This will be the last I speak of you on here. This post will be my form of permanent closure to that chapter of my life.
So, I learned you got yourself a new girl recently. I’m sure she’s kind, well mannered and down to earth - just the type you like. If she is anything like me we probably could’ve been good friends in another lifetime.
For some reason, I care about her. Yes, I care about a stranger I don’t even know. But I know you. And I know she would’ve gotten sucked in by your initial charms. You are attracted to girls who don’t make you feel overpowered by intellect or humour. So you use those factors to charm a girl. I know it all, I’ve seen it all, I’ve felt it all. She will see how much you care about your family, your friends, how career-focused you are, how hardworking you are. How you have a soft spot for cute things when your outward persona is quite the opposite. These are genuine traits about you that I liked.
It’s ironic that I’ve managed to feel and experience almost everything I wanted you to be and do in the two years we were together all in the space of a few months of being in my new relationship after you. I understand now how every girl should be treated. I realise now that at least while you were with me you lacked fundamental values in what it meant to be the best partner for your other half. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe you’re just not aware of these values, maybe because you were just really spoiled by myself and probably the one before me who gave you everything you wanted and us being too naive on how we should’ve been treated back.
Because I care for this stranger, the following is what I urge you to implement in your new relationship. She deserves this.
1. Communicate and be transparent. We both know how bad you are at face to face confrontation. You lose your words when you have to talk feelings face to face and you feel more comfortable typing out your feelings. You find it hard processing feelings in general. That’s fine, but don’t pretend you are okay with something when you’re clearly not. Communicate with her straight away when you’re uncomfortable with something, don’t leave it until you get upset. And when she voices out her discomfort about anything that you might consider as paranoia, don’t ridicule her. Give her assurance with clear communication.
2. When you talk to her, actually talk to her. You’re good at talking about your day and what happened to you, you you you, but you’re not good at asking back. Ask her things. Ask about her day and actually be interested in it by asking more questions. Ask if she’s okay. Ask her if there is anything on her mind that she wants to talk about. Be interested in what she likes. Show your curiosity. It’s not a conversation when you only talk about yourself. Talk to her.
3. Do not lie in any circumstance. None. Zero. Honesty is the best policy, and openly establish this early on in your relationship. I don’t care if you wanted to protect me from being hurt, I’d have rather get hurt a little from the truth than be even more hurt from figuring out that you lied or tried to hide it from me. The moment she catches that you told a lie, her trust in you will diminish little by little and be replaced with doubt, like the way mine did in you.
4. Don’t victimise yourself in arguments. You are so good at this, and in turn it makes the other person feel so guilty and ridiculed at the same time. Probably the worst you ever did was when you lied about something and then tried to hide your lie by victimising yourself and either 1. accusing me of accusing you for lying or 2. making me feel like a fool for thinking that you lied, then when I found out the truth you victimised yourself again by saying you were just trying to protect me, and that I found out the truth only because I invaded your privacy. Don’t be a dick, say sorry first, don’t get defensive. Listen to what she has to say, try to understand where she’s coming from. Don’t give up on an argument because you’re too fed up with it. Let down your inflated ego. You’re not right all the time. Pick your battles.
5. Give her assurance with the little things. Hold her hand when you’re walking, don’t make her hold yours first. Wrap your arms around her. Kiss her forehead when she doesn’t expect it. Give her long hugs. Tell her how much you love her every chance you get. Wipe away her tears when she cries. Tell her how beautiful she is even when she has the darkest eye bags with a bare face. Tell her how hot and sexy she looks in that new outfit. Take good pictures of her, take good pictures with her. Make her feel like a queen, because she deserves it.
6. Be encouraging in all aspects of her life. You have a knack of wanting to be the better one at everything. Give her words of support and advice when she needs it. Tell her how much you believe in her when she doesn’t believe in herself. When she achieves something good, whether it’s a really good grade or when she gets a bullseye while playing darts, tell her well done and that you’re proud of her. Words of affirmation go a long way.
7. Never take her vulnerability for granted. The longer she is with you the deeper she’ll fall in love with you, and that takes a great deal of vulnerability. You took mine for granted and used it to your advantage and as a result at some points I found myself forgetting how much I’m really worth. Never let her feel that way.
8. Be selfless. Show your initiative and do things for her that you know she’ll appreciate. When she cooks you food, help her mince the garlic. When she’s busy doing her makeup, take out the garbage. Cook her breakfast in bed. Insist that you do the dishes. Buy her flowers every now and then. Help fold the laundry. This is a huge part of never taking her for granted. Thank her for cooking you food. Thank her for anything she goes out of her way to do for you. Tell her directly how much you appreciate her, don’t assume she already knows. She will do so many things out of pure love for you. Never take that for granted.
9. Don’t let complacency get in the way of a long lasting spark in the relationship. And when you do find your relationship in a rut, address it openly with her and plan things to keep that excitement last. Go on weekly date nights. Go on day trips, or plan a romantic getaway. Plan things with her only, don’t include your friends just to kill two birds with one stone. Keep the spark going, because contrary to your belief, the honeymoon phase can last for as long as both parties make an effort.
I hope she loves you the way I did, and I hope you love her back the way every girl deserves.
