Atsuka_Wolfcat @atsukawolfcat - Tumblr Blog

May 26

Circles - Phainon x Fem! Reader

The spotlight that was once a dream to Phainon now became a reality he faced, in exchange of the home who sheltered him before everything else.

this fic contains: modern famous athelete! phainon, HURT/ NO COMFORT, engaged but didn't get married, phainon slowly starting neglecting you, blinded by fame and spotlight, oneshot, angst, no happy ending.

word count: 10.2k

notes: it's been awhile since i posted! i hope you enjoy this fic my fellow angst lovers!

The fame and spotlight were things Phainon had always sought.

Once a rookie basketball player, Phainon entered the pro-scene; people started noticing not only his skills, but also his determination. Millions of people around the world watched every step he made, every score, every victory, and every leap he made.

People adored him— his determination, his passion for the sport were the simple things people find themselves seeking in Phainon over and over again. Countless media outlets desperately squeezed even a single second just to interview Phainon, all for the chase of clout and trend.

The crowds cheered for him, banners were posted, billboards were made. You'd see his face on the news, on the roads, everywhere.

One can consider Phainon a successful man, someone with pure and determined ambition. He had everything; fame, respect, money…

But none of those were there in the very beginning.

You grew up with Phainon among the fields of Aedes Elysiae, your families knew each other too well. Known in the village for being a bright and happy boy who’d always help his parents with planting rice and corn.

After chores, he'd immediately pick up his rusty basketball and scurry over to your secret hideout, all furnished with his makeshift basketball ring made from carefully knotted vines and sticks, then he would spend his afternoon learning how to dribble and practice his three-pointer shots.

You were his first fan, his very first cheerleader. With every shot he'd make, you would always clap and cheer him on even more. And after those practices he would lay down on the ground beside you and chat together while sky gazing.

“One day, I'm gonna be the greatest basketball player!” He would beam brightly while resting his head on the patch of grass. “I'm gonna go to the city and become rich!”

His very first declaration of dreams— it was you who first heard his oath.

And you held that dream just as close to your own, being the daughter of a farmer, you've always wanted to leave Aedes Elysiae. To explore the world, travel to different cities, enjoy life.

Unfortunately, both of your parents didn't agree, life was much easier and less trouble in the countryside after all. A humble place where people didn't have to think much about what others would say; the community was driven by a close-knitted relationship.

But you wouldn't let such obstacles hinder the future you and Phainon wanted. To move out and live in the city, that wasn't just an aspiration that you held alone, but a joint dream of achieving more than what life offered you both

As years pass, you continue to grow older alongside Phainon, being an anchor of neverending support for his dreams. Until simple chats became stolen glances, awkward but lingering touches of hands. Seemingly quiet yet fulfilled silence while Phainon walks you home regularly, ‘to keep you safe’ being the reason for his offer even if nothing about the road home has changed since you were both little.

Just as your confusing relationship blossomed, you continuously did your best to ace every lesson the village teachers would give, giving your all for the sake of a brighter future. And everything paid off when finally, your parents let you go.

So you began your journey to Okhema City, a place filled with dreams and aspirations.

And before your departure for Okhema, Phainon hurried over, carrying the same heavy bags like you. He panicked, his face flushed while he breathed heavily.

“I'm going with you.” Phainon declared. His hand extended to reach yours, intertwining it gently while he looked at the road, his gaze too shy to meet your eyes.

“Well... I actually like you.” He scratched the back of his neck bashfully. “So I can't let you go by yourself just like that, alright?”

A simple declaration of affection; you can't help but lend a sheepish smile. Since when did you notice that his actions weren't so friendly anymore?

Was it his playful banters? Or those times he'd playfully poke fun at you, saying that he'll be crying if you ever get a crush on one of the people in the village?

Or those late night strolls alongside the fields together, sharing moments of solidarity and expectations about Okhema city once you're both allowed to leave Aedes Elysiae.

That line was long crossed. Realizing that Phainon slowly and surely crept his way into your heart, never planning to let you go.

At last, when the bus taking you both to Okhema City arrived, you held his hand tightly—stepping into the new chapter of your lives together.

The city was very… overwhelming, to say the least.

It's not that you didn't plan ahead, the sheer difference between the wheat fields of Aedes Elysiae and the towering landscapes of Okhema City kept you awake during your first few days.

The pressure was crushing, expectations everywhere barged in to you all at once without mercy, intending to keep you busy and fully occupied at every single opportunity.

It feels like all hope is lost. But not for Phainon.

Phainon kept you grounded, visiting you every single time after his part-time shifts. Sometimes with a bouquet of flowers; on other days, your favorite takeout order. But there would be days where he would bring nothing, only a sheepish smile and “I'm sorry I couldn't bring you anything tonight… I'm a bit tight on money right now..”

Deep inside, it didn't matter. On days where you forgot to eat or take care of yourself, Phainon kept you still, making sure that you would always remember how much he loved you.

Phainon made sure to let you know that he cherishes you. Still the same boy who you grew up with in Aedes Elysiae, except now he's mature; his aspirations clear, but his devotion for you runs deeper than anything else.

It took a whole year for you to officially adjust to your lives in the city, sending letters and having calls with your parents from time to time.

They would often tell you whatever was happening in the countryside, still sharing stories amidst the nostalgia and melancholy. It was then that you broke it to them that you’ve been dating Phainon for a year already.

A rocky start, having to balance everything all at once. But when everything finally settled, it was then that you both sat down and had a genuine talk.

“Let's move in together.”

You can still remember like it was yesterday, how Phainon's face lit up in pure joy over your decision— not wasting a single second and immediately agreeing. His arms wrapped around you with tender care.

The road to finding an apartment for two people was a rough experience you wouldn't want to experience again. Being two countryside dwellers with a limited budget while balancing everything else.

Phainon didn't really pursue higher education after moving to the city, keen to fund his personal goals of becoming a basketball athlete, he would spend everyday running through different part-time jobs to save up money for small league admission fees and new shoes.

To him, it didn't matter how long it takes to save up to finally reach his dreams. Talking about each other's financial progress while eating cheap convenience store ramen after a long day.

