aurora

aurora. 22. she/her shitty writer, sleep deprived

[auroraorphic]

now, cowboy colt awoke something in me

[auroraorphic]

stan and dipper are much more similar imo

yes, being on leave makes me binge watch everything

[luna-azzurra]

"How's the writing going?"

The document is open. That's the most I can confirm.

[russianblush]

no ai usage over here. you’re gonna get my shitty authentic writing whether you like it or not

[auroraorphic]

You Always Hurt The One You Love

Hi! It's the first Sierra Six x f-reader I am posting here, hope you enjoy it!

+8k words, smut, vaginal fingering, oral sex, blowjob, angst, sad and sweet, tears (a lot) but somehow happy ending ?

Thanks a lot to @moonstoneandmoonlight for the MDNI divider and to @uzmacchiato for the red lace divider. both are stunning, thanks a lot to you both!

And the banner on top was made by me

Anyways enjoy!

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She hums softly, waltzing towards her little vinyl recorder, putting it on, smiling when the first notes filled up the entire library.

Nights like these, when the rain patters all around her little library, are the ones she indulges in the most. She spends the day closed off, not even bothering to open the shop, just spending the hours cleaning, cooking, and even baking. Let’s be foolish and spoil her with a bubbly bath late at night, under the attentive gaze of Crowley.

The little black cat brushes his nose against her naked legs when she finally gets up, and she has to brush behind his ears to satiate him, ‘’You haven’t eaten in hours, did you, baby?’’ she coos at the cat, who meows like he is gonna starve ‘’Come here, you little demon.’’ She chuckles, wrapping the fluffy robe around her

He runs ahead of her, her footsteps pattering the carpeted stairs as they descend into the bookshop, where the little cat loves to lounge in, indulging with the customer’s attention on him rather than her books. The library is small but mighty, as they say, full of shelves of antique books and some stacked up with vinyl like the soft, jazzy one playing in.

Sometimes, she freeze when she enters it, still in awe of its beauty and grandeur, grateful that a far, forgotten uncle of hers thought wise to write in his will that he wanted her specifically to have this bookshop and ‘’do as she may please, she has my blessing.’’ He wrote off and gave her what she deems the equivalent of El Dorado.

The indignant mewls of her cat is what break her from her trance, her gaze falling on his little form waiting next to his very much empty bowl, ‘’You little demon.’’ She chastises with no heat, filling up the bowl with his food as he bumps her legs with his head before eating the entirety of the bowl, purring happily when she scratches his head.

‘’Now, where is your dad, you may ask.’’ She sighs, looking at the calendar on the wall above her desk ‘’I don’t know, and I bet he doesn’t even know either.’’ Her eyes fall on the dishes and the vanilla sponge cake she made out of pure boredom

‘’I guess I’ll bring some slices to the shops next to us. What do you think, Crowley?’’ she asks the cat, named after one of her favourite characters, who ignores her, eating his food instead

She stands up, tightening the robe around her, going into the kitchen, opening the cabinet, looking for a snack. She sits in her armchair, a book on her lap with a cold soda next to her and picking occasionally in the bowl of crackers she made herself.

And so the days goes by like that, like so many others, chatting with the customers, sometimes praying not to kill herself when some are too insistent with her and sleepless nights where the melody of the vinyl and the warm weight of her cat on her lap are the only companion.

And sometimes it’s enough; some days it is. There are other days where it isn’t.

She is just a mere human being, isn’t she, and yes, her body craves for more; her soul cry out for him, and if the small little necklace around her neck does not exist, she would think he forgot her, making his own life somewhere else with someone other than her. Or die out, on his own, bleeding to his death in a fucking alley.

There is still a small flame, golden hope, that somehow he would come back to her, in her arms, in this bookshop, away from everyone, from the world. Just the two of them and that little demon of a cat he likes to say he hates but curls up with to nap when she is not looking.

So, she dreams, not being able to accept that a peaceful, quiet life is nothing but a pipe dream and hope against hope, that still, he’ll be back. For her.

She just never thought his return meant another presence in her life.

‘’God, I hate the bus.’’ She grumbles as she gets off the vehicle, grabbing the handles of her bags

It would be an understatement to say that she hates the city, hence why she has always dreamt of leaving this place entirely to go abandon herself among the mountains, the countryside or even by the sea. No other human presence than the one she craves. The only thing tethering her to this place is the bookshop.

It would be an understatement to say that she hates the city. She spent most of her life jumping from crappy apartment to crappy apartment and taking care of her brother and sister without even caring about having a damn social life. All of it, in a place where you literally cannot sleep without the wannabe bikers running down the street and spoiling your night.

She yearned for the silence, for the peace that comes with the fresh air and the starry night where she could use her uncle’s old telescope. The mountains behind her, a small cottage, a garden, even if she doesn’t have a green thumb. It’s a dream, a beautiful dream.

Yet, she could never leave the bookshop.

And Crowley needed food, and she won’t accept anything but the best for her little baby, thus braving the cold, musty air of a rainy day to get his food. And because she is an idiot, she sees too many things she likes and spends more than a few hours inside the mall and comes home bearing more than one shopping bag.

When she enters, the cat is sitting daintily in front of her, his gaze on her almost like he is judging her life choices. She jabs a finger at him, ‘’I went out to buy food for you and take care of everything in here; I deserve to enjoy my money.’’

He looks at her passively, his tail wagging softly as she puts her bag down, but before she could caress him like she usually does, he stands up, trotting inside the bookshop away from her, ‘’Crowley?’’ she calls out, hearing him purring softly

She feels the air on her arms rise up, a sense of dread filling her, crashing over like a fucking wave. Her cat might be smart, but if there is anything that her idiot loves is attention. From anyone. Like the one time he brushed his nose against the calf of this one guy who spent an hour flirting with her.

And then, when the breeze tickles her, she notices the breathing, just a tad too controlled and silent but still noticeable, the open window she didn’t noticed at first because she came from the buzzing street and yet, even when she closed the door, the sounds didn’t died out.

Someone is in the library, and her fucking cat is lounging at their feet, ’God damnit, Crowley.’’ She curses out silently.

Her eyes dart out as she keeps on speaking, like she hasn’t noticed it or that her heart is running a thousand miles, ‘’Come on, kitty, I got you a new toy to play with!’’ she chuckles, forcing a laugh out of her mouth

Her eyes fall on the coat stand in the entry next to her, and still talking mindlessly, she grabs the sharp, metal bar.

Tightening her hold on the thing, she lets her hair fall out of her ponytail, removing her shoes and softly walking towards where she could hear her pet. Her heart is beating quickly, and she almost wants to curse him out for leaving her with this sense of fear anytime something unusual happens in her bookshop.

But she loves him too much, enough to still stay here and let this place be one of the places where he can sleep, happily exhausted in her arms.

‘’Crowley, come on baby I-‘’ her words trail off when she finally sees her cat

He is purring, eyes closed blissfully from his lounging place on Courtland Gentry’s lap, sitting on her desk and her first reflex is to swat him away because she can see him smothering the pages she has been working for days.

But she is frozen, her eyes taking in the sight of her cat meowing happily at him and the young girl, sitting on her chair, a blanket she keeps for him wrapped around her shoulders. Their eyes are on each other’s, both mirroring the same expression of utter surprise and uncertainty at the other. She looks from the girl to Court, for a moment just looking at both of them like she could make up what it all means herself. Before she can even open her mouth, the noise of hunger resonates in the room, and the young girl blushes violently, burying her face against his side.

It breaks the state of haze; taking in more intently at the girl and the first thing she really sees is the wetness of her hair. And then, the clothes that look like they have seen better days. Both of them look beaten up, like they’ve escaped something.

And, if she believes her ears, the girl isn’t just hungry; she is properly starving, and her mother raised her right.

She shakes her head, looking at the kitchen where she thankfully made food this morning before taking a deep breath. It has been a while since she has talked to a teenager, and hopefully, this one doesn’t bite. But, if she is all cuddled up against Court, she might be at least a little gentle.

She smiles, speaking gently to not scare the kid even more, ‘’I made too much food today.’’ She starts walking towards them, kneeling in front of her but still keeping some distance ‘’Was about to give some Tupperware to my neighbours, but since you’re here, would you like something to eat?’’

Her face is still hidden, and she doesn’t press her, letting her decide, and a minute passes before she nods, peeking out to look at her, ‘’I’m gonna make you a plate. The bathroom is upstairs if you wanna freshen up before.’’

She does not spare a glance at the man who watched the exchange attentively, nor acknowledge him, something in her chest making her unable to look at him without crying and extends a hand towards the young girl.

‘’I’ll show you, if you want.’’ She offers, not pressuring her

She looks up at Court, questioning him with her gaze as he nods. Like she can be trusted. Like she can help them do whatever they want from her. And it’s evident; she just needed that one sign for her shoulders to finally drop and her posture to relax.

It’s a safehouse after all, always has been, for whoever might wanna stumble in. From a cat to an ex-CIA agent to a young girl not so much smaller than her.

The girl looks back at her, taking her hand and standing up stiffly, giving a single nod in her direction, ‘’Claire.’’ She breathes out

‘’Nice meeting you, Claire.’’

The dining table had chairs for only one person, never more. The cupboard is filled with single utensils, like her favourite plate she found in a yard sale or the few cutleries tucked in a small pot. For anyone who comes in the house for the first time, she is a lonely librarian with a cat who’ll probably grow to be an old lonely librarian with more cats.

But no one tells her that because it has been a long while since she has invited anyone in.

After Claire took a revitalizing shower, she gratefully took the clean, warm clothes she gave her, and she padded hesitantly all around the library. They let her look, leaning next to one another against the kitchen counter, as she crossed from shelf to shelf, looking at the books reverently like she hadn’t seen anything so beautiful and delicate, touching the huge wooden globe as Crowley stood by her side, brushing his head against her calf.

‘’The cat likes her.’’ his voice is raspy, unused to speaking like it sometimes does, sending warmth within her chest

He tilts his head towards her, waiting for an answer, acknowledgement, anything really. But she doesn’t give him anything, only letting silence fill up the emptiness around them. He only nods, like he understands, resuming to watch his protégé.

After a while, she comes into the kitchen when she couldn’t ignore her hunger much longer and sat down in one of the only chairs at the dining table. Her desk chair is propped on the other side of the table as she places two plates of fuming food. Court stood, shaking his head as if he did not need anything but his fucking watermelon bubble gum or Skittles.

But Claire wouldn’t touch the food without him next to her, looking at him expectantly, and she nudges her elbow in his arm, sending a cold and hard stare for him to finally sit down and grab a spoon to eat.

She battles a fond, tender smile at the eagerness with which he indulges in her cooking she knows he loves. And without even needing to say anything, she puts another serving of the purée and brown meaty sauce for the man she loves so much all under Claire’s eyes. They work like that, wordlessly, knowing each other’s feelings and needs without having to convey it. Like at this moment, he knows she has some anger in her he knows is only directed at him.

And can he blame her? Without giving any news of his whereabouts for months, appearing when he pleases to hide in her library, he basically made a safehouse for him, almost alienating her from her friends because she grew paranoid of anyone coming at her because of his rough past.

It’s almost implicit but true, and it stings when he knows she waits for him, the wife of the soldier who could die without any badge of honour decorating his deceased name. Courtland Gentry does not exist in the world, but in the heart of the little bookshop he stumbled in one night and elected his house for the rest of his damned life.

And now, coming in, a kid in his tow? He hasn’t been around a lot of people who aren’t criminals and mercenaries, but even he can understand what it looks like. He is old, much older than he thinks he is and disappearing all the time like that, despite running for his life most of the time; he knows it can look bad. Real bad.

And the coldness, the distance of her absence while having her next to him is killing him.

‘’Thank you.’’ Claire whispers, addressing her ‘’For the food and the clothes. And the shower.’’ She smiles, a small, timid and tired smile; a yawn escapes her as her shoulders drop from fatigue

‘’My bed is much warmer than my armchair, come on, I’ll show you.’’ She extends, once again, her hand and this time, Claire does not look at Court to grab it, tucking herself against the older woman who wraps her arm around her

‘’Night, Robot.’’ As she looks behind her, waving at him

‘’Good night, Claire.’’

They disappear into the bookshop, the sounds of their footsteps fading, and he stays in the kitchen. He stretches, grunting at the cracks of his muscles and massage his shoulders where the pain is still present and never leaving. He looks around him; the food needs to be transferred into other boxes and the dishes to be cleaned, like he knows she usually does. The cat is sitting next to him, lounging idly, and he gently nudges him with his shoes as he squawks indignantly, but still sprawls himself all over his feet.

‘’Gonna clean this out, and you’re gonna help me.’’ He addresses the cat, who only yawns at him

He moves around in the small kitchen, like it’s nothing but a familiar abode for him, whether it’s to find the bottle of dish soap or the tissues to wipe down the table clean. As he opens the cupboards to fish out her good Tupperware, he finds it empty and frowns before understanding where it went and shot Crowley a soft smile.

‘’Your mom has to stop giving out so much food to everyone around her,’’ he says to the cat who is lounging idly on the counter next to him ‘’Why does she do that?’’ he wonders out loud when the laughter next door breaks the silence

He turns his head; the other house full of people laughing and chatting happily can be seen from her window, and he feels his throat tighten at what it might be. To live here, alone, with just a cat who can’t even talk back to you. Alone.

It’s a lonely life she chose, and somehow, he made it even lonelier.

‘’She misses having people around.’’ He whispers, knowing why there was already a huge portion of food when they came

She couldn’t have known they were coming; he is not a big eater unless it’s her food, and even back then, he remembers, there wasn’t as much food as there is now. He looks at the pots, sadness creeping in as the cat bumps his head against his head and he scratches where he likes the most, behind his ear.

‘’I’m not really good to your mom, huh?’’ and the cat mewls softly, almost as if it agrees

He cleans out everything anyway, finding some carton containers and store them all in the fridge. He is sweeping the floor when she comes back in, standing there, looking at him with her arms crossed, ‘’She fell asleep, took a while, but she did.’’

He looks down at the little pile of dirt he swept, not daring to look into her eyes, unknowing what he might say or do if he did so, just nodding.

‘’Thanks for cleaning the kitchen.’’ She sighs, looking around her ‘’She took my room, didn’t want to give her the rusty couch in the back room. You can take the blow-up mattress.’’

‘’And you?’’

She shrugs, tightening her hold around her arms, like she needs to protect herself, somehow ‘’I don’t sleep a lot these days.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He croaks, unable to speak louder

‘’What for?’’ she asks, tilting her head

‘’You’re angry.’’ Because she is tired, because she had to watch after someone else, take care of someone when that isn’t something she signed up for

Because he is the worst boyfriend in the world when she cannot even hold him when he comes back home, cannot even kiss or love like it’s meant to be. And because he is too selfish to let her go. Because he is too selfish to let her live the life she deserves.

But he does not say any of that; he just stays silent.

She looks at him, like she knows he can say more, expecting more words, sentences, feelings anything other than just a statement about her supposed anger, so she waits. But when he only stays silent, she shakes her head like it confirms something he is scared to know.

‘’I am not. I’ll put the mattress, good night, Courtland.’’

And it’s in the way she says his name, full on, like she refuses to call him Court or love. Or anything else that might sound like she still loves him, like she wants him to be hers. It awakes him, slapping some sense into him.

