Varlam Babinich

“As a small boy he’d chased after the sun, certain that if he ran far enough he’d eventually catch up with it, snatch it from the sky and carry it home. He’d run for almost five hours before being caught and brought back, screaming in anger at his quest being cut short.”

[takeabiteoutofyou]

A yellow object?

Not the first thing she usually expected people to ask her or want from her. Most of the time, people wanted to know about her hair. Was it really this red? Was it from a bottle? Was it a wig? A few times, if she wanted people to do it, she’d let them touch her hair. Other times to irritate them, Izzie told them it was blood orange. Yet, this guy wanted a yellow object? First time for everything.

"I think I might have a yellow pencil in my bag. Is it enough?," she asked, keeping her eyes on him while she let her hands search at the bottom of her bag for the pencil. "Only yellow object." She held it out to him and waited for his own reaction. Why a yellow object she didn’t want anymore?

[avarlambabinich]

He had often been impolite before. Sometimes he took without asking, but he never really meant to make people sad. However, this part of the world somehow seemed a bit too sad to have any yellow, and so he did need to ask for it: there wasn't anything that he could just take. He hadn't seen anything new in so long, and he was starting to feel deprived. As though it was a newly found addiction that needed to be fed occasionally, preferably regularly. 

Varlam nodded excitedly at her offer, as he was glad that she was even willing to be of any help to him. Others would shrug him off, and then he would be sad again, but today wasn't a day for yellow-less sadness. "Thank you," he tried, taking the pencil from the other and studying it carefully. "It is perfect!"

As he let the pencil slip into his bag, which had truly become nothing but a collection of comfort items to him, he took some time to take a better look at the other. Her red hair was so warm that Varlam almost felt like it had absorbed so much of the sun that it had become the sun itself, like fire without fire. "Do you think..." He cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to formulate the question better, "Do you think that people with your hair will become happier than others someday?"

[takeabiteoutofyou]

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[avarlambabinich]

// I AM SORRY I AM SORRY. I got embarrassed and deleted it, but I am very glad that you like random starters and that you still had the thing. I will try to reply very soon. :D And thanks for tell me. I'll open the ask box!

[avarlambabinich]

Light

[thomashatcher-blog]

    ♥     ——     Thomas was glad the boy calmed and didn’t put up a fight. Now that would be embarrassing and something Thomas was certainly not going to put up with. “Much appreciated,” Thomas spoke as the other admired his hair so much. Thomas took it as a compliment now the boy was being a little calmer. Himself he was very glas with his hair and, being the vain boy he was, he liked it when others agreed he looked good.

"It was almost white when I was a young child," Thomas spoke and took out a small cigarette case, pulling a thin cigarette from it and lighting it. "It has grown darker and remained at this colour for quite some years," he stated, looking shortly at the boy.

"What’s with the obsession, anyway?" Thomas asked, finding conversation better than an icy silence as he bitterly brought the boy out. He would look back at him as a ridiculous, insane boy, but that didn’t mean the walk now could not be a comfortable one.

[avarlambabinich]

Varlam almost wanted to ask for a cigarette, but he didn’t. The boy hadn’t liked the questions, so perhaps that question would only lead to a fight Varlam didn’t have the energy for anymore. The cigarette would be useful, but he was certain there were plenty of people he could ask for one. The hair, however, that was something entirely different.

He paid attention as the other talked about his hair. Varlam would go as far as saying that he preferred it over the mean remarks he had made earlier, even if he couldn’t have a piece of it himself. “Well, “ He began, clearing his throat. “Light is better than dark, a lot better than dark.” But that didn’t explain anything, “If you own a lot of light things, then maybe things don’t have to be so dark anymore.”

He looked at the other’s feet, taking steps just like Varlam did himself. Maybe they weren’t so different from each other after all, “Light is beautiful.” He sighed, sadly so. “Really beautiful.”

[avarlambabinich]

Light

[thomashatcher-blog]

    ♥     ——     Thomas thought the whole ordeal could get no worse when out of, seemingly, nowhere the boy went from asking ridiculous questions to screaming profusely and Thomas rather felt taken aback by it. He almost felt like he should pull people towards the boy and ridicule him, but he knew that, would he be himself, people could quite do the same. He was, according to many here, a sodomite. “Could you possibly be any more pathetic?” he questioned, clutching his bookbag closer to him.