You on the other hand would focus with much determination for internships and part-time jobs while juggling university jobs. And at the end of the day, it's all worth it. Seeing Phainon welcome you back to your shared space with wide open arms and a container of your favorite takeout.

Life isn't so bad. You thought, amidst the fast-paced lifestyle of Okhema City, you found your anchor.

Balloons, hats, cake.. You stammer, making sure everything is at place.

Today is Phainon's birthday, clocking out early at internship and rushing to the mall to buy his gift. You glanced from behind the dining table chair, a paper bag inside it was a box of sports shoes.

Phainon had been talking about this specific pair of sports shoes with yellow and purple accents in it. Quite the shoe color combination, but alas, it's his favorite.

With sweaty palms, you wiped on your shirt as the door clicked open…

“Happy Birthday!” You opened the party poppers and the confetti. Phainon lightly jumped in surprise but started laughing. “Hey you scared me there for a second!”

He dropped his bags and immediately reached out for a tender embrace, his scent sweaty but it smells like home. He's home.

“Sweetheart, you didn't have to do all of this, y’know that?” He lightly pulls away and takes your cheek on to his palm; his thumb slowly brushes on your cheek with careful caress. But the surprise wasn't over. “Okay, you better close your eyes.” You grin. “I have another surprise.”

Phainon huffed playfully and closed his eyes shut with a happy grin. “There, happy?” He muses, loosening his grip so that you can move to wherever you are going.

“No peeking!” you demanded, jokingly sounding stern as you take the paper bag with the shoe box inside.

“Now, open your eyes.” The soft gentle request immediately made Phainon open his eyes. He glanced at the paper bag with confusion but accepted it when you handed it over to him. “Hm? What's this?”

He opened the paper bag and slowly took out its contents. And in the span of a second, he gasped and froze.

His dream sports shoes.

He shuffled his wavering gaze to you then back to the box, then back to you; trying to confirm if what he's seeing is right.

You didn't say a word, just nodded as his eyes swell up with tears, dropping the box and holding you in his arms again once more. “Thank you… Thank you so much… I.. Wow..” Phainon chuckles while sniffling. “You.. You really didn't have to..” His voice emits a shaky laugh. “You didn't have to..”

“But I did.” You gave him a proud smile.

He's done so much for you, sacrificed and gave you everything you needed; wanting to return the favor and show him that you cherish him just as much as he does.

And to Phainon, your smile mattered more than any sports shoes.

Three whole years have passed since you moved to Okhema City with Phainon.

After graduating and getting a stable job, you both managed to get a much more spacious apartment, now decorated with tiny trinkets and wall decorations.

The living room was occupied by a spacious sofa— Phainon who insisted that you should buy a very soft sofa, totally not for his afternoon naps.

And the kitchen; with a wide counter that can be viewed from the front door. Being quite the silly guy he is, he would sometimes sneak up behind you while cooking food, snaking his hands up your waist and holding you tenderly.

It was quite the funny predicament, especially when he'd whine like a child after you swat him with a spatula. Scolding your puppy-like boyfriend who then grovels on the sofa.

“You don't love me anymoooooore.” His sulky whines and wails would overlap with the sound of cooking, and you can't help but snort over his childish demeanor. Still the same bright but sulky boy from Aedes Elysiae.

“Sure whatever.” You sarcastically replied with a tight-lipped smirk. “Dinner's ready.” Phainon instantly jumped from his seat to help you arrange plates and ready for the long-awaited dinner. Even if he's sweaty and just came back from a rigorous training session, he'd always make sure to get home in time and eat dinner with you.

You developed a nightly routine with Phainon— after he presented to wash the dishes from dinner (you did the cooking and all, he doesn't want to add more to the things you did for him.) you'd have your nice warm bath and pajamas on, putting on a cooling mask, unaware that Phainon, who just finished his bath, would also take a cooling mask and put it on his face too…

“Do you even know what the mask does?” You would stifle a laugh while accidentally licking a part of the mask before putting it on with quite the jarring uneven sides. “Nah, but it does look fancy when you put it on soooo~” Phainon lay beside you, holding you in his arms as he cooed playfully.

The rest of the evening hours then get spent just chatting and talking about yours and his day. Until the cooling masks are free to take off, he'd then kiss your forehead slowly, and tenderly.

“Good night. I love you.”

“Augh, I miss youuuu…” His voice rang through the jagged call, it's like you can literally see his slumped whiny face while on the basketball court. “I wanna go hoooooomeeee..” He whined once more.

“Phainon! Break time's over!” Another voice caught the phone mic as the muffled rush of stuffing his phone behind with a whisper followed by “See you tonight!” as he drops the call.

You let the absurdity of the silence pass for a second, laughing to yourself as you finally got up from your office chair.

It's lunch time in the office, while your co-workers went out for drinks, you stayed in your cubicle while scrolling through your social media feed. Until your gaze landed on a trending article did your face went frozen.

Phainon's face is on National Television…

A few seconds pass once more, trying to register the sight in front of you. You followed with a rushed yelp, rushing to take a screenshot.

Oh my aeons, Phainon is trending.

When the article opens, there lay a recorded video of Phainon in his jersey, calling out to the viewers about his signature move.

“Worldbearing… HOOP!” he brazenly dribbles the ball, running to the ring and dunking it in with a charming wink and smile. So that's why he went viral.

Checking the post, hundred thousands of shares and reactions, the comment section filled with a shock ton of compliments.

[omg that guy is so cute! 😍]

[ts fire man keep it up w those dunks]

[Worldbearing hoop sounds cringe but anyways nice shot 👍]

And you agree, Worldbearing Hoop does sound cringe for a signature shot— Phainon has been gushing about calling his signature move like that, it burnt into your ears more often than you can personally admit. And at the end of the day, you got used to it.

And judging from the sudden shocking fame, you'll definitely be celebrating this milestone with him tonight.

You reached for the keys in your bag while holding a cake box on your other hand. You tried to hold back a smile, saving it for when you get inside but you can't contain the pride and joy you felt.