She turns around, and she is about to leave, leave him here to sleeping on a miserable blow-up mattress because he cannot say what he thinks. Because despite it all, despite everything, he can still lose her because he cannot open his godman heart.

So, he reaches out, extending his hand out as he can grasp her, ‘’She is Donald’s,’’ he blurts out as she stills

‘’She is his niece. I was protecting her, and then before I know it, both her and him are taken away and threatened.’’

‘’And Donald?’’ she asks

‘’Dead.’’ It hangs there, in the silence as she brings her hand to her mouth, eyes closed in a silent prayer

‘’She has no one left.’’ It’s not a question; it’s a statement because she knows

‘’I wouldn’t have shown up here with her if I didn’t know it would make her feel better. A little more human.’’ He confesses

‘’I don’t know if that’s the good thing to do.’’ She protests, putting her hand on her forehead ‘’Is it even safe here? I know you check all the windows and exits, but it’s a street full of people and customers, and I can’t close the place entirely to keep her safe from people who could harm her.’’

‘’She was safe with me. I kept her safe.’’ He takes a few tentative steps ‘’But there is only so much I can do for a girl who’s growing. She is not a bird in a cage. I was tired of seeing her watch behind her back, jump at any sounds and the darkness under her eyes.’’ He sighs, a slight tremble to his voice ‘’I always feel like the world around us does not exist in here. Like it stops all the bad things at the door, like it cannot enter, and I knew she would feel safer here. Even happy, maybe.’’

‘’Like I do’’, he wanted to say.

‘’You traded one jail for a golden cage, we need to be on down-low for a while before she can even walk out there on the streets and by then, what age is she gonna be?’’ she retorts back and he has nothing to reply because she is right ‘’The library has windows, the world does not stop spinning for us and she is gonna see them live their lives. She is gonna see kids her age, even a boy or a girl who knows?’’

‘’That’s temporary.’’

‘’Until it isn’t, and if she starts resenting you for it, you cannot live with that, Court; it could kill you despite whatever you wanna show us.’’ She assures, finally turning around to see him

He finally takes in the sight of her, her face, the hair that has gotten longer since the last time or the slight plump of her waist and thighs he is itching to touch, indulge in, like it was made to be held by his greedy fingers. Her eyes are similarly raking over him, looking everywhere she can, and it takes him a few seconds to understand that she is scanning him to see any sort of injuries or wounds.

He is the first one to break, to take the few remaining steps towards her, and she meets him halfway, throwing her arms around his neck as his snake around her waist as they embrace. He presses her body against him, burying his face in her neck as his shoulders relax at last and his breathing even.

Like he finally found the strength to breathe again.

For a few minutes, it’s just them, the slight buzz of the streets outside and the distant purrs of their cat in a bookshop where their hearts found solace in love, for the first time, in a long time.

She is trembling; her hands are shaking as she presses them on his shoulder blade, and they travel around them until they meet his cheeks, forcing him to pull his face away from where he settled. His face is slightly downcast, eyes closed, as her soft hands trace the scars from his past with a reverence he never deserved. But he takes it, like the selfish bastard he is, takes in her love and affection because no one else could or will.

‘’It’s still you.’’ She whispers, brushing the cut near his eyebrows ‘’You’re still mine.’’

‘’I’ll be yours.’’ His blue eyes soften at the way hers shone with unshed tears ‘’As long as you’ll have me.’’ He promises, grazing his lips against her forehead

‘’I love you, Court.’’ Her voice breaking as he presses their forehead together

‘’I love you too, sweetness, you don’t know how much.’’

Words are unnecessary when the body craves more, and that night, it has been a long time since they felt each other. At the end of the day, they’re still mere human beings, and the basic instant of lust interlaces the love.

Foreheads still pressed, their eyes meet as their face come closer to the other, slowly, testing the waters. Like it’s the first time, all over again, like its day one and he is still uncertain to take what is his. But she isn’t, and tired of it, not having him when he is literally so close. She brings her lips closer to his, darting out her tongue to lick the edges of his mouth, as he whines at the sensation like a damn teenage boy.

The dam breaks, then. It’s like the signal he needed to lock his lips with hers, opening his mouth, her tongue brushing his, and they kiss. It’s sloppy, almost too imprecise, but the passion of their embrace takes away any hesitation left.

She grabs his arms, tugging him towards a corner of the library, where no one could see them. She pushes him on the armchair, as he takes a seat, straddling his waist, settling on his lap, lips still connected. His hands grasp her hips, pressing them until he starts moving them towards his own, breaking the contact of their lips, making them moan in the silence of the library.

She rocks her hips against his, his mouth dropping open in surprise, as he lets out whimpers of pleasure he does not try to conceal. His hands find the swell of her ass, palming the soft flesh greedily as her hands grasp his hair, tugging it softly, making him throw his head back. Her lips find his neck, mouthing his Adam’s Apple, biting the skin around it, making him hiss at the slight pain.

‘’You took bullets and whatnot in your body, and this is painful?’’ She chuckles as he slaps her ass playfully

‘’It’s out of pleasure, baby.’’ He breathes out shakily, tittering, ‘’I thought about this for so long.’’ Hands sliding upwards, underneath her shirt, mapping her body with the tips of his fingers, teasing the band of her bra

‘’Take it off, in fact, wait.’’ She huffs, grabbing the lapels of her shirt, throwing it on the floor ‘’Take your shirt off.’’ She orders as he cocks an eyebrow at her

‘’Ordering me around?’’ he teases, hands caressing her stomach, trailing all over her chest

‘’Well if you don’t like that, I’ll leave you to be, then.’’ She makes a move to stand up, but he grabs her waist, bringing her down right where the hardened length of him brushes against her core, making her gasp softly

He moves his hips back and forth, brushing his hips against hers as she lets herself be swayed by him, enjoying the feel of his lips around her chest, ‘’Bossy, so bossy.’’ He mutters against her breasts

‘’You love it.’’ She jests, and he sighs happily, nodding

‘’Fuck, I do.’’

He pulls back, his eyes fixated on hers as he grabs the hem of his shirt, revealing his battered, scarred chest to her. She sits back a little, taking in the sturdiness and strength of his chest as if it’s the very first time she sees the body she knows by heart. He lounges against the chair, watching her hands hover around him like he is a soft, fragile little thing.

He remembers the first time they undressed their clothes, in the dim glow of her room upstairs. She made him sit down, lavished him with her soft, loving touch, asking the whole time if he wanted what she could give him.

He remembers the single tear that trailed along his cheek when she kissed his scars, like it was a precious part of his soul, like it was beautiful and deserved love. Like he deserved love.

‘’Touch me, baby.’’ He almost pleads because he is desperate ‘’Please, I need you.’’

She smiles, her fingers tracing the scars, like she loves to do, and suddenly she presses her hand where his heart is, her mouth slightly agape at what she feels under her fingers, ‘’Your heart is beating so fast.’’ She whispers, entranced by it ‘’For me?’’

Before he could nod, before he could open his mouth, he felt her body slide from his hands. His breath hitches when her knees hit the floor in front of him, slotting herself against his open legs. He scrambles upright, grabbing her shoulders, but she forces him to stay still on the chair.

‘’You don’t have to do that.’’ He starts but gasps when the heel of her hand presses against the bulge in his pants

‘’I want to. You’re gonna go against my wishes, Six?’’ she teases, using his code name, not letting him talk, massaging it, leaving him only to whimper at her ministrations

Reaching for the buckle of his belt, she undoes the fly and tugs the jeans to reveal the hardened length of his cock. Hard, thick and leaking under her touch. She sits back, letting it twitch slightly as she chuckles at it, ‘’Oh, it’s funny to you?’’ he asks, his words strained

‘’Yes, you still act like a teenager.’’

‘’40-year-old virgin, baby, can’t beat that.’’ He laughs as well ‘’Remember, you were my first.’’

‘’And last.’’ She assures, eyes shining with a certain possessiveness, making him blush slightly ‘’It was my pleasure to deflower you, pretty boy.’’

Her long fingers wrap around the length of him; he groaned out loud, not even caring if anyone could hear him. Softly, tentatively, her thumb stroked the length slowly, letting it build within him. His hips stuttered at the movement, knowing that he won’t last too long when she thumbed the slit of his cock, smearing the droplets all over his length.

‘’Oh, baby, please.’’ He whines

‘’That good?’’ she asks, knowing the effect she had on him ‘’I don’t even know if that’s how a hand-job is supposed to be.’’

‘’Don’t care.’’ He stutters ‘’Feels good.’’ He closes his eyes, letting the feeling of her invade his mind, emitting a low, broken sound

‘’Open your eyes, come on, look at me, baby.’’ She orders

His open flutters open, his vision hazy with lust, and he feels a gasp in the back of his throat at her blown-out eyes, so dark and mesmerising. From where she is kneeling, looking up at him, glimmering with a certain cockiness, it makes his stomach tighten, burn with want and need.

His breathing is loud, almost struggling to keep silent and without breaking her gaze, she lowers her head, licking a long, bold strip. From the base of his cock, in one single motion all the to the top. She repeats the movements, once, twice and when his thighs are shaking. She winks, wrapping her lips around him and hollow her cheeks, making a breathing noise that goes straight to his head.

‘’Good God, doll.’’ He shudders ‘’You’re so beautiful.’’ He moans, his fingers threading in her hair gently, just grasping it, tethering himself

His eyes never leave her face as she works him, swirling her tongue around the head, kissing the tip like it’s something precious and laving with it such attentive care he feels like he could die, happily. He would accept it. Slowly, her cheeks hollow, sucking him deeper, hand stroking what she cannot reach with her mouth. His hand still on her hair, sliding to her cheek, caressing as she looks up at him, teary-eyed and blissfully fucked out.

‘’You like that, don’t you, doll.’’ He whispers, moving his hips slightly ‘’Good girl, sucking my cock, like you were made for it.’’

She whines around him, bopping her head slowly as his hand grasps her hair, moving her as he pleases. His hips buck, driving his cock deeper in her mouth, making her almost gag when the tip hits her throat.

‘’Sorry, I’m sorry.’’ He almost pulls out, but she slaps his hand away, keeping her mouth on him

She relaxes her jaw, bringing her other hand to fondle his balls as she bops her head, quicker and quicker. In a flash of clarity, he thinks of Claire, the fact that she could probably hear them. He slaps his hand on his mouth, unable to conceal the sounds but lost enough to keep making them.

It’s difficult, however, to keep his voice down when she works her mouth so well around his length. And when the climax creeps in, closer and closer, he taps her head to signal to her that he is close. She chuckles, the sound vibrating around his length, and suddenly, it overcame him, violently, making him slump in his chair like a rag doll.

His climax is crashing into him like tidal waves, hips shaking violently as he shot ropes of his seeds in her mouth. She does not waste a single drop, licking everything until he pushes her head away because he is too sensitive. He sits there, eyes closed, hand still pressed against her head, petting it softly, ‘’You’re not a pet, just so you know, okay?’’ he assures, making her laugh

She sits back on her haunches, caressing his thighs to soothe him, ‘’Come back to me, pretty boy.’’ He huffs at the surname she seems to not let go ‘’You like the nickname.’’

‘’Nope.’’ He chuckles, opening his eyes, a low whine resonating, of awe, of pure and almost vulgar horniness ‘’Gosh, doll, look at you.’’

She looks up at him through her lashes, gazing with an almost naughty, playful gaze; his eyes travel from the ruffled, messy hair -he caused- to the shining wetness of her lips. She keeps his gaze on him, her tongue peeking out, slowly licking the residue of him left on her, bringing another whine from him.

‘’Trying to kill me, huh?’’ he sighs dreamily

‘’You haven’t seen paradise, yet.’’

A warm, tender smile adorns his face, opening his arms invitingly, and she hoists herself up on his lap. Snaking her arms around him, she leans her head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. For a few moments, they just sit huddled together as he sways her softly.

‘’How do you feel?’’ she asks, raking her nails in his hair as he only hums contentedly

She feels the way his shoulders relax, the way his breathing softens, almost like he is falling asleep. ‘’Hey, you still there?’’ She shakes him softly ‘’Better get dressed before-’’

She sighs, close to scolding him when she feels his hands caressing her ass, ‘’Court, you’re tired.’’

He groans as his lips graze her neck, kissing his way up towards her ear, ‘’Can I not touch what’s mine?’’,  his raspy voice makes her shiver as he holds them more firmly, moving her back and forth on his lap ‘’You did so much, so great for me, sweetness.’’

She whines at his praise, throwing her head back as she quickens the pace of her movements, ‘’Ugh, I need to take these off.’’ She mutters, stumbling to take her pants off

‘’Let me.’’ he grumbles, swiftly grabbing the pants from her legs, throwing it behind him, leaving her panties on and slapping her hand away when she tries to take them off ‘’Nope, leave them on.’’

‘’Ordering me around?’’ She raises an eyebrow, mirroring his own joke as he only smirks

‘’I guess I do.’’ He whispers against her lips ‘’I could leave you to be, if you don’t like.’’ He raises an eyebrow, but she yanks his hair, mouth agape with want as he observes her with a teasing smile

‘’Don’t you dare.’’ She mutters ‘’Court, kiss me.’’

And he does just that. It’s slow this time, unhurried, unlike the frantic movement of the beginning of the night. This is softer, almost reverent. The way their tongues brush softly or him gently biting her lower lip. It’s a few minutes, spending their time by kissing one another, where their hips rock slowly against each other’s, his hands caressing her back, teasing the elastic band of her bra.

‘’Just, take it off.’’ She brings her own hand behind ‘’Wait let me-oh.’’

With a flick of his wrist, he unhooked it, the bra falling on her lap and uncovering her plump breasts. ‘’Geez, I missed the girls.’’ He chuckle, thumb flicking the soft bud, making her whine at the contact ‘’Did they miss me too?’’

‘’You’re such a dork, sometimes.’’ She snorts at his antics

‘’Only for you, baby.’’ He winks, blue eyes crinkling with boyish playfulness as he lowers his face

It’s tentative at first, just like when they kissed, like he forgot the way he would indulge for hours in the valley of her breasts. But when he flicks his tongue around her rosy bud, and she arches her back in his arms, ‘’God, I missed this.’’ He groans

He circles her nipple with his tongue, kissing the round, full plumpness of her breast as he flicked with his thumb the other as she melted in his lap, ‘’Oh, Court, please.’’ She pants, rocking her hips against his, but his large, calloused hands grip them, stopping her movements as she protests

‘’Don’t be greedy sweetness.’’ He mocks at her whiny pants ‘’I got you; I’ll make you feel so good.’’

It was his pride, his pride and ego, knowing he could make her feel that way, make her come undone and have her melting in his arms. For him, thanks to him.

‘’I am the only one who can make her feel that way.” He thinks with a hint of the possessiveness at the sight of her face, lost in the depth of pleasure

Life as a whole has never been gentle on Court, whether as a child with the twins by his side, in juvie or even in the damned Sierra program. Looking back, it has always been a game of running for his life, proving he was worth something and living in the illusion that what he was doing was worth it, that he was making a difference.

Like hell he was.

So, it was it, running for his life until he couldn’t and would have died in the back of a dark alley like the animal he was. Even at first, it was like taming a wild animal, like she could harm him if he let his guard down, like she was just like the others. Untrustworthy, unreliable and even dangerous. And yet, it burgeoned into something he never thought he could live, feel, have for himself, greedily and selfishly.

