atomic.

it’s all happening

[atomicaki]

inward we go.

[atomicaki]

sometimes, i envy those who have faith. the ones who blindly believe there is a grander scheme for their lives regardless of how dark everything gets. that vulnerability cloaking them with tendrils of bravery enveloping their fragility.

[atomicaki]

please excuse my brain, it functions differently. please excuse my tongue, it words things differently. please excuse my spirit, it wanders off at times it needs space. i wish to say things in a way you can understand but there are battles to be won and battles to raise white flags for shared peace. someday i'd like to have that emotion gun they had in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy so somehow you can have an inkling of what it's like to be in my shoes.

[atomicaki]

the stomach knows how much emotions we bottle up. it knows how many litres of tears we spend pushing back every bit of hurt inside tiny paper packages that gets dropped in the vault of your brain, while hoping and wishing they never ever find their way back (but they do, oh they do) to the surface.

the stomach cannot however distinguish which pain is which most of the time so it's either a trip upright or you settle your head upside down.

*

[atomicaki]

i flutter, i flit, i fly --

i ride the rolling highs,

to keep the tides from rising.

settle, heart, settle.

[atomicaki]

leave me, my body face up

my eyes wide open

to receive the sky

tall grass around me

and carrion birds ready

to devour my insides

every bone and sinew

until all evidence

is obscured from view

[atomicaki]

thank you @mindgroovinrocketman ! funny how you managed to draw this with me in the same room! haha here’s to more birthdays celebrated together~✨ i love you!

[atomicaki]

still one of my favorite artworks from you @mindgroovinrocketman ily.

[atomicaki]

how sad it is

that the things we used to love

when we are angry and hopeless

turns into the things we detest--

like little smiles and endearing gestures

become hooks and chains

that disable us

good mornings and hellos

become garbled noise

and connections that were once

ribbons tied around our fingers,

become the noose we hang

our disappointments.

i do not want this darkness

to tell my heart it is wrong

to love fiercely

i want to see the sunshine

through the storm

to see the hope and the good

in the people we love

i choose to see the glass half full

and never running on empty

because even a droplet in an ocean of tears

is just as important as our fears

so i will hold everything

and everyone to the same

kind of love i want for myself.

[atomicaki]

i built my walls up

and made a house

of glass

a long time ago

a wolf came by

and knocked

and i let it through

my house

tumbled to the ground.

i will build it again

with iron and stone

i will build it again,

i will.

[atomicaki]

no matter how hard life gets

remain soft

remain kind

don't let hate

devour your mind

be the light

be the love

shine bright through the darkest night

[atomicaki]

i want to learn how

to be--

enough.

for the days

when there is less

and for days

when there is more

for enough means--

just right.

nothing less,

nothing more.

[atomicaki]

i think i wanna die, please tell me when it's over.

[atomicaki]

it would best if i disappeared. well.

[atomicaki]

come back beautifully, with poetry and with song; stars in your eyes and sweetness on your tongue.

[atomicaki]

Facts About You #25

I love you, forever and a day. That will never change.

@mindgroovinrocketman

[atomicaki]

the thing about sadness and pain is that, they burrow in the nooks and crannies of your being and you spend a lifetime trying to fish them out. sometimes you're not aware they're there. sometimes they're like acquaintances, dropping by unexpectedly, to the house of happiness you've built. sometimes they're lovers who rile you up in the middle of the night. sometimes they're even old friends who know you and sit with you on a sidewalk as you silently lean on their shoulder. all the same, they are friends and they are foes. they need to be loved in order to go.

[atomicaki]

the ocean of tears.