The Transition Blog of Dino Rowan

In attempts to separate my transition-related posts from my personal blog for easier access.

[atypical-dino]

Less than two weeks post-hysterectomy and I've been able to have sex as normal (receiving oral stimulation to the enhanced clitoris and using my anatomy to penetrate my partner.) Though to note I've been aware of the healing at the bottom of my opening due to the device they used. It was mostly if I was pulling on it in a weird position, I needed to readjust or lay off, keep my legs together and put pressure on it. Once again this is a reminder that while as someone who likes exterior stimulation which is allowed post-op at your comfort, any interior stimulation or insertion of any objects into the vagina is not allowed for three months post surgery.

[atypical-dino]

Hmm, it’s interesting now. A week post-op and I’m starting to get my sex drive back. It’s still pretty low. Mostly just some nice feeling touching my dick, but I don’t think I’d be able to get hard or get off.

[atypical-dino]

Something else which is interesting (but also not surprised by) is my lack of desire or need(?) to masturbate/etc while in recovery. To be honest I was slightly concerned about it before surgery because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to/would be worried about messing something up. When I asked about having oral sex/etc on my extended clitoris/dick hybrid thing (non-penetrative), my surgeon said that would be okay but that I probably wouldn’t even feel like it for a while. I thought to myself “pshht okay if that’s even possible” but no it’s true. I haven’t had like... any desire or urges. 

Oh, something else to bring up which I forgot to mention earlier. For people who utilize receiving penetrative sex into the vagina, you’re not supposed to engage in that (or any kind of insertion I think, but it might just be sex) for three months after surgery. I know there are limitations on that. I’ll have to double check. Actually, I’ll scan in the pre/post-op care instructions and post them on here a little bit later. It might not be until next week or so. 

Anyways, yeah. A tidbit on that.

[atypical-dino]

In related news. When the lady put the thing (vaginal pack/glorified tampon) she said that I could come back in a few days and they’d remove it for me and check up etc. I said “yeah I can come back Thursday or Friday?” (it was Monday) and she said “oh no honey I don’t think you’ll be wanting it in there for more than a day or two.” and I was like “uh okay.” and now. now I know what she means. yesterday it felt like a nice pillow thing but now it’s just like. get out (literally) I would take it out myself but I’m afraid to because I don’t want to start bleeding everywhere again because I’m dumb. Whatever, it’ll be out around 9:30am... after I drive into Boston during rush hour. No loopy painkillers for me tomorrow morning. 

[atypical-dino]

So when I went in to the gyno yesterday so they could plug the thing, they gave me more pads and also an adult diaper. I looked at the adult diaper and was like “heck no I’m not wearing that” but then later while organizing my room I looked in my drawer and decided to figure out how the heck to put it on. And said “hell why not I’m at home in my room and I’m going to wear this to sleep so it’s fine.” because I’m leaking like crazy. So yes while I look and feel rather silly with this (adult diaper) semi-hidden under my joggers, it’s fairly comfortable and it feels like a decent safety blanket. I might grab a few more for home use over the next few days. They’re free so. Don’t tell anyone.

I might wear it to the doc tomorrow and change into normal underwear after they take the vaginal pack/glorified tampon out. I’m driving/parking there myself and I can hide my butt under joggers and a coat or something. 

Yeah. Maybe I’ll do that. We’ll see.

No shame. 

[atypical-dino]

Hysterectomy, Testosterone & Vaginal Atrophy Cautions

Okay so coming from my own experience, if you’re thinking about getting a hysterectomy or know you’re going to want one as part of your transition, I heavily advise getting it done the earlier the better in your medical transition process. Obviously I advise thinking long and hard about it and making sure it’s the right thing for you. But yes, if you can even get it done before starting testosterone that would be the most ideal, in my opinion.

Why is that? Well, testosterone causes this lovely thing called vaginal atrophy. Vaginal atrophy is when the inner linings of the vagina shrink and dry out, loose a lot of lubrication and get fragile and prone to bleeding. Basically testosterone shuts down your on-board reproductive system so it’s like “yeah bro I’m gonna just... shed all this extra weight because whatever you don’t need it” in medical terms, you know? 

As far as I know, vaginal atrophy isn’t a sudden onset as soon as you start testosterone. Like pretty much everything with medical transitioning, there’s a timeline for it.  Vaginal atrophy starts around 3-6 months on T, and it takes about 1-2 years for its maximum onset. At the time of my hysterectomy, I was on testosterone for over 4 years. 

--

A few more things about my own vagina (things that are unique to me and may or may not be shared by others.) My vaginal opening is about the size of my pinky finger. My gynecologist says it’s a combination of what I was born with and how I’ve never had any penetration. During surgery they had to use a device to expand that opening so they could get everything out, because the surgery was done laparoscopically, which means they used a camera and everything was taken out though my vagina. That device caused lacerations and a bunch of bleeding both internally (due to the atrophy/dryness) and externally. The resulting bleeding was more than they expected and I was kept in the hospital overnight to keep tabs on it. So basically, that’s why I suggest the earlier the better. Or stopping testosterone for a bit/taking estrogen and gaining the lubrication and lining back. (I haven’t suggested that to my doc yet so I don’t know if that is feasible.) Anyways, explore your options if you know you’ve been on T for a while with resulting vaginal atrophy and plan on a laparoscopic hysterectomy. 

