Linda A. Subbloie, ESQ.

Divorce Attorney at Law

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The Mediation Solution

“I’M GETTING DIVORCED, BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO TO COURT AND I DON’T WANT TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON LAWYERS”

Then mediation may solve your problem. By hiring a mediator to assist you and your spouse in resolving all of your divorce issues, you both maintain some control over the outcome, and you save money by not hiring two lawyers and wasting a lot of time in court. Besides, court time can be very stressful and many times inefficient. Why not spend your time negotiating a parenting plan for your children and a fair division of your assets and liabilities? A divorce mediator also knows what issues need to be resolved and can provide ideas and options to choose from.

For more Information click link:

http://www.attorneylindasubbloie.com/divorce.html#D3

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THINKING OF REPRESENTING YOURSELF?

More and more individuals are representing themselves in their divorces. The state of Connecticut has given you all the tools you need to get your divorce action started. You can find this information on the state’s website: www.jud.ct.gov. Or you can go to the courthouse in your district and visit the help center free of charge. 

You may be able to get your action going by preparing the paperwork, etc., but what about the issues that you need to resolve? Having a problem trying to figure out what will happen to your house? What about your children? How will they spend their time with two homes instead of one? How do you divvy up your retirement monies? Are you entitled to alimony or maybe your spouse has threatened to seek alimony. The issues may seem endless and complicated. That’s what I am for. You may not have the money to hire a lawyer to handle your entire divorce, but you sure need some guidance on how to resolve the problems that are unique to your case. Or, maybe your problems aren’t unique to a divorce lawyer but they are to you. 

Five crucial things you should do if you are thinking about getting a divorce or you have been served with divorce papers and you want to represent yourself:

1. Consult with a lawyer. (or more than one lawyer) This is very important. You need to know what your rights are and you need to know what all of the issues are that require resolution. You may think you have the list complete but there may be some missing items.

2. Get legal assistance filling out the financial affidavit form. This is important because you must sign this document under oath when it is complete and it must be filed with the court. A judge will review it at some point so it must be accurate. You don’t want to worry about committing perjury, or being accused of it if you forgot something or calculated incorrectly. Furthermore, you must include EVERYTHING.

3. Think about hiring a lawyer as a coach during the process. You may not be able to afford a regular retainer to hire a lawyer (or you just rather not) but you should consider spending some money for a legal coach. You will have questions during the process and will need assistance when negotiating a settlement agreement. This is money well spent.

4. Exchange documents and make sure you have your spouse’s full financial picture. Unless you are extremely satisfied that you know your spouse’s financial situation, you should engage in the “discovery process” by exchanging documents, such as bank records, retirement statements, brokerage account statements, credit card and debt records, etc. You also should have appraisals done regarding any joint or solely owned real estate.

5. Employ an attorney to review your settlement agreement before you sign it. You don’t want to be sorry later on that you entered into a poorly written agreement, or an agreement that lacks fairness. Hire an attorney to review the agreement before your court date.

Most people cannot afford to spend thousands of dollars on an attorney, or two for that matter, since there  are two of you. But, what I call “ pay- as- you- go lawyers “ are very crucial if you have financial problems and/or children’s issues that need resolution.  

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What Exactly Is Mediation?

Mediation is becoming more and more popular these days as the expense of hiring an attorney seems out of reach for many people. Litigation adds to the expense that many people just can’t afford. Just as important is the toll the adversarial process takes upon the family, including the children. 

Many people call me with the thought that mediation may be for them but they really don’t know exactly what mediation is. So folks, here is a crash course in what mediation is all about. 

