I can't talk to you about this now so I'll just resort to writing letters to you in this app. It's the small things you know? The small things I like about you. The way you close your eyes, slightly tilt your head with the smallest and the sweetest smile when you want to nod. The way you stare at me and smile without blinking to make me laugh. The way you run your hands through your hair. The way your voice instantly softens when you're talking about animals. The way you are SO excited about health and exercise, and the way you tell others around you to take care of their health, almost as if that is your love language. The way you are so honest, and so soft, and so calm. The way you were so excited about the MUN. The way you surprised me on April 14th. The way you wore a freaking kurta when you came at mine, and a couple days later when I came to meet you on your birthday. The way we used to talk till 3 at night, and talk throughout the day the next day. The fact that both of our screen times that day was 8 hours. 8 hours of just us. Of pure bliss and joy and calm. The way we talked about touching each other, kissing each other, the talks on levels that were so damn attractive. The way we had conversations on consent that went on for hours because we were so scared of hurting each other. And that's exactly what happened. I hurt you. Unknowingly, unintentionally, but I did. And I lost everything. I'm sorry I lost all that. All of it. I could have waited a few days, could have let it all die down and have a clearer view of the picture. But it's my impulsiveness that killed all of it. I let others fight my wars. Lesson learned. But a lesson that ended it all. Maybe we could have went on and maybe one day you would have liked me back again? And even if you didn't, if I hadn't sent that message about ending it all then and there, maybe some things would have been different. And I can't help but believe that that would have been better than whatever this is. Pure platonic friendship, when I know it'll take me months, if not years to move on from the last seven months. And to keep talking to you as if I don't feel anything, as if I haven't ever dreamed about hugging you or kissing you or just being with you. Just the two of us alone, just talking. Just taking each other in. But I lost. And I miss you. You're right here and I still miss you. I don't know how that's possible, but now, someone else will get those stares that would send me to a place where time stopped. Someone else will get to kiss you, to touch you, to hug you. You'll talk to someone else till 3, and ask someone else if you can touch her breasts. But it's just because of my mistakes I guess. You were one of the people I cared about the most and I ended up hurting you. It usually doesn't happen to me you know? I don't fight, I don't have clashes with anyone. And this was one of the rare times I did, and that too with you, the last person I would want to lose. And yet we're here.
snowghoul
2087
vaporwave