And now, he could never get enough. Even when he was far away, something in the streets would bring back a memory of them. Or the books he would see would remind him of the way she loved and cared for hers. And sometimes, his heart just ached for her, his body craved her, and each time they met again, it was like the passion never died.

‘’Court.’’ She gasps, bringing him back to her ‘’Come on, baby.’’ She pleads

His mouth travels upwards, tongue tracing a feverish path to the curl of her neck, just as his hands travel down, down there, where she craves him the most and when it slid between their pressed bodies, and she gasps, he knows he found it.

‘’Is that it?’’ he asks, fingers stroking the thatch of hair there he begged her not to shave, once ‘’Come on, babydoll.’’ He mutters against her neck

‘’Yes, it’s there, don’t stop.” She whispers as his fingers dip lower, finding the little nubbin craving for his touch and attention ‘’Oh, baby, it feels so-‘’ she cuts herself, almost drowning in pleasure

He cackles at her reaction, his finger circling her clit, just like that, not even caring to give her some prep, ‘’God, it feels good, baby. You want it slow, I can go slow.’’ He asks nonetheless, but she shakes her head

‘’Don’t you dare stop now; I need it so bad.’’ She sobs, rocking her hips against his hand

He felt warmth flooding within him; the mere feeling of her cunt hitting him, the wanton sounds she is letting out so freely make him feel almost light-headed, but still keep his fingers working on her clit.

‘’Close, I’m-‘’ her voice breaks as he feels it too; she is gonna come, just on his fingers and something almost primal surges within him, knowing he could bring her an orgasm with just his fingers

‘’Are you close, baby?’’ he whispers in her ear. ‘’Just from my fingers, your little cunt is so needy; she can’t even wait for my cock?’’

‘’Don’t-’’ she whines, but he doesn’t stop, still talking

‘’That’s it, doll, come for me, on my fingers, just like that.’’ He whispers, and she arches her back once again, her mouth agape and eyes closed while the waves of pleasure wash over her

It takes a few minutes for her body to twitch with pleasure as he keeps her close to his body until she plops against him, hiding her face in his neck, breathing loudly. And finally, finally, the sigh, their cuddled bodies slumping down together on the armchair.

He strokes her hair, eyes heavy and tired as she sighs happily, ‘’Don’t fall asleep, we gotta get dressed first.’’ He chuckles ‘’Or else, Claire is gonna be traumatised for another reason.’’

She whines in his neck, burying her face, ‘’Oh, I won’t even be capable of looking at her in the morning.’’

‘’She has seen worse.’’ And they laugh, idle, as nothing in the world matters more

They settle down in a comfortable silence; the noises from the midnight crowd died out, leaving only the rare talks of the passerby. She sighs contentedly, tracing the tattoos and scars littering his chest as his hands rake her back.

She looks up, finding his eyes closed, almost dozing off with a serene expression on his face and hates herself for breaking the quietness. But she has. Someone has to.

‘’Court, we still have to talk about what we’re gonna do.’’ She starts, gently, and he sighs, tightening his arms around her

‘’I know, I know.’’ He sighs ‘’I’m sorry, we gotta be like responsible adults and talk this out, right?’’

‘’Right.’’ She laughs softly ‘’Wanna start?’’

‘’Yeah?’’ he sighs ‘’I know it’s not easy, this life, with me in it, that I make things a lot more complicated than they should be.’’

She looks up, ‘’I like my life, this life, you.’’ She interrupts with a frown ‘’I chose to do this, I chose you, I knew the consequences, and I accepted it. You know that, right?’’

‘’Does not mean you don’t regret it.’’ He puts his hand up before she can reply ‘’I came here when you were already living here with that demon over there, for a while.’’ He points at the cat who mewls lazily towards them, making her titter. ‘’Kind of like I attached myself to something already existing, and that was your choice, your decision.’’

‘’So, what’s wrong with it?’’ she asks, defensive

He bit his lip, eyes trailing away from her, towards the entry hall, ‘’Self-defence classes, pointy hidden and heavy tools-‘’

‘’I am a grown woman who lives alone; of course I have to do all of this to keep myself-‘’

‘’Where are the pretty plates?’’ and she closes her mouth, like a deer caught in the headlights

‘’What plates.’’ She looks away, knowing exactly what he is talking about

‘’The dozen plates you bought at the flea market, all the cutlery that disappeared, or the big table that can unfold to welcome more than one person at the table.’’ He points out as she looks down, ‘’All of them are gone; it looks like you’ve been living all alone, your entire life.’’

‘’Don’t be mean, Court, please.’’ But he shakes his head

‘’I am not being mean, doll.’’ His hands caress her cheek, gently ‘’I am saying that I am sorry; I made you think you can’t live a normal life because of me. Or that you have to protect me. And now, you’ll have to look out for the two of us, and I am sorry.’’ He apologises, trying to look into her eyes she stubbornly keeps down

‘’And I know.’’ He caresses her cheek ‘’You feel some resentment towards this, and that’s fine. In fact, it would be weird if you weren’t.’’

She brings her hand towards his chest, tracing the tattoos there like it can soothe her, and he waits, waits until she can finally talk, softly, quietly, ‘’I am scared, sometimes, that people could break in, hurt me or Crowley.’’ She admits quietly

‘’Sometimes, I am just scared to be alone, or I’ll end up alone because I don’t know what I am without you. And now, another one, and she is a kid?” she chuckles mirthlessly ‘’I don’t know what I’ll become when you’ll have to choose between her safety and me when I’ll inevitably be a liability for her life if you take her away and you leave me.’’ She trails down, looking up at him, tears in her eyes

‘’I don’t know what I am if not for you; I think I lost myself.’’ She shakes her head, ‘’I am just scared I’ll end up all alone.’’  A tear falls down her cheek as her lips tremble. "I’m sorry, I am being ridiculous."

‘’No,’’ he protests firmly, pressing his hands on her shoulders, ‘’Nothing about this is ridiculous; all your feelings and fears about us are legitimate, sweetness.’’ He strokes her face, eyes reflecting her own sadness ‘’I am so sorry.’’ His voice dies, strangled because of the tightness in his throat, pressing her face against his cheek, whispering apologies over and over against her hair

A sob shakes her chest, almost loud enough to wake up the young girl upstairs. She brings her hand to her mouth, willing herself to stop, but it’s like she needed this. She needed someone to tell her that this was not okay, that this is painful and it’s something that has been making her life horrible for a long time.

And yet, still.

She wouldn’t give up Court for anything; she could never, ever live her life away from him. Because two truths can exist: the fact that she loves him and sacrificed a lot for him is true, and yet, she cannot help but feel afraid of everything she has to do to even sleep peacefully at night.

And here they were, holding one another as they cried like idiots because sometimes, it’s just too much, and it’s like a vase; it spills ‘’We look like idiots, right?’’ he asks, and she nods, yawning softly ‘’Maybe, we should talk about it tomorrow? After some sleep?’’

‘’I think so too,’’ he agrees ‘’Come on, let’s get you dressed, doll.’’ He says when he feels her shiver in his arms, ‘’Let’s go to sleep, alright?’’ he asks as she looks up at him, eyes red and wet but nods, unable to say anything else but curl up in his arms

The backroom was silent; even Crowley disappeared God knows where -they’ll find him cuddled up with Claire the following day- as she lay on his chest, fingers tracing the numerous scars and tattoos littered there.

Under her palm, she could feel the slow and peaceful rhythm of his heart, and yet, she knew he was restless, thinking and thinking about everything she said. His mind was brewing with those dark thoughts she knew he lost himself in.

‘’Talk to me about the twins, when they were younger, Court.’’ She whispers, a meagre attempt to distract his mind with the few things he loves on this planet ‘’Are any of them similar to Claire?’’

The laughter rumbles in his chest, vibrating against her ear and she smiles when his fingers caress her locks, ‘’She is really stubborn, sometimes. People had the tendency to think that Ryland was the softest twin, almost like he was a fragile little thing. Oh boy, he made a kid older than him cry because he made fun of Colt.’’

‘’What?’’ she laughs, bewildered ‘’How?’’

‘’He made fun of him; he said things that were quite mean. He really had a temper; that one, Colt, on the other hand, was softer, gentler.’’

She smiled, lulled by the stories, by his words and the gentleness in which he always depicted the two boys he sacrificed everything for, and it cemented the knowledge that her love for this man will never fade. That he is worth it, that this whole thing might be worth it if he stayed by her side.

Sleep comes serenely, visions of a small cottage, a garden with flowers and the three of them, surrounded by the flowers. Far, far away.

[moonstoneandmoonlight]

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[uzmacchiato]

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[auroraorphic]

I got two gomens fics that I purely abandoned, I need the motivation to go back to it 😭

[auroraorphic]

Haunting The Narrative

The pain felt real. More real than anything he suffered from during all these years. His head is against the headrest, and nothing, not a sound, not a touch can get past the bubble that surrounds Colt.

His eyes fall on the rearview above him, and for a moment, he does not see himself. They have the same eyes, the three of them, the same face, despite the oldest being much older than them. But people tend to take them for triplets; that’s how alike they looked.

And yet, the pain in his eyes mimicked the pain of his twin. A pain transcending his phone, via a mere fucking voicemail.

He couldn’t see it, but he could hear it, and the pain his other half was in is engraving itself on him the more he listens to that damned voicemail.

His day ended rather quickly; he didn’t have a lot of stunts to do, and most of it was just sitting by Jody while she was deep into her role as a director, and Colt liked to sit by and watch her move in her element. She was a mesmerising person, and he liked that she was his.

It was a good day, a very good day, and he was happy. Jody needed to stay behind and asked him to go home, and he did so. Could he have made dinner ? Prepped a bath for her ? Either way, the domesticity of their life was something he liked to soak in and enjoy.

His phone rang that day, quite a lot, but he never kept it on him during the shoot. He liked to stay focused, and after all, who would call him when they all knew he would never answer during those times?

One person, however, would and he tried, a lot actually.

Ryland left him a lot of text messages and voice-mails these days, but the strain following their recent fall-out was still an open wound for Colt. And pettily, he decided he wouldn’t answer his calls until the end of the week, making him suffer in a state of pain like Colt felt that day.

It was petty of him, and he knew someone else would have wacked him for behaving this way. Out of the three of them, Colt is the middle child and still behaves like one at times.

But now, neither the oldest or the youngest were part of his life, so why would he bother ? So here was a classic Colt.

After Jody sent him off, he sat in his car and opened his phone as he turned the radio on. The number of texts was a tad alarming, and his brows furrowed a little more when he realised all 130 of them were from Ryland himself, and something tightened in his chest when the last one was in all caps, spelling ‘’I love you, please forgive me!!!!’’

Something was wrong and Colt hastened to click on Ryland’s contact info and dialled the number, something was wrong. Colt was starting to feel very sweaty as the evidence was there.

Ryland was in danger; something had happened to him, and he needed his brother above anything.

But Ryland wouldn’t pick up, and Colt cannot even blame him for that; it went straight to voicemail. Cursing out, he called again and again, again until there was nothing but the sound of static beeping signalling that Ryland was not answering him.

‘’Ry, it’s Colt. I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry. Please call me back, I need to talk to you, please, please, call me back.’’ He stuttered, his voice trembling as his hand shook

What, what happened in his life for him to panic this way and try to contact him at any cost ? But whatever it might be, he needed to get to him, one way or another. Colt tried to think rationally, turned his mind over and over.

When he tried to think of someone to contact who could know his brother, he realised he knew nobody.

And further, he realised he knew almost nothing about Ryland at all.

He was teaching yes, he liked his students, yes, but then ? What was he up to apart from his job, did he liked to go to the gym ? Did he liked to bike just for the pleasure to do so or was it just a transportation mode for him ? Did he like to eat what Colt like to eat, or is he still the picky eater he used to be ?

Heck, did he found someone to love like he found Jody ? And with cold dread, he realised he had never told Ryland that he was with Jody, and he never told her about his bloody twin brother. What the hell was wrong with him ?  

‘’Ryland, please, it’s Colt. I am sorry.’’ He started sobbing softly on the phone, not even understanding why he started to cry

Maybe he was even sleeping and turned off his phone, yes, maybe it was not an emergency ? But who was he kidding ? Ryland was in danger, and even despite Colt turning his back on him for the most stupid reason, he reached out to him. Hoping his big brother would save him just like when they were children.

Hr threw his phone, in anger, pulling his hair, and even that gesture reminded him painfully of his sweet little brother who would hug him, trap him in his embrace until Colt could calm down. Ryland stood by his side, doing everything for him and how did he repay his kindness ?

Colt choked on his tears, banging his head against the headrest when suddenly, he realised he might have some voicemails from him. He stumbled to grasp his phone and, with shaking fingers, he opened the voicemail.

‘’You got 101 voicemails from Lil Bro.’’

‘’Fuck!’’ he cursed out loud, his sobs intensifying

He listened to them, all of them, for an hour, maybe even longer. The first one was right after their fight when he stormed out of his apartment :

‘’You are the worst brother ever, and I hate you.’’ He screamed in the phone, and Colt nodded, because yes, he really was the worst brother

The next one was almost immediately, ‘’I don’t hate you, heck, I love you so fucking much, and it hurts to see how little you consider me. I love you so much, and I am not even important in your eyes, why Colt ?’’ and his poor, sweet Ryland’s voice broke when he uttered his name.

And he knows, Ryland might have spend a long time crying because of him, and he does not remember a time where Ryland never cried. Always the sensitive, empathic little one among them three. And it was his duty to comfort him and shed his tears.

He might have cried all alone, with no one to comfort him.

A few of them were more mundane, some were more emotional, begging Colt to call him back, and some he told him about his days. His life, some stories there and here. He laughed sometimes among the tears because he realised how much he missed him.

And then, suddenly, the tone shifted, and that’s where the answer resided.

‘’Hum, hi, so yeah, they are taking me somewhere, I don’t know where exactly, but it’s a job!’’ his voice quivers despite the forced excitement he wants to express, but Colt knows better ‘’I think it’s gonna take a while for me to come back to San Francisco. You know, if one day, you decide to come back.’’ He clears his throat ‘’I hope you come back, Colt.’’

‘’Hi, so I definitely won’t come back for a good while now, but I still mean it, Colt. I hope we can talk this whole thing out and put the past behind us. I saw your new movie, by the way, I saw all of them and watch all of them. You are important to me, Colt.’’

The last one that he still hasn’t listen is the last one on the list and the most recent, it was this afternoon, only three hours ago.

‘’Colt !’’ he cried out, and the man stiffened as he sat up straighter ‘’Colt, they are making me do it, I don’t wanna go!’’ he sobbed. Ryland cried

‘’They wanna send me there, I don’t wanna go, they are doing that to me, do something, help me!’’

He was running, running away from someone who was a threat. That job of his. They were a threat to his little brother, and something happened for them to snap and become a danger to him.

He was running, calling out to him, and his fucked up brother could not even bother picking up the damn phone.

Suddenly, his voice became shrill and higher, and it seemed like he fell down. His voice was muffled, but the agonising words were still clear as the day.

‘’Colt, no, I can’t do it!’’ he cried, sobbed, his voice muffled ‘’Help me ! Court ! Colt !’’

And that was it.

His last word were their names.

Six sat up straight as he fell asleep. His chest was heavy with the pain of something unknown, but panic took him like a hawk. He dreamed, a nightmare even, something he hadn’t done in a long time, and he beat himself for it. Civilian life made him soft, but still, he needed to regain control.

