*Gay Dragonite Noises*

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[augurynite-blog]

I Must Decaffeinate Myself

One of my biggest weaknesses has to be my caffeine addiction. Currently I am drinking three Monsters a day and at minimum a single cup of coffee. The 7-11 with the best deal (three for $5.50!) Is a good 10 minutes away from my house and I find myself en route just to get more when I get the craving. I decided it was time to stop. The first three days had me in bed, unable to cope with my lack of energy. The next few days I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and crawled to it. Slowly but surely I felt better and better. Then I went back to the Monsters. I decided the long, arduous crawl to freedom wasn't worth it and gave into my urges. The worst part about it is the itching. Every day I come into work, my arms, neck, face, and occasionally chest break into a horrible, itchy rash. The temptation to scratch is so high that I just cannot fight it and the next thing I know I'm in my office scratching, begging for mercy from my body for a solid 45 minutes. My coworkers come in and plead for me to seek help, but I just shrug them off, shut the door, and isolate myself in my misery. Yesterday I had a certain coworker come up and express his disgust in me. To him I was no more than a drug addict. I tried to quit, decided it was too hard, and decided that the itching was worth getting my fix. At this point I am equally as disgusted in myself and plan to rid myself of this curse once more....

[augurynite-blog]

The Widow’s Peak

I have a coworker friend with one hell of a widow's peak. This poor sap is a junior in high school, but already sports the hairstyle of a 40 year old. One day he came into work with a shaved head, a haircut which only served to magnify the intensity of this god forsaken hairline. Seeing him with a buzz cut instantly reminded me of Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket, and I soon confirmed the two to share an uncanny resemblance to each other. Seeing my friend produce the same mad expression Private Pyle made during his last stand was a riveting joke for the rest of the shift, aiding us through the tough times. Often, he would lift his hat up like he was drawing a gun and shove his observable genetic short-straw in my face as if to instill fear or some kind of alternative emotional response. I often replied with “Dude, put that away. You're scaring people!” or “I can’t take you anywhere with that widow's peak!” and he would laugh and conceal the damned thing once more in fair defeat. One night I was dropping another coworker off at home after we closed down the store. I had to do a double take in the rear view mirror because I could've sworn I saw the widow's peak and its host staring me down with the Private Pyle face from the back seat. I did not drive home soundly that night. Nightmares tear at me now.

[augurynite-blog]

Augury Dragonite Backstory

Augury Steambreather is a highly intelligent dragonite with long hair and a giant ass. His consciousness has ascended to the 10th dimension and so has his love of chocolate milk. Nothing is more sacred to him than his collection of old school death and black metal albums, which he keeps locked away in a vault deep underground. He was born a bastard child to King Nebucharizardnezzar II and an unknown slave dragonite mother. Soon after the discovery of his birth, his mother was killed and he was exiled from the Charizard Kingdom. Despite being left to die in the wilderness, young dratini Augury managed to endure hunger and evade predators until he was taken in by a band of pirates, who found him skirting along the land's shores. Captain Steambreather, a deadly and infamous aggron whose breath was powerful enough to melt other steel types, took Augury in as his own and raised him into a strong, healthy dragonite, and a very capable pirate. Steambreather became the only father Augury cared to know. He shut out his past, not wanting to think too hard about his biological father or his dead mother. He participated in many of the crew’s day-to-day raids, most of which were petty, until one day Steambreather announced his ambitious plan: to overthrow the Charizard Kingdom. And, with this plan he brought Prince Zarduk, the son and eventual successor of Nebucharizardnezzer II, and Augury's brother from another mother. The prince had been captured and locked up in a cell beneath the ship. His spoiled highness had never in his life had to endure constant interrogation and physical torture, and was very quick to give up all the information Steambreather desired to know. One night, Augury had came down to see him. The prince stared at him with the same cold, blank stare he gave the rest of the crew. Augury saw his bright blue eyes - same as his own - and turned to vanish and leave the prince alone in his despair once again. Later the next day the crew began their infiltration of the kingdom and managed to get into the palace with no trouble. It was from there they lifted their disguises and began massacring the inhabitants. Augury moved alongside, taking down enemies, but going only for non-fatal blows. The king’s men fell swiftly, and before anyone had any clue what was happening, the king’s room was invaded. King Nebucharizardnezzer II fought back with comparable strength, managing to kill two of Steambreather’s best. But the remaining party proved too strong and easily took him down. As he lay dying, Augury and Nebucharizardnezzer’s bright blue eyes locked with each other. It took a second, but Augury was sure the king finally realized who he was staring at before he faded into the abyss. The victory would not be as glorious as they intended it to be. The kingdom was not on board with having a pirate captain as a leader. Mass conflict broke out, followed by a full-scale civil war. Augury, unable to cope with the death of his kin, and the prisoner status of his brother, decided it best for him to abandon his life and start anew, and left the kingdom and faded into obscurity. Last he had heard, the Charizard Kingdom had soon succumb to its internal bleeding and fell. The status of Steambreather, the rest of the crew, and his brother were never made clear to him. Augury, knowing he had a bounty on his head, decided an uninhabited island to be a suitable place to live. He had carved his secret home into the side of a monstrous mountain and obtained the most secure means of locking it away from the rest of the world. He had taken the Steambreather crew’s fortune from the underwater cave they hid it in, figuring they wouldn't be needing it anymore. But living a life as a hermit with an essentially useless fortune did not tune Augury well. His life felt dissonant and incorrect. He decided to hit the waters once more with his own crew. On his short-lived journey, he met Calvie, the slutty redhead dragonite, whom would later move in with him. Augury’s second pirate life ended after the first year, however. His plans, more ambitious than even Steambreather, led the crew to the bottom of the ocean. Augury and Calvie escaped death and returned to their hidden sanctuary. Augury now spends his days evading his past, keeping his mind off of it with sin and vice.

