audrinawf

your digital minimalism, self developement, manifestation and glow up bestie

[scorpionlafemme]

[disc90s]

[kisxmesoft]

[audrinawf]

I keep seeing people say that Kourtney is in an abusive relationship with Travis cause she’s so bitter and Kim’s so happy cause she’s single…I’m sorry but maybe it’s true but hasn’t Kourtney always been bitter? No matter who she’s with? She’s always been a contrarian, no matter her company. On the other hand Kim who was with Kanye still remained a decent and polite person cause that’s who she is to her core no matter who she’s married to. And also on the other hand I think the root to Kourtney’s misery is her overly aligning herself with the identity of being a mother and how she’s more of a mother than her sisters, and now that she doesn’t have the best relationship with her older kids, it’s apparent to her that her sisters despite having careers and hobbies that they are also good moms so that makes her feel like she doesn’t have anything that’s special and unique to her which obviously would spiral anyone into an identity crisis

[finessinyournigga]

[audrinawf]

watching movies on tv feels productive in a weird way cause a lot of people dont have the capacity to sit through a movie anymore cause our brains are so fried.

[scorpionlafemme]

[audrinawf]

some people are just addicted to suffering it gives them a high, I have so many stories but my mother told me right before I went no contact that when my cats die I should never get any more pets and keep their memory alive and mourn them for the rest of my life and she went on and o. About how she will cry every day when they pass, I swear it’s a morbid obsession she has with imagining my young and healthy cats dying so she can play up the drama tics. obviously I’m gonna be sad if my pets pass but why do I have to think about it right now when they are young?

[audrinawf]

Rom cons are back …the world is healing

[vampurrring]

maybe growing up is just becoming who you were at 14 again but learning how to love her this time

[audrinawf]

I don’t have any evidence for this but I wholeheartedly believe that there are certain things you do in life that will be the downfall of your whole household/family and for me it was seeing my grandmothers parrot be completely neglected and abandoned out in the hallway, not even inside the home when she got dementia.

When I visited her I was so horrified by the state of the bird I couldn’t believe they just left him outside when he’s been living inside for 15+ years. He even left his previous abusive owners and flew into our home, even told us his name but still ended up locked in a small cage in the end . I’m sure as soon as I left he ended up back out there in the hallway.

But I literally told my husband when I saw this that anyone that can do this to a family member (cause this bird has been with the family longer than some of grand children) has lost touch with their humanity. If you can actively leave the bird for years while you hear him call for his family every 15 minutes then you’re not gonna have anything good come to your life. It scared me how there’s 15+ family members and no one cares.

I told my husband that keeping this parrot in this state (sorry I keep saying this bird or parrot but I don’t want to disclose his name) it’s going to bring so much bad luck and bad energy into this house cause your putting out neglect and abuse and that’s what you’re gonna get back. And let’s just say that there’s a lot of tradgedies that have occurred in that household since I said this.

[audrinawf]

Sometimes in order to get to the next level, you have to put distance between you and your family. Moving out is simply not enough if they can still call you 20 times a day and ask you to do them 6854389 different favours. Sometimes the only solution is to move far away, maybe even to a different country. Going to therapy and spending money on various different self-help books is not enough, constantly trying to teach people what your boundaries are is just a waste of time because sometimes our families know exactly what our limits are, but they don't care.

[audrinawf]

Maturing is realizing that some of our parents actively tried to rage bait us our whole life just to feel something cause they are so miserable that they can only feed off of drama, and then turn around and call us disrespectful when it was always their intention to rile us up

[audrinawf]

The secret to manifesting weight loss is to rewire your mind into believing that you have a fast metabolism

[audrinawf]

there is nothing more invalidating than having a strained relationship with your mother cause it’s perfectly okay and socially acceptable to hate your father but when you don’t have a good relationship with your mother then everyone has to question it and think you’re such an awful person for it, cause mothers can do no wrong when actually if you have a mentally stunted mother or a jealous mother there is not limit to how much psychological warfare you have to endure your whole life, I just don’t think men are capable of torturing their daughters in that way

[audrinawf]

unethical as f but now that I’m an adult I love to bully my mother back (she’s an evil person) so I just see it as restoring some balance in the universe.

One day I just cracked the code, she really does not give a f when I told her she was a shitty mother, or that she’s abusive cause she genuinely hates me and my sister cause she hates our dad, and our his side of the family. So now we’re not her kids when we do something she doesn’t like we’re his kids but when she needs me to pay for her lifestyle then I’m her daughter.

So now when she tells me some condescending shit like- “ try not to be so selfish life your fathers side of the family “ - I tell her, well maybe you should be more like your sisters? They all have jobs and businesses and are all successful, maybe you should try to be more like them? And I swear it drives her crazy cause I could tell her she’s abusive and evil as fuck for physically and psychologically abusing me my whole life and she won’t even bat an eyelash cause in her mind it’s okay cause her in laws mistreated her o she has to take that out on me but if I tell her, that her sisters are better mothers than her she will cry herself to sleep. Funny how that works.

[audrinawf]

a mistake I see people make when they feel really shitty, like nothing gives them joy, is that they try to go back to that place of joy, love , euphoria, excitement, emotions that are quite high up on the scale and they don’t understand that it’s really hard to make that big of a leap when you are legitimately depressed.

It’s one thing to go from bored to excited but it’s another to go from shame, anxiety, anger to excitement. When you’re in a dark place, you need to just focus on feeling a little bit better in the moment. If you feel apathy, try to shift to sadness or even just feeling neutral.

I spent all day today feeling “neutral” I wasn’t sad or happy. I was bored but I spent all day on my computer studying, not out of anxiety cause I had an assignment due today, but I wasn’t happy or excited about studying either. It was just something I had to do today. I did not have anything to look forward to, no yummy dessert, no plans with friends, no trip planned. Just acceptance that this moment, this week, and even this month wasn’t my most exciting.

But I accepted that cause at least I don’t feel so bad that I am paralyzed out of anxiety. At least I am doing something that will make me feel better tomorrow. Cause whatever you are doing is either putting you further ahead in life or it’s ruining your life. So when things feel so boring and uninspiring try to do something you know future you will thank you for even when present you is not excited.