He stood up, brushing his hand on his face as he breathed in. In and out. In and out. Just like he taught Claire.

Claire.

He stumbled as he almost fell from the armchair and ran towards her room. Carefully, he opened the door and breathed in a sigh of relief when he saw her sleeping peacefully. He pads into the room, his steps quiet and furtive like he was taught. Something she hates because she can never predict where he is, it makes him laugh quietly sometimes, the surprise on her face and the pure face of exasperation.

He sat down on the floor, next to her bed and stare at her face. Her face was still, deep in dreamland, and he wondered what she thought of him sometimes. What kind of life can he give to this little girl ? When he couldn’t even protect the one given to him ?

He sees them both in her sometimes. Past, long forgotten names and faces that he tries to bury deep somewhere in his old heart. Despite this, the presence of Claire in his life revived the love he held for them.

His love is still burning, and knowing that they were living their lives peacefully and happily was enough. Even if their fallout painted an ugly stain in the picture, that is something he had no control nor authority over.

He wanted to come back from the shadows, grab their stubborn little heads and shake them until he couldn’t. He dreamed of that, sometimes, more than normal. He dreamed of appearing in front of them both; in his imagination, they would be angry, and they would ask questions. Colt would try to hit him, and he might manage to hurt him because he was a man now, after all, and Ryland would cry, weeping like the little child he used to know.

He would be the first one to hug him, as if Six deserved any kind of love, and then it would dawn on him.

He was Court to them, not Six.

Colt would hug him tho, whining while doing so and yet, he would tear up too. Six would cry as well, maybe one or two.

And they would be happy.

It’s a beautiful dream. That shall stay as so.

He looked up, Claire was still sleeping and will until morning comes. Satisfied with that, he stood up quietly and made his way into the living room. He sat at the table, opening his computer. He typed on it, and four distinct screens opened up, and he frowned. Two of them were showcasing Colt’s apartment and his car, where he managed to put the little devices to track them down. The two others were empty, Ryland’s apartment was empty, and the other screen was just dark. He opened the tracking devices; one was beeping, and it was Colt’s. Ryland’s was turned off, as if the device lost track of him.

Something was wrong.

Where the hell was his little brother ?

‘’Fuck.’’ He muttered under his breath

For a long moment, he typed, searched and still, nothing about the whereabouts of his younger sibling, and it churned dread and anger at the same time. He needs to sit back and think about the logistics of this situation. Ryland might be a grown man, but he was still as reactive as a child, and even if danger wrote itself in red in front of him, he would be oblivious enough to miss it.

Something had happened to him, he was almost certain, and if it wasn’t for Six’s past, his brothers could have lived in peace. And now, inadvertently, he ruined it again.

Suddenly, a movement on the screen brought Six’s attention to it, and he sat up, looking at Colt’s monitor. Maybe one day, he will think that he was a horrible person for investing in something with such a violation of their privacy; however, it was not today.

He brought the computer closer as he watched, unable to do anything as his brother collapsed on his couch and wailed. He properly and purely wailed like a wounded animal, and even if both twins are quite sensitive in terms of their emotions, Ryland was always the softest, crying in empathy, sadness and even fear because of their father. Colt was a tad stronger, maybe similar to Six himself, and even if his lips quivered, his tears would never fall.

Over time, there have been moments where he saw the stuntman shed a tear or two and each time he got back on his feet.

Yet, now, it seemed like his entire world crashed down and he would live in the rumbles of a broken life.

Something was going on, something really wrong, and he had a horrible hunch that Colt’s state was linked to Ryland.

He looked back at Claire’s room, where the girl who faced more than any other child of her age had seen, and took Six’s hand when he asked her to come with him. She believed him and trusted him when he gave her the life he thought was safe, something they were carving out for themselves. Away from the danger, their oppressors.

Where could she go if they needed him.

He couldn’t choose between his brothers and her.

There were not many people he trusted, but there might be someone who could help him with this one.

Six popped a piece of gum in his mouth and dialled a number from a phone he kept hidden in a compartment of his computer.

The next few weeks passed in a blur for Colt, and it was so alarming that Jody took time off for him from work because the next day, he tried to jump off a fucking twelve stories building with no rope and had to be sedated.

Jody thought she had lost him again and cried out hysterically until he managed to say enough for her to understand Colt’s state. He might be in a state close to grief, but he still loved Jody enough for him to make her understand it all. She did not deserve another phase of silence, so he cried in her arms as he told her those stories from his past.

She held him as he recounted their little life; sometimes they laughed at funny stories, and ultimately, they both cried at the sole picture of the three of them. A relic Colt kept, something not even Ryland knew about.

‘’He seems like a great person.’’ She whispered, stroking a finger on the picture

‘’He is.’’ He smiles, leaning against her shoulder ‘’The best little brother ever.’’

‘’And him ?’’ she points at the other boy in the picture, looking like a younger Colt, and he stiffens at the mention

‘’Dead.’’ He grits his teeth, and Jody was taken aback at his anger ‘’He died in jail, they killed him there, he abandoned us.’’

He buried his face in her chest and cried and cried.

That morning, Colt woke up with a startle. A noise woke him up, yet Jody left for work hours ago, after he stirred up a little when she kissed his cheek this morning. He opened his eyes, thinking that it might have been nothing really; who would do anything to him ? Tom Ryder blew up a while ago now, and Gail was in jail.

He should maybe start thinking about going to work again. Jody couldn’t be the only one holding them both. He needed to do his job.

Sighing, he threw the blanket aside and sat up straight. He stretched a little before getting up and heading to the bathroom. That is when his eye caught a moment, something behind him that he could distinguish in the mirror in their room.

Cursing under his breath, he squared his shoulders and started thinking quickly. He shrugged, behaving as if his sudden change of trajectory was normal and headed to the living room. Whoever it was, he was going to beat their ass.

He entered the living room, looking around until his eye caught the cylinder Jody insisted on putting around, claiming it was a decoration. It was ugly enough that he did not feel any remorse at using it. He grabbed it, aiming at the shadow in the corner, who easily grabbed it. Tossing it aside.

‘’What the fuck, man?’’ He yelled at, not knowing if he was yelling at the intruder or the cylinder

But his words died when he looked up at the face coming out of the dark. For a moment, they looked at one another, blue eyes so similar. His face was older, looked more mature and tired as if he was beaten up by life everyday. He looked dead, alive, yes, but no emotions could be read on his face as he was sure his own was a plethora of emotions displayed freely.

His beard was fucking ugly, and he thought to himself that he ought to tell him that. After, he will beat his ass.

Impulsively, Colt threw his fist out, hoping to hit the face that looked so much like his, but again, Six blocked the punch as easily as he caught the cylinder.

He grabbed Colt’s other arm and stood still as his younger brother yelled, yelled, cried and ultimately, his body sagged against his. He was breathing heavily as his face was turned down, looking at the floor to try not to cry. He couldn’t cry. This man did not deserve his pain and grief.

‘’Colt.’’ He spoke up

‘’No!’’ he yelled at him, looking up in pure rage ‘’You lied to me!’’ he sobbed again, feeling like the little boy he was who saw his big brother being taken by the police

Six looked at the tears on his face, and Colt swore he saw his resolve crack. A single, lonely tear fell down his face as he took Colt’s face in his hands. He rested his forehead against his, breathing in the younger boy’s scent.

‘’You are real ?’’ he asked

‘’Yes, I am real.’’ His voice was deep and warm, still similar, and the memories of the haven he was to them flooded back to Colt

‘’Why ?’’ he whispered, and one word held so many questions at once

Why did he leave them ? Why did he lie to them ? If he was alive, why did he never tried to contact them ?

He did not even needed to say it, Six could hear them all, screamed at him.

‘’I wanted to protect you. But seems like I still failed.’’ He laughed, mirthlessly

Colt pulled back, looking at his older brother as if the solution to everything was presented to him,

‘’What happened to Ryland ?’’

Six breathed in and out, in and out. He needed it to keep his composure.

‘’Can I sit down ?’’

Tw cups of coffee were sitting down in front of them as both sat on the couch. A distance between them as Colt looked down, his hands by his side as Six looked at him with softer eyes.

‘’You are a big boy now, you like your job ?’’ he asked him as Colt nodded

‘’Oh yeah, great.’’

‘’They treat you good ?’’

‘’Yeah, got a few pickles, here and there, but still managed to, you know, get up and kick their asses to get back on a good track.’’ He affirmed, his eyes roaming over his wall

Never noticed how pretty the wall looked, anything but looking at the other.

‘’Jody, right ? She seems nice.’’

‘’Oh yeah, she is, great actually.’’ He chuckled ‘’I love her.’’

Six nodded, his own eyes straying away from Colt as his throat tightened, ‘’Good, good.’’

For a moment, silence took over them until Colt looked at his brother, who was looking at the picture on a shelf, even from afar, he recognized what it was, and he smiled softly at the memory.

It was a picture of him and Ryland at his doctorate graduation. Ryland was trying to keep his graduation hat while Colt was rubbing his head, keeping him in a soft headlock. Someone accepted to take their picture, and their smiles was forever engraved in that piece of paper.

Something Six knew about, of course, he spied on them for a long time after all. But looking at it in a more homely setting than hidden in a corner was unsettling and new to him.

‘’Why did you pretend to be dead ?’’ he asked, and Six stiffened

He took the cup of coffee in his hand, looking at the beverage, unable to look Colt in the eye.

‘’I was a CIA agent. For a long time.’’ He said, carefully, not knowing how much he could say

Colt sat back, in shock, unable to understand how that career path happened. He watched way too many movies, and none of them could make him visualize a sibling of his in such an unethical life. However, as he looked at his brother, it might not be too far-fetched.

‘’You are huge.’’ He said, and Six looked at him, a glimmer of a smile

‘’You are not so bad yourself.’’ He chuckled, but he sobered up ‘’I worked for them until they decided I was not worth their time. Now, I live away from everything.’’

‘’Alone ?’’

Six looked at him, a finger on his mouth as he shook his head. Colt was starting to understand the level of danger that surrounded his older brother’s life; maybe that’s why he never came back for them.

‘’Is your life dangerous ? Another nod finished to prove his thought

‘’You know what happened to Ryland ?’’ once again, he nodded, and dread took him over

‘’Are you the reason he disappeared ?’’

‘’No.’’

But it was not enough for Colt, before he could become more agitated, Six put his hand on Colt’s arm who stilled.

‘’Something happened, yes, and I know what, what I need to know is, if you are strong enough to bear the truth.’’

‘’Cou-

‘’Six.’’

‘’What ?’’ he asked, startled

‘’My name is Six.’’

‘’I am not calling you that.’’ He scoffed as his brother glared ‘’It’s weird.’’

‘Actually, it’s even.’’ He allowed himself a touch of humour

‘’Fuck off, what am I then ? Seven ? And Ry is Eight ?’’

‘’Coltland.’’ He threatened just like when they were younger, and he did something

Despite the time they were apart and because he was a grown man, he still shivered when he used that tone. But he sat away, in an attempt to cover it.

‘’Oi, don’t use the government name,” he pointed his finger at him ‘’I won’t call you by your name if you are scared some nuts are listening to us.’’ And despite him, he looked around the room to check they were truly alone ‘’So, go on tell me.’’

‘’Colt. I mean it. If you are not capable of handling the truth, I cannot do anything.’’ As the younger man groaned loudly in anger

Colt sat back, his chest rising and falling as he tried to keep his emotions in check. The truth, the ultimate truth, was a few words away from him; he couldn’t fumble it. He took a long moment to stabilise himself until he could, and looked up towards Six.

‘’I can manage.’’ Six looked at him with severe eyes, and he threw his arms in the air ‘’For fuck’s sake, get on with it!’’

Six exhaled, rubbing the bridge of his nose, ‘’Alright, Ryland got a new job recently, okay ? Not teaching but something else that has to do with his scientific work, some shit I did not get.’’ He rumbled

‘’Did you know he wrote a book or something, something that got him kind of fired from his job as a scientist?’’ Colt interrupted as Six’s glare grew in intensity

‘’You haven’t stopped interrupting people when they talk ? And of course, I know.’’ he groaned as Colt threw a pillow at him.

‘’I am serious!’’ and he frowned ‘’Wait, what do you mean of course ?’’

‘’Not now, later. I promise.’’ He sighed, sitting back on the couch ‘’Anyways, some sort of scientist group shipped him off somewhere around India.’’

‘’Wait, India ?’’

‘’They have an extraordinary and strong foreign intelligence there, and some of the best agents on the field. And criminals, I should know.’’

Colt stared at him

‘’There are a lot of stories you gotta tell me.’’ He said as Six smiled sadly

‘’I will.’’ He promised even if he knew it was a lie, he would never tell him anything and absolutely not the time he got his shit beat up by the Tamil guy

‘’Anyways, they got there, and he worked on a scientific issue, something that has to do with the Sun, saw the news recently ?’’ Six asked, and this time, he wanted an answer from Colt, who just shrugged in response

‘’Either way, Ryland worked with them because he knew a lot about it. Basically, there was nothing to be done except working on it, but would you know, following an accident, the lead lady of that damned project launched a spaceship.’’

‘’Wait, a spaceship, like in fucking space ?’’ and Six huffed loudly

‘’Stop interrupting me, and yes, space idiot, where else ? Fucking space.’’

‘’And Ryland ?’’

His brother stiffened at that, Colt stilled at his reaction and for a moment, none of them spoke; nothing but silence took over them.

‘’They didn’t do that to Ryland.’’ And there it was, the agitation

‘’Colt.’’ He sighed, but it was of no use

‘’Fucking hell, man! Do you wanna know how many voicemails he left me ? How many text messages ? He jumped on his feet, pulling his hair as he started walking ‘’Crying, begging for his life to be spared !’’

‘’I searched everywhere, did anything I could think of, and no one around me could be of any help. My baby brother might be dead because of me !’’

‘’He is my brother too.’’

‘’Oh yeah, grand way of showing us that we are your brothers, took care of us quite well!’’ he laughed ironically

He knew it was a low blow and something a teenager would throw at a parent. Still, it didn’t hurt any less.

‘’If you could sit down.’’ He started, but Colt stopped walking then, pointing his finger at his brother

‘’Say the fucking words.’’

Six sighed, rounding the coffee table as he stood in front of his younger brother. Spitting image of him, albeit a little shorter and less wrinkled around the eyes, eyes that held a lot of tears at the moment.

‘’Please.’’ He whispered, suddenly dejected, and his brother’s name couldn’t even be pronounced ‘’I can’t even say your name, don’t keep it away from me.’’

‘’They send Ryland into space, in the spaceship.’’

And Colt sagged in his brother’s arms, who caught him.

Colt’s body was warm against his. Despite the state he was in, he was strong and a big man. The little boy he knows grew up to be a man, one he does not believe he could have raised him to be this way.

And yet, the scent from him is the last beacon of home, a home that was never one really.

He closes his eyes, holding him as they sag together on the floor and remembers.

Oh, he remembers, one night when he held him just like that.

He closes his eyes, allowing himself one trip into memory lane.

1995

The dinner table was silent, the few noises allowed were the chewing and burping their father would let every now and then. Apart from that, the three boys needed to be silent when their father was awake.

