Avid Dramatic

I reblog things that interest me and I post about my personal life and thoughts, about music, and about Irish things. 

[tranarchist]

[30knight]

a horribly honest comic about my biggest problem atm, jealousy. and my irrational emotions.

jealousy is a difficult emotion and hard to admit to, because it makes you a right out mean and petty person (or at least me.). I think people feel jealous for differing reasons. Perhaps this stuff is really obvious, but i guess it wasn’t for me. I feel pretty sad today! anyway i pray to the gods that i’m not the only one who gets these fears.

[aviddramatic]

Not now.

I can feel the scratches from the tips of your claws on my skin as you make your attempt at shattering every word I said to them and to myself last night. I can feel your petty maneuvers as you try to implant yourself in me again, as you try to cause a relapse so dis-heartening that I might never come back to my newly found self. I can feel the tips of your fangs as you prepare yourself to eat at my being and leave me void again. Void of love. Void of grace.

Not now, self-pity. Not now.

[brendan-j-harkin-deactivated201]

Derry, Northern Ireland

[aviddramatic]

https://soundcloud.com/yasmine-sheaito-1/the-first-time-ever-i-saw-your-face-ewan-maccoll-cover-dedicated-to-amgad

[aviddramatic]

Undone.

My ocean is raging and it has left me undone.

Not undone in the sense that I have lost myself, but in the sense that I am divided into clashing waves of sentiments as I keep myself found - as I tell myself that this is what I need; this is the true test that will make me who I think I am, who I want to be, because what are we if not who we think we are and want to be?

Has humanity really created a nature of itself wherein it is threatened by an abundance of love? By its boundlessness? Why does it threaten the portion of love we have if another portion is given to someone else? Why has it become a frightening notion to us that we be loved just like everyone else; in the same amount and in the same way?

I know. I am not making sense. I think it is on purpose. It has become a habit of mine to try to express myself in the most complicated ways so that only those who are truly willing would understand. Or better yet, no one at all.

[aviddramatic]

E,

I dreamed of you last night. Or maybe this morning. We touched each other and it felt as natural and comfortable as it does when I touch myself. Our arms intertwined, our lips met, our bodies connected. And even though a sense of unease reigned over the dream afterwards, I woke up feeling so connected to you that I am almost oblivious of the fact that we haven’t even spoken in four years. I need to shake off this feeling. The notion of you and me has been so overly romanticised in my head that I am consciously aware of the necessity to will myself into the reality of how things have become or unbecome between us. But the difficulty of this is exacerbated not only by the romanticisation, but also by the reality that you saw me in a way nobody else ever really saw me. No friend, no lover, no stranger. And even though I never was able to be completely comfortable in my own skin around you because of the complications that surrounded my feelings for you back then, even though when I held your hand and said goodbye to you and you said “that’s all?” I was unable still to let my guard down and embrace you and kiss your cheek like I truly wanted to, I know that I felt safer with you than I felt with anyone in my life. The dream ended with you transforming into someone else and you were no longer at all present before I woke up. So why am I still ruled by your presence hours later?

[attndotcom]

These hilarious fake magazine covers tap into the experience of having anxiety. 

And maybe you can relate — anxiety is the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults aged 18 and older according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

[theslaybymic]

Erik Cavanaugh’s body does not adhere to the typical dancer image. But that has never stopped him, When he began applying to college for dance, his tenacity was put to the test after he not being accepted into any schools. Discouraged, but not entirely unfazed, he did not give up.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

[crimsonbaby-deactivated20190221]

These gifs are just beautiful!

[aviddramatic]

Grace.

For some reason, I’d thought grace would come to me far more easily than this. I thought it would flow out of me as a river that’s always been restricted somewhere inside of me.

That doesn’t seem to be the case. For months now - or perhaps over a year - I have been trying to act and to respond to people with grace; the kind of grace that makes anger and frustration evaporate, that makes love conquer most other emotions. Instead, I have found that in order to show grace, my negative emotions are being suppressed rather than conquered, and rage is filling my inside instead.

It is indescribably exhausting, this rage, this lack of grace. I am so achingly tired of it. Why is this such a struggle? Why won’t my mind allow love and lightness to reign it?