A mediator is many times an attorney experienced in family law. Like myself, I represent people in their divorces, whether it be litigation, collaborative law, or mediation. Sometimes mediators are not attorneys, but they have experience in dealing with family conflicts, maybe as a therapist or other professional. The mediator does not “represent” either party, nor does the mediator represent “both” of the parties. He or she can not. The mediator must be neutral. However, the role and goal of the mediator is to bring the parties together in agreement on the issues. Many times we not only assist in helping the parties reach an agreement, but we assist in processing the paperwork to get the divorce case going and draft the final agreement so the parties are fully prepared to attend their final hearing in court to get divorced. Sometimes the mediator will appear in court with the parties to help them through the final hearing. 

Mediation is flexible and confidential. If your mediation fails, neither party can use what the other said in court. A good mediator tries to keep the parties on a path that will lead to an agreement as opposed to getting sidetracked on emotional issues that may lead them astray. A mediator can not give legal advice to either party since he/she is neutral. A mediator can give the parties information that better educates them on how the system works. 

One of the most common questions I am asked by people looking into mediation is will the court approve their agreement. Some people have a preconceived notion that a court will “make them do something differently despite the fact they reached an agreement.” Other people have this preconceived notion that a judge can not change what the parties agreed upon. Neither is exactly true. The truth lies somewhere in between. 

The court or judge has the obligation to find that the agreement reached by the parties is fair and reasonable under the circumstances. What does that mean? Well, the judge reviews the agreement and may ask questions about it to determine if under the circumstances of your particular case, the issues have been resolved fairly. What is fair in your case may not be fair in another case. Although every judge is different, and unfortunately many times- unpredictable, I would be doing you a disservice by trying to lump them all together with a statement that works all the time. I can’t. I can say that generally, unless your agreement is so one sided (in favor of one of you substantially more than the other, without good reason) your agreement will most likely be approved. 

This is why a good mediator is helpful. Most good attorneys have a fairly good idea what a judge would not approve. (most  of the time- remember I said some judges are unpredictable) Sometimes there may be one small part of an agreement that the court does not like and it can be simple to make a small change while in court. Overall, if you use a good mediator you should be fine. 

Let me say that personally, I believe mediation is a much better tool than litigation in most instances if the parties want to try it.  I am seeing more and more couples realize that they need to try to work through their issues to get divorced without litigation and lots of lawyers. Who wants to pay two lawyers to do the work that one lawyer mediating the case can do. 

If it doesn’t work out, the parties can always hire their own lawyers. If you have children, mediation is a much better path than litigation because it brings you together rather than entice you to fight. Children of amicably divorced parents are more likely to survive divorce much better than those of litigious parents. 

So, if you are thinking of trying mediation, give it a try, but find a good mediator who you both feel comfortable with.

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Some Divorces Just Got A Little Easier in Connecticut

Connecticut is really trying to stay up with the times when it comes to divorce. Well, sort of. There is much room for improvement, believe me. But the new non- adversarial divorce rules are a step in the right direction. Here’s a bit about the new rules which took effect on October 1, 2015. 

You can now apply for a waiver of the 90 day statutory waiting period. That’s right, folks. You can get divorced in less than 90 days if you have an agreement on all issues prior to the case management date. (the 90th day) 

All you have to do is file the motion. (and hope the court grants it. I don’t have any information yet as to why a court would deny it, but the form is fairly simple and does not require any information other than the parties stating under oath that they have an agreement on all issues) 

You MAY be able to get divorced in less than 35 days if you file a joint petition for divorce and you meet the following criteria: 1. You are married 8 years or less; 2. Neither party is pregnant; 3. No children were born or adopted before or during the marriage; 4. Neither party has an interest or title in real estate; 5. Neither party has a company sponsored pension plan; 6. Neither party has a pending bankruptcy; 7. Neither party is applying for or receiving Medicaid benefits; 8. No other action for divorce is pending; 9. There are no restraining orders or protective orders between the parties. 

If and when I discover more information about these new options to get divorced in a more simplified fashion, I’ll be sure to post an update.