-

Okay, so that’s my own unqualified advice from personal experience. Because I’m not a doctor person. As I always advise, if you’re thinking about getting a hysterectomy, talk to your doctor. Figure out your options. Don’t let me scare you away, I’m just sharing this so peeps can be more aware of how to prepare themselves and what to expect.

[atypical-dino]

okay a lot of stuff has happened since my hysterectomy. we had a few minor complications and I’ll get into that a little later. still dealing with some stuff at the moment. I will keep y’all updated, I promise!

[atypical-dino]

Today’s the day of my hysterectomy.

It’s simultaneously a big deal and also not a big deal. It’s important but it’s not important. It’s life changing but not in the way I would think it would be life changing. It’s exciting but not. You get the picture.

Mentally, I’m comparing it to my top surgery. For me, my top surgery in 2013 had a larger impact on my life than I feel like my hysterectomy will. Having my reproductive organs removed isn’t as visible and mentally affective (I’m predicting), as having my breasts removed (it’s weird calling them that sometimes.)

Anyways, maybe it comes from several things. Maybe I’m past that point in my transition where I need to worry about other things. For me, top surgery was the pinnacle. It’s weird, though, because the hysterectomy has a larger functional impact on the workings of my body than my top surgery. Though, mentally I’m regarding the former as “just another surgery”, like having my appendix removed (which happened when I was 10 btw). You can’t see it and you don’t really have any use for it. 

Also, I’m not really… freaking out too much about the recovery? It’s probably because less than two weeks ago I had my (second) major foot surgery, which is rendering me temporally disabled and great affects my mobility. So I’m already slowed down and not running around like my normal self. But this one, the hysto, affects my ability to do heavy lifting for 4-6 weeks, unlike my foot, which affects my ability to run marathons for 4-6 weeks.

Hysto also has a lovely side affect (if that), of vaginal spotting (bleeding) for about a week post-op. Which meant that I had to get light menstrual pads and appropriate underwear. So that’s exciting. I don’t know if it’s exactly dysphoric in the traditional sense as it is just like…. “really?” I have to go back to this? (I know that it’s probably not menstrual fluid as it is just blood drainage from normal surgery stuff, as there is with most surgeries.) But it’s all in good time, or whatever. It’s funny though, because the surgery that I’m getting to stop all this jazz permanently, T or not, has a side effect of creating it (in one way or another) for a week after.

Though, also getting a hysto is super super duper permanent. Not that I don’t know that already but it’s more a reality now. In the sense that I now have to stay on testosterone for the rest of my life, because if my body isn’t getting hormones in one way or another, bad stuff can happen and I will need additional medical care.

I don’t know. I’m excited, and anxious as the time gets closer, but I’m not as excited as I was for top surgery. It’s different. I’m just excited to get it dealt with.

I’m sure as I wait in pre-op, post-op, and/or recovery I’ll be rambling more about my feelings. Right now it’s 5am, and check-in time is at 8:30a. And surgery is at 10:30am. Looking forward to being loopy again.

[atypical-dino]

I’m having my hysterectomy done today (12/31/15)

It’s completely covered by my health insurance, Harvard Pilgrim Health Care.

I’m having it done laparoscopicly, which means it’s minimally invasive and there’s a small camera involved. And it’s being done by area celebrity (in the trans/LGBT/POC community) gynecologist Dr. Yvonne Gomez-Carrion at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston, who is the sweetest most badass lady ever. 

I apologize for not posting a lot about this prior, but I’ll be either making a post or a video or both about the logistics and mental/physical impact in the coming weeks. 

[atypical-dino]

Harvard Pilgrim HealthCare Gender Reassignment Services for Fully-Insured Transgender Subscribers and Dependents

EFFECTIVE APRIL 9th 2015

Please note that all covered services require letters from appropriate doctors. Parts of some services may not be covered. - ex. Sometimes a double mastectomy will require a small amount of liposuction, which is not covered. In my case, my top surgery would have cost $9500 out of pocket but I ended up paying only $2200 after we received our reimbursement.  Further questions can be referred to Member Services, at 1-888-333-4742. Harvard Pilgrim also has a contact person in charge of transgender care and authorizations, which they will refer to you. 

[atypical-dino]

Created an accessible link for my Transition Playlist on YouTube. It’s gotten kind of hard to find on my channel because of the way the playlists are set up on my page and I can’t figure out if there’s a way to fix it.

[atypical-dino]

Throwback to June 2013 when my mom and I marched together at Boston Pride with the MTPC.