[aviddramatic]

Overheard my kids talking...

بيلسان: ما الله بالسما ما فيو يشوفنا.

آدم: مبلا، هو بيشوف كل شي

بيلسان: كيف؟ ما وينو الله؟ هو بالغيوم، كيف بدو يشوفنا؟ في السطح مغطينا، كيف بدو يشوفنا؟

آدم: هو بيقدر يشوف من الحيط والباب.

بيلسان: كيف يعني؟ كيف؟؟؟

Note that I never clearly state anything about god and religion. Adam takes religion in public school, so his teacher tell him god is everywhere and can see everything. He asks me about it often and I just say that he has to think about it himself and decide if he believes there is a god. Otherwise, I told him stories of prophets and that those are stories people believe happened, and some are historically documented. It’s mostly an awful business, having to see them confused about the questions, but this conversation between them made me happy for some reason.

[aviddramatic]

https://soundcloud.com/yasmine-sheaito-1/bread-and-roses

[aviddramatic]

https://soundcloud.com/yasmine-sheaito-1/let-no-man-steal-your-thyme-tranditional-folk-song

[aviddramatic]

A letter that Amgad had written in my notebook when I wasn’t looking, the month I arrived in Cairo. :)

تحمل الحياة ما هو أكثر من الرماد..

ربما تتساءلين عن معنى لتلك الكلمات المبهمة، أنا لا أعرف أيضاً.. كتبت أول ما تبادر لذهني الغير منتظم، تجلسين على يميني واشتقت لك حينما كنت على يساري، اعشق ابتسامتك اللامصدقة حين أقول أحبك كل ثلاث دقائق، وأعشق حين تقولين أحبك حين لا أنتظر.

عذراً للتفسير الغير مفهوم للكلمات المبهمة، أنا أيضاً لا أعرف، أراقبك تتنفسين وأتساءل ماذا بجنبات ذلك الصدر. أراقب ثديك التام الاستدارة وأتساءل إن كنت أذكر الشعور حين كنت ألمسه، أرى الخاتم بيدك وأتساءل إن كنت قدمت لك أكثر من خاتم من فضة.

أستميحك عذراً للسيل الغير مفهوم، لا تحمل الحياة تفسيرات ولا حتى تساؤلات، الحياة تسير ولا تلتفت لقدر احتمالك ولا احتمالي، إنما تسير كقطار سائقه أرعن، كسيارة أجرة مجنونة في شوارع القاهرة المزدحمة دوماً..

أعرف أني أحبك، وأعرف أني لا أكفي لإسعادك، أعرف أني سأحاول، وأعرف أني فشلت دوماً، فشلت مراراً، ولا أتمنى الفشل مجدداً.. أحبك ولا أملك غير كلمة من أربعة أحرف وخاتماً من الفضة.

3/31/2006

[aviddramatic]

I need to stop feeling embarrassed about and ashamed of specific times I was so loud and arrogant three years ago, and worrying about how my friends felt about me at those instances.

It was years ago, in a place I’m not going back to any time soon, with people who are long time lost now. Get over it.

[aviddramatic]

Happy birthday, Yasmine :)

:) *hugs and love*

[aviddramatic]

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many times I just simply see your face, and it always makes me smile.

I am no longer ever good at saying the things I want to say when I want to say them; instead, they come pouring out of me only when I am unguarded, and so I have made a bit of a habit of hiding my self when it is unguarded or just finding sanctuary here. I have always craved attention in my life - not the kind of attention that necessary strokes my ego as much as the attention that makes my spirit feel neighboured - so it comes as a bit of a shock to me that there is some sense of relief in the fact that not many people read the things I say here anymore and somehow this makes it feel like a safer place.

It would be cruel to tell you that I know any way to soothe the hardship you are going through. I suppose it’s a right of passage into self-awareness... perhaps. And perhaps it’s just the harsh unforgiving world. In any case, I think of you too. I love you too. I am sorry too. And I miss you always. You and me, with all our defense mechanisms and all the passive aggressiveness that sometimes lingered between us - you and me is embedded in my mind as a breath of fresh air amid warfare.

Happy birthday :)