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The New Year Means New Beginnings

This is a special time of year that goes way beyond festivities in Time Square. It’s the time of year to focus on the year ahead and what the future will hold for each and every one of us. If your family is breaking up then this is the time to seriously look at how things have been going in the past and consider what you really believe should be happening in the future. 

This is the time to think about stepping back and reevaluating where you place blame. I have been divorcing people for a very long time, and let me say that both parties contribute to the demise of the marriage. This doesn’t mean that if I represent you I won’t advocate fully for your side of the story, but for the purposes of this blog, all of us, need to seriously look at our individual roles in contributing to conflict. Our world is filled with so much hatred, violence and tragedy. Let us look forward to 2016 with a sense of hope, peace and an attempt to try to get along with our soon to be or already in place, ex-spouse. What do you have to lose? What do you gain by contributing to conflict? If you have children, think seriously about how conflict affects them. So, in these troubling times worldwide, let’s not contribute to further hatred and think about ways to try to get along with our ex-spouses or soon to be ex-spouses so that our children grow up with a positive outlook on the future.  

Happy New Year

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Christmas Parenting Time

Since Christmas is less than three weeks away, I thought it appropriate to talk a bit about scheduling your parenting time with your kids during the holiday. If you are presently going through a divorce for the first time then you probably have no idea how to try to negotiate Christmas time with your kids. In my experience, most people share and alternate the Christmas holiday. If your kids are small, then Christmas morning is the most important part of the holiday. Whether you and your spouse can amicably “share” the morning of Christmas during your divorce is also an important factor.  Unfortunately, most people are not amicable about sharing holidays, but I always have hope that people will try to put their children first and stop all of the haggling. 

Generally, we alternate the Christmas holiday from year to year. If you get Christmas morning this year and your spouse gets Christmas Eve this year, then next year you flip it. Some people agree that the spouse who gets Christmas Eve may also get the latter part of Christmas Day. There is also the Christmas vacation when the kids are off from school, to think about as well. This runs from Christmas through New Years. Many people split this week. Some people celebrate the New Year’s holiday (eve and day) with their children, others do not celebrate it or they alternate it. There are many ways to do this, but keep in mind the age of your children. The other factor that weighs heavily are your individual family traditions. If your parents or extended family celebrate Christmas Eve more than they celebrate Christmas Day, then this will affect how you negotiate your parenting time. Remember, try to compromise. Part of co-parenting during and after divorce is a give and take process. The last thing you want is to be standing before a judge on Christmas Eve day.

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A Positive Attitude Goes Miles

I often refer my divorce clients to the philosophy of Socrates quote: "The secret to change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new", which is all about trying to let go of the past and being positive about the future, and this driver sure has got the right idea!

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Contemplating Divorce

Summer has come and gone. The kids are back in school and the holidays are right around the corner. If you find yourself still in the same situation, unhappy in your marriage, then maybe it’s time to speak to a lawyer about your rights and what the future may hold if you are contemplating divorce.  Most people are afraid to even think about a divorce, because they do not think they can afford it financially. Let me say that most people do just fine after they are divorced. I think the fear, although natural, should not keep you from being happy. 

That being said, hopefully you have tried marriage counseling before you speak to a lawyer. If your spouse refuses to engage in marriage counseling, then it is almost always a good idea to see your own therapist to help you emotionally. Contemplating and going through a divorce is extremely difficult, so I like to see most of my clients in therapy. Emotional health leads to good decisions.

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Motion Practice

For those of you who are not familiar with the divorce process, I want to talk a bit about motion practice. During a divorce, you may want or need something that your spouse is not agreeable to. Maybe you are both separated and you need child support pending the divorce. Or possibly you and your spouse can not agree upon a temporary parenting plan for the children.  No matter what it is, you can file a motion with the court requesting the particular relief you are seeking while your divorce is pending. This is called motion practice. 