[atypical-dino]

Top Surgery Experience Master Post: Keyhole with Dr. Richard Bartlett in Boston, Full Insurance Coverage Under Harvard Pilgrim

Every now and then somebody messages me asking about my top surgery experience with Dr. Richard Bartlett in Boston, and sometimes also my health insurance coverage. So I'm going to put together a master post of all the documentation and stuff that I know about my experience. Quick background: I had keyhole/peri-aeriolar surgery done in June of 2013 by Dr. Richard Bartlett. My insurance, Harvard Pilgrim, covered the bulk of the costs of the surgery. Full surgery cost was $9500, which isn't cheap, but in my opinion, you get what you pay for when it comes to surgery. After I got my refund back from insurance, total expense came to about $2300.

Here's information under my "Top Surgery" tag on my Transition Blog.

Here's my general transition videos on my YouTube, some of which discuss my top surgery experience and recovery.

Here's my original Yelp review that's led a bunch of folks to ask me for further information.

Here's a mini photo series I did as a silly art student of my pre-op chest. (NSFW)

Here's a four-part photo documentation of the first three weeks after surgery, ranging from immediately after surgery to when my nipple bandages were removed.

As always, feel free to send me an email ([email protected]) or message me with any further questions you may have,

[atypical-dino]

Hey there. We don't know each other, but I saw the photoset you posted right after you had top surgery, and I did some research on Dr. Bartlett because of it. He did DI for me on Jan 19, and it turned out great. Thanks for bringing him to my attention. -Mason

Oh, awesome! I'm glad I helped!

[dinobearthemighty]

I’m still really struggling to figure out where I place myself in the community.

A big chunk of the time, well, recently that is, I just don’t want to deal with anything trans-community related. I really don’t. That sounds weird for me to say that and it’s probably coming out wrong. But I mean that I just absolutely do not feel connected at all to the community. And I’m starting to feel weird about the whole “brotherhood” thing, as some of my peers have started to voice similar opinions. Like, yo man I understand that you’re connected through these similar struggles that you go through but that’s just not… me anymore.

I don’t want to, and frankly don’t need to deal with issues pertaining to my status as a trans person anymore in my day to day life. Yes on occasion I have had some scheduling and logistical issues in terms of receiving my Testopel but besides that I’m good. 

Really, I don’t need to deal with shit anymore.

But there is a whole endless supply of folks who do need to deal with shit, whether they like it or not, everyday. And there are people that can (and have) benefited from my knowledge and experience. I think. 

—

Guys, I’ve really been struggling with this. I really kinda just want to drop the whole trans stuff that surrounds me and just carry on with my life. Not like be stealth or anything. But I mean… gosh it feels weird to say this, I started to feel not shame, but like…. really, really disassociated from the community. I’ve actually been trying to pull myself together over the past couple days to make a video about it. I’ve kinda touched upon it lightly in past videos. Because frankly, what else is there for me to do? 

I don’t know, you guys, being trans isn’t the only thing about me and it should not, and frankly does not, take over my life. But then I feel guilty if I don’t do anything about it. Shit comes up in the media and I get sick of it. I get sick of a lot of things. I don’t have the energy to deal with anything.  —

Look guys, I’ve come this far and I used to be such an active resource for folks. But something has changed for me and I’m not quite sure what. The only real clue I can say is that I’m just feeling a growing distance between me and the “community.” I’m growing more and more into that whole “lone wolf” BS and not really dependent on the community for a whole bunch. 

And I’m not saying that the community is dependent on me, per se, but a lot of younger guys do look to me for advice. And it makes me feel good, it makes me feel important. And since I’m me and I have a big ego I like to feel important and looked up to and whatever. I like to feel special. 

—

This post ended up turning out a little differently than I thought it would, mostly just writing my thought process. Guess it’s turned into a “New Year’s Resolution” post. Alright guys, I would prefer if I didn’t let my experiences and unique positive, outspoken and no-BS attitude go to waste, so for 2015 I hope to find a way to increase my presence and awareness as a trans resource and step up my game for y’all on here and in general. I will try my best to manage my time wisely between my personal, career, and this so we can all have good fun and whatever.

[dinobearthemighty]

Effects and Expected Time Course of Testosterone Hormones

[sensible-tips]

Testosterone Thursday

Keep in mind changes occur at different times for different guys, depending on individual biology and dosage.

[princesskls]

So wait if you lose lubrication, then will you able to get aroused and ejaculate?

[dinobearthemighty]

…No. Testosterone therapy does not enable trans males to grow a fully functioning penis. With testosterone, the clitoris enlarges slightly and looks like a little thumb poking out with a hood. Similar to a very small uncircumcised penis. But it varies in size, just as all gentials vary in shapes and sizes. 

The clitoris cannot ejaculate, as the owner does not have the necessary organs or plumbing that would enable it to. But it can get aroused and hard. 

[dinobearthemighty]

NSFW/Trigger Warning?  I came across my before/after photos for my top surgery with Dr. Richard Bartlett, if anybody is interested in seeing them.  I had “keyhole” and it was covered by insurance. Total cost without insurance would be $9500, total cost with insurance coverage was $2200 (insurance didn’t pay for the small amount of liposuction.) I know it seems a little pricey, but I’m very pleased with both the results and the service provided by Dr. Bartlett’s office, and I feel like you get what you pay for. When it comes to top surgery, I’d rather not skimp on price and quality, similar to getting a tattoo.