And so, you immediately went in as the door clicked open but got surprised when you saw Phainon inside, dinner already prepared.

“Oh you're back!” Phainon exclaimed, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel. He walked over to you with a smile but mixed with confusion when he saw the box. “Hm? What's that?”

The box intrigued him, carefully taking it from your hands as he examined it. He drew his look back at you and laughed when you showed the viral news article. “Ohhhh! That!”

“Yeah it exploded earlier this morning, I'm not surprised you caught wind of it.” He clasps his hands with you and walks you to the kitchen. The dining table filled with hot food. And without sparing another moment; you ate beside him.

Dinner tasted different because it was Phainon cooking, quite unusual since he doesn't really come home before seven thirty pm.

The view of the cake and a cozy dinner with your beloved made every sacrifice and hard work worth it in the end.

As months passed by, Phainon steadily grew an audience, some people would recognize him as the ‘Worldbearing Hoop guy’. Teens would take pictures with him, kids would beam with joy over his presence. The whole world is finally starting to recognize Phainon, even receiving a call from Aedes Elysiae, saying that the townsfolk have been talking about Phainon non-stop.

You both opted for an indoors dinner, Phainon reasoning out that he doesn't want people recognizing him outside and making you feel out of place.

Yet one evening, while blowing his hair dry after a shower, he looked at you with a giddy smile. “I got us a fancy dinner reservation tomorrow evening.” Phainon declared, he didn't even ask if you're fine with it. He just knows you'd be delighted.

He's right, it's been awhile since you both had dinner outdoors. A gentle change of place can help clear up your mind from time to time.

Phainon has been getting much more popular these days after all. In news outlets, social media feeds— even automated fan accounts that spam his famous phrase ‘Worldbearing Hoop!’

It's no wonder anymore that people recognize Phainon from head to toe, the handsome countryside boy who rose to stardom, now riding along the waves of fame.

And so you lay in bed beside him, facing each other. His gaze still at you; slowly dying down when he saw the worried look in your face. “Sweetheart, What's wrong?”

Phainon immediately scooted closer, examining your slightly furrowed eyebrows, and your conscious glance that tried so hard not to meet him.

“I'm scared.” was all you could mutter, unsure of what exactly to say. This wasn't the first time you both had worries and arguments, but you couldn't understand why this one felt more heavy than before.

And it seems that Phainon understood exactly what you meant, the hesitance in your eyes, your pursed lips that tried to steady itself.

“You won't lose me. Not now, not ever.” the promise was a gentle whisper, an oath that only you and him can hear. Amidst the numbing chaos of worry that tried to fill your thoughts, his voice calmed its way through you.

That was enough for you, you trusted him from the very beginning when you both had nothing. What more now that you're both slowly achieving your destined life together?

Sleep finally found its way into you, your body finally calming down after the gentle reassurance Phainon gave. Your body scooting closer to his as both of your legs tangled with his.

“I love you, good night.” You let out a soft mumble while he kissed your forehead tenderly, sealing a promise of devotion.

“I'm almost done!” you called through the bathroom door, sparing one last glance at the mirror before dinner.

You've done a pretty good job dressing up, but Phainon hasn't seen your look yet, and just that thought made you anticipate.

And when you walked out, his reaction did not disappoint in the slightest. “Wow.. I mean– wow..” He choked a breath. “Breathtaking…” Phainon mumbled.

Even with a twinge of bashfulness, he didn't hesitate to hold you in his arms, escorting you ever so intimately into the car he rented just for this occasion. “In you go, my lady.” He snickers, trying to sound like a professional butler.

Professional Butler would be quite an understatement though, considering how handsome he looks in that suit and tie. Like it's the first time seeing him in a fancy outfit, years after your village prom with him in Aedes Elysiae, where you first saw him rock a suit and tie, he wasn't exactly knowledgeable with hair styling yet.

But the glow up now is a delectable sight, he just looks so good that sometimes, you almost forget that this man loves you back.

The drive to the fancy dinner date that Phainon promised wasn't that long, just two traffics past the apartment complex you guys live in. And so when he parked the car outside the restaurant, his movements were calculated and posh.

Opening the door for you as always and offering his arm for you to hold on to. Honestly, what a gentleman.

Entering the restaurant, you can't help but feel in awe. The tables are draped in fine silk cloth, dinnerware in perfect arrangement while table napkins formed into beautiful white swans. Overhead, a crystal chandelier glossed the ceiling in light as the soft tunes of the violin and piano graced the atmosphere.

“Like it?” Phainon glanced at you, seemingly more interested in you than the fancy sight in front of him. All you could do was give him a nod while being escorted to your table.

Dinner went by a blur, everything was perfect, your banters and chatter filled the small space shared between you two.

“Do you remember when I would walk you back home from our secret hideout?” He grins. “You'd always insist but I did it anyway, I really wanted to spend time with you.”

You still remember those memories as clear as day, even remembering how ‘subtle’ he was with holding your hand to ‘protect’ you.

Now he's in front of you, you never expected that you'll one day be in this kind of relationship. Of all people, with the boy you grew up with. The boy you saw practice all afternoon in hopes to become a famous basketball player.

And to Phainon, these aspirations slowly start to become a reality. Everything being put into place, his hardships paying off as he finally reaches his dreams.

All that's left is for you to be a part of it, forever.

Slowly, he raised his hand above the table, a small velvet box on his palm. Phainon clears his throat but remains shaky.

“Ever since we were children, back in Aedes Elysiae..” Phainon opens, his voice subtly shaking. “You have always been my best friend… My number one supporter, since day one…”

Finally, he looks up to meet your watering gaze. “I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you– so…” His fingers brushed on the box one more time, slowly pulling it open… “You supported me from the very beginning. And now, I want you to be with me, forever.”

The box opens, revealing a glimmering diamond ring, in perfect silver cuts and shiny center.

“Will you marry me?”

Unlike the movies, getting engaged wasn't the most blissful and breezy feeling out there. Lots of papers to work with, planning and budgeting.