When you file a motion with the court, the motion will be scheduled for a certain date. Most motions are docketed on what we call “short calendar” day. Each district has a certain day of the week on which motions are heard. In New Haven, for instance, short calendar is two days. On Wednesdays, motions for contempt are heard (more on this later) and on Thursdays, most other motions are heard. In Milford, all motions are heard on Mondays, and so on. 

When you go to court on short calendar day, you either try to work it out, or you have a hearing in front of a judge and the judge decides whether to grant the relief you requested. However, before you can go before the judge, you must see a family relations counselor who will assist both sides in reaching an agreement or will make a recommendation to settle the issue. Whatever the family relations counselor says is not admissible in court. So, if you don’t agree with the family relations counselor’s recommendation, you can have a hearing in front of a judge. If you do reach an agreement in lieu of a hearing, then you will make the agreement a court order. A judge will review the agreement and then hopefully accept it. 

Almost anything can be the subject of a motion. Motions for contempt are motions that allege that the other side did something to violate a court order already in place. So if you went to court on a motion and obtained a court order (by agreement or by way of a hearing in front of a judge) and later, you believe your spouse violated that court order, then you can file a motion for contempt and bring your spouse back to court to answer for the deed. 

Keep in mind that any order obtained by motion practice during the divorce is a temporary order. It does not survive the final judgment of divorce unless the relief you obtained temporarily is also included in the final judgment.

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What Is Discovery?

When two parties are going through a divorce, they must exchange all of their financial information so that they are each well informed. There must be full disclosure. This process is called “discovery.” 

During the discovery process, the parties (and if they have lawyers, their lawyers) will exchange discovery requests. These are documents that state what information each side is looking for from the other side. We have standard requests that include things like bank and investment records, credit card and loan statements, retirement statements and any and all financial records, including various types of insurance or assets and liabilities. There may be documents that need to be exchanged that are unique to a particular marriage. Nonetheless, the parties have a certain period of time to complete this initial exchange and the exchange is ongoing during the divorce so that records are updated. 

In addition to the documents I have mentioned, the parties must exchange financial affidavits. There are links to the financial affidavit forms as required by the courts in Connecticut on my website. The financial affidavit is basically a total itemization of a party’s financial circumstances. The affidavit must be signed under oath. The affidavit may also need to be updated as financial circumstances change during the divorce. 

I should point out that discovery, other than the exchange of financial affidavits, is not necessarily required. I have had clients in the past who already are well informed of each other’s finances and decide that neither one wants to go through the discovery process. They are comfortable with what they already know. 

I should also point out that if you retain a lawyer, discovery can get expensive if you have a non-cooperating spouse. The court will not tolerate a party who does not comply with discovery requests. If one does not comply, he or she can be sanctioned, fined and even incarcerated. 

So, if you are not familiar with the divorce process, and you feel in the dark about your spouse’s finances, rest assured you will get full disclosure during the divorce. That being said, the reality is that a spouse can still hide assets or liabilities despite the discovery process. There are ways to find hidden accounts or debts, but there is no guarantee that someone will not get away with hiding something. The system is as good as it gets.

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It’s Spring...Finally!

After such a dreadful winter that we thought would never end- heaps of snow, polar vortex temperatures, ice and wind, I thought this would be a fitting time to compare our transition from winter’s harsh elements to spring daffodils, nesting birds and warm sunshine to the transition of divorce to singlehood. Mind you, I don’t really care for the term “singlehood” but let’s face it, that’s what it is.  However, I would rather phrase it in terms of - New Beginnings. If you have visited my website and my facebook page, in one way or another, I consistently talk about not fighting the old, but embracing the new, growing into yourselves, finding a new life and so on. This is the key to surviving divorce. If you ask any of my clients, they will tell you that they were empowered by this unrelenting mantra I have developed over the years.

So if you feel overwhelmed with fear of what lies ahead after your divorce is over, or, in the thoughts of a divorce you may face, let me remind you that the old saying, “when one door closes, another one opens,” is so true. Most people facing divorce don’t realize how “stuck in a polar vortex” they have  become and that their life has stifled their very being- like a clog of ice frozen in time. They have lost themselves along the way. They just can’t find their way out of the rabbit hole. 