But when he was asleep, there weren’t any noises allowed either. And they respected the heck out of that rule because it was either that or getting beaten up to the pulp. As the boys grew older, the man did not hold his strength back anymore. And without their mother by their side, they never knew when it would fall on them.

Tonight, all three Gentry children were sitting at the table and eating. It was easier to eat it all now that Court was getting better at cooking, and both twins were helping him around in the kitchen. No one was talking, and it was better that way.

‘’Pass me the salt, Court, you fucking useless moron, cannot even cook.’’ He grumbled as the boy stood up, but Ryland beat him to it and grabbed the salt that was next to him

He stood silently and gave it to his father, who watched the little boy in confusion. Something shifted as his father stared at his younger kid for a moment before he spoke up, booming voice hovering over them :

‘’Did I ask you ?’’ he asked, addressing Ryland, who stiffened and made himself smaller

‘’Stand up when I ask a question, boy.’’ And the boy did so

‘’No, sir.’’

‘’Then why the hell would you do that ?’’

‘’I don’t know, I am sorry, I won’t do it again.’’

One, two. An angel passed before their father, who seemed satisfied with his answer and started eating again. The kids were even more careful with the cutlery, trying not to make any sound when, once again, their father interrupted the silence.

‘’Speaking of, Ryland ?’’ he asked

‘’Yes, sir ?’’ he stood up without being asked to

‘’Good dog.’’ He chuckled, and Court fisted his hand on his jeans at the disdain in his father’s voice

‘’Now, you can listen to a command and obey, can you not ?’’

‘’Yes, sir, I can and will listen to you.’’ He recited dutifully

‘’Then why the hell is the school calling over to check on whether I hit you ?’’

The grip his father had on him made Court still on his chair, and he hastily searched in his memory why such a thing was prompted until he remembered that a few weeks ago, after Colt and Ryland fought, his father slapped them pretty hard until they cried and their faces were left red.

He remembered the next morning, the whines of their younger sibling when he tried to conceal the redness on his cheeks. Colt was not a bruiser, nor was Court; Ryland tended to keep the traces of his beating up, and their father might have forgotten that fact.

No wonder the school called.

‘’I don’t know, sir.’’ He muttered, and Alastar Gentry slapped his fist on the table

‘’Louder!’’ and the boy jumped, his body started shaking, but he kept his voice extraordinarily still

‘’I do not know, sir, I did not tell them anything.’’

‘’Then how ?’’

Ryland was silent, unable to speak, cursing out everything and anything. His skin for being so soft and sensitive, his teachers for being intrusive but stupid enough to rat him out, and his mother for disappearing.

His father for being himself.

‘’Upstairs.’’

Ryland started crying, unable to move as both his brothers watched helplessly. His father grabbed his arm and dragged him upstairs, towards the bathroom. Colt bolted out of his chair until Court grabbed him.

‘’He is gonna drown him!’’ Colt cried, but his yelling wasn’t as loud as Ryland’s wails

Court tried to shush him, soothed his cries, but his own were starting to wash him over as the sound of the running water brought them in the deepest trenches of hell.

‘’Do something, Court ! Court ! Colt !’’ Ryland yelled

And they could only listen, listen as water took him over. His cries became disgusting wails of pain; he was probably screaming underwater as their father waterboarded him.

‘’Court, he is gonna kill him.’’ Colt rasped, his voice got tired after screaming for so long

It elicited something in Court. Something he thought was dead. And yet, that fateful night, it drove him to his action.

Determination.

He grabbed Colt, easily taking his frail body in his arms as he brought him towards his own room. He put the boy to bed who did not try to do anything because of exhaustion.

‘’You put your fingers in your ears and close your eyes, until I come get you, got it ?’’

His huge blue eyes looked at him, ‘’What are you gonna do ?’’ he asked.

‘’Get us out of here.’’

And he disappeared from Colt’s views.

The next time he looked in his brother’s eyes, he would be covered in blood, Ryland by his side as he called the police to confess to the murder of his father. And it was also the last.

2025

Nighttime was reaching its beginning as the afternoon slipped by.

Both brothers were huddled on the floor, against the couch, in each other’s embrace. The entire day was nothing but them talking, talking and talking. They recounted their lives, and Six allowed a few breaches in his own without revealing too much to not compromise Claire’s safety.

‘’You are telling me you see hot girls around all the time ?’’

‘’And boys.’’ He smirked as Colt threw his head back to laugh

‘’Wouldn’t have pegged you for that. But still, guess we might be lucky to have gotten mom’s genes, or none of us would have gotten laid. Poor kid, sometimes I wonder if Ryland just does not need anyone but a cat.’’ He sighed, and Six laughed at the answer

‘’You’ll be surprised how much game Ryland got.’’ He chuckled, and Colt frowned ‘’Kid does not even realise it, oblivious as ever.’’

‘’How much what ?’’

Six looked at him for a moment and realised he used one of Claire’s expressions, ‘’Oh, it’s a thing I heard, it means you can get the girls. Like you know, you are sexy and whatever, let it go.’’ And Colt shook his head ‘’Face it, we are old.’’

‘’I still cannot believe you spied on us for all these years, you saw me in my most intimate moments !’’

‘’Relax, I ain’t a moron.’’ He soothed him ‘’I sold it on the dark web.’’ And he laughed when Colt tried to hit him

Court looked at his brother for a minute and shook his hair, feeling his throat tighten a little. Colt realised his brother was staring at him and understood that the moment had come to say their goodbyes.

‘’I am proud of you, you know. Became a better kid than I would have ever been.’’

Colt tried to blink away the tears, but still, it’s his brother, who saw him in a state no one could have seen him in, not even Jody.

‘’You would have been something else, if not for him. You would have made something for yourself in the world.’’ He said ‘’There is still time.’’ But Six only shook his head

‘’I can’t. Not anymore.’’

‘’Can we do anything to them ?’’ Colt asked, and the other man knew he meant the Petrova task forces

‘’No. Useless, the ship has been launched before we could have done anything, we can only hope Ryland can keep his ass alive out there in space.’’ And Colt chuckled

‘’If there is anyone who could save the world, it might be him.’’

Courtland smiled, raising a hand to brush away the tears from his younger brother’s face, closing his eyes and dreaming that instead of one, there were two, looking at him.

‘’I love you, both of you.’’

Colt launched himself in his brother’s arms, maybe for the last time ever.

‘’We love you too, Court.’’ He muttered in his chest, the name finally existing once again in their life, even if it was muttered like a secret

Years, years later in the future

Courtland wakes up with a start, once again, reminded of this state that happened years ago and drags his hand on his face.

His bones hurt a lot more than they used to. Now, he is much older, and he is not as strong as he used to be. Yet, there was still a strength he carried in him.

He stood up from the couch he fell asleep, and caught Claire’s eye in the TV.

‘’Awake now, Robot ?’’ she chuckled, and he smiled at the nickname that never left him

‘’Hungry, actually.’’

‘’Made you something, get over here.’’

He dragged his tired body to the kitchen and sat down, taking the fork in his hand. He shivered as he gripped his jacket a little tighter, still not used to the drop in temperature in the world.

After all the time, it still dropped, plunging the world into a sort of Ice Age. Something that still happened despite Eva Stratt’s efforts, and after everything, she fled like a coward. His brother was told he was one, but looking at it, she seems like the bigger coward. Was it all for nothing ?

He looks up at the sky sometimes, wondering whether somewhere out there, his brother is still alive. And if he was, was he looking down on them and thinking about them ?

Suddenly, a knock resonated loudly in the silence, and Court slipped back into the shadow of the forgotten Six. Claire ducked under the table, as if on instinct, and Six grabbed a weapon he kept hidden in a cookie jar.

He approached the door softly, and suddenly a voice resonated behind.

‘’It’s Colt fucking idiot, let me in !’’

Six opened the door and grabbed the younger man inside before he pushed him against the wall. Without even looking at him, he started patting him.

‘’One thing, only you and I would know ?’’ he asked, and Colt groaned

‘’Ugh, one time Ryland saw you cry watching Dumbo.’’ He groaned, and Six cringed, dreading the idea that Claire might have heard

And not even a second later, a loud laughter roared from the house, ‘’Oh, big old Six is a softie who would have known the Robot got a heart ?’’

Colt chuckled, ‘’I like her.’’ And Six slapped his arm

‘’Emergency, only for emergencies and how the hell you managed to come in here in this weather?’’ He asked

Colt laughed, the wrinkles around his eyes more prominent as age got them both, ‘’In car and have you not realised?’’ he asked, smiling widely.

Court looked back at his younger brother, who was holding something in his hand, ‘’No, what ?’’

‘’The Sun is getting back on its fucking feet.’’

They were sitting on the couch, just the two of them, as he started the video on the TV. Both watched as a young and brilliantly looking Ryland Grace appeared on the screen, smiling at them :

‘’Hi, Courtland, Hi, Colt.’’

And his word made their hearts beat again, for a moment, a long moment where he spoke, three hearts beat in unison.

‘’I don’t know anything about the future, but only one thing is certain.’’ His face was strained with tears just like theirs

‘’I love you both and will until the end of my days.’’

And softly, among tears, they uttered together :

‘’We love you too, Ryland.’’

And that night, both slept without the glimmer of a shadow hunting their dreams. A tall one similar to them, but still one without a face, got one today thanks to a video. Ryland smiled in their dreams now, and he smiled at them.

Goodbye, Ryland Grace, we hardly ever knew you. We send you to your death. And yet, you saved us all.

Alright, one small moment to say that I it's one of the first pieces I worked on. I definitely improved since and I have so many WIP I gotta post so yeah :)

[auroraorphic]

when I learned that Stratt was in prison for her crimes, I needed to write something about it and now it's too long and too developed for it to be just a one-shot. honestly I love this writing shit.

[auroraorphic]

My Sole Desire

It’s like a life sentence.

It’s almost imprisoning her in the cage that symbolises the end of the only good thing she ever had in her entire life. She knew it was too good to be true; she knew, one way or another, it would come to an end, and now, the bomb is on. It’s ticking the end of it all.

It should be a relief. How many times has she hoped for this answer to come to her? How many times has she hoped that this sentence would come to her like the breach to freedom in a life she dreamed of?

Obviously, she was quite young when she had those thoughts, and as she grew up, her perspective changed. Somehow, becoming a stable adult made it more plausible.

And yet, each time she had that doubt and did a test, only relief washed over her when it was negative. But this? It’s official; it’s a real diagnosis, not just a decision she made. It’s someone who is telling her the reality of it all in the harshest, truest way possible.

The letters are almost too tiny for someone who isn’t able to focus their eye-sight on the few sentences that are booming in her ears. It’s in a simple envelope with no significant signs to prevent any curious person from reading its contents.

Someone like Ryland, who is entirely too curious for his own good sometimes, is the last person who should read this. He is definitely the last person who should know about this.

Somehow, if she hides this from him, it’s the biggest breach of the rules of a relationship. She cannot lie, she cannot hide, can she now?

And yet, telling it to him that would mean that she would not be someone he would accept to stay with.

Not when his biggest wish is to have a child, and she has been told by a mere fucking letter that she is infertile and cannot have any kids for the rest of her life.

It all started innocently; somehow, a moment she ignored ignited such a feeling within him that he didn’t confess it himself one night.

She decided on a random day, that somehow, her report could wait -actually she just wanted to leave her fucking desk at home- and decided it would be a great decision to bring her wonderful, attentive and the worst picky-eater boyfriend some good food she made.

And because she is certain the idiot is stuffing himself with ramen and Skittles. She might be worse by drinking coffee and energy drinks when she is working, but at least her sodium levels are not above the normal level.

Anyways, that’s how she found herself biking cheerfully towards Grover Middle School, one bag containing enough food to nourish the entire staff of the school if she wanted to. The weather is clement on her, the soft breeze brushing her hair away from her face as she bops her head to the music in her headphones.

It only takes about 15 minutes for the school to appear in her vision, and she decides that she will surprise the teacher and pockets her phone. The custodian, Mr Sith, is smiling when she appears and greets her cheerfully.

‘’Here to see the husband, Mrs Grace?’’ he asks with a smile that makes her blush violently

‘’Oh, you know we’re not married.’’

Yet. She wants to add, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves, yeah. The man only shrugs at that, like it’s a silly thought, ‘’Any day, I am telling you.’’ He proclaims, tapping his nose ‘’I am good at sensing these.’’

‘’I absolutely believe you.’’ She replies seriously before they both laugh, ‘’Here, I made the cookies you liked last time; here, have some.’’ She extends the container, and he sighs in happiness

‘’And you really think he is not gonna marry you?’’

‘’Oh come on, Mr Sith!’’

But he is not the only one to declare so. Janet at the welcome desk says so, especially after she tastes her cookies, ‘’Oh dear, this boy is foolish if he doesn’t put a ring on soon.’’

Marisa does too when she sees that she remembers to bring the book she saw last time she came over and wanted to read, ‘’Goodness me, you’re an absolute angel, what is that idiot waiting for?’’

And all the kids who know her call her Mrs Grace so easily that she thinks it’s a universally known fact that Ryland is her husband already. She is surprised how easily the honorific rolls on her tongue.

Ryland, my husband. She whispers under her breath, and god if that isn’t something her younger self would cringe at? Being giddy at the idea of having her own husband, bringing him lunch and dessert?

Eh, she wasn’t the one with someone like Ryland anyway. She can blame it not on her weakening sense of feminism but on the absolute worst kind of boyfriend she had at the time. And Jesus, he was really bad, she reminisced with a frown.  

The frown softened, letting space for a soft smile at the sight of the man hunched over his desk, scrolling on his computer with quite a focused face. But before she could make her presence known, there was a loud shout behind her, surprising her to the point of letting out a small yelp of surprise.

‘’Good day, Mrs Grace?’’ a group of tweens who are Ryland’s students exclaim so loudly behind her that the man himself jumps out of his seat, slamming the computer shut loudly and looking like a deer caught in the headlights

She is holding her chest, chuckling at their enthusiasm ‘’Hey kids, still so loud and happy!’’ she exhales as her heartbeat comes back to a normal pace ‘’How’s it going, school, grades, all that stuff?’’

They start talking one after another, and it’s quite hard to get the gist, but it’s with a surprising gentleness and ease that she manages to find a way to talk to each of them, having a real conversation and not just a few passing polite words. Under the attentive gaze of Ryland on them, she is getting into quite an agitated discourse on how important AI is in schoolwork, and he knows it’s his time to step in because she can get quite vindictive against that tool (just like him, but she might be more passionate about the whole thing).

‘’I am telling you, it needs rules and regulations!’’ she exclaims to the crowd of unimpressed teenagers who already seemed ready to change the topic

‘’By the way, are you inviting us to your wedding?’’ starts another one before Ryland steps in, grabbing her shoulders

‘’Alright kiddos, lunch break, and it’s also mine before you all steal my lady. Away, come on!’’ he shoos them as they giggle.

‘’Bye, Mrs Grace, I love the cookies!’’ they cheer as she waves enthusiastically

‘’I’ll bring in cupcakes next time!’’ she chuckles as she feels herself being dragged inside the classroom, and suddenly she has a handful of Ryland in her arms

The door is closed, locked even, and she is pressed against it as Ryland presses himself all over her. All her senses are attacked, her back feeling the wood of the door, the metal handle poking her hip. Her chest is brushing the soft fabric of Ryland’s shirt, which he ironed this morning, as she can get a powerful whiff of his natural scent and the softener she used on the last laundry run, making her dizzy and slightly weak in the knees.

