This place doesn’t fit right.
These days crack open, like dry skin....
There’s an itch on my inside.
A tickle at the back of my throat that sounds like “Why?”
I cry for the undone, the unsaid, the unlived.
The ‘How’s I never even tried
As my mind went ahead
And convinced me to give up before my first step lead me to the ‘certain Death’
I look down into my empty palms at what’s left…
Just grand gestures like a conductor who’s convinced there’s an orchestra…
“It’s out there I know it… maybe if I just wave big enough
They’ll come in on cue?”
...maybe this silence is just part of the song too?
It’s locked up in me like a wash of dreams stuck in the guts of a spinning bucket.
Shoulders sunk into this dance,
Tettering drunken tight-rope between WINNING/FUCK IT
Some young kid walking the white picket fence
Clenching my face against the piercing edges
Opening my feet to the healing medicine of feeling something
Running riddles of pain up through a network within me
A dormant train line that once lead to the fair.
...but carnivals are unfair because they’re all flashing lights and blaring buzzers
while we’re all just babies watching robots,
Hoping dad will win that teddy bear who will love us.
I don’t want to hit the Strong Man bell at the top of some list of names and numbers
I don’t want to shoot another wooden duck to prove the Fucks I couldn’t give
Cold-blooded winning for some stuff stuffed with numbness.
I don’t want to live up to expectation
I want to give up to Nature
I want to unplug the sirens and lie in the silence after the show
I long for those conversations that only come when we’ve been sitting here for a while
And don’t know where else to go…
I want some deep subtle meaning
That makes us shiver and glance out of the corners of our “Why”s
To see if they’ve felt the same answer
As the question climbs up inside us
Like Incy Wincy Spider
Our tears have washed poor Incy out so many many times
Lost, sore and whinging
for that bear behind the glass.
But here we are pouting and reaching...
All we can do is ask
Again and again
One day he’ll break that pane
And leap out from within the machine.
Until then I’ll just sit here looking up,
Sniffing back the regret
Gagging on these dreams.
romaincrisis
2087
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
origamiaround