It is very rare during my first conversation with a potential client that I recognize someone who is full of life, with creative juices flowing, or someone so together that they are ready to run the race of divorce.  And if he or she exists, divorce will be so much easier for that person because they have embraced rebirth and new beginnings.   So, on that note, if you think you may be or are facing divorce, wake up in the morning and smell spring- it actually smells sweet. Listen to our feathered friends who have flown back to New England to chirp about building nests and teaching their little ones to fly.  They have a song to sing for you. Appreciate the beauty of the daffodils which amazingly have survived this harsh winter we have had, and look upward to a new life and new beginnings. Winter is over. Finally.

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The Return Date is NOT a Court Date

OMG. I have written about misnomers, old wives tales, rumors, and the like. But for some reason, people served with divorce papers think they have to go to court on the Return Date.  Recently, a spouse of one of my clients insisted he was going to court on that date no matter what I said. So I told her to tell him, “go to court, but I won’t be there!”  Makes me crazy!

So folks, if you have been served with divorce papers, you do NOT need to go to court on the Return Date. The Return Date is on the upper left corner of the Complaint and on the upper right side of the Summons. The Return Date is the beginning of the 90 day cooling off period. This means you cannot get a divorce prior to the 90th day (and in some districts you must wait until the 91st day.)

The purpose of the 90 day cooling off period is to “cool off.” Change your mind, think twice, maybe get back together. This may all change because the judicial branch and State of Connecticut are thinking of shortening this period of time for “simple” divorces to 30 days or something like that.  The rules state that an Appearance must be filed within two days of the Return Date. An Appearance is filed by the defendant (the one who was served with the divorce papers and thinks she/he has to go to court on the Return Date! Notta!)

If you don’t file an Appearance within two days of the Return Date your house does not blow up and the “Appearance Police” do not show up at your house to make sure you filed it. Guess what? NOTHING HAPPENS.  Yeah, some rules have no meat or meaning but we are stuck with them. The courts say if you don’t file your Appearance you won’t get notified of court dates. True. You won’t get anything from the court. But guess what? The courts bend over backwards to make your spouse notify you in one way or another when you don’t file an Appearance. So, don’t get nervous or freak out. Most likely there will be no notices sent to you within the week after the Return Date. However, all of that being said, it’s best to file the Appearance within a reasonable time after the Return Date. (Especially if you are nervous about it.)

So, don’t go to court on the Return Date, don’t freak out about what you have to do by the Return Date, and just file the Appearance sometime thereafter so you don’t lose sleep over it.  When and if you retain a lawyer, he/she will file an Appearance on your behalf in addition to or in lieu of the one you filed or didn’t file. But, don’t stress over being late. So much for rules. Oh well…..

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Don’t Call The Police...

….unless you are truly, absolutely, definitely, without a doubt, in fear of your life. If you do, and you are not in danger, you will most likely be very sorry you did. Spouses get into arguments and fights. People act stupid. If you are splitting up, whether the divorce was filed yet or not, arguments are much more blown out of proportion and emotions are on high escalation. Here is my point.

Way too often I see the situation between spouses escalating at the beginning stages of divorce. When the parties are still living together, usually, one of them wants the other OUT. This is the root of the confrontation. People are getting on each other’s nerves and one of them will not leave. (why should he or she) So, the tension increases and a fight develops. Sometimes there is minor physical contact, sometimes there is a major assault. However, many times it’s minor or nonexistent. 