But above all, it’s the press of his lips, the sweep of his tongue against them and in a second they are making out like teenagers in his classroom, his workplace, with a principal she knows would not hesitate to throw her boyfriend out if she surprises them in this state.

Still, yet, his lips are so plush, the way he grabs her hips and the way her hands are grabbing his hair and the noises…

She finds the strength to push him away, and he is chasing after her when their lips pull away from each other’s, and she needs to find even more strength not to give in when he gives her his kicked puppy eyes.

‘’I missed you; let me.’’ He whines, trying to grasp her cheeks in his hands, but she shakes her head, firmly pushing him away

‘’The food is getting cold; get over here.’’ She huffs, amused as he whines like the very kids he teaches

‘’Do I get cookies, at least.’’ And she hesitates slightly

‘’Well, I saw Olivia, and you know she likes them so much.’’ She starts as he scoffs indignantly

‘’I bet she told you that you’re the prettiest, that’s how she got you!’’ he whines, and she glares at him

‘’Are you saying I am not pretty, Ryland Grace?’’ she glares as he gulps

She tugged his ear for good measure -and he kissed her as an apology because that’s how it works- and finally, they had a moment for themselves as he chugged down the rice and chicken she made.

‘’Slow down!’’ she hissed as he hiccupped ‘’No one is coming to steal this from you.’’ She laughs as he gives her an outraged look, and he grabs his bottle

‘’They all stole my cookies today.’’ He huffs after drinking ‘’Who knows who’s gonna come to steal my food.’’

‘’How can I hear the emphasis on the my in your sentences.’’ She raises an eyebrow as he chuckles

‘’Physics power.’’

‘’It makes no sense!’’

‘’You make no sense!’’

‘’Mr. Grace?’’ a shaky voice interrupts their childish argument, and they both turn their heads towards the source of the voice

The door is opened slightly, and the young girl is standing there, hesitating to enter, and the adults must have taken too much time to answer because she scurries out of the room before one of them can react.

She is the first one, too. Actually, she jumps out of her seat and catches sight of the girl running towards the girls’ bathroom and makes a beeline towards it.

The door is still moving, like someone just entered a minute ago, and she calls out softly to warn anyone else before she enters the bathroom. There are soft noises coming from one of the stalls, and she wills herself to not loose her nerve before approaching it.

‘’Hey, kid, is it okay if I’m here?’’ she attempts gently, grazing her knuckles against the door’s stall

‘’I’m sorry I disturbed you and Mr G. I am so sorry.’’ And her voice is so sad it breaks her heart ‘’I am so useless and stupid, I always ruin everything.’’ She whispers, shakily

‘’Who said that? Me or Mr Grace? Did we now?’’ she asks ‘’No, we didn’t. How can you think that?’’

‘’Because it’s the truth. That’s why my life is so shit; there is nothing good for me out there.’’

‘’Well, maybe?’’ she shrugs ‘’But, I know it might be true now; it’s not gonna be true your whole life. Ask me, I know a lot about it.’’ She chuckles

‘’And I got my period today, I don’t even know how this works!’’ she sniffles softly

‘’Well, turns out I know; I’ve been getting this in the mail a lot.’’ She chuckles ‘’I can help you if you want?’’

‘’Someone is gonna come in; it’s so embarrassing. I am sorry; I am so annoying.’’ She whimpers, and she shakes her head

‘’Absolutely not, sweetheart.”’ She affirms ‘’That’s a valid feeling, actually. In fact, I might have an idea. If you want, I’ll take Mr G’s keys, and we’ll use his personal teacher fancy ass bathroom, alright?’’

There is a beat of silence, a moment where it seems like she is taking in the idea before she leans in, almost like it’s a secret between them both, ‘’I got some cookies with me.’’

Turns out, teaching a teenager how to use a pad (because thankfully they found both a pad and a tampon) takes more time than they thought, so by the end, when they come out of Ryland’s special teacher’s bathroom, it’s almost the middle of the first period.

She texted him beforehand, and when he excuses himself from his class and comes out where both his girlfriend and student are situated, he interrupts something, and he decides to spy on them. Just because he can.

‘’And these are larger ones for the night. I wrote down the reference for your parents to buy, okay? And don’t worry, it’s not costly at all; she can probably buy it for herself as well if she wants to.’’ And the young girl nods, her gaze fixated on the older woman

‘’These snacks are good for the tummy if it hurts, and if you need someone to talk to about that little thing we talked about, I’ll try to swing by at school, and we can have lunch together.’’ She smiles softly

‘’Really?’’ she asks, expectantly, as her face lights up

‘’Yeah!’’ she affirms ‘’And I make a mean pasta; I’m sure you will love it, and remember. As long as you believe in you and your strength, life is worth your efforts and a brilliant girl like you does not have to worry about the future so soon. Enjoy it for now, okay?’’

‘’Alright.’’ She nods

‘’Really?’’ she teases, making her laugh and nod

‘’Pinky promise?’’ She extends her promise, and the young girl links her own

‘’Pinky promise.’’

He stood there, glued to the floor, his cheeks red and his heart beating wildly.

Somehow, he understood what having an epiphany meant at this very moment, when he understood that this woman would be the only one for the rest of his life. But also the mother of his children.

She has to accept it, of course, she needs to want it too, because he is not one to force his desire upon his women. And yet, as he packs up his bag for the day, his mind is invaded by the sights of her arguing with the group of kids, handing them cookies, and her laughing with them.

He has flashes of her, interacting with kids in public transportation; he remembers them looking up at her from their strollers, giggling as she makes funny faces at them. And yes, most of them do too when anyone would so, but she had a way with them that made it so enchanting to see that he cannot help but wonders how one with his eyes and her smile would giggle at her, from their crib.

And today, when she managed like a boss to make that student from his school calm down, soothe her and navigate the logistics of teenagehood with her?

God, he is so gone for her. So, so gone that he really needs to up his game and save up enough to buy the ring he has been looking at with the kids earlier that day.

They’re done when he feels the young girl pass by him and whispers her gratitude to him, and when she comes into his vision, he forgets it all and just takes her face in his hands and looks at the constellation in her eyes. And he can almost see his entire future in them.

But he won’t tell anyone. Not yet.

Well, he did tell her one night as their naked bodies huddled against one another after he made love to her like a maniac. And boy, she cannot forget the way he wrecked her like he only can before putting her back together, piece by piece.

It was the very same night, her heart knew, Ryland Grace, if it was meant to be, would be the only man for the rest of her life and the father of her children.

He never wanted to be a teacher. He never studied to become one, and yet, no one can brag to have single-handedly brought down the Teacher Of The Year contest because he won it every year.

Colt and her still joke about it when they have their get-togethers sometimes, to his utter dismay at seeing his brother and girlfriend getting along so well -and ganging up on him almost all the time.-

Somehow, he became an even better one when he decided to become a mandated reporter. Sometimes, he will tell her, when they’re in the secure darkness of their apartment, his head on her stomach as he is hugging her waist, how heavy it could be. Sometimes, he hears things that break him on the inside because all he wanna do is break the faces of the people who made his precious kids suffer.

‘’My kids.’’ He would call them, as he ordered an entire batch of stickers to stick in their copies because each of them deserves one

‘’Little menaces.’’ He would grumble as he stocked his class with a mountain of notebooks, pens and even glittery ones because he saw one of his students look at her classmate with these ‘’She deserved it, baby!’’ he exclaimed, as she didn’t even say anything ‘’Glitters are a rite of passage in any kid’s life; she needs them.’’

(She found them in her locker and hugged him at the end of the year, because only Ryland Grace can do something like that.)

But the one thing that began that feeling within her was when she came back home from work, one day, and found him kneeling labelling a questionable amount of gifts bags. He didn’t even notice her coming inside because he was so busy listening to his song, bopping his head to the song in his ears.

‘’I bet he is listening to a song like ‘’Punk rocker’’ or something.’’ She chuckles out loud to herself, but stiffens when he yelps

‘’When did you come home?’’ he asks, holding his chest and suddenly frowns ‘’Hey, how did you know?’’

‘’What, that you were listening to Punk Rocker, wait, there is actually a song like that?’’ she exclaims, dumbfounded as he frowns

‘’How do you not know?’’

(He almost had to wrestle with her, later on, to make her watch Superman ‘’I am a Marvel girl!’’. She watched, and she cried; they both did.)

‘’So, you’re making all these things for your kids? Her question is received with a simple nod ‘’Ryland, I love you, and you love your job, but isn’t it a tad too much like, genuinely, is it even allowed?’’

He sighs then, like he has been caught in a mischievous plan. He sits back, taking off his headphones and motions her to come closer. He grabs her waist, and she settles on his lap, holding his head against his chest as he presses his face there, seeking the comfort he needs.

‘’I’ve never told you this, I think.’’ He starts as she caresses his hair

‘’You don’t have to, if you can’t,’’ she whispers softly, and he shakes his head

‘’No, it’s my -our- story, and it’s a huge part of me. You deserve to know.’’ He takes a huge breath, pulling away from her chest to look in her eyes ‘’I had an older brother, Courtland.’’

‘’He died in prison, jailed after killing our father.’’

And he said it all, what their difficult childhood was. They needed to be as silent as mice because they couldn’t rouse their father from his drunken sleep. The way Courtland, big, tall, strong and horribly kind like no one else, was because becoming a wonderful person like him in the environment they grew up in was a hell of a miracle.

‘’He would never get angry at us.’’ He said, smiling at the memories ‘’He tolerated everything, from my dumb incessant questions to Colt’s horrible tantrums.’’ He chuckled ‘’Colt would always apologise to him, crying, and he would hold us against his chest because he always gave us the same, equal love.’’

One day, coming back from school, Courtland found their father trying to drown Ryland because he found those ‘’treatments’’ effective in making him a man.

‘’He thought I was too soft.’’ He hid his face in her neck, as if ashamed of himself ‘’He wanted to toughen me up.’’

Colt was crying, his head bleeding because he tried to protect his twin.

‘’Court didn’t think; he grabbed the gun and shot.’’

The last time he saw his brother was the time he felt a part of him die with his father.

‘’They told us he died in jail.’’ He is sniffing, trying to keep the tears at bay ‘’Prison fight or something. He died a few days after we turned twelve. He was just eighteen.’’

They were in the foster system, and as if by miracle, stumbled upon them; there was a family that accepted taking in both of them.

‘’The Graces.’’ He smiles, and she does too, caressing his cheek ‘’Long story short, I return to that foster home each Christmas with Colt. We give the kids gifts; he buys them cause cinema pays quite well now.’’

‘’And you pack them?’’

‘’My only job.’’ He smiles

‘’You have good brothers.’’ And his eyes grow misty at her words, hugging her impossibly closer

‘’I do.’’

She came with him because he insists on doing so -and when he told Colt, he sprawled on her until she gave in, the fucker-  and now they’re all driving towards the foster house.

‘’You have a brother who spends half of his time cuddling me; you should be jealous!’’ she protests from the driver’s seat as he blows a raspberry

‘’Please, he is half-gay.’’ And said brother protests loudly from the backseat ‘’Furthermore, this guy is like a puppy; he spends his time lounging on everyone he can get his hands on.’’

‘’You’re half-gay too!’’ he protests

‘’Hey, my girlfriend is here!’’

‘’I was talking about her!’’

‘’Hey!’’ she yelps

‘’I saw the way you stare at Scarlet Johansson.’’

‘’Everyone is gay for her!’’

They bicker all the way to the foster house, and finally, they arrive in the vicinity. The car stops, as they step out, gathering all the gift bags (some are kinda wonky as they had to put some of them next to Colt who sat on it ‘’You are so fat.’’ Ryland whispered, and they almost fought, and she had to separate them, swatting each of them on the head).

‘’Alright.’’ She exhales, out of breath, as they rub their head, glaring at one another ‘’Where is the foster home.’’

They look at her like she is dense and point around ‘’You are standing in front of it.’’ She whirls around, facing the block of apartment she confused for an old warehouse.

‘’I thought it was a warehouse.’’ She huffs, rubbing her neck

‘’It is a warehouse.’’ Ryland deadpans and she grumbles loudly

‘’Get me inside you absolute fucke-‘’

‘’Hello, the Grace twins!’’ a voice interrupts them, and they all turn their heads toward its source ‘’Oh, and you have a visitor with you?’’

The woman standing in front of the warehouse-looking house looked small, with a huge cardigan wrapped around her, and she looked like she escaped from a children’s book. She wanted to bury herself in her arms to never leave.

‘’Mrs. Tarts!’’ they both exclaim in unison

Just like in a movie, the warehouse comes to light, and there is a huge clamour inside as both twins make a beeline towards the woman, and she opens her arms out to them.

‘’You’re all grown up now.’’ She chuckles, patting their back ‘’Won’t you introduce me to this beautiful lady?’

Mrs Tarts, as it turns out, gives out the greatest hugs ever, and Colt has to pull her out of her embrace, but they finally enter the foster house, arms full of bags, and for the next few minutes, they gather all of them around the huge tree. They only have five minutes to do so, and they are all catching their breath when the kids enter the room.

Some of them came to greet the twins, and some went on to do their own things. Most of them went out to huddle in front of the TV, ‘’The movie is about to start.’’ Mrs Tarts tells her when she seems lost ‘’It’s always like that, sugar; most of them don’t like adults. I think you can understand why.’’

‘’Oh, yes, I think.’’ She nods sadly

‘’I am gonna put the movie on; you can all stay to watch it, of course.” She tells the three of them

‘’Obviously.’’ Colt affirms ‘’Right after I give them a flying session, who wanna be Superman today!’’ and there is a small group of children tugging his jeans, and soon enough they are all giggling away with him

She feels a tug on her pants, and she looks down to see a little girl holding a doll, looking at her with a certain wonder in her eyes. She kneels down to be at her level and greets the girl with a wave, ‘’Hi there, what’s your name?’’

‘’Molly.’’ She giggles when she tickles her stomach

‘’That’s a beautiful name. What do you wanna do, Molly?’’

‘’Do you know how to read?’’ she asks, showing her a book, and she nods, sitting down with her and hoisting her on her lap

‘’Alright, here we go.’’ She starts opening the book

Ryland has been talking to Mrs Tarts and didn’t notice that neither Colt nor his girlfriend was by his side anymore. When he looked to his left, he see two kids huddled up to Colt’s shoulders to none of their surprise, and they know he always do that.

‘’Be careful, Colt, please.’’ Mrs Tarts calls out, and he reassures them

‘’Oh come on, it’s my job now!’’

‘’Yeah, no wonder why.’’ She chuckles as Ryland does, too

At his right, however, he hears a few giggles, and when he turns there, he feels like his heart bursts out in a way like it never did before.

She is sitting among a group of little girls sitting in a circle around her, the Christmas fairy lights drawing an almost fairylike aura all around her, and he starts walking, as if in a trance, under Mrs Tart's amused gaze.

She is moving her hands, just like when she tells her stories, the one he knows she spends sleepless hours writing. Some kids are sitting around her, one is on her lap, holding her arm, and almost dozing off. And somehow, a flower crown ended up on her head, and she looks like the princess of his fairytale.

His princess, his queen, the love of his damned life. God, he really needs to buy the ring.

He kneels a few feet away and watches as she counts the tale of a story he has never heard before.

