weirdtown

I like to think I have a nice niche in verbose odysseys of awkwardness.

[impulsivcs]

@marniesophia: merry christmas 😁🎄❄️

[awkwardrobot-archive]

@awkwardrobot: merry crisis 👀 

[awkwardrobot-archive]

iMessage from joey 📱

josh: at least you had the decency to run this by me before throwing a party this time so i don't run into one of your friends mooning people on the sidewalk

josh: that IS tempting but it's a hard no

josh: adrianna is coming over tonight and she's in love with finn wolfhard, so i killed him

jo: new phone who dis?

jo: none of my friends moon people on the sidewalk, we do it from the rooftop like real men do, how dare you

jo: my favorite girl is coming over? nvm, you are not invited anymore and adri will come in your place, we can totally gush over finn and eat eggos

jo: oooh, someone's getting jealous over a 10 yo? look who has feelings! (i know he's not 10 shut up)

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

kai: i'm always down for a party

kai: YES

kai: i'm SO down for this

kai: u bought eggos online? how did that happen? lmao

kai: but yes let's do it

jo: amazon fresh my friend, it's a thing

jo: i got super drunk and bought a shit ton of things on amazon

jo: i bought a cat costume for halloween, i don't have cats

jo: let's do it can you bring ice cream? im broke but i want ice cream

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

jas: i think that's an amazing idea honestly

jas: don't have any cassettes but i could whip together a playlist of music

jas: and could definitely create an 80s look for us both

jas: okay but.. what kind of eggos did you buy?

jo: