seasons of love.

Avery Jennings. 19. Medical Patient at Serenity House. Diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. No, it's not contagious. Yes, I'm going to die one day.

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Alright, I need to see...

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Don’t forget the sauce. And, if you’re feeling healthy, there’s also veggie lasagna. It’s a complete meal. Hey, I mean…. it’s up to you. Can’t force you to do anything, but it is my job to give you the best possible options, with the best possible treatment.

Completely fine by me. I’m guessing this is more than an ‘I need to take a nap’ kind of tired? Alright, well let’s talk about this for a sec… for starters, why?

[avery--jennings-blog]

Sauce makes it soggier-- and adding vegetables still doesn't take away from the fact that theres still soggy slabs of noodles. I feel like I've already been through 3 different trials to try bring my T cells up and so far they haven't worked.

Ding, ding, ding. You guessed correctly. I nap enough-- I think I sleep 19 out of 24 hours a day. Why? Because...because I've been doing this for almost a year and a half, because I'm tired of shoving chemicals into my body, because I don't feel normal anymore. Take your pick, they're all valid answers.

[thesecondashby-blog]

“I’d love to hear it– you better be ready for one of the worst students ever to hit the American education system, though,” Noah said sarcastically, giving a small shrug. “You got a problem with AHS? I’d say they’ve researched their shit– hell, they’ve got aliens and demons in season two; I don’t think you can get a whole lot more scientific than that, don’t you think?” Noah had posed a small smile on his lips before looking down once more, shifting to sit on his hands. “That’s… really shitty, man. I’d… I mean, I just met you, but to be quite honest, I’d, uh… let you live if that means anything. I mean, I doubt it does, but… if we could trade years or whatever black magic witchcraft shit, I’d give you that time, y’know? ‘Cause it seems like you’ve got a lotta… bio-medical stuff you could get done.” Pausing for a moment, Noah turned his head to give a small, sad smile. “Nah, it’s not a huge deal– I mean, what you’re saying is nice, but… like you said, you haven’t met him, and when you do, what you’re saying isn’t gonna be quite true anymore.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Really? Everyone else finds it incredibly boring-- and it kind of is, but I like it. A lot. Plus it takes up time, which goes by really slowly." Avery said with a small laugh, running a hand through her hair and leaning against the arm of the couch as she listened to him speak. "No, no. No problem with it-- though I really don't think it's historically correct. Plus I'm almost 100% sure that there are no such thing as ghosts, or demons, or monsters. Completely unrealistic." Avery sighed, listening to him speak as she chewed on her bottom lip, her brows furrowing together when she listened to him speak. "I wouldn't let you do that." She said simply, shaking her head. "I wouldn't take years away from someone who has so much to live, and look forward too. You really don't...appreciate life for what it is until you realize that you could....die at any time. This is what...you know, this is what is supposed to happen for me. You've still got time to live." She said with a teasing smile, shaking her head. The sad smile on the boys face made her chest constrict-- no one deserved to smile like that. "Ah, I'll be the one who decides that. I like you, and unless your brother is actually capable of superhuman magic and could some how magically save my life, I don't think it would change."

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Alright, I need to see...

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

I think I need to go on a lasagna diet…. pretty lasagna’d out. Nope, quite the opposite, actually. Looking into different treatments, different medications that might help.

It’s still a bit experimental, but there’s a couple entry inhibitors I think might help. Selzentry, for one. Pretty much it’ll stop the virus from spreading to new cells. In addition to your regular medications of course.

[avery--jennings-blog]

Lasagna isn't even that good. It's layers of soggy noodles and cheese. Not good. New treatments and medications? Great.

Andrew-- can I call you Andrew? No offense, but I'm tired. And I know about the side effects for Selzentry. I've read every book in that library about HIV-- done every ounce of research I can. I just want to stop.

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Alright, I need to see...

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Nope, no more lasagna. I’d be concerned if it was still ‘left over’ by now. Just about! You’re on my list, and don’t worry…. lasagna is not on the list of medications for you– though I still think it has healing powers.

[avery--jennings-blog]

I was thinking more of a second batch of lasagna-- definitely not the same one from months ago. That would be worrying. On your list? What kind of list? Hit List? Am I about to be murdered?

Medication? Tell me, what new soul killing pills are you going to put me on now? The last batch had me falling asleep in the middle of the day-- though that could also just be my body.