‘’And then, the princess’s tears grew a beautiful tree from which hung…’’

‘’What?’’ they all asked eagerly

‘’A beautiful dress.’’ She whispers, almost in awe

‘’And, jewels, like those little earrings!’’ she tickles the pair that one of the girls is wearing

‘’And those, beautiful, gorgeous and glasslike glass-shoes.’’

‘’And here it was: it’s Cinderella because she is ready to go to the ball.’’

‘’And who’s her prince?’’ one of the boy asks

‘’The prince is tall, blond and has blue eyes!’’ and she shrugs slightly

‘’Eh, not always.’’ But one of the kids blew a raspberry at her

‘’Your boyfriend is blond with blue eyes, he is the cliché charming prince!’’ they all laugh as she feels the blush creep down her cheeks and they all start teasing them both

‘’They’re in love!’’

‘’He is always looking at her.’’

‘’They are wearing the same colours.’’

‘’Do you want this crown?’’ one of the kids asks Ryland, who nods, dazed at the entire exchange, and he bows his head, the plastic flowers grazing his hair

He does a mocking royal salute as she chuckles softly, ‘’Now, do I get a kiss from the princess?’’ he teases, and she groans loudly, but he is quicker, sliding next to her and pecking her lips as the kids half-giggle and half-gag at their antics.  

‘’Alright, children.’’ Mrs Tarts calls out ‘’It’s time for the movie!’’ and they all scatter around quickly

Molly stops, comes closer to the couple and hugs her, kissing her cheek before running away.

They stay there, for a minute, head bowed against one another, their flower crowns kissing each other’s.

Ryland wraps his arm around her shoulders, pressing his lips against her temple, and she smiles, leaning against him. She raises her head to see that he is already looking at her, and she is almost taken aback at the intensity in his eyes.

‘’What are you thinking?’’ she whispers, and he ducks his head, pressing his lips against her ear

‘’I’ll tell you tonight, as I do whatever you’ll let me do to you.’’ He rasps against her ear as she gasps softly when she feels his hands grazing her backside

‘’Ryland!’’ she gasps, pointing at Colt, who was coming their way and froze, looking disgusted

‘’Come on, bro, gross.’’ Colt’s voice interrupts them, and they pull away, redness covering their cheeks

‘’You made out with Jody on the same couch I was taking a nap on once!’’ he protests, and before it can escalate, she raises her hand, pointing at the little crowd in front of the TV

‘’Movie, first.’’ She orders

They’re about to sit down when a voice resonates behind them, ‘’Mr. G?’’ it calls out, and Ryland freezes, whipping his head towards the voice.

‘’Andy?’’ he exclaims, sounding just as dumbfounded

Both the kid and the teacher stare at one another before the kid runs in the direction he came from, a book falling on the floor in his wake.

‘’Andy! Please, wait!’’ Grace calls out, running after him

They are all tempted to run after them. Mrs Tarts steps in a little before she composes herself, shaking her head gently.

‘’I hope he can handle this.’’ She sighs as Colt frowns

‘’What happened? Why is the kid there?’’ he asks, and she looks away.

‘’His parents died when he was a kid; he was with his grandmother most of his life, but she died last year.”

The movie started, ‘’Toy Story 3’’ but neither Ryland nor Andy -how fitting- made their way back and she started getting skittish.

‘’Do you wanna see where they are?’’ Colt whispers in her ear, but she shakes her head

“I wanna go see them, but maybe it’s better if you go.’’ She sighs, but he smiles, shaking his head

‘’I think Ry would need you by his side at a moment like this.’’ And she smiles, ruffling his hair before stepping out of the room, smiling at Mrs Tarts as she explores the foster house

The warehouse is not as big as it looks from the outside, and because most kids are sitting in front of the TV in the common room, she can find them pretty quickly.

The room she enters looks like a library, decorated with colourful drawings and pictures. The walls are furnished with books, CD and there are a few computers on one side. And in the middle, sitting in front of the huge window, is the shadow of Ryland and Andy, sitting side by side.

‘’Do you think they would have loved me? And don’t lie to me, please.’’ The little boy’s voice rose

‘’I promise.’’ Ryland says solemnly ‘’And to answer you, you’re a teenager; not a single human likes one. Do you like teenagers?’’

‘’Nah, they’re the worst.’’ As they laugh at his remark

‘’Even Liam?’’ he teases, bumping his shoulder with Andy’s, who shoves him away as Ryland laughs like a maniac

‘’But, I think, you’re too much of a brilliant boy to not be liked, Andy.’’ He says, rubbing his shoulder ‘’You are creative, full of life and just so kind; it’s almost offensive. And you like my cardigans and bad jokes!’’

‘’I have the same humour; do not tell anyone I said that.’’ As Ryland promises, wiggling his pinky, waiting as Andy grumbles, taking it in his own

‘’And you are all of that, despite it all. And that’s a hell of an achievement, and I am saying that because I lived here too, with Colt, for a certain time before I left.’’ And Andy turns his head towards him, eyes wide

‘’Really?’’

‘’Really. I swear.’’

Andy looks through the window, looking at the night sky, ‘’Am I different because I am here?’’

‘’No, you are not.’’

‘’Why doesn’t anyone want us? What did I do wrong to not have a family of my own?’’ and the boy sounds so much smaller than he really is, and for a moment, Ryland cannot say anything but stops the tears from flowing too.

‘’Andy.’’ Ryland nudges slowly ‘’Please, look at me.’’

Andy does, not even trying to hide the tears as Ryland brushes one of them away, ‘’Your future is so much bigger than you might think, you’re bigger than the whole stars.’’ Andy’s shoulders are shaking slightly

‘’I know, it’s unfair, and it’s never gonna be fair, sadly. But I had the luck of my life to have my brother by my side the whole time.’’

‘’And me?’’

‘’You have me. I’ll be by your side until you kick me out of your life.’’ And they chuckle, not knowing who is crying and who is not

‘’You swear?’’ and he extends his pinky to Ryland this time who holds it in his own

‘’I swear.’’

And she felt it, deep in her chest, almost like evidence that sat there the entire time that she ignored, maybe chose to. But right now, it’s here, in plain sight.

The way the kids always elect him as the best teacher. The way the girls in his class never hesitate to talk about them to him is because he is the safest adult for them. How many times did he report back to her their little stories because they knew he would give the best advice?

Those kids come to him because they know they’ll never judge him. The way he always left his classroom open to them at any time. The way he always comes back home for the summer with all of their gifts. The way he always prepares the best supplies for them, out of his own pocket.  

Ryland is her safe person, her entire world, the man who made her believe love was worth the chance, the risk of it all, and here he was, proving it time and time again and again. They made it work, they worked for it, he reached out to her in her darkest place, made the voices cease and create a little bubble for them, to breath in, to live in.

Was it not obvious, was it not as clear as the day?

He loved her beyond himself, and it was more than obvious he would love anything from her, if she gave it to him and would cherish it as only he could.

She wanted to become the Mrs Grace everyone always called her.

She wanted to kiss Ryland under the blessing of their families and friends.

She wanted her life to be his and his to hers; he needed to be hers forever and ever.

And above all, she wanted Ryland Grace to be the father of their children.

He had dark and curly hair and beautiful brown eyes; he looked like he has seen way too many things in his young life, and yet, he was brave in a way that reminded her of her very own Ryland.

Sometimes, when Andy and Ryland stood next to each other, even from afar, she could see how much they look alike, and she yearned for the vision they gave to become her future.

She smiles at the memory, sitting in her kitchen, the letter still clutched in her palm as she remembers, remembers how during those times, those carefree Christmas holidays, they thought their entire future was just a door away.

And now, it was nothing but ashes.

A few days later, it was Christmas; they didn’t propose to host Christmas, and Colt flew out to see Jody for the holidays, so they stayed home, together, in their little apartment away from the world for a few days.

They were halfway through the second bottle, her on his lap as he felt himself getting giddier watching ‘’Lady Bird’’ when she scoffed, ‘’I hope I never become a mother like her.’’

‘’No, you’ll be so much better.’’ He shakes his head before frowning ‘’Wait, you wanna be a mom?’’ and she blushes

‘’I guess something changed.’’

‘’What changer your mind?’’ he asks, already breathless

‘’You. And you, do you wanna be a dad.’’

‘’Yeah.’’ He breathes out ‘’I’ve dreamed of it.’’

‘’What, having a kid?’’

‘’You with my kid, here.’’ He touched her stomach ‘’There, a mini us, you, stomach full and round with me.’’ She whimpers slightly as she feels him grow harder under her

‘’You’ll give it to me?’’ she asks, breathless, and he needs all his strength to not lose it all and have her right here and there

‘’Say it to me. Tell me you want it before I make a mistake.’’ He begs, and she knows, she absolutely knows she has the upper hand when she leans in, brushing her lips against his ear

‘’Give me your babies, Ryland. Fuck me till it takes.’’ And he moans, loudly, grabbing her thighs, the sheer force he struggles to control once he is tipsy, hoisting her on his shoulder

‘’I am gonna have you, the whole night. You’re not getting away from me, baby.’’ He grumbles, making a beeline towards their room

He slams the door behind him, stepping inside the room and throwing her on the bed with a ferocity so unlike Ryland, yet, at the same time, it’s the hottest thing he could have ever done to her.

She sits back, sitting upright on her elbows as he stands in front of her. He leans in, grabbing her knees and spreading her legs, making her clench around nothing at the movement as his hands disappear from them. She whines at the loss, but he presses a finger against her lips.

‘’Silence.’’ His voice is commanding and oh, so arousing, she cannot help but only nod, her eyes dilated

‘’Good girl.’’ He smirks as she throws her head back with another shameless moan

She does not have the upper hand at all; he flipped the script on her so easily it’s almost painful to accept it. But the mind-blowing sex is gonna be so good; it’s alright. She can accept it.

He stands to his full height, still standing between her parted legs as he looks down at her. His hands come up to caress her cheek, and she leans into the touch, making his soft smile draw on his face.

‘’I love you, Ryland.’’ She blurts, feeling the tears creeping up as his face softens

He falls on his knees so fast that it gives him whiplash, and he probably scratches them, but he does not give a damn. He takes her cheeks in both of his hands, and she presses her face, muttering that she loves him, over and over.

‘’I love you so much.’’ He whispers, coming up to brush his nose against hers, kissing the tip of it ‘’I am gonna worship you tonight, baby, just like you deserve to, yeah?’’ and she nods in answer

‘’Keep your eyes on me.’’

And she does, his hands reach out to her pants, teasing the waistband as he drags it off her legs softly and she takes off her blouse similarly and she sits, lounging in her bed, wearing a piece of lingerie she bought a while ago. He sits back between her parted legs, his eyes travelling from the swell of her breasts, sitting thanks to the push-up cushions, his fingers ghosting the black lace and the delicate lacy panties hiding her pulsating core.

‘’All of that, just for me?’’ he chokes slightly at the way her breasts seem to become bigger, rounder, when she arches slightly, staring into his dilated eyes

‘’Yes, just for you.’’ Her hands grasp her breasts, pushing them up ‘’Please touch me.’’ She is almost begging; the weight of his gaze is too much

He grasps them, gropes them in a way that is almost painful, but he whimpers at the feel of them before ducking his head, his hands taking off the clasp in one single movement, and grasps the soft, pink bud of her breast.

She gasps when his tongue swirls around her tits, his tongue lavishing with his attention as the other fondles the other making her gasps. He mouths the valley of them, lowering himself softly, kissing the plush of her stomach, making her giggle at the movement, and he does it again, just to elicit the sound from her another time.

He pulls back gently, raising his eyes towards her and finds her already looking at him, ‘’Our baby is gonna be right here.’’ And she chuckles, wetly, her hand caressing his cheek

‘’Our baby?’’

‘’Our baby, me and you, the best of them all with the best mother they could ever have.’’

His mouth travels even lower, leaving her to writhe in his wake as his grazes the lace of her panties, making her moan at the wetness of his tongue smearing all over it. She tries to clench, close her legs, but his hands spread them apart, ‘’Not yet.’’

‘’Grace, please.’’ She pants, hands grasping his hair as he hums against her clothed mound, chuckling softly

‘’I am gonna take my time.’’ He professes, the words pressed against her ‘’My sweet, sweet time.’’

She opens her eyes because the intensity of it all made them close. She tugs his hair, and he raises his own head to look at her, his eyes crinkling like he is having the time of his life.

Their eyes are locked on each other as Grace opens his mouth and his teeth grasping the waistband of her panties and she lets out a wrecked moan when he pulls it off her legs just like that. A single, straight motion of his mouth making her toes curls and warmth spreading in her lower stomach.

And before she can understand it, he surges towards her naked core, and he licks a long, bold line on the aching, pulsating folds of her clit. He hums when he gets a taste of her wetness, like it’s the best thing he has ever tasted. His tongue swirls slowly around it, tracing the shape of her cunt, not letting her catch her breath. He alternates between sucking and licking, taking his sweet time to make her lose her mind. And that is the best and worst thing ever, the tension, the sensation, the edging she hates but he absolutely adores.

Every time she feels herself coming closer, he slows down, making it last and making her protest louder and louder each time.

‘’Grace, fucking hell!’’ she whines and he tuts

‘’No swearing in my classroom.’’ The teacher's voice, the stern voice he uses sometimes to make her lose her senses, resonates from between her legs

‘’Fuck off.’’ She cannot help but swear

Oh, but it’s such a mistake, and she realises that when the silence goes on for a tad too long.

She gasps loudly. She is in such disbelief because he just slapped her cunt.

She felt a slap directly on her vagina, and she looked down at him, her breath hitched in her throat when the sternness in his eyes, over his glasses that somehow, miraculously stayed on, made her impossibly wetter. If it were possible.

‘’Behave, baby. Or I’ll stop. Do you want me to stop?’’

She shakes his head, and he smiles, rakishly so, ‘’That’s what I thought.’’

He raises his hand, and she thinks he is about to slap her cunt again when he trails it upwards, until he reaches her mouth. She opens up without him, having to tell her so, and he slides his finger in.

She reaches out, taking off the glasses, keeping their gaze interlocked as she makes a show of sucking his finger off. One, and then, two and at the end, she is sucking three of his fingers, the drool of her spit spilling from her mouth as he almost forgot what he was meant to do.

Almost.

‘’Alright, enough.’’ He breaths out and pulls his fingers out, she lets them off slowly, kissing the tip of them as he whines under his breath

His fingers trail a wet arc from the apex of her neck, down her breasts and all over her stomach until he reaches where she needs them the most.

She lets out another moan when his fingers tease her throbbing and empty hole. One tease its way inside, testing the waters to see, and she is so dilated already that he slides inside easily. He pumps in and out until he adds another finger and soon enough, it’s overwhelming. His tongue circling her pulsating bud as he is fingering her, her vision is whitening, her thighs are shaking violently, and she is close, good god, she is so close.

She conveys just so, grasping his hair to keep herself sane, and he must know it too, because he whispers against her cunt, ‘’Come for me baby, let it go, now.’’

And she does, it’s like a tidal wave, violent and unabashed as she moans loudly, not even caring if anyone hears them as she lets out all her pleasure in his face directly as he fucks her with his tongue and fingers through it.

She is panting, unwilling to come down the orgasm he gave her as she feels him kiss his way upwards, coming to nuzzle his face in her neck.

