A Reflection
I’m in a very introspective, transitional period right now where I’m learning to be alone in a healthy way, disconnect more, am relearning how to deal with my depression (because mental illness evolves man), setting goals, becoming aware of my issues, taking control of my problems and am just not as available as before. I’m getting out a lot more with friends, too- and have a new job I have to be committed to.
So all in all, my priorities have changed and I just wanted to give a heads up and that nothing here should be taken personal. For me, being online is no longer synonymous with being available. I used to try and make myself available to everyone I cared about or who I wanted to impress and would drop what I was doing with the drop of a dime, but that wasn’t always a healthy thing to do and I wore myself very thin at times, and I didn’t always receive the same sentiment back. And then my life changed a lot and I’ve been told it’s hard as hell to get a hold of me now, anyway, or that I no longer seem to care. I care, but all I can say is I’m trying to live my life now and had to learn I can’t/won’t please everyone, and I can’t expect everyone to jump for joy 24 hours a day just because I show up either. You’re still free to throw me a line of course and reach out; I just didn’t want anyone feeling jipped/ignored if I don’t respond to you immediately or if I’m distant. I will always appreciate and be grateful at the gesture though, let that be known. I also apologize if there’s been any disconnect and perception of disinterest from my end in our interactions, or if they’ve been super short. Again, not personal. I find myself often easily distracted now while I worry about shit I gotta do or am doing. If this is too much for you, I understand. If you’re alright with me floating off/on in your radar still, bless you. It’s hard but necessary for me to admit that I’m not the same person you first met and our interests have most likely shifted, so it can be challenging to keep up with each other. I still appreciate and am grateful for your effort in trying though, and I try to reciprocate that. It’s not always possible though, but I don’t hold that against anyone and I hope they don’t hold it against me either.
But TLDR; I’m striving to put myself first with no more explanation or warning, which means my relationships are put on the back burner unfortunately. I have a long way to go and being an adult is tricky shit but I’m trying to learn how to enjoy the transition and not run from things that are uncomfortable and walk the line with faith and integrity. I thought I’d make this post because a lot of my relationships have changed over the years, and I’m not always sure where they stand or how tight to hold on, so I just want you to know where I stand. I still love and appreciate ya’ll though, and I hope you can root for me, because I’m rooting for you too. Have a good day and a great life!