If it is minor or nonexistent and one of you call the police, you will most likely both get arrested for disorderly conduct or some other misdemeanor charge. Then you have to go to court, OFTEN. If your children are present, DCF may get involved. This is when you will regret calling the police. If your goal is to get the other spouse out of the house by calling the police, you will most likely not succeed and you risk getting arrested as well. You don’t want to lose your job because of all of the court appearances, you don’t want DCF lingering around interfering with how you raise your children and you don’t want to be humiliated by having to appear in criminal court when you have no prior record. When you call the police, you invite the state into your private affairs and you lose your privacy. The state will now tell you what to do….like take anger management classes, or put your children into counseling. (which at that point they need!)

Let me point out again, that I am not saying that you should not call the police if you are in danger! But if you are calling the police because your emotions are out of control or you have an ulterior motive, don’t do it. If you can’t stand living with your spouse, and there is no way you can separate at the time, use your energy to come up with an alternative solution. BE SMART.

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Serving Your Spouse With The Divorce Papers

I can’t tell you how many times a new client asks me this question when we talk about how we are going to serve his or her spouse with the divorce papers. “ What if he won’t sign the papers?”

Guess what, folks?  He or she does not sign anything! That’s right. I don’t know where this idea came from but I’ve been hearing it for years. For some reason, most people believe that to serve your spouse with a divorce, the spouse has to “sign” the papers. Not true.

To start a divorce action, (or any civil action) the other party must have notice. It’s due process- a requirement from our founding fathers and the constitution. You can’t sue someone by surprise. So, a Connecticut state marshal (there is a list) must either serve the receiving spouse “in hand” (meaning literally hand them over in person) or serve the receiving spouse at his or her usual place of abode. (where he or she lives- meaning the marshal can stick the papers in the door) So for those of you who are worried about whether your spouse will “sign” the papers, no need to worry. There isn’t even a place on the paperwork to sign it! The truth of all of this is: the receiving spouse cannot stop you from filing for divorce.

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Settlement or Litigation: Who’s Really Driving This Bus?

I have always said to a new client that much of how your case progresses will depend on who the lawyer is representing your spouse. How sad is that? It goes to show you how miserable the state of divorce is in this country.  

With the New Year upon us, I thought it very fitting to approach this subject, since many people think about calling a lawyer in January because they just can’t stay married anymore. There is something about the holidays that not only brings a lot more deaths, but the end of marriages as well. Did you know that divorce is seasonal? Well, if you are reading this blog, you probably thought that you would “wait until after the holidays” to call a lawyer. 

Let’s talk a bit, for a moment, about settlement versus litigation. I describe at length on my website why settlement is so much better for everyone than litigation. I’m sure all that advice goes unheeded by many. Why? Because many, and possibly most, want to FIGHT. Divorce is painful, bad marriages ugly and emotions run high with anger, pain and bitterness. Many are thinking and saying: “You want me to settle? Are you kidding me?” Well, no, I am not kidding you.  And here is why. You can fight. You have a right to fight. The system is set up to fight and let you have the fight of your life. Get out that wallet, open up the bank account. Because if you want to fight, you will not do well without a lawyer. That’s what lawyer’s spend lots of education and years practicing to learn. You can’t possibly do as good a job. We are trained like special forces to fight. And many of us ONLY fight. Many of us do not settle. This is why the state of divorce is so miserable in this country.  So now let me tell you why fighting is bad and settling is good. (In most cases, not all) 

You want to fight, right? First ask yourself why? I bet I can respond to each reason with a negative. Your reasons are defined by your emotions. Test it out. Write down all the reasons and look at your list. They are emotional. They are guesses, assumptions and negative presumptions.  Litigation is risky business. If you like to gamble and roll the dice, and you really don’t care about the outcome, then litigation is for you. Except that if you don’t care about the outcome, why not settle and save the lawyer fees for Las Vegas. Judges are people like you and me. They have prejudices, and they make mistakes. They also have bad days which may include a fight with their own spouses! 