"You’re certainly behaving like you’re in trouble," he spoke, sucking in some air, before running his fingers yet again through his hair. "I’d walk away, but I wouldn’t want to burden my friends with your presence, so why don’t you come with me and I’ll lead you to the exit. You don’t look in the slightest like you go here."

[avarlambabinich]

Varlam looked at the boy and his hair, deciding to calm down. He knew what the boy thought of him, but he just didn’t quite agree. He felt his eyes water a bit, but he pushed back. Not now, he thought, now wasn’t the right time. He nodded, silently, taking a step forward so the other one could lead him the way outside, which was obviously what he wanted the most.

Varlam took another look at the hair, and then swallowed, almost ready to say it goodbye. He wasn’t good at admitting loss, but he realized that, maybe, he just had to this once. “It’s really light,” Varlam said, directing it at the other boy. “I’ve never seen anything so light.” He almost spoke of it as though he was talking about someone who had recently passed away. “It’s positive, really.”

People were strange creatures, Varlam thought, but he could not be the only one who felt that way. He was sure that there were a lot of people who didn’t quite know what to say in situations like those, and so Varlam didn’t feel quite so alone. “Was it always light like this, or did the light just travel into it?”

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

     †     ——     He was still looking at the other angrily and distrustfully. He wasn’t sure what the boy was upset about, apart from losing Aloysius. But he was not supposed to have him. He had never had him, so technically he didn’t lose him either.

     ”Yes,” Sebastian repeated, as he could only confirm what the boy said.

     VII Thou shalt not steal.

     He quickly looked over his shoulder to see his bag and the book he’d been reading forgotten in the grass. At least no one had tried to take that yet.

     ”If you know it’s wrong, then why do you do it?” Sebastian asked. Perhaps the aim of the question wasn’t so much to provoke guilt, but to perhaps provoke a thought that he could shove in edgewise into his own conscience.

     He looked at the boy again, keeping his distance as he was afraid he’d try again. "He’s flattered that you like him, but he wants to stay with me."

[avarlambabinich]

A paintbrush appeared from his pocket, and he used it to wipe the tears from his face. Instead, he just spread them out all over his face, but the softness of the tiny hairs made him feel a little bit better. At least he still had the brush, and at least there was still a way to make him stop crying. He took a deep breath, looking down at the grass again, “I like the bear. I’m sorry I did wrong.”

With the back of his hands, he wiped at his eyes to make himself finally stop crying. To him, it didn’t matter how the other boy wanted to punish him, he just couldn’t send him back. His journey was nowhere near finished yet, but he didn’t want to tell this to the other boy.

“What do I need to do?” He then asked, looking up at the sky as though the sun had an answer for him.

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

     †     ——     “I should,” Sebastian said, angrily. He was up on his feet and stood entirely straight, while the bear was secured in his grip protectively. “Aloysius is very upset. It’ll take weeks to regain his trust!” Sebastian had taken very bad care of him…

     He wiped at his eyes to dry them, while he looked at the boy. Sebastian felt vulnerable and at a loss, but apparently he wasn’t the only one that felt like that.

     ”I absolutely don’t like you.”

[avarlambabinich]

All his life, Varlam had been told that people out there in the real world didn’t people like him. He was told that whenever he would go out and do something all by himself, other people would tell him off for it and send him straight back into isolation. If not that, they would beat him so hard and so long until finally, he had straightened his priorities for at least a little bit. Varlam had been scared of it then, but he had had hope that, perhaps, it wouldn’t all be so bad once he tried it. Out there, in the real world, there was enough yellow for everyone to look at, perhaps everyone would be very happy there.

But the people had been right, Varlam wasn’t allowed to be here because he didn’t fit in here. He had to steal all the yellow and the softness because he had no clue how to earn it himself. Only this little fact made him a thief.

For the first time, he looked at the person in front of him, who had tears in his eyes as well. Varlam wasn’t the only one who was sad, apparently, so maybe this person lived a yellow-less existence just like Varlam did. Suddenly he felt guilty, even more so than scared.

He had to convince the other that he shouldn’t be taken back, because Varlam knew that very bad things would happen to him then. He didn’t want this now, he never did. He had to show the world that he did have manners, or some, at least. “I did wrong,” He then said, lip still quivering, but he had to keep himself from crying harder. “I did very wrong. I didn’t mean to do wrong.”

[avarlambabinich]

As a small boy he'd chased after the sun, certain that if he ran far enough he'd eventually catch up with it, snatch it from the sky and carry it home. He'd run for almost five hours before being caught and brought back, screaming in anger at his quest being cut short.

Tom Rob Smith, Child 44

[mymindistheweightofcenturies]

000087370010 by kenneth.pelczar on Flickr.

[avarlambabinich]

Light

[thomashatcher-blog]

    ♥     ——     “Is—” he was going to ask the other once again if he was supposed to be serious. “You really don’t see that you’re being ridiculous, are you?” Thomas asked and he straightened himself. “Look, boy. My hair is mine to do whatever I could possibly want to do with it.” Tom stepped a little closer to the boy, before looking at the lock of hair. “You have some hair there and frankly you are behaving insanely. If you would leave me alone, it would be appreciated. I feel infiltrated.”

Thomas had no idea how the other found it possible to ask such questions as these while it was clear you could not walk up to another and demand one of their possessions and get upset when they didn’t give it. This boy clearly was going through some sort of episode. “Leave, please.”

[avarlambabinich]

He couldn’t understand what was so hard to understand about his request. Varlam didn’t want his hair, he wanted his colour, and those were two entirely different things. If he could, he would suck the colour out of it and replace with something much darker to teach the other a lesson, but he could not do that. He almost wanted to trade his own hair for this boy’s, just so he would know what it was like to never once have had something nice in his life.

Varlam covered his ears, he didn’t want to hear him anymore. He was stupid, completely stupid, but Varlam couldn’t tell him that because everyone else probably agreed with his stupid opinions. It was obvious Varlam had much more use for it than this boy did, and this almost got him to a point of anger. He didn’t want to give up, but he didn’t want to hear that he was insane anymore either. He had been told off for his so called insanity more than enough already, and he most certainly did not need a stranger to agree with those statements.

“I AM NOT INSANE!” He yelled loudly enough for everyone to hear it, though his own ears were still covered. “I AM NOT INSANE! I am not insane! I am not… not insane.” He repeated, though each time he said it, it sounded a little softer. “And I am not in trouble.” He told himself, though it must have been audible for everyone else as well.

[leuc-deactivated20190323]

[avarlambabinich]

Light

[thomashatcher-blog]

    ♥     ——     Thomas was looking around. The questions the other was asking him were embarrassing him desperately. He felt ridiculed. Surely this boy was joking, but the act hadn’t dropped yet. Clearly he was serious…?

"Are you serious?" Thomas then asked, his fingers moving back through the hair the other was wanting to much. "Have you an idea of how absurd this sounds? Are you insane?" he questioned, standing up a little taller. "Look, I appreciate your compliments on my hair, but it’s my hair,” Thomas stated, “and I don’t know you and the questions you’re asking are sounding as if you’re under the influence and if I’m quite frank, I don’t like your greed. If you would excuse yourself? I was in the middle of a conversation.”

[avarlambabinich]

Varlam could not understand how the other thought he wasn’t being serious. There had never been anything he had wanted so much as he wanted a piece of his hair, or perhaps there had been, but the mere existence of this colour made him forget about all of it. “Yes, I a—“ He began to speak, but his interruption was interrupted before he could finish his sentence.

Varlam didn’t like people, he never had, and things like these only made it harder for him to ever be able to like them again. He was not insane, and he had the objects around him to prove it. “I’m not insane!” He then spoke his thoughts, “I collect your colour. I wasn’t going to tell you because you are too greedy to share it! You have more than enough, and I only want a small piece of it!” He explained, grabbing for the lock of blonde hair he kept in the bag he carried with him. “At least they were not as greedy as you are!”