After a talk with Phainon, realizing that it's been months since his proposal, his hectic schedule and your office projects. You both decided to postpone the wedding until next year, to make way for both of your busy lives.

You looked at wedding venues on your way home, your mind drifting between flower arrangements and what to make for dinner tonight.

After a bit of hard work and contemplation on what to make, you set up the plates and looked at the time.

He's late.

Phainon has been leaving early these days after all, his schedule must be hectic. After winning in regionals two weeks ago, he must've had his head in training mode for the past few days.

And this nice warm dinner will definitely help him recharge.

So you sat, patiently waiting with a gentle smile, listening attentively to sudden door clicking sounds that might come anytime soon now…

He's awfully late…

Finally, the door clicked open at 8:13pm. His face was sweaty like he rushed over. “Hey! I'm so sorry I'm late… The press invited us for dinner.” He chuckles, putting his bag down and moving over to kiss you on the cheek.

“Hmm, dinner?” He hummed, but then bashfully looked back at you.. “I'm sorry… I already had dinner with the team..”

Oh… Well that's unusual.

They probably celebrated something big, that's why he was invited to a celebratory dinner with his team and the press.

“It's okay, there's always next time.” You smiled, your fingers struggling to grip on the spoon and eat; it went unnoticed to Phainon due to fatigue and so he went to the bathroom to freshen up.

Once in, you sighed sadly — not really understanding the welling sadness that's stuck on your throat, but you forced yourself to ignore it and move on for the night.

When you head to the bedroom after a shower, Phainon is on his phone, humming while scrolling. “Oh hey! Look, they made memes of me beatboxing on yesterday's talk show.” He happily flips his phone to face you.

The video shows a clip of Phainon doing an oddly funny dance while attempting a ridiculous beatbox. Everyone in the talk show started laughing and clapping.

Wait… Talk Show?

“You never told me you attended a talk show.” The confusion envelops your face, since when was he invited on a talk show?

“I didn't? I'm so sorryyyyy!” Phainon playfully pouts “I was so busy, babe.” he nuzzles beside you.

“Can I make it up to you, pleaseeee? We can watch the talk show together.” A gentle smile crept up your face, his cheeky grin wiping away traces of confusion in your eyes.

You opened the video on your phone and watched beside him, his shoulders calm while his arms wrapped around your waist. “Oh that part, they made me dribble one hundred times, it was insane.” He would laugh at certain parts.

It was a delightful sight, seeing your fiancé grow famous while still having fun and maintaining his passion for basketball.

Until one of the segments pried into his personal life.

“Say! Phainon, are you… taken?!” The sound effects emit a shocking sound as the camera slowly pans to Phainon. “Uh well… Nope!” he nods to the host.

Excuse me?

You slowly turned your head to look at Phainon who seemed to be sweating quite a lot..

“Well?”

Phainon gulps nervously “Well, the media managers told me to keep it under wraps… So I had to lie…”

Oh Phainon… You can't help but shake your head out of sudden disappointment.

“I'm sorry, sweetheart… I had to say that for your own safety y’know…” He lowers his head, pressing his lips on the knuckles of your hand. “ I didn't want people barging in your office and bombarding you just because we're engaged.” He adds, the concern in his eyes gently convincing yours.

Maybe he's right, the internet is a dangerous place after all…

And so, you went to sleep in his arms. Trying your best to ignore all the forming thoughts that are invading your head.

You didn't know how it exactly started.

He would send texts saying that he won't make it to dinner that evening. But then it became more apologies one after another.

Until he stopped informing you at all.

Another pattern that you slowly started noticing was that he gets home much later than usual but wouldn't miss telling you everything that happened in his day; he would start talking about the reporters asking his daily routine that kept him in shape, or what he would say to his opponents who tried mimicking his now famous signature move ‘Worldbearing Hoop’.

He was naturally gifted, born to stand in the spotlight as headlines continued to roar out his name. It was wonderful, seeing people finally recognizing all the hard work and efforts that you watched blossom since the very beginning.

Yet why does it seem that he's much more absent? Is the cost of fame really the disappearance in one's life?

It's not like you don't see him anymore, you still do every single day.

And yet his face seemed to appear much more on TV than in your own dining table.

–

You didn't realize it at first; it barely dawned on you that the apartment started looking duller and empty.

The living room had fewer items now, Phainon once called you to put some items you have out of sight. “Just as a precautionary measure in case the press media suddenly barged into the apartment.” was the reason he laid out.

You also started to cook portions for one person nowadays.

The arrows on the clock would tick nine—your food barely touched and almost cold, but you remain seated. It can even be considered a miracle if you finished your meal even when you barely can stomach any more than the lingering emptiness inside you.

The door creaked open as you washed the dishes, the floor would thud muffled steps from socks that would grow closer and closer. “Hey…” you feel someone kiss you gently on the cheek.

What a miracle, he's actually home early…

“I'm home.” Phainon would quietly reply, his head still close to yours, letting the silence pass for a few seconds, watching you scrub the plates; the small clacking sound of utensils doing its most to fill in the deafening silence.

“Welcome home.” was the response you'd choke out. A forced one, born from the confusion he had started giving you. “How was your day?” and still, you ask… Out of curiosity, out of concern.

“Same as always, training, filming, promotion, and interviews. Lots of them.” He replied with a sigh; complaining about the lack of something new. “How was work?” Phainon chimed back.

“It was fine. We've been preparing for a big project.” The situation at the office earlier was quite hectic. But you seem to feel like telling him how the boss actually commended your diligent work.”And my manager told me that I was–”

Phainon's phone buzzed—immediately latching away before you could even finish your sentence. He moves away “Sorry, I gotta take this call.” his small hums trying to pave way as he absent-mindedly walked out of the kitchen.

The smile that was creeping its way up to your face faltered—all you could do was watch him leave. And it would be extremely childish to protest and tell him not to take the call because what if that was important? It could be about his work, his athletic life, his fame. You wouldn't want to take that away from him now, would you?

Deep down you just wished that he'd drop that call for once and just listen to your day.

But it seems that even the simplest wish was something you do not have a grasp of. Not anymore, at least.

