juni

[auburette]

"I want to see life the way you do."

I want to know why Sundays are your favourite and why you obsess over that particular shade of blue. the way you like your ginger tea when you have a headache. or why you prefer long walks over long drives. the thoughts that strike you everytime we are at the beach watching the waves crash at our feet. and why do you still hold on to the letters from your past. you are more in love with the moon than the sunsets we chase everyday. the scars that you showed me and the ones that you hide- I want to know the stories behind them; how you survived and how you forgave them. your comfort zones, your triggers and the old 80's song that made you want to dance with me that evening. how do you remember my favourites and my wishlist when I forget them mostly. I want to know why you smile everytime I defy you and particularly, I want to know why you keep a picture of me in your wallet.

[auburette]

“i miss the fact that i can no longer call your name out loud. now it’s just stolen glances and wistful smiles between us.” // -juni

[auburette]

I missed being here

[auburette]

“I don’t have much strength left to harbour hate.”

but i hope this doesn’t pass you by. and i hope you cry out of helplessness knowing that you’d only ever be standing in a field of poison ivy’s because you never deserved the daisies.

[auburette]

some of us live a really bland life. every day is about surviving better than yesterday and every tomorrow seems like a task looming on our heads. we have no particular destinations..it’s like wherever life takes us, we will thrive, we have to. love is a fantasy and the world is a little more cruel. happiness seems to arrive in instalments which are difficult to afford sometimes. and the cities appear mostly grey- but the sky remains blue for us and as bright as it is for the ones who wear tinted glasses because of it.

[auburette]

“I hope love finds you in your quiet moments- moments when you feel at peace or when you are not in a survival mode. I hope love finds you when your heart is already filled with love, and I hope it adds to it. I hope it doesn’t make you beg for it, cry for it or crawl towards it. I hope when love finds you, you greet it with a smile and hold its hands and walk towards the sun.”

[auburette]

“All the nights that made me feel like the world was better off without me, has passed.”

i want to live now

[auburette]

“So the other day, I wrote your name and drew a heart around it..three to be precise. and that’s when it hit me that no matter the time or the distant years between us…no matter how busy I try to make myself be, my subconscious is full of you, only you and there is no other way about it.” </3

[auburette]

“I want to be understood without handing out a manual.”

for me to believe in your love, you must be fluent with my silence and my rage.

[mapsontheweb]

Outline of the world by mapping all lighthouses

[auburette]

“I demand to be respected.”

if not out of love, then it must be out of fear

[auburette]

“People remember you in ways you are not aware of.”

the one that got away. the one who granted them their seat when they could barely stand. the one who can make them laugh when they feel like crying. the one who adds colour to their stories. the one they cannot imagine a world without. the one they love without trying. the one whose kind words have stayed longer than necessary. the one they still want to write letters. the one they wish to be loved by. the one they wish they have treated better. the one they wish were friends with still. the one who never falls short of empathy. the one whose presence feels like a warm hug. the one stranger who gave them the right direction when they were in a hurry. the one whose struggles are like a survival kit for others. the one who make others believe in a genuine world. and the one who is a poem in themselves.

[auburette]

I don’t hate you, but I don’t want to remember your birthday or every time someone speaks of a heartbreak, I don’t want your name to pop up in my head first. I want to like the songs we shared but i don’t want the memories all the songs bring back. I don’t want your friends to reach out to me and every time I go to the cafe next door, I don’t want any of them to ask why you didn’t come with me. I want to dwell in the things I love but all the things I love are associated with you and I no longer want you to associate with my life. I don’t know how to remove your shadow from every square of my life, but I’ll try. I want to love my life the way I want to and not by the way you made me want to love my life. I don’t hate you, but I don’t want the love I have for you to control the rest of my life.

[auburette]

“love did what it had to.

i started liking the pinks more than the blues.”

its what you did to me

[auburette]

“some people are raised by hands of grief-

no matter the stones they step on

their soles don’t bleed.”

[auburette]

its a blessing to be oblivious at times.

[auburette]

“i’d love to love you, in every form, in every way and in every life.”