Although in my experience, most judges are fair, you are handing your life over to a stranger to decide. And if you think that all the “bad things your spouse did to you” will convince a judge to rule in your favor, THINK AGAIN. Your spouse has a dirty laundry list of the same and the judge will ultimately wash out the two lists. The judge is fair, neutral and impartial, or the judge could hate you for something you didn’t even think of. Care to play that chess move? By settling your case, you have a say in the outcome. Yes, your spouse does too, but chances are the give and take that you are not able to do in the marriage will foster a settlement in the divorce that you both can live with. Seems like an oxymoron ? Yes, the reality is that what you are not able to do in your marriage, you MUST do in your divorce. This is what is so difficult about divorce.

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Facebook Postings- AKA Exhibit “A”

Recently, a client hand delivered to me approximately 100 pages of Facebook postings from his soon to be ex- wife’s Facebook page. They were all categorized, stickied, and organized by topic. 

I love clients like that.

What a virtual treasure trove of potential exhibits for court!  

Family law lawyers love the age of social media for evidence purposes. We couldn’t make this stuff up if we dug deep down inside to stir our creative juices. People naturally act in ways I can’t even imagine. And many a judge has rolled her eyes at some of the behaviors and rants people actually post for the world to see. The nature of divorce is no longer the same. Unfortunately, social media has empowered the divorce soldiers into battle mode. 

Don’t expect any privacy rights in stuff you post on the internet. Yeah, you blocked your soon to be ex, however, you didn’t block every friend or those “fake” friends who could be lurking. Courts have also been known to order a party to turn over passwords and login ID’s to the other spouse during their divorce proceedings. Almost everything is fair game. 

So, think before you post that selfie of you sitting in that Ferrari you failed to put down on your financial affidavit.

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“What Are My Rights?”

This is the most asked question of divorce attorneys. So here is my “index card” of your rights In a divorce.

1. Marital Assets. You should hope to get at least half of all marital assets. You could get more and you could get less, but half is a fairly reasonable expectation. Marital assets include the equity in the house or other real estate, bank and brokerage accounts, automobiles, retirement accounts including pensions, IRA’s and 401k’s. 

2. Child Support. If you have children, there most likely will be a child support order. Who gets what depends on how much time the children spend with each parent. 

3. Unreimbursed medical/dental expenses for the children are each parent’s responsibility and are determined as percentages by the child support guidelines.

4. Work related day care is treated just like unreimbursed medical/dental expenses. Medical/dental expenses and work related day care are paid In addition to child support.  

5. Alimony is its own beast. If one spouse earns substantially more than the other spouse, then alimony MAY be warranted. However, if the spouse who earns less, has an earning capacity (meaning he/she can earn something …either minimum wage or higher) then the court may impute income to that spouse and then determine if alimony is reasonable. Go to work!

6. Life Insurance. Life insurance must be paid by both parties to protect their obligations for child support. This includes the payee spouse. Many times, life insurance is required also to cover college expenses. If a spouse is paying alimony, he/she will have to have enough life insurance to protect this obligation as well. 

7. College for Kids. Okay, so more and more parents feel a need to pay for their kids college these days. Well, CT general statutes has guidelines for courts to order college in a divorce. The costs can not exceed the cost of going to UCONN. So if you want to force your spouse to pay a portion of Yale, forget about it. College expenses include medical expenses. Age 23 is the cut off. 

8. Personal property. The beast of all beasts. See my previous post. This can be a deal breaker. So if you can get your stuff early on, get it. Otherwise, the cost could be ridiculous. There are no rules and you will pay professionals to sort it out if you can’t. Just keep in mind how much you could spend to fight over it. 

9. Debt. Let’s focus on credit card debt for the moment. In my experience, most Americans have credit card debt. This means that most Americans live way beyond their means. Credit card debt can be a dilemma in a divorce. Who charged what for who or the family. Who pays for it. This is for another post. Expect to have to divvy up the debt in some fashion. 

Okay folks, that’s it in a nutshell. At least you have an idea about your rights.