[augurynite-blog]

The Gesture Race

I have had a crippling stuttering issue for most of my life. I can vaguely remember a time long ago in which this was not the case, but the memories have since faded into obscurity. I can however distinctly remember what might’ve been the first time this horrible and awkward stumbling of speech found its way into my life: I was in elementary school and did a naughty, naughty thing. The unforgivable crime that I committed was stealing a classmate’s gummy snacks from his cubby and devouring them on the spot. Apparently, I thought leaving the shredded wrapper in the cubby was also a good idea. Well, when the kid realized what had happened and had sufficient evidence to suggest foul play, I immediately became the culprit. The fingers pointed at me as the child began to sob wildly. Woe is me. I made the tragic error of not even trying to hide my thievery, instead devouring the snacks (quiet audibly) right in front of everyone. By the end of my feast, most all the class had seen what I had done. Well, the teacher - already not the biggest fan of me - decided to scold me in front of the class. “How could you eat shitface’s snacks?!?!” Me, vainly attempting to act innocent, tried to piece together some kind of narrative in my mind that would sway her off of me and hopefully in the complete opposite direction. “I-i-i-i- di-didn’t e-e-...” The class erupted with mocking laughter and my tears soon began to fall as well. It was over, off to the corner I went to repent my sins. From this corner I tried to hide my crying, embarrassed face, but I knew full well the stares, whispers, and laughter did not desist. Fast forward to the present and find that the stuttering hadn’t left me. Most commonly when addressing someone I consider an authority figure, be it my boss, teacher, and whomever else, i’ll often stumble around like someone with two left feet; I stumble around like I have two left brains. I work in customer service and find that customers engender an exact response from me. I will stutter and make a fool of myself at the worst times. At first I believed it to be a confidence issue, and to some degree it was. As I gained more self confidence through the trials and tribulations of my self-improvement journey, the stutter did ease up a considerable amount, but was still an everlasting plague that I never seemed to fully get rid of. Well, one day I found the answer - gesturing. An incredible realization that I made after watching many body language videos is that I barely, if at all gesture when i’m speaking. When I learned that gesturing is an effective method of adding spice to what you’re saying and allows for more clarity in your communication thought process, I fit the pieces together. So I went to work and for the duration of my shifts I would keep in mind to use the gestures I saw in videos to help when I was speaking with others. At first I was a bit extreme and faulted in my speech occasionally, but as I practiced I not only noticed how fun gesturing was, but I also noticed how much more energetic and charismatic I felt, soon the energy I felt whilst speaking, and the newly conjured self image of someone who is confident, speech adept, and full of life molded itself into my self image and replaced the old, depressing image of a little gummy snack thief who couldn’t muster up cohesive sentences. 