[avarlambabinich]

Light

[thomashatcher-blog]

     ♥     ——     Thomas had been in conversation with a classmate, his hand clasping around the strap of his leather bookbag when he was approached and suddenly talked to. “Excuse me?” Thomas asked, looking down at the boy before him. He hadn’t seen him around before. “You want…?” Thomas questioned, before he looked at the boys hand and he laughed softly. “You want to cut my hair? No…?” he spoke, turning to the friend he was talking to shortly, but he’d fallen into a conversation with someone else now.

"Who are you? What do you want to cut my hair for? It’s my hair," Thomas spoke, a frown on his face. This was probably one of the most ridiculous things that had ever happened to him.

[avarlambabinich]

He never liked it when the questions came, and especially not when it came after rejection. Varlam’s face had fallen at the realization that he would not get his hands on the colour in a proper way, but he hadn’t lost all hope yet. He could still convince the other, couldn’t he? He could at least try.

“But,” Varlam began, losing eye contact to lock his eyes on the hair again, “I have more use for it than you have, really. I’ll take good care of it, I promise!” He frowned, looking away from it for a little bit, only to look back again. It was the best colour, he thought, it suited Varlam better than he could have ever dreamed of.

He didn’t want to tell the other his name, and so he decided to ignore it. “I will cut off all my hair for just a small lock of yours.” He tried, “Please?”

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

     †     ——     “Fair?” he repeated, feeling horrified, as he held his lifelong friend closely to his chest. How was it not fair that Sebastian had taken him back?

     He wasn’t quite aware of his tears, but the were there. It would probably take a lot for him to get over the shock of the chase, despite the positive ending. He had been terrified.

    “Trouble?” he asked then, as he was curious, despite his anger. “I hope you are!” he added, childishly.

[avarlambabinich]

Varlam could not stop crying, not really at least. However, he had grown so exhausted that he had to swallow away the saddening ache in his jaw to be able to breathe. He didn’t have much energy for anything as the loss put a heavy weight on his shoulders. He was grieving. “It’s not fair.” He then repeated, confirming the question that was in reality nothing more than a word.

He coughed, then bent forward to take a look at the grass that wasn’t yellow, and he began to cry harder. “I’m in so much trouble,” he said once more, “Don’t punish me!” He almost yelled it as he feared for the worst.

[avarlambabinich]

Light

Usually, the only thing Varlam had eye for when it came to people was hair colour. He didn’t want to pay too much attention to brown hair, for he thought that brown hair could only be good when people knew they weren’t going to turn to darkness. Varlam wasn’t sure about it himself, and so he felt like his own brown locks were more of a curse than anything else. Nothing about it looked soft, or pleasant, but he couldn’t dwell on it. That way, he would never have eye for anything positive or yellow anymore.

From time to time, it happened that he saw something so light that it almost wasn’t yellow anymore. At times like those, he had little eye for anything else anymore in general. This time he had found it in someone’s hair. He was positive it belonged to someone who was male, but he wasn’t sure about it. He could only pay attention to the hair.

“I want to have that,” he said, only now looking at the boy it still belonged to. He pointed to his hair, sighing softly. “Can I cut it?”

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

     †     ——     Sebastian had almost done something he’d never done before. He had almost punched the other square in the face, in desperation. But when he felt his hands secure tightly around Aloysius and the bear press against his chest where it belonged he felt his heart slowly starting to beat again. It had greatly upset him. From time to time he would wake up screaming from a nightmare of losing Aloysius. They were the worst nightmares he had and just now it had come too close to reality.

     ”Are you okay?” he asked the bear, rather than the boy. That the boy was crying went straight passed him for the moment, as all his focus was on his teddy bear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he was almost pleading, as he was desperate for Aloysius’ forgiveness.

     Completely out of breath, by the running and the panic, he looked at the thief, whom he and Aloysius both agreed was a bad person. “Leave us alone!”

[avarlambabinich]

With tears all over his face, he turned around, covering his ears instead of his eyes now. He couldn’t bear to listen to them, but he was allowed to look at what he wasn’t allowed to have, wasn’t he? He kept looking, his lip quivering at the realization he had had probably lost this for good. He repeated himself: “I am in so much trouble.”