You tucked yourself under the sheets, the solemn humming of the AC creeping inside your ears, the glowing numbers gently basking a tiny warm light that blinks in the room. You descended deeper into the sheets, scramming for your trusted pillow to hug and fall asleep to.

The desperation to fall asleep instantly was immense. You're not even tired, you just want to fall asleep before Phainon comes in because you're still upset that he chose the phone call over you.

And maybe also because you barely had dinners together anymore.. Or because he comes home late nowadays… Or maybe—just maybe, you miss him.

Phainon wakes up beside you everyday, eats the same food as you; just not as much now, he leaves then comes back home, he's still there.

He's so close, yet so far away.

Now he's here, getting in the same sheets as yours, and you pretended to be fast asleep, not daring to even face him. Until you felt his warm large arms pull you close, the chills you had instantly melting into a puddle.

And you can't help but hug him back.

“Aha~ so you are awake.” He cheered quietly, his voice groggy from exhaustion. “The call earlier was a brand deal, I had to take it.” Phainon's fingers absentmindedly fiddled with the strands of your hair, bringing it close to his face and sighing on it dreamily.

“I'm sorry if I had to leave you all of a sudden.” He solemnly replied, his arms crept its way back to you, partly patting you gently to sleep. “I'll be coming home late tomorrow.” Phainon said, “No need to wait for me.” He quietly added.

It wasn't surprising anymore to say the least, since when did he inform you about that anyway? Even without telling you that he'll come home late, he already does.

As if to comply and just to get everything over and done with, you nod and sigh “Alright.” trying to lull yourself back to sleep even with the agony in your chest.

And Phainon seems to take note of this as he doesn't react back; his arms slowly loosening up as he himself goes to sleep.

Even with your eyes closed, the numbing and growing despair in your gut never died down, continuing to churn you upside down.

Phainon stayed true to his word.

When you woke the next morning, he was already gone, the bed is as cold as before he laid down last night.

You groggily sat on the edge of the bed, staring into nothing as you let your thoughts pass by.

When did he leave?

Finally, you rubbed your face sleepily and stood up to fix the bed, your mind racing with several thoughts.

I hope he's safe… Did he have breakfast already?

The questions flooded your mind so much it irritated you too.

And it's not like this was the first time he left before you even woke up, it's been happening for awhile after all.

Even with a heavy heart, you mustered the courage to make breakfast, each flip seemed heavier than usual. You'd eat at the table all by yourself, getting used to the silence that was once joy and laughter.

Getting ready for work, brushing your hair while staring blankly at the mirror, unsure of what to feel.

And then leaving for work with a heavy sigh, slipping into your work facade for the day.

In the office you were impeccable, flawlessly handling tasks and managing interns at your best capabilities.

Everyone adored you, looked up to you, and even fancied you. But it seems that your co-workers seemed to notice something off about you lately.

You're still on point with your tasks, yet your movements seem a bit more… sluggish; much slower than usual and that you'd glance at your phone much longer than usual.

And your co-workers are concerned, but that was the problem, they don't really know how to approach you because they don't know much about your life.

Aside from being a really great worker, the only fact that they know about you is that you're engaged, and that could probably be the reason.

You take the bus back home with a solemn sigh, opening your phone to check on whatever was happening with the internet.

It wasn't intentional but you find yourself looking at the newspage—your eyes landing at a wrenching article title.

‘Model spotted with Famous Basketball Athlete Phainon Khaslana entering a Hotel!’

‘Just this morning, the famous model and influencer was spotted entering the Okhema Hotel with the Basketball Athlete Phainon Khaslana.’

The rest of the article passed by you like a blur, your eyes firmly trying to reject the words it read.

There's no way Phainon would do that, the media often twists narratives to get popular and this is probably just another one of those cases. And yet you get shivers over the possibility.

What if it was true?

No. Phainon would NEVER do that to you.

You repeatedly convince yourself that it was a twisted narrative, he's definitely there for a reason, but not something that the media would fabricate.

And so you closed your phone, tucking it back in your bag with shaky hands as you held on to the armchair of your seat, looking outside the window to distract yourself of impending thoughts.

You let the food run cold that evening.

Sitting by yourself at the dining table, the ticking of the clock accompanied by the often sound of cars passing by rummaged through the empty noise of the house.

It was then at eleven o'clock when the door finally clacked open, revealing an exhausted Phainon. “Hey I'm home.”

Once he sets his duffle bag down the sofa, he notices the light coming from the kitchen. “Oh hey, why are you still awake?” He walked in and noticed how slumped you look while sitting; the meal on the table, cold and untouched.

It took you quite awhile to finally meet his eyes and when you did, it felt heavy.

You wanted to ask him so many things, but the words struggled to leave your mouth, so you settled with a quiet reply.

“I saw the article.” You dropped, and it was then that Phainon looked at you in panic. “Wait what? The hotel article?” He stammers. “Babe, that was a misunderstanding.”

“Castorice was being followed by a stalker. I was keeping her safe.” Phainon immediately staggers to you, holding both your arms, his gaze never left yours, holding firm sincerity in them. “You believe me, right?” He worriedly searched your eyes.

“Yeah I do..” your reply was slow and gentle. “Will you deny it to the public?”

Phainon scratched the back of his neck “Uh well…”

Did he hesitate?

The burning ache in your chest blared, you guys are engaged, shouldn't that be something that he's informing the public?

He frustratingly sighs, raising one of his hands to sweep through his hair “Yeah, I'll just tell them it was nothing personal. Although I bet they'll buy that.”

“Then why not just tell them that you're engaged?”

Phainon stops, he glances at you with absurdity “What? Why would I do that?” He chuckled nervously “We'll be fine without telling them!”

Your stomach dropped.

“Phainon, you cannot be saying that. People will think that you're still single!” You protested. “It'll be messy!”

“Look, there's no need to! Besides, if the world finds out, they'll be shambles! I don't want to go viral for lying to the internet when I told them that I'm single during the talk show, remember?” He shook his head. “If they find out, my managers will kill me, then what's going to happen to my career?”

“What's going to happen to us then?”