[augurynite-blog]

Your Habits and the Power They Hold

I am a very ambitious and driven person. I work very hard towards the goals I wish to achieve in my life. Even when I am at my most painful nadir of doubt and unwillingness, I do what I am destined to do. I don’t waver, I don’t fault... Except for when I do. There is another feeling, a complex delirium that racks my mind. There are plenty of times where my productivity slumped, where I instead put my energy into unproductive tasks like surfing Twitter, FA, or videos of completely off-topic shit that doesn’t serve me in any way, shape, or form. What gives? I used to get pissed at myself for doing this. I used to force myself back on the path I want to be on. It would hurt but I would do it, and it would make me more angry. I didn’t want to work on my goals at the time, I wanted to surf the web or chat with people online. Just a week ago I found myself in bed, on my phone, doing absolutely nothing of value whatsoever. While I was half-paying attention to what was on my phone screen, I could feel the anger building up inside of me. Why did I have to be so lazy? But wait, instead of exploding with anger, I pondered the question. Yeah, why was I being so lazy? The hour or so that I spent thinking about this changed everything. Behind my previous veil of anger, I was unable to get to the real root of the issue. I just chose to resent myself and my actions and lose my self-esteem, which led me down a spiral of negativity. The answer soon became clear to me: I am not lazy; I just have lazy habits. That was it! I know I am not lazy. There would be days where I wouldn’t even think of being lazy. The thing is, however, sometimes I would fall victim to an external cue that would set me on the path of laziness. I quickly discovered that one of the biggest, most laziness-engendering things that I could do is get into bed. If for whatever reason I decide to lay in bed, I may as well consider myself stuck there for a long time. So, for the past week I set out to end this bad habit once and for all. First, the very instant I realize I am awake in the morning, I use whatever energy I can muster to buck up and roll myself out of bed. I clutch my pillows for dear life, coat myself in my sheets, then roll straight out of bed onto the ground. Often times i’ll slam against the frame or hit one of my various limbs against whatever happens to be in the way of my explosive movement. I then proceed to stand myself up, grab my comfy pillows and sheets, throw them in my closet, look myself in the mirror, and cheer in victory. The beast has been conquered, and won’t be allowed freedom again until bed time. This simple act alone drastically improved my life in the past week. If I am interested in surfing the internet or chatting on Telegram, I simply go downstairs, hop on the treadmill, and walk and a leisurely pace whilst I do so. This has cut my “off-time” from hours to mere minutes, kept me active and awake, and kept my internal fire burning. From this experience I have internalized the fact that habits are very powerful things that can either make or break you. If you find yourself struggling to keep up, if you find yourself in denial of your destiny, take a step back and assess your habits. Do they serve you? If not, kill them. 

[augurynite-blog]

Awesome pic of @herynite and I doing some dancing! :3

Artist is @aoshiriku

[augurynite-blog]

I Quit the Furry Fandom for Six Months Once. This is What Happened...

Some two years ago I embarked on a self improvement journey because I hated what I was and feared where I was going. I was overweight, socially awkward, had a hateful, crippling mindset, and had no motivation to do anything. Looking back on my journey up to this point, I am impressed at the massive improvements that I have made, being much better health and fitness, a great job, extra money in the bank, alomst limitless energy and motivation, and exponentially greater self confidence. I aimed to break as many boundaries as possible and become a living, breathing superhuman being. Where I was never seemed like enough, and I always vied against the me of the previous day. On some days I had a total disregard for my own well-being and capabilities, after all we’re all only capable of so much in any given day. My unrealistic expectations led to much anger and many relapses of the depressive state I was once in.

I was an active member of the fandom at this time, operating solely from my other dragonite sona, Calvie. When searching for ways to take my life to the next level, I came to the conclusion that the fandom is what was holding me back. The fandom is what encouraged my “bad habit” behaviors such as masterbation, procrastination, and mindless internet searching to name a few. On top of this I began viewing my creation, Calvie, as a disgusting representation of myself and something I should get as far away from as possible. Calvie was a slutty femboy that looked basically like a girl with male genitals. Me, partially motivated by lust for dominance over the people around me, did not want to associate with the kind of character that Calvie was, nor did I have any desire to continue wasting my life in the fandom. How was I to be the best person in the room with a monolithic presence if I identified as a submissive slut? I established there’d be no way, so one day, I cut the rope, and sent Calvie and my online life to hell.

