I've heard similar feelings about "no cis men, but horny 4 guys" from many queer friends, so I hope there's some validation that other people also experience this. (Including myself to some degree? But not as intensely)
Being queer and attracted to cis men can be so hard to navigate, because a lot of cis men (both str8 and otherwise) have interanlised so much toxic gender stuff, and don't work to unpack that. I'm sure it's part of the reason that the mlm community is obsessed with top/bottom labels.
idk I don't have advice or anything profound to say, just that, I'm sorry it sucks sometimes, and I wish that our attraction to men didnt feel unsafe so often.
anyway, I stay fuckin' nasty with the trans and nonbinary peeps until the cis fix their issues
hey mate , I appreciate it 😊 yeah look, I don’t think it’s that uncommon for people to have weird or conflicting feelings about their sexual interests. I think for a lot of people their feelings about sex can be a nexus for a lot of issues, I think it’s probably rare that someone manages to make it to adulthood in A Society with complete clarity in only their native sexual orientation, uninfluenced and entirely unscathed by cultural attitudes about sex and gender and wotever. Just wish I knew how to kind of work through it, or where to start, or if it is something I can ever work thru at all ya know.
I feel like a lot of people are atleast somewhat aware in the background of what they’re suppressing or kind of know at some level what The Terrible Truth they’re avoiding is, but I legit … don’t. I can kinda convince myself either way within a couple minutes. I can make the argument that I am genuinely attracted to men & that I have some issue (fear or internalised homophobia or dysphoria or jealousy or whatever) that’s blocking me from actually being able to enjoy having sex with guys. I can also make the argument that im not legitimately attracted to men (at least not in the way that straight women and gay men and bi people who don’t have this issue are), and that because of that there is something just about the way I am that can’t engage with men like that. Like I said earlier, my attraction to men does *feel* vaguely pathological to me, and I do kinda think there’s something straight women and gay men have that allows them to generally feel okay or good about sex with men, and I just don’t have it.
Basically, I know that I obviously have An Issue. But I legitimately don’t know if The Issue is 1) a compulsion to sleep with men against my native orientation, or if The Issue is 2) obscuring my native orientation through ‘corrupting’ my experience with men. It literally could be either, both make sense to me in various ways and I basically just end up leaning towards whichever one I thought about last. Problem is that the ‘treatments’ would be opposite - abstaining from sex with men would be the better choice if it’s option 1, but would reinforce the problem if it’s option 2.
Idk, rambling again, mostly just to get the ideas clearer to myself. Again, I appreciate it ❤️