Phainon froze. Us? He never considered that. But the fame was wonderful, people are finally seeing him, recognizing the time and effort he put into making even his signature move.

Yet here you are, demanding and asking if he still cares.

“Babe, it's fine. We'll be fine.”

“I beg to fucking differ, Phainon.” You snapped, the words came out of your mouth before you could even think twice. “Why are you pretending that everything is fine?”

“What? Because it is–”

“No it's not.” the quiver in your voice finally comes crashing down the moment Phainon looked at you in disbelief. His brow furrowed as his mouth frowned.

“You leave early then come home late. You don't eat dinner here anymore.” You angrily listed, letting each word pierce through him deeply, emphasizing every sentence that came out of your mouth.

You're tired, fed up, and upset. And you just wish he'd cooperate to understand you.

“When was the last time we had dinner together?” you asked “You don't remember, do you? Because it's been WEEKS, Phainon.”

You clashed out of his arms and clenched your fists. “You get up early and go home late.” echoed in the silent apartment as he stiffened still, taking in every single word you say.

“When was the last time we had a long talk like this? Never. Because you're NEVER there anymore!”

Phainon looked in utter heartbreak, realizing how much everything has been paining you. “I got sick three days ago, where were you? Basking in fame and glory.” You choked a sob, hands starting to tremble from despair.

It's true, you did get sick three days ago, you contemplated whether to tell him or not, but you best believe he's busy. And judging from how he's seemingly minding the public before your own feelings, even if you told him, he wouldn't go home just for you.

“I…” He tried to find the words, but nothing would come out. “I didn't know…”

That sentence was enough to make you erupt into angry scoffs “Of course you DON'T know. Why would you?” You pissingly sneered.

The look in his face screamed everything you've always wished that he'd have; confusion, guilt, sadness all came crashing down at him at once. But before he could even get the chance to clear some things, you slowly moved away.

Exhausted and drained from all different kinds of reasons and excuses he would say to you every single damn day, you can't tolerate another one of those, for the sake of your own peace.

“Please listen, I–”

“I don't want to talk right now.”

All that was heard afterwards was the deafening echo of the bedroom door being slammed shut. And Phainon was left sitting on the chair, contemplating and questioning everything that just happened.

When you woke up the next morning, Phainon was gone, as usual. But you didn't bother, not anymore.

After the agonizing events of what happened last night, it really would have been best not to see him right now, because you know for yourself that you won't be able to hold an eye contact with him in such a state.

The unanswered and conflicted feelings continued to pool in your stomach, but you didn't care, you'll have to get used to it eventually.

How did it get to this? Were you always this conflicted and unreasonable with yourself? Pathetic enough to actually shut him out and leave him hanging.

I'm such an idiot. The words rang in your head, gripping every thought like a vice. Engulfing you in neverending self-loathing.

But then again, if Phainon really cared, he would've come back for you. Probably would've cancelled his agendas for today, maybe sit down and actually clear things up.

Yet the bed was empty, the only trace of his existence in this room was the muffled sound of his interview coming from the television.

The channel aired morning news, featuring Phainon in the Showbiz segment.

“Mister Khaslana! The whole world admires the way you achieved your dreams.” The reporter exclaims, moving the mic halfway to meet Phainon whose flashy smile remained polished and untouched. “Can you let us in on such a secret to your success?”

“Well you know, things do not happen overnight. You wake up with big dreams, to become an amazing basketball player, you work hard, play hard.” He smiled brightly, counting on his fingers as he lists out numbers. “Let's not forget our support systems! I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for my mom..”

And….? You sat by the bed and waited for him to mention your name.

But he never did.

“Excuse me?” was the first thing that left your mouth. What kind of audacity was that?

What happened to the late night cheap convenience store dates you had? Sharing beer and chicken in the living room after an afternoon of workout, and having a nice dinner nightly whether the tournament was a win or lose meant nothing to him anymore?

Outrageous can't even compare to the disbelief and rage you felt being disregarded and unacknowledged.

When you and Phainon left Aedes Elysiae to move to Okhema City, you had one thing in mind. To live life, and not just to survive. Working hard to afford the apartment you both cherished dearly, and even along the lines of hardship, there was not even a sliver of time where you didn't support him.

Now you saw the interview.

Was it all worth it? Making him dinner every single night, supporting him through ups and downs, wiping his tears of defeat, whispering assurances and promises, believing that one day he will be an amazing basketball player.

Your co-workers invited you for a drink after work, trying to cheer you up after noticing the decline not just from your performance but also from your looks.

Yet even the beer can’t seem to dissipate the pain you feel.

Three empty bottles of beer clank together on the floor, the noise resonating in your ears as everything in your vision gets blurry, obviously tips from the drink. Unknowingly, tears threaten to spill down your cheeks as you stagger your way home with a solemn gaze.

Upon reaching the door of your apartment, you scurried to grab your keys. But the door beeped open in surprise. Phainon stands there in confusion as you raise your head with surprise. “Oh you’re back early.” Your admission was cold but drowsy.

“But it’s 10pm.” Phainon protested, his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he moved away from the doorway, making way for you to get inside.

You can’t be bothered to bark back, but the impending need to defend yourself from his skepticism ruled over the rational answer to just be quiet and suck it in. “My point stands, you’re back early.” was all the reply you said.

Phainon scoffs, his steps trudged in front of you with defiance. “Are you still upset at me?” His eyebrows furrowed. “Can’t we just talk it out like adults?”

Talk like adults?

“Phainon, since when did you EVER want to talk it out like adults?” Your gaze slowly eyed him down, voice shaky while you clench your fist.

Unfair. Unfair. Unfair.

A small sound of contempt filled the air, “You are NEVER here anymore, Phai.”

Phainon couldn't even bother to raise his head, ashamed of all the words you've been barking at him, his demeanor tense and repulsive.

“Tell me, then.” Your shaky laugh cut through the agonizing silence. “Is the spotlight that good?”

And finally… finally, he met your gaze. His eyes were full of bewilderment and disbelief. “What do you mean?”

Maybe the confusion was enough of a telltale to realize that he really didn't understand, nor did he care.