Doing what I did that day, deleting all of my furry-related accounts and disappearing from the face of the internet without a trace, was no easy thing to do. The furry fandom had become so ingrained into my identity that effacing it proved excruciatingly painful. For the week that followed, my mind simmered with regret and worry. I had left by good pals behind and would never see them again. I feared the uncertainty of life ahead without the fandom beside me. I contemplated going back but assured myself doing so would hurt me more than it helped me. So I pushed on through the psychological obstacles until I reached the other side.

Did leaving the fandom really allow for a quantum leap in my self improvement journey? Was being a furry really what held me back? Honestly, yes. I think of it like this: when you have two different lives to focus on, you either live one of them really well, or live them both like shit. And the latter was kind of what I was doing; I kicked my real life to the side and focused on my life in the fandom. And when my virtual life ended, I was forced to adapt to my real life and find happiness there. The span of this six months that I was no longer in the fandom opened my eyes to the world around me, and allowed for changes that I never imagined could be possible. The pinnacle of this six months was a select two weeks in which I found myself virtually unstoppable. This was also after I had gone a previous two weeks without masterbating. I read many articles on the psychological negatives to masterbating and set out to quit many times. But, with the fandom bombarding me with so much porn, and my weak will, doing so proved impossible. With the fandom out of my way, quitting masterbation was a breeze. What followed two weeks later was the period of my life in which I had the most self confidence, the most happiness, and the clearest mind. I didn't even once think that a person's mind could ever be so quiet! Now, I had my fair share of issues during this time; not everything was perfect, but the bar had been raised. Probably the most shocking thing was getting three different girls to ask me out in less than a few months. On top of that, I even had the confidence to tell them that I was gay and reject them!

But alas, I have returned to the fandom with my new sona, Augury. Calvie was brought back from hell and now costars with Augury in The Adventures of Augury, a series of short stories that I began writing for fun. I have since discovered that being a part of the fandom is not a bad thing and does not make me a bad person. On the contrary, it has done me much good. I am so happy that I was able to meet so many awesome people and even my boyfriend because of the fandom. The reason the fandom was such an issue for me is for starters, I had a very negative perspective of it. I chose to see the bad that it has brought me instead of the good. Secondly, I prioritized it over my real life. I became too attached to the image I built online because it was easier to get away with a few lies here and there. As a result I created something that the real me would never match up to. The primary thing that fixed the conflicts I have had with myself and the fandom was to let both of them coexist together; I became more real, I stopped lying to myself and others, and when I did so I found to my surprise that everything fell together. It is almost as if a bridge between my two worlds had been constructed. Now the furry fandom is no longer a second life, but part of my own, and leaving the fandom was essential for me in order to achieve this harmony.

[augurynite-blog]

The Laughably Fun Game of Breaking People

Working in fast food has given me ample opportunity to improve my social skills and overcome social anxiety. One of the skills that I practice the most is eye contact. Before I got this job, I could not maintain any eye contact. In fact, I couldn't even look my boss in the face when he interviewed me. Now, as time has gone bye, eye contact is a breeze. On top of that, I've come to realize that almost every customer I lock eyes with sucks at it! I find it personally amusing to watch others squirm when you make eye contact as they try so hard to maintain a casual appearance whilst not looking back into my eyes. It's become a fun game now. I told my coworker before I handed out a bag of food, "I'm telling you, stare someone in the eyes and you will break them. Watch this." I then proceeded to hand out the bag of food whilst wishing the customer, a handsome, confident looking guy around my age, a good night. The second he locked eyes with me, his "cool" image shattered and his eyes went wild in every direction as he scrunched up. I looked back at my coworker, who saw it all happen. He looked at me strangely and laughed. Not long after that, my coworker's friend Carlos came in. I was already aquainted with Carlos because he came in around a week before looking for a job. I handed him an application, advised him to write my name on the referal line because he would be "guaranteed a job if he did" just like two others that did the same... but really I just wanted a shot at the referal bonus haha! I slammed my hands down on the counter, looked Carlos steadily in his eyes and inquired, "Carlos, ever bring in that application... with my name on it too?" To which the poor guy shriveled up and replied, "N-no it's still in my car and..." I cut him off, "Carlos, look me in the eye when I'm speaking to you please." The poor kid had no eye contact ability. He probably had never seen a pair of eyes on a human. When I realized what I had done to Carlos, I was shocked to remember this is what my parents and teachers got onto me about this exact thing... "look at me when I'm speaking to you!" It was in that moment that I realized that all of life had come full ciecle and that we as humans all share one valuable commonality - picking on the weak.