Living My Truths.

[audreycayetano]

If anyone has experienced loss, this poem may resonate with you on several different levels. I wrote this piece about a time in my life when I felt most vulnerable, and during this time period I had lost someone I loved very much. The combination of the two left me a wreck but it marked a very significant turning point in my life. The pain of going through such a heavy situation like this reminds me everyday of how lucky I am to have the relationships I have in my life now. In any case, you live and you learn from these experiences and in the end it’ll only make you appreciate the good things in life even more.

[audreycayetano]

Note to self.

You know what to do.

[audreycayetano]

Great Gatsby, i’m a fool just like you~

[audreycayetano]

Boop.

[audreycayetano]

Maturing is realizing that you have been the villain in other people’s stories. It wasn’t just my pain and I apologize for my actions and all the times I was being shitty.

[audreycayetano]

I get it now. You’ve been my muse for heartbreak this entire time.

[audreycayetano]

Feeling like i want to give up on myself. Feeling like people have more faith in me than I have in myself. No-one thinks i’ll give up. Everyone expects that i’ll be okay. That I’ll figure it out because I always do. No-one ever feels the need to worry about me.

The truth is, i’m worried for my damn self.

[audreycayetano]

I release this. I release this. I release this.

[audreycayetano]

I can’t believe you are letting me fall again.

[audreycayetano]

It’s hard when you love them and have to let them go anyways.

[audreycayetano]

I just want to feel wanted, needed, desired, and loved.

[audreycayetano]

Dear God,

I pray that you look after my friends and family right now. Things have been hectic and I have a lot of worries on my mind. I know you have a plan and that everything happens for a reason, so you have my attention and I'm listening. I give all my worries to you tonight. 

[audreycayetano]

Sometimes I love you means letting go.

[audreycayetano]

I want to have that conversation with you still. I want to face you so that I can begin a new stage of healing for myself.

[audreycayetano]

Hey 2021. I want to do a quick prayer for all of those who are suffering during this pandemic. It saddens me that so many people are losing their loved ones to covid and or struggling to provide for their families. I caught covid from a family member on Christmas and entered the new year sick. I was lucky enough to have healed and re-test negative but I know some people aren’t as fortunate as I was. My heart goes out to everyone and anyone who needs a little more love and faith in their life right now. You’re going to get through it ❤️

[audreycayetano]

I’m learning to be vulnerable with my friends and I think that’s a good thing. I think I’ve been hurt a lot and it’s affected the way I keep relationships. I would rather keep myself together in order to portray an image that I’m confident and doing okay. In reality, I have a lot of abandonment issues and insecurities I’m still working through. I guess I’m the definition of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. Most people meet me and say that their initial opinion is that I’m intimidating. They assume I have my life together because I’m confident and have a lot of good things going for me. I acknowledge all the success I’ve been blessed with. However, in truth I’m really fragile and need the same kind of love and support as the next person. I struggle with feeling like I’m not enough regularly. Um, I’m also still struggling to make peace with my past. My prayer for 2021 is that someway I can make peace with my past because there’s a lot of pain still lingering. I feel like I’ve been good at moving forward with my life, but in order to do so I’ve had to mask my pain.

[audreycayetano]

I wonder if you’d care at all if you knew I had been in pain all this time. Or am I nothing more than a regret to you?