“I'm saying that you have forgotten me.”

Silence filled the room, the ticking sound of the clock—water dripping from the faucet were the only things trying to salvage the tension built between you and Phainon.

He's been gone for months. Sleeping in the same bed, going home to the same place, yet you saw him on a screen more than in reality.

You'd wake up at night and look at his sleeping face, it's still the same man you love, but why does he look so unfamiliar now?

The aftertaste from the alcohol went unnoticed, the tipsyness gone; replaced by the lingering feeling of grief and numbness.

Did it really have to get to this?

Even when the silence continued to stretch the room farther and farther, the more you lost Phainon.

“Won't you even fight for us?”

He didn't answer, not just yet. He looked around, trying to come up with an answer. But nothing came out.

“This must be a misunderstanding, look. I didn't know you felt like that, I was busy.” Phainon moved closer, taking your shoulders into his hands as his voice turned shaky.

“Of course you are.” You yanked away. “You always are.”

The countless nights you waited for nothing, only seeing his face on the television while the food you made turned cold. When you wake up in the morning and all you get are notes that say ‘I left early, love you.’ did he ever mean it?

Now he's standing in front of you, anxious and unsure of what to do, and you can't help but feel a bit happy. You must be out of your mind, you shouldn't be feeling that.

But finally seeing him tormented, just like how he has been leaving you for the past months just made, maybe it wasn't so bad.

“I'm tired, Phainon.” the words he dreaded to hear finally left your trembling lips.

He knew this was coming, you knew this was coming.

Two people trying to salvage something that was long gone, the spoken words left in the air with no promise of mend.

Phainon didn't say anything, he couldn't. Conflicted and unsure of what he should do, realizing how he left you cold just to chase a sponge of spotlight.

The living room that once used to both be your haven of leisure now feels empty despite the two loudly thumping hearts that deafen each other's ears.

Their hearts beat loud, not out of love, but out of fear. Fear of what life will be, now that everything has been spoken.

So with trembling hands, Phainon mustered all his remaining energy, wanting to confirm everything at once.

“Are you leaving?”

The question hung heavy in the air for seconds. You didn't want to answer, but there was no choice. Everything is laid in front of you on a silver plate, he's letting you go, making you decide for yourself.

You wanted him to fight for you both, even just for a sliver.

But the look in his eyes was sure, no twinge of redemption, just acceptance, of what used to be, what has been, and will be…

“Yes..”

Phainon docked his head low, a small nod. He stayed like that for a few minutes, before sighing; gazing back at you with those sad longing eyes. “I'll help you pack.”

The rustic scent of boxes—the loud stretch of packing tapes were everything you've been hearing for the past hour.

After the confirmation from last night, you spent the entire morning getting moving boxes as soon as you woke up. The hunger and fatigue didn't even matter to you, as long as you finish packing up all your belongings quickly, you'll be able to leave.

And that's when the problem arose.

You don't exactly remember every spot and item you owned. Phainon didn't either, just putting all items that he supposedly believed that belonged to you in the unoccupied boxes. Even spending a couple of minutes on how you will be taking some of the silverware that you bought with both your money.

In the end, you didn't bother to take one. Maybe there really just some things needed to be left.

You moved forward, finished with the kitchen and bathroom. Heading to the living room to find Phainon sitting on the sofa, his shoulders are slumped while examining the ceramic decors with keen certainty that it belonged to you.

“Oh hey– I was just putting all these decors in the box..” He awkwardly paused. “I figured you might need some decorations for your new apartment.” His chuckle breaks through. “Since you know… You love decorating and all that stuff.. Ugh what am I even blabbering about, sorry..” Phainon stifled an embarrassing groan.

“Sorry about that… I'll keep my mouth shut.” He then goes back to determining the decorations.

He seems to be very occupied with the things in the living room, and for your own peace of mind, you need to keep your goals straight.

Pack my things, and get out of here.

That's it, that's the goal. And yet you can't help but glance at the walls that were once filled with portraits; the dreams you both shared.

Now all that's left were nail cracks that used to hang up frames of you two, the sticky spots of tapes and smudged glue was the only sight to behold.

Who knew it would be this dreadful? You kept to yourself.

Because no matter where you looked; everything is a remnant of what used to be bliss. The hallway now cold and empty, potted plants that used to glimmer now look pale and almost lifeless

You trudged back in the bathroom, the cabinets that used to have your shampoo, his soap, and the drawers that had extra stocks of floss and mouthwash left hanging all by itself. The bathroom is cold, but was it always this chilly?

Leaving the bathroom, you peered into the kitchen. You used to cook here. The spatulas are still hanging in order, the faucet clean and the plates are still intact, but it feels smaller.

It has always been a kitchen meant for two, but now—the stove slightly charred from months of use without cleaning, stacks of plates and utensils leave no room for sharing, at least, not anymore.

And you can't even bear to bring your favorite mug, the one Phainon gifted you on your birthday last year. Cute pastel colors with silly frog prints, the sight itself made you smile a little. It really was a cute mug.

Your gaze lands back to the empty boxes labeled ‘bedroom’. The last place you needed to clean up before you leave.

Even with a heavy heart, you walked inside. The sight is just as dreadful.

The bed that was once shared, now neat and tidy. Your house slippers set aside on a corner beside your table; still packed with your belongings. Curtains untied, its sleeves blocking sunlight and glow that tries to enter.

Was the room always this suffocating?

Years of intimacy and privacy was in this room, whispering secrets and promises that only you and Phainon will ever hear. The chatter and joy it once held, as both your bodies tangled together as you lay down, like two perfect puzzle pieces.

Waking up to the sight of your fiancé gazing at your face lovingly. On some days the opposite, his sleeping face is peaceful and calm.

But also a cold and sterile room that held unspoken signs of heartbreak and tension, when Phainon started to leave bed early without a word; hollow and empty without the weight of comfort.

The closet that held both your clothes, years of its creaking sound while being opened and closed ingrained in your brain and ears.