[doctorxseuss]

“Is Danica, Declan, Joey, Vivian, Avery, Xavier, or Heather in here?”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Uh-- yup. Avery, right here. Can I help you, Doc?"

[lucky-dove-blog-deactivated2016]

Alright, I need to see...

Jessica, Ryan, Paul, Noah….. and….  Caleb, Avery, Leo, Piper, and Dawson.

[avery--jennings-blog]

If you're offering me any of your leftover lasagna again, I'm going to give you the same answer as last time, Dr. Dove. No. What's up? Is it appointment time, or something?

[thesecondashby-blog]

“And that’s probably why they had to start changing treatment for people, don’t you think? ‘Cause, I might be wrong, but… According to American Horror Story, sterilization also was a kind of treatment, and I dunno about you, but that sure as hell doesn’t seem like it would help a lot of people. If you keep taking what’s gonna become my couch, you’ll feel pretty bad real soon, sweetheart,” Noah smiled. The corners of his mouth quickly dropped at her confession, falling back into a straight line. “I’m… shit, I’m really sorry– can’t they, like.. give you more food? Nobody should have to feel like they’re dying unless they.. they want to,” the man frowned, dropping her gaze completely. “Never quite got blamed, just… poked at, ignored, never quite reachin’ the right pedestal. Always a step behind, y’know?”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Maybe? I don't know much about psychiatry and the history of psychiatric practices, but I can go on for days about the invention of biomedical engineering if you want to here it." Eloise teased with a light-hearted, albeit exhausted, laugh. "I really don't think American Horror Story is an accurate representation, so that makes the argument invalid." She watched as his face fell, almost immediately feeling bad. "No-- don't. Don't apologize. It's fine, really. I just...the whole weight loss thing is kind of....a sore spot. Giving me more food won't really help, it's not really how it works...my body either can't handle it, or burns it up too quickly. That's if I'm hungry, of course." She explained quietly, shrugging her shoulder. "If I had to choose between life and death, it would definitely be life. The dying thing is 100% out of my control." As he dropped his head, she frowned, nudging him gently with her foot to let him know that it was okay. "That's horrible, I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know your brother, but I'm already pretty sure that I'd probably enjoy your company more so than his. So you won't be ignored by me-- though that probably means very little."

[zach-bishop-blog-blog]

“Why are you looking at me? Do I have something in my teeth…?”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"What? Sorry. I wasn't staring. Completely zoned out, actually. But-- youre new here, aren't you?"

[tuck-masters-deactivated2015070]

“…even if you want to accept it, and convinced yourself that you have, you truly haven’t. No matter how hard you try or want to,” Tucker quietly added. He slowly sat down next to her, as his muscles were feeling stiff on this particular day. “I think we all do.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

Avery looked up when se heard the boy next to her speak, almost surprised there was actually someone in the room who was willing to listen-- that wasn't a therapist, of course. "I'm not ready to die. I don't want to die. I just-- I know it's going to happen, soon, whether I like it or not. It's kind of a....buzzkill, you know?" She mused, looking over and giving him a half smile. "What's your poison?" She asked quietly after a moment.

[hopelancaster-blog]

Hope smiled and moved to sit on the couch next to the older girl. “My name is Hope, by the way. And I’m 13, which isn’t that young. But I’ll be stuck here until I’m 18, at least. And with my luck I’ll be dead by then,” she laughed bitterly, knowing it probably wasn’t true, but could be. “I don’t know much about HIV, or AIDS, but I am sorry.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

Avery listened to her speak, giving her a soft smile. "I'm Avery. IT's nice to meet you, Hope. Despite the circumstances, of course." The laugh that fell from the girls lips made her frown. "Don't say that. You've got a world of opportunity ahead of you, I promise. Even if you're in here for another 5 years, when you do get out it'll be amazing, I promise." She said, giving her a reassuring smile. "No, no. Don't apologize. It's fine. HIV is-- well, it's like T-cells in my body that are in charge of fighting off infection are attacking my body instead."

