#d aurinka

[aurinka]

me + alcohol = trying to find D again on a dating app and failing... i'm kinda sad and i should have spoken to him when i had the chance!

[aurinka]

i'm going abroad with my friends soon... may use it as an opportunity to text D because at least then i won't have to meet up with him for a couple of weeks and we can talk first 🥰 <- is down bad but also scared of this man

[aurinka]

the problem with staying up late is it makes any decision seem like a good one. i want to talk to D SOOOOOI bad. what am i waiting for??? if it goes badly i can just block him. i might reply in a couple of days, it's been long enough. will keep you updated... even though NOTHING has happened so far. ive been reading about age gao relationships a lot and working out what to do so im safe if anything does happen. i dont expect it to but the thought is nice

[aurinka]

i came home from uni like a week ago and the urge to message D is only getting stronger. like. i know it's risky and the optics are......... interesting. but im so bored being with my family and being without W or Y. problem: relationships btwn staff and students technically aren't against the rules but we would have to tell someone i think and like. i don't need people knowing i have issues so we would have to keep it secret and i just question if that's even possible? it would mean i couldn't tell my friends or anyone, even writing it here would be risky but i could find a way to make it possible... just as long as nobody irl knows. yes that makes it even more stupid because i could be risking my uni place but like. what if. AND HE'S NOT MY TEACHER so like the chances of him ever having academic responsibility over me are so small they're nearly 0???? i would rather message when im on holiday but soon im going to be back in my uni's city for a few days so i could talk to him soon and meet him then?? seems very stupid. idk

[aurinka]

going to stop reblogging my massive endless post bc otherwise it would take over all of tumblr

will give Dating App Guy I Have Yet To Talk To the initial D

i literally just wanted to say i was scrolling thru his facebook pictures (stalker era) and like i also scrolled thru my own (non facebook) photos bc i am simply a girl

and comparing a photo of me turning 9 on my birthday to a photo of him being 29 years old on basically the same day... this is an experience

like i know it doesnt matter know bc i am an adult and will turn 20 in a few months (scary) but like . WHAT. he was already a grown man???? when i was a child????

i feel like i am just going in endless circles about this and i should just reply hahahah

but i am so fucking stressed out about my exams at the moment that i couldnt deal with any more anxiety esp from some old guy