm so sorry, (y/n)." Wooyoung shook his head.
"Is there really a point in apologising and regretting now?" You asked bitterly. Wooyoung didn't know what to say.
All these years, he waited for the chance to tell you how sorry he was. But now, given the opportunity, why did it feel like a farce?
"I think it's time to let go of what and how things could have been. I have to move on, after all these years, I think it's time to move on." You concluded.
"You provided me shelter for so long. I'll always be grateful for that. But when you left me, I realised, you were just a house that I had to move out from, not a home. You were not my home, never was, never will be." You smiled tearfully, feeling all the resentment and anger that you've held on to dissipate.
"Thank you for everything, Wooyoung." There, you drew the line, going back to being passing strangers with him.
"Don't harbour any more regret and guilt, okay? We both have to let go." You whispered. After that, you politely bowed and turned around to leave.
Years ago, you had to stand there and watch him leave you. But now, you were one leaving him to move on.