[thesecondashby-blog]

“Hey, if we can’t get sleep things’ll get dark real fast, don’t you think? Your recommendations really aren’t helping, but… fine. You get half, I’ll get half. How often am I gonna have to make a compromise like that, though? Does saving a kid’s life somehow make you capable of being able to bear the weight of more than a jacket? ‘Cause I really can’t see it. Bad-ass, sure, but just ‘cause you’ve got the mental thing doesn’t mean you’re not fragile as a thin pane of glass. It’s not… a big deal– yeah, identical. He won’t be much trouble, trust me… his halo’ll get him outta any messes he makes.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Sleep deprivation used to be a form of treatment for mental health. Who knows, it might help a lot of people. As long as I'm around, you'll be sharing. I tend to prefer the couches to my own bed. I don't feel nearly as abad about sleeping here all day than I do in my room." She listened to him comment on her size and cleared her throat, ducking her head. "It's uh--- 'cause I'm sick. Lost a ton of weight over the past few months. I'm practically just skin and bones, now. Didn't used to be this way though. I was always very healthy and very strong. Halo? Let me guess, he's the perfect son, and you're the one that got blamed for everything?"

[thesecondashby-blog]

“Might add a splash of darkness that none of us really need though, don’t you think? I think that compromise is… decent, sure– might have to take over that corner over there, though. Never been a big fan of that sharing thing, if I’m being honest with you. Can you? Can you really? If it’s more than a butterfly… no more than a jacket then, I’m guessing. Seventeen as in, seventeen at home and a little over one in the hospital for each of us– sibling. Twin brother, actually.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Disappearing beds is hardly what I would call dark, but I understand what you mean. Really? That is more than enough room. Just...curl in on yourself, you'll hardly know I'm here. Hey, sharing isn't hard. IT's something you'll have to get used to around here, apparently. Yes. Yes I can. More than a jacket, actually. Technically I saved a kids life once. That's pretty bad-ass, don't you think? I can handle quite a lot. Wow. A twin. That's pretty-- identical? If there's two of you running around, it might cause trouble."

[thesecondashby-blog]

“Cruel black magic would be the least of my problems, then, but… please, then? Otherwise I might just have to crush you; you don’t look like you could stand much more than a butterfly landing on your shoulder. From what I’ve seen, roommates aren’t exactly kings and queens… had one for seventeen years, so I think I know a bit about what I’m talking about.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Cruel black magic could be fun. IT'd add a little excitement to the bland white walls of this place. How about I move into the corner and you can have the rest of the space? Compromise. I'm also exhausted, and moving too much makes it worse. Sharing is caring, right? But, for your information, I can handle more than a butterfly landing on my shoulder. Seventeen years? Sibling or boarding school?"

[hopelancaster-blog]

Hope shook her head, taking a step towards the older girl almost without realizing what she was doing. “Don’t apologise,” Hope said quietly, hating that she’d heard the words being spoken aloud by someone else. “I…yeah. I’ll hopefully get out someday, but I won’t ever get better. What..what do you have?”

[avery--jennings-blog]

Avery watched as the girl stepped towards her, moving over on the couch and patting the spot beside her, letting her know it was okay to sit if she wanted too. "I'm sure you'll get out-- you're young. You've got a lot to do before your locked in a place like this for the rest of your life." She promised her with a kind smile, before clearing her throat. "HIV. Progressive. It's pretty much AIDs at this point though, I'm sure."

[noelle-clements-deactivated2015]

She nodded. “It’s hard not to think the worst is going to happen to us.” Noelle said, softly. “I’m Noelle, I don’t think we’ve met yet.” she tucked her long blonde hair behind her ear.

[avery--jennings-blog]

"I don't think the worst is going to happen to me." She mumbled quietly, shaking her head as she brought ehr attention back to the wall across from her. "I'm dying. It's the reality of the situation." Letting out a dry chuckle, she looked back at the girl. "Avery. Nice to meet you, despite the situation."

[thesecondashby-blog]

“–Hilarious, I guess. I should have one, yeah, but apparently it’s just gone poof and up and left. The couch, though.. sounds a whole lot better than introducing myself to some asshole room mate if I’ve got one.”

[avery--jennings-blog]

"Well, I really don't think that beds can 'poof' and leave. Unless we're dealing with some kind of cruel black magic. Well, unfortunately for you, I seem to be sitting on the only couch in this room. So, you'll have to ask nicely to get me to get up. Hey-- roommates aren't really that bad-- I rarely see mine."

[noelle-clements-deactivated2015]

Noelle walked into the the room and heard the girl’s words. She looked at her and frowned. “Are you okay?” she asked, sitting next to her. 

[avery--jennings-blog]

Avery looked up, giving the girl a short smile, shaking her head. "Fine, fine. Just....thinking out loud, I guess." She chuckled softly, taking a shaky breath.