They stay there, in silence, breathing loudly, taking their time to gain back some sort of consciousness, and she starts laughing at the absolute, mind-blowing orgasm that he just gave her.

‘’You okay, baby?’’ he asks, stroking her cheek

‘’God, yes, more than okay.’’

She wraps her arms around him, their bodies pressed against one another when she feels a poke against her thighs. She looks down as he ducks his face away, blushing so violently that she wonders how far the blush goes. And does just that.

‘’I wonder how far the blush goes.’’ She teases, edging the collar of his shirt as he giggles at her remark

‘’You’re awful.’’ He replied, patting her arm ‘’Let me get you water alright, I’ll be back.’’

He is still fully clothed, she realises, crumped and messy because of her, but he still hasn’t taken care of himself in any way whatsoever, fully focused on her. Her reactions, her feelings and her fucking good pleasure.

And god, the pleasure he gave her is so good, he deserves a reward, does he not?

When he comes back with the glass of water, she is sitting upright, her chin on her knees, her arms around her legs, as she extends her arms out to him when he comes back.

He sits next to her, kissing her nose as he presses the water in her hands, ‘’Drink this, baby.”

‘’Need some help over there.’’ She jests a little, the heels of her feet ghosting towards his lap as he grunts a little at the sensation

‘’All in good time, love.’’

‘’Why, afraid to be too tired?”

But he smiles, shaking his head, ‘’You are gonna need all your strengths for this.’’

She reaches his neckline, grasping the collar of his shirt and tugs at it, ‘’Then, take this off, take it off and make love to me, Ryland.’’

He is unbuttoning his shirt when she gets too impatient, grasping the lapels of the fabric and tearing it apart. She grabs his face, slotting their mouths together as they kiss, sloppily like they were mere teenagers. She pushes him back on the bed as his head falls in the middle of the mattress, as she sits on her knees, hovering his body, her hooded eyes fixated on his body, she takes in.

‘’God, you look beautiful, you’re so beautiful.’’ She presses a kiss right where his heart is as he whimpers softly ‘’I love you, Ryland.’’

‘’I love you so much more, my god.’’

He almost yelps when she lowers herself and mouths the bulge in his jeans, his hands coming in to pat her head, careful to not grab her hair too violently. She peppers his jeans with kisses, humming as she does so, as he can feel himself throbbing against her mouth.

‘’Please, baby, don’t tease.’’ He mutters, breathless, eyes closed, as his chest is heaving

‘’Huh, you really think you deserve that, baby?’’ she teases, grazing her teeth against the fabric as he whines

‘’Come on, Ry.’’ She whispers ‘’Say you want me; show me how bad you need me.’’

And he opens his mouth, uncaring of any kind of pride, “I need you so bad, please, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.’’

His pants are gone, he lift his hips to slid the pair down, and she grabs the hem of his underwear, throwing it somewhere in the room. And before he can understand what’s happening, the heat of her mouth encircles his wavering cock to the hilt.

‘’Oh my God.’’ He swears, head thrown back, as she doesn’t wait to bop her head

Her tongue, mirroring the way she sucked his fingers, circles the girth of his cock as she bops her head. She relaxes her throat, making space for him to take him deeper than she ever did before. She works him quickly, trying to make him feel a whirlwind of emotions by just sucking his fucking dick.

He is a mess, writhing, eyes rolling back, panting as her name falls from the petals of his lips like a mantra, like a prayer. Like she is the last person he’ll ever feel before a sweet, sweet death.

She groans around his length, struggling a little, and she slows down a little to fondle his balls. He almost jumps at the sensation, moaning unabashedly so. He is begging, close to.

The feel of it all is too much and very quickly, because he is weak for her, he is close, so close, and she knows. And, cruelly, she pulls back, making him wail in pain and sorrow.

He opens his eyes, tearing up at the slightly blurry sight of her, and he lets out another guttural moan at the sight of her face, the slick spilling out of her lips, her hair messed thanks to his fingers, and her dilated pupils are observing every single one of his reactions.

‘’You okay there, baby?’’

‘’No!’’ he protests ‘’Why?’’ he trails, pressing his face against the mattress

Her soft fingers grasp the side of his face, tracing the outline of his cheekbones as she smiles softly. She presses her forehead against his, her still slick core pressing against his cock making them moan in each other’s mouth at the sensation.

‘’I want you to come in me, Ryland.’’                

She hovers his cock, guiding it to fill her up, slowly lowering herself and then, their pelvis are almost connected together making them whimper in happiness at the mere feeling of being so close to one another.

The closest any human can be, the most intimate act, the act of making love to one another. But this is above this, beyond the mere pleasure of the flesh. It’s the acceptance, the deliverance that she can let him give her the child she hoped to never bring into a world like this.

But with Ryland? It’s so worth it.

‘’You’re gonna be the best dad.’’ She sobs over her words as she presses her hands against his chest

She is bouncing up and down, dragging the girth of his cock in and out of her, making them moan in unison. She rolls his hips and, with a wicked thought, attempts on spelling his name with her hips, ‘’Where did you learn that.’’ He pants, his hands migrating towards her ass, grasping the softness of her flesh.

He gives her a small slap as she jolts at the feeling, whining at the thought, ‘’More, more.’’ she says and he gives her just that.

He grips her ass, slapping it occasionally to move her as he wishes and plants his feet on the mattress to thrust up into her and all of it, it’s so incredible and addicting, almost like a drug. They can feel it; it’s almost in harmony the way they come closer and closer to their climax, and as she falls forward, they come together, violently, shuddering and basking in the euphoria of it all.

They are shaking when they fall together in the mattress, holding onto each other as they breath loudly. He holds her for a few minutes, hands stroking the skin of her back and cradling her, like she is the most precious thing in his eyes.

A hand creeps up her cheek and she raises her head to look into his eyes, smiling at the tears gathering there.

‘’You really wanna do this?’’ he asks, whispering

‘’I am so, so scared. There is so much that can go wrong.’’ And his face crumples slightly at it, she reaches to gently ease the crease between his brows

“But you are the man I hoped to spend the rest of my life with.’’ She whispers, afraid she’ll cry if she speaks loudly ‘’There isn’t anyone who could be the father those children deserve.’’

He is laughing wetly, tears rolling down his cheeks as he presses a long, shuddering kiss against her eyes, her forehead, her cheeks and finally, her lips. They kiss, gently, so unlike the thorns of their passionate night, and press her against his face.

‘’I know you hoped to never have children and that, for a long time.’’ He starts, caressing her hair ‘’But, hey, come on, first I’ll clean you up, yeah?’’

He pulls away from her, but before he can leave the bed, she grabs his wrist, and he looks back at her, ‘’Yeah, baby?’’’

‘’I don’t regret this, Ryland. Never will.’’ And he smiles brilliantly at her

‘’Thank you.’’

Darkness finds Ryland when he comes home, ‘’Honey? I’m home!’’ he calls out, holding up the fuming plastic bags in his hands ‘’I brought back food, thought we could have a chill night today.’’

He abandons his converses in the foyer, the white tips of his shoes kissing the side of her black kittens heels, taking off his helmet and hanging the yellow raincoat next to her black coat and put his green bag next to her burgundy handbag. He smiles at the frame their little life draws in the eyes on anyone who would see it, in first glance.

‘’Hey, babe, would you like to go see Andy this weekend?’’ he asks, turning on the lights, but he frowns, not getting any answers when she is clearly home

‘’Honey?’’ he calls out for her, some sort of worry etched in his voice, and he feels a cold sense of dread wash him over when he hears sobs coming out of the kitchen

He makes a beeline there, and he almost trips over himself when he sees her hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking violently. He falls on his knees in front of her, hovering around her.

‘’Hey, I’m here; look at me, baby.’’ He whispers, gently, caressing her hair ‘’I’m here, I’ll wait for you as long as you need.’’

He does have to wait too long before he gets a vision of her tear-streaked face before she wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face there, letting out a soul-crushing sob. It’s not usual for one of them to have these moments where they cannot do anything but lose it all, but he was here, for her, to let him cry it out until she couldn’t.

He spreads his legs for her to slot her body there as he puts his hands on her back, stroking it up and down, in soothing, circular motions. She is wearing one of his old cardigans, and he discard the fabric away from her body, gathering up her hair in a makeshift bun and wiping the sweat that gathered along her back.

A few moments later, as he is cradling her body, swaying her softly, the tears give way to small hiccups and then, finally, she calls his name.

‘’I’m here, baby, water?’’ and he feels her nod

‘’Alright. But I need to get up, alright? Maybe we can go to the couch?’’

She shakes her head, but loosens her grasp on him slightly as he rises up from the floor, taking a bottle of water from the fridge and pressing it to her lips. She grabs it, taking a long gulp before putting it down.

They’re still on the floor, in each other’s arms. Here, together, and that’s all that should matter. But she is not used to hiding things and cannot, for the life of her, keep it inside herself, so before he can open his mouth, she interrupts him.

‘’I took a fertility test a month ago.’’ And he falls silent

‘’I took it because I always had issues with my periods and all. So, I checked if my body was healthy enough to bear a child to term. But, uh.’’ She chuckles, mirthlessly ‘’I can’t even have one, so what’s the point of it?’’ and another sob breaks out of her

Ryland’s arms are slack around her body, his mind taking in the information because it’s a lot to take in. It’s a huge amount of information to process, and he realises he never even thought of the mere possibility of it.

She looks up, searching his eyes that have a faraway look in them, and she feels it, the break, the end, the fucking bomb is about to explode, and the clock ticks down to the end. And she has never ever felt grief like it before.

She pushes his body away, and he slumps against the cupboards, going slack, and the lack of answer from him solidifies in her delirious mind that he is indeed about to break it off with her.

‘’I’m sorry, Ryland; I am so sorry. I thought I could give it all to you. I wish I could, but I cant.’’  she sobs, rubbing the tears off her face ‘’I knew it would end. God, I am so stupid.’’

She is wailing like a wounded animal, and it finally brings him out of his trance. His gaze falls on her crouched body as she pulls away from his arms, and she looks so, so small and vulnerable. His own tears are falling down as he shakes his head, ‘’Don’t say that, please don’t, baby, come to me, please.’’

She pushes his hand away, putting distance between them, ‘’No, I don’t wanna hear it. I can’t look at you now. You are hurting me.’’

‘’Hear what? I don’t understand.’’

She stands up, her legs shaking as she wills the tears to stop, taking a deep breath as she looks down at him, still sitting on the floor, ‘’I know you wanna be a father and because I can’t give it to you, I am not..’’ she breaks ‘’You don’t wanna be with me.’’

‘’Why, why would I say that? What the hell!’’ he exclaims

‘’Because, I am useless!’’ she exploded ‘’What is the point of keeping me around if I can’t even give you a family? God, why are you making me say it? Break up with me; I know it’s over.’’

She presses her hand on her forehead, looking up, praying for the first time in a long time for all of it to be over. For it to end as quickly as it can, like ripping off a band-aid, because she is about to have a mental breakdown.

‘’That’s what you think of me.’’ His voice is low, rumbling out of the depths of his chest as he looks up at her while she avoids it

‘’You want something.’’ she says, like it’s the most logical thing ‘’I can’t give it to you; it’s not my food, my secrets or something without any importance; it’s a child, a family. And I can’t give it to you, so you go seek it somewhere else.’’ She ends her sentence silently because saying it is painful

The mere idea of letting him go kills her from the inside.

‘’So, what, it’s a business transaction? I am going towards the best option- that’s what you’re saying? And I am supposed to accept it, listen to you?’’ he scoffs, throwing his hands in the air.

‘’What is wrong with you?’’ she asks, turning towards him as he stands up abruptly

‘’No, it’s you I should be asking this!’’ he exclaims, loudly, violently, so unlike him, she is stunned into silence

He stands there, his chest heaving as he looks at her, drilling holes in her eyes, looking absolutely furious.

‘’I do not know why or how you came to this conclusion.’’ He mutters, stepping closer, slowly ‘’But, I never in my life abandon anything or anyone, no matter what.’’

‘’I decided to love you; I knew I loved you from the moment I met you. I knew you would be the only woman I will ever marry; I even have the ring hidden in Colt’s apartment, that’s how sure I am.’’

She feels her waist bump the counter as he steps into her space, ducking his head so she can see him clearly, feeling so small under the ardour in his oh, so blue orbs. His eyes travel all over her face, from her eyes to the apex of her nose, and they drag until he sees her shaking lips.

‘’I messed up a lot in my life; I made a lot of mistakes, and I hesitate a lot because I am always scared to mess it up.’’ He crowds her against the counter, his arms coming up to cage her ‘’But if there is one thing I am certain of, it is my love for you, so listen to me carefully, sweetheart; you’re stuck with me.’’

‘’Whatever happens, we’re gonna face it together; whatever goes wrong, I’ll be there until I can’t. Until the day I die.’’ He proclaims, like a promise he made, as she gasps at his words

‘’Don’t say that.’’ But he doesn’t let her speak, pressing a finger on her lips to silence her

‘’And if there is one thing I wish for, it is for me to die before you, because I cannot live in a world where you’re not by my side anymore. I don’t wanna be someone’s Ryland; I am your Ryland; I have always been yours.’’

‘’Ryland.’’ She whispers, taking his cheek in her hand, brushing the tear falling there

‘’It’s you; it has always been you, and it’s never gonna be anything else but you, so yeah, I am not letting you go, no matter what.’’

‘’I-‘’ she stutters, ducking her head under the intensity of his gaze ‘’I don’t know what to say.’’

‘’Say you love me.’’ And it’s mesmerising, the way she cannot say otherwise ‘’Say, you’ll stay with me. Say it.’’

‘’I will stay; I love you, Ryland.’’

‘’Me too, my love. I love you so, so much.’’

She has seen men hold their brides like that, just like he holds her against him, at this very moment, smiling softly at her ‘’Let’s go sleep it off, yeah?’’ and she nods, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder.

She is sleeping soundly; the pressure on her shoulders for the entire day makes her fall asleep quickly. He put her to bed, taking off her clothes as he did, getting under the covers. She slots herself against him, like two pieces of a puzzle, as he cradles her head.

‘’A ring?’’ she chuckles in his neck, and he smiles

‘’I’ll make an honest woman out of you, my lady.’’ He looks down, brushing her hair away from her face ‘’I will marry you; I’ll make you my wife, and we will live in a world, just the two of us.’’

‘’And Colt. Jody.’’

‘’Colt. Jody.’’

‘’And Andy.’’ And he chuckles, something deeply warm spreading in his chest

‘’And Andy.’’

‘’Maybe, we already have our family?’’

He sighs, content brimming within him as they hold one another.

‘’We do, my love, we do.’’

And he falls asleep, vision of a small cottage, a dog maybe and even a cat and the sight of her, in a white dress, walking towards him, and he knows.

They were meant to be, no matter what.

[hawke-gosling]

I think i hate myself for the fact that i was planning on making this all day.

[mostmagical]

sorry if you read my fics and you see the same very specific phrases over and over again

[kyt-grace]

yk...

i really need a shirt that says: "if lost please return to ryland grace."

[effortlesslysweet]

"you have to get cracked by ryland grace, colt seavers, holland march, sebastian wilder and noah calhoun to save your friends" i'm prepared to make that sacrifice

[auroraorphic]

i am so tired of writing

[sonoftheria]

✴︎ BETRAYED STRAYS ✴︎