fons vitae caritas

My dear lover, if you're reading this, this is how I'm handling not being able to hold and kiss you as much as I want. We hang out all the time but I miss you. I miss you as my lover in such a devastating way. I miss your hands running through my hair, your kisses on my cheek, the loving look in your eyes. I hold more love for you than my heart can carry. I gave pieces of that love to you through my hugs, my kisses, my words to you. Now that I can't I let them marinate in this digital diary of mine. And I hope you can love me again the way we loved when we first dated. For you to look at me like I'm the only one in the world, and for us to laugh and smile like it is the first time again. I need that, and I need you. Forever. And because I can't tell you that anymore, I'll let it be the first thing anyone knows about me when they click on this page. That I love you more than the sun loves the moon.

[mielnah-deactivated20220722]

this blog is my diary it’s my sketchbook it’s stuff on my bedroom wall it’s a pdf it’s an unpublished novel it’s a collage. it’s all of these things

[mournfulroses]

Franz Kafka, from a letter to Milena Jesenka featured in "Letters to Milena,

[mournfulroses]

Simone de Beauvoir, from a diary entry featured in Diary of a Philosophy Student

[shisasan]

16 April, 1939 Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

[mournfulroses]

John Keats, from a letter to Fanny Brawne, featured in The Selected Letters of John Keats

[nixscriptum]

[inkpressedpetals]

[mournfulroses]

Clarice Lispector, from a letter to Fernando Sabino featured in Why This World: A Biography of Clarice Lispector

[ruhaniya]

I miss you in quiet ways—in skipped songs, in sunsets that don’t feel right, in jokes I can't tell anyone else.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Anaïs Nin, from The Diary of Anaïs Nin (Vol. 1: 1931-1934) (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[lunamonchtuna]

to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

[nixscriptum]

[lunamonchtuna]

— Clementine Von Radics, from In A Dream You Saw A Way To Survive; "The Fear" (via lunamonchtuna)

[podencos]

You’re opening the door to your home or walking around the farmers market or talking to someone you love on the phone or laughing w friends over dinner or sitting on the couch or looking out the window of a car, an airplane, a living room, and an emotional breakthrough reaches out to you like an eclipse, a subtle shift, a threshold you just passed through without even looking for it

[artofdyingslowly]

I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?

Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

[sproutlett]

i’m realizing that i have so much time. i have time to grow my hair long. i have time to cut it all off and then to grow it back again. i have time to discover new hobbies and give up on things that no longer serve me. i have time to grow and change and travel and change my opinions and live differently than how i am now. i have so much time. take a deep breath and slow down