The tears kept rolling down his face, and his heart ached. He had almost nothing, he didn’t even ask for a lot, so why did he not even deserve the bear? He didn’t ask for money, he didn’t ask for anything he could sell and earn a lot of money for, he just asked for softness, and yellow. Why was it so hard for people to give it to him? Why did he have to steal it?

“It’s not fair,” Varlam sobbed, removing his hands from his ears and wrapping his arms around his body.  He felt small, like a complete mess. “I saw it!” He tried again, but it was no use. “I am in so much trouble.”

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

     †     ——     Sebastian realized the only reason he wasn’t in tears was because he couldn’t afford to be, as he needed to be able to see to continue his chase. He wasn’t very good at running, or any other physical activity for that matter, but he couldn’t give up until he’d caught up with Aloysius and brought him back to safety. He couldn’t disappoint his best friend.

     He almost began to fear that he had lost him forever, when the thief halted and he had time to catch up, despite being completely out of breath and seeing stars because of it. That really didn’t bother him at all right now. The only thing that bothered him was how Aloysius was in someone else’s arms.

     ”Aloysius!” he shouted again, while he almost threw himself at the other boy, his arms reaching out to take hold of his most prized possession. “He’s mine!” he managed to say, while the iron taste in the back of his mouth signaled just how bad his physical condition was. “MINE!”

[avarlambabinich]

Varlam was visibly disturbed when his new possession didn’t turn out to be his anymore. He almost immediately reached for it again, fearing that he would not get what he wanted this time. He breathed heavily, shaking with both anger and desperation now. He had made a big mess of things again, and perhaps he was in trouble more than he had ever been before. He wanted it back, it had to be his now.

He coughed, shaking his head as his eyes started to water, “It’s not fair!” He tried to yell, but his voice had been too broken for it. Instead, it came up as though it was a cry for help, which it kind of was. “I saw it, I watched it all day!” He deserved to have it now, it was only fair. He had worked very hard for it.

Varlam began to cry, covering his eyes to hide his face from the other person he still hadn’t really looked at yet. “I’m in trouble,” he sobbed, shoulders shaking violently with sadness and fear, “I am in such big trouble.”

[avarlambabinich]

Mine

[sebastianthesinner]

    †     ——     He hadn’t been paying much attention to his surroundings, as there hadn’t been anything to draw it in the first place and slowly, with Aloysius’ encouragement, he had begun to read. There were still a couple of chapters left and he should finish them before the end of next week. He had simply not found the motivation. Perhaps boredom was a better incentive… although it lowered his spirits.

     Eventually he’d lost himself in the pages and it wasn’t until he saw something move in the corner of his eyes that he looked up, only to feel the air hit out of him as he was suddenly pushed back. He paid that little mind, however.

     ”Aloysius!” he shouted out, while he was up on his feet as quickly as he could, completely disregarding the rest of his possessions (which were worth plenty, but nowhere near matched the importance of his teddy bear). He ran after the thief as quickly as he could, feeling panicked. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Aloysius was going away. Was it something he said?

[avarlambabinich]

The part he liked the least was running away. No matter how determined he was, he wouldn’t know if he was capable enough to outrun the one people he was running from. He doubted himself all the time, but that was mainly because he always made a big mess of things. He had done so ever since he was born, and he knew it. Everyone around him knew it. “Stop!”he yelled at himself, but he continued to run.

He pressed the bear’s head against his shoulder and supported its back, keeping it safe and unharmed as he continued to run as fast as he could. He couldn’t be the first one to give up, although breathing had become almost painful and his legs weren’t happy with him anymore either. See? He always made a big mess of things. “STOP!!” He yelled again, loudly enough for the other to hear it. He needed to give up first, not Varlam.

He had to win it, he had to, but he didn’t know how. He had to quickly think of something, quickly think of something, quickly think of something.

He tried the bear then, holding it out in front of himself so he could look at its face, “Quickly!” He yelled, “THINK OF SOMETHING!” 

What he hadn't realized was that he had stopped running.