who's weird mind is this

I post thoughts. the background and PFP is my art I have no diagnosis and I'm sane

[aweirdonetalks]

I hate my last neuropsychiatrist

God if she couldn't do her job

She just looked at me weird and LAUGHED while I was talking about not funny things only because I was speaking fast like fuck I was freaking out no shit I was speaking fast how dare you laugh you bitch

Talking to her felt like talking to a wall that throws your words back at you like a ball

"I have no idea who I am"

"ph you seem to have issues with your identity"

"I can't sleep"

"mh you have trouble with your sleep"

Tell me something I don't know now??

Going to another one next month and I just know she won't help either

I hate psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychiatrist whatever

They just say stuff already know and look at me weird when I say I already know

[aweirdonetalks]

Kinda a vent? I'm freaking out

Im fine

I'm just convincing myself there's something wrong with me, I'm probably just a good actor and a big fake

I can stop all of this if I want

I won't get no diagnosis and if I do get one it just still means I'm a huge fake and a good actor

I hate relating to vent videos because It's not true, I'm just some fucking delusional fake teenager.

I hate thinking this too

I hate how I can't do anything without having very very very very contrasting thoughts in my head

"Fuck I feel like shit" "no shut up you fake you're just doing it for attention"

"I like how I look today" "no you don't, you're pretending"

"I hate how I look" "no you don't, yojge pretending"

"You know what, I'll just try to be happy" "no you fake that'll prove you were faking this whole time"

"Im tired, I should sleep" "stay awake. Or else you'll prove you're a fucking fake."

"I hate myself" "no you don't you just say that for attention"

"I don't know who I am and I'm having terrible issues with my sled and identity" "it's not true you fake"

And so on

I can't stand my own mind, I'm thinking like this as I write "just delete this all you big attention seeker" "you were starting with the truth why are you lying now you're fine"

"Cringe"

I can't live like this

[aweirdonetalks]

Sometimes I wonder like

What if I'm dead and living an illusion right now, or like those 7 minutes after death that we don't know how much it feels like, like how long it feels as time perception in dreams is different and those 7 minutes are similar to dreams

What if I'm already rotting? What if I'm alive and actively rotting

Sometimes my hands and nails get purple and weird and some times I actually think I'm decomposing

I'm not probably but the thoughts can't help but keep coming

Anytime