so i've been doing pretty badly recently. seeing a guy and i thought my obsessive behaviour was fixed but nooooo i think only of him and i don't want to hurt him bc he's had bad experiences and i don't want to add to that. but i see him today so i need to talk to him so we can make this work because i don't want to lose him, i just need some reassurance that i haven't fucked everything up
also worried that i haven't been eating properly because i just have no appetite
Y is teaching me atm too, i had to hold a door open for him yesterday and i feel so fucking sick in his presence he is a psycho and i hate him. and seeing W recently hasn't helped. and i need to study and apply for things and keep myself alive and cook and clean and it's just all so overwhelming all of the time
but i am trying to get help because i've realised that i can't deal with this stuff on my own. it's been so many fucking years of being in my head that i've relapsed into the same behaviours and thoughts. and i just. i wish everything would just calm down a bit so i can rest and get my shit together
so yeah....... it's been pretty horrible but i'll get through it. and seeing the guy tonight will be good because we need to talk (even though we haven't know eachother that long) and i want to check he's ok too