People pay me to make them laugh

Austin Standford. My dad owns a fish business, but I can make you laugh.

[rowellrites-deactivated20140710]

I wish the trip hadn’t ended so early, but here I am, back on the West Coast. Kind of missed the San Fran air, though.

[austintellsjokes]

If you don't want a road trip to end, extend it. It's a lot easier than complaining about it later.

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Yeah, well I’m starting to second guess myself on those. We were drunk when we wrote those notes. The date was in the spur of the moment. If you actually had feelings for me you’d man up and own up to them, not bring other girls home.

[austintellsjokes]

How do you want me to own up to them? You're not giving me any time to, if you're just going to move out today. I don't know what you want me to do. I don't take people on dates, shouldn't that be enough?

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

More often than you think.

[austintellsjokes]

I go to you and hook up with you because I have actual feelings for you. Not because some chick wouldn't sleep with me. Don't you remember those notes we wrote? The date we went on?

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Why? So if someone doesn’t wanna sleep with you you can just come ask me?

[austintellsjokes]

When have I ever done that? 

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Well I guess you thought wrong.

[austintellsjokes]

Stop it. You're not leaving. You can't. I need you here.

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

You just said if I didn’t want to clean anymore to quit and find somewhere else to live, so that’s what I’m doing.

[austintellsjokes]

I didn't think you'd actually do it!

[austintellsjokes]

@ohperfkyler: is anyone willing to let a tiny 20 year old girl live at their house for a while

@ohperfkyler: I don't eat much or take up much space someone please respond fast

@austinbossin: cut it the fuck out. you're not moving out. stop.

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Whatever, I’ll find somewhere new to stay because I’m done putting up with all of your bullshit, I’ll have my stuff out before the sun goes down.

[austintellsjokes]

Wait, wait. Slow down. Don't move out. 

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

You know what, maybe I will quit. Have fun trying to find someone else to work for your for free, asshole. What’s my problem? Are you seriously asking me that right now? Maybe the fact that I got hardly any sleep last night because of you and that fucking girl.

[austintellsjokes]

You fucking live with me, how is that for free? I pay for your food and for the roof over your head. Yes, I'm seriously asking you that! Take a nap or something, don't bitch at me because I'm enjoying myself.

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Yeah, but at least you’re not a dick about it and just keep fucking it up as I’m cleaning.

I’m surprised you can even get them loud with how unpleasant your whole existence is.

[austintellsjokes]

If you don't like cleaning than quit. Find somewhere else that you can work and live. Whole existence? You're really moody today, what the fuck is your problem?

[ohhperfkyler-blog]

Yeah, finally she’s gone so that she doesn’t go and mess up what I just cleaned again. Next time keep the fucking people you bring quiet, some of us actually like to sleep.

[austintellsjokes]

It's no different from any mess I've made. What can I say? I like 'em loud.

[austintellsjokes]

Now that that girl is finally gone, I can work on my next act. Maybe this one will woo someone else.

[nikolaithesecond]

Let’s hope he’s not as devious as you, or your plan can backfire.

[austintellsjokes]

I'm obviously the genius in this twinship. He's just there to enhance my good looks.

[austintellsjokes]

Moodboard for Austin Standford.

[nikolaithesecond]

That’s a good attitude. Be the genius who doesn’t care what people say, and also tests it on themselves.

[austintellsjokes]

I'll test it on my brother. He's a deep sleeper.

[nikolaithesecond]

I’m not sure how genius the world would think of it, but hey, if you actually get it to happen. I’ll be the first to sponsor it. 

[austintellsjokes]

Well, I think it's genius and my opinion is the only one that really mattes. Sponsor it or test it?

[nikolaithesecond]

I was never all that good in science or math, but then again that suggestion is sort of disturbing. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of sleeping if you’re going to be drinking coffee anyways?

[austintellsjokes]

Neither am I. You just need some duct tape and some tubes. It could. It could also be the most genius idea in the world.