i saw the sparks again @autisticcrashout - Tumblr Blog

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a private & selective roleplay blog for kaji ren from wind breaker. cherished by Aki (he/him; CT). basic blog theme at the moment.

rules (& dossier) ● activity updates ask memes ● wishlist

current draft count below the cut:

#pinned post.

all i'm saying is unfortunately this is how how Kaji remembers Hiragi and his classmates reacting to the beast after the First Year Incident

Disappointment from Hiragi. And fear and horror in the eyes of his friends.

And then you have Natori...who probably did this:

played Kaji like a fiddle. told him what he wanted to hear. and poor Kaji - he just wants to belong.

So he falls to it.

#welcome to my house of pain | keel verse #facts.#about to write my dd fic for them #and thinking abouot this again

there's this sound on tiktok ive had saved for years of manic laughter and all im saying is its kongo

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#kaji cosplah canceled im complaying kongo lmao

my former friends have me lowkey spiraling only for my parents to proceed to nearly set off two different layers of trauma so now i feel sick and dirty and unlovable so that's a mess lmao

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#hate to say former friends #but at this point i cant imagine calling them my friends #and i know my mental state atm is nowhere cloae to rational #i know im loved and loveable #but my parents just made me feel the closest to actually getting assaulted again w/o anything ACTUALLY happening i think i could ever feel #so im. borderline trying not to explode or something man idk #sexual assault cw #nothing happened mind you #just tag for safety #check my personal kajisbraincell for the more explanatory post if you want #i think i need a shower or something

my "friends"/former roommates: oh this will help us be better friends again, we'll stay in touch (etc.)

also them: literally have me muted i think bc i cant even get their attention over getting the rest of my things

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#i don't even have the energy to be heartbroken anymore #i just want my shit #this feels worse than fighting a shitty ex #godsss

autisticcrashout

I feel so fluey today and my heart rate keeps spiking while just sitting here ughh

autisticcrashout

not to alarm anyone but uh...i can't really feel my right leg or arm yikes

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#i can still move everything fine and im not stumbling #but i was walking...and didnt quite feel my foot on the ground #and now ive tested it #and my sensation in my right limbs is so diminished hoo boy sklfjsd

whats with genshin and random events that feel like a desperate scream into the void about people's mental health rip???

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.

I feel so fluey today and my heart rate keeps spiking while just sitting here ughh

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#bro this cant be good but I don't wanna do anything aboit it #ugh #my heart rate was 150 just sitting playing genshin?#help???

ooooo tumblr released an actual functional update? holy shit. nice.

now - please send it to the drafts folder i am BEGGING you

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#for context you can now sort your likes by newest or oldest

"i need to be stricter about how much rp response i take on" vs knowing i'm NOT going to be stricter, ever, in my life -_-

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#i have 0 self control #and love cooperative writing with everybody LMAO

autisticcrashout

I can feel it getting closer Breathing heavy on my shoulder And I'm trying to fake it... ...but there's no way to escape it

( est 2025. ) indie & private kaji ren from nii satoru's wind breaker ( minors & personals please dni ) | rules & stats & ©

#[self promo]#*sending this back round*#im gonna do a cull on my threads i think #and then try to queue up as much as I can perchance #wish me luck #!!

man the rng really wants me to get to my replies huh lmaoo

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#thats the second day in a row lMAO #but then again i didnt do any yesterday whoops

idk what's going on but i feel absolutely thrashed today T^T

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#i hope i didnt catch something #but my nose wont stop running #and im super fatigued - more so than i have been from the tap #and i still have a post drain headache unfort #ughhh

hey hey everyone hush for a second - *points* baby

#🍂 that boy needs therapy ⇾ ooc.#me: spiralling #kaji: hey #me: SHRIEKS ....oh hi kaji #skaljsakdjas

" you belong to me " Natori to Keel Kaji ( from @lilymultimuse , am too lazy to switch blog so have it on anon )

the most 'ough' meme of my life

The teen blinked at the destruction wrought by his own hands yet again, blood dripping from his face and fingertips, unsure where his crimson ended and everyone elses' began. Kaji's instinct had been to curl up, to scream, to run - to escape. To get away from his crimes.

But that wasn't allowed. Closed doors and a mob of five blocked his path.

Where before he would often be met with stares of disgust and fear or sometimes even hatred...Natori Shingo met him with something entirely different. Something that made even the beast within him shudder with dread.

Upon reaching his dead end, Kaji had turned back to face the auburn haired leader, collapsing to his knees - half from sheer exhaustion and half because he didn't know where else to go.

You belong to me.

Kaji stared blankly at Natori as if he didn't understand, as if he didn't hear the other correctly. He didn't want this...not the blood on his hands, the rushing in his ears...He didn't want to be that. Not for anyone.

But the sweet taste of adrenaline in his heart reminded him that he was never going to escape what laid within his chest. He was always going to be a monster, wasn't he? Kaji swallowed thickly, like he was choking on the thought.

At least here...the monster belonged.

He belonged.

"I...didn't mean to run..." he forced out.

#answered.#lilymultimuse #lilymultimuse (natori)#how has this not come up yet lmaooo???#skldjfsdjkf i swear that it had but as far as I can see it doesnt pfft #slkfjsdfkjds #welcome to my house of pain | keel verse #kinda placing this in like...the early weeks or months of him joining keel #just so this strikes FRESH #lmao

@oiyuri | hold a blade to my muse's throat [have the right meme this time whoops]

The blonde leaned forward slightly, letting the blade nick the tender flesh of his neck, just enough to bleed -- just enough to feel sticky discomfort on his skin. He should let Kazutora do it, shouldn't even explain where he stood. Who's side he was on.

He had failed. He hadn't known about the meeting in time.

Twelve years of...this. The blood on his hands was never going to come clean, but at the very least he could've saved the one who had offered him a new path forward, a way to make things better.

How could he have not seen it coming? How could he have been so stupid?

"You should do it, Tora. I failed him, didn't I? Chifuyu's dead..." Kaji's head dipped lower with a sigh. "What good is a gun that chokes on its own bullets?"

#oiyuri #(“ive tormented you enough” get outta here come on you know im a masochist gimme)#take me down to the river and repair my soul | tokrev verse a #( putting it in the evil toman verse - let me know if you wanted the other one)#tracker.

Q 🗡 @oiyuri

headcanon questions - (i think that's where this was from?)

What’s their “I’ve killed for less” trigger?

Being slapped or back-handed is a very specific trigger for him and his dissociation. Being punched upsets him too, of course, but there's a very distinct trigger behind the first two that sends him completely spiraling.

#answered.#oiyuri #i'm a dead man walking and i'm questioning the light | tokrev verse b #take me down to the river and repair my soul | tokrev verse a #facts.#in timeline b he tries to control it a lot more #but damn its hard #that trauma brain being fucky wucky

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i saw the sparks again