“Should I wear my trusty pair of yellow shirts and purple trousers today?” Phainon would always ask. It was a horrible choice of color, but it sure did its impact with giving the closet a pop of color.

You open the closet this time, staring at the hangered clothes. Your grip hesitantly holding on your shirts as you slowly pull them out and stack them on the bed.

Each stack felt heavier than the last one, the different fabrics did nothing to soothe the bubbling feeling of despair, each fold a silent goodbye to the home it had for years.

The clothes are stacked neatly on the edge of the bed while you open the box; putting each cloth carefully and precisely, afraid to mess up even a sliver of stack, each holds shaky.

Next was the desk table with your trinkets and items, just placed in a small box of belongings. The crocheted rose that Phainon gifted you for your anniversary lay still, untouched and slightly dusty.

You can still see the rugged edges of the thread, it was Phainon's first time making you something handmade after all, when he found out that you've been into handmade crafts, he didn't spare a single moment and gifted you one a week later.

And for whatever reasons it may be when you asked him why he made it, he simply replied “Because I can.”

Now you refuse to acknowledge the Phainon you have in your life. Like a stranger in the body of the man you loved so dearly. He was your world, your universe.

Yet you can't even look him in the eye anymore without feeling discomfort and unsure of what to do.

He's still Phainon, just not the one you loved.

Time and fame changed him; still wearing the same face, the same clothes, that same stupidly irresistible grin that not even once failed to make you smile.

The same Phainon that would rush home sweaty just to tell you how his day went while having a nice dinner together. The same Phainon that would whine if you don't sleep together. The same Phainon that would lie awake at night, just rambling about his dreams of becoming a basketball sensation; that people will one day recognize his signature move ‘worldbearing hoop.’

Which you think was really silly by the way, but it didn't matter because you believed that the world really will know its treasure one day.

Boxes neatly packed on the corner of the living room, each labelled according to where they were taken from. Phainon is still there, sitting on the sofa, his face unreadable as he glanced at you.

“You ready?” A simple question, it shouldn't have stirred turmoil inside you that heavily.

You've already said countless goodbyes to every nook and cranny of this house, so why can't you just say yes?

Everything is neatly packed, the house lost half of its life as everything you owned was kept tightly in one space.

How you wish you can just tuck away these lingering feelings too…

Phainon hurt you, left you alone, kept you in the dark, denied every single question and opportunity to show you to the world, the person who was there from the very very beginning. At best you should be punching him, slapping him, heck–even shouting words at him.

Now that you're face to face with him, you can't even utter anything, just this depressing invisible wall between you two. So close, yet so far away.

And Phainon felt the same. He really does, wishing that he did better.

But this relationship was beyond repair, you knew that. Fixing whatever is left are just scraps trying to become something it can never be.

“I'll call you a cab.” Phainon walked past you and out the door. The shutting sound at its loudest you've ever heard.

You clutched your bag tightly, the moving truck will deliver your boxes to your new apartment in a couple of hours. The time of departure ticked agonizingly slow yet so rushed…

One last glance in this living room, filled with memories and milestones. You'll be leaving, and never returning.

Your footsteps heavily clacked against the building’s cold white floor; icky and unbearable while your sweat slowly ran cold.

This is it.

With your bag in hand, you walked out the building. Phainon down the stairs on the sidewalk with the cab beside him, his eyes met yours—sharing a silent melancholic moment together for one last time.

Everything happened so fast… Yesterday was just another day of enduring the agonizing things that have been happening.

Here you are, a few steps away from leaving the life you lived for four whole years. The man you almost vowed to love ‘til the very last breath, holding the door open to your way out of his life forever.

You shouldn't be crying, not now. You need to stay strong.

So even with a heavy heart, you stepped closer, and closer. Feeling the edge of the open cab door with your own hands, looking at Phainon with slight uncertainty.

Am I really doing this?

It's as if Phainon could hear you, he gave a gentle nod; a forced smile.

You were the one who wanted this, you're going to be free and finally start anew.

So why does it feel so excruciatingly painful to let go?

A relationship that fell apart gradually as months passed by. Cannot be salvaged by anything else yet you find yourself clinging by a thread. Checking if Phainon still held on the other hand.

There was a time where he would move heaven and earth just for you, and even if he would change himself now, everything is already broken.

He knows that letting you go will be the best choice.

Without another word, you stepped inside the car. Sinking slowly into the seat as Phainon gently closed the door for you, his eyes glued to yours, not a stutter, not even a drip of hesitation.

Even with the tears slowly pouring out of his eyes, his gaze never faltered. Desperately boring at yours with the very little time he has left. Making sure your face is etched into his mind forever.

The doors are dreadfully closed shut. While your hands scurried to open the window out if desperation… Maybe, just maybe to look at him one last time…

And you can't help but feel your own eyes swell with tears.

You didn't cry when he wasn't there, you didn't spare a single tear when he denied any trace of your existence for the public media. Your heart was heavy every time you went to bed; you never shed a tear.

So why is it now that you cannot help but let the tears flow as the cab slowly starts to move?

Usually, people would be focused on the road now, looking at surroundings as a final goodbye.

But the only thing you find yourself looking at one last time is Phainon, as his figure slowly… gradually gets smaller…

Your eyes frantically scattered its gaze all over his face that starts to grow blurry…

Look.. Look at him, one last time. Just one more glance.

Just one more glance at that white hair you used to run your hands in.

One more glance at his beautiful eyes you could stare at for hours.

One more glance at those lips that whispered to you so tenderly with loving promises and kissed you goodnight.

One more glance at the face of the man you once saw forever with.

One more glance at the blurry face that finally disappears from your sight.

One more glance at the man you loved with all your life.

One more glance at the boy you grew up with and saw you through your ups and downs.

One last glance at Phainon, the boy from Aedes Elysiae that once held a part of your heart; now letting you go.

end notes: thank you so much for reading this oneshot! i cried a lot in the process of writing this fic and i hope i delivered it with the exact feelings i had while creating it. there might a lot of grammatical errors or typos there because i didn't exactly proofread much and english is not my first language.

hope you guys enjoyed this fic! (i might make a part 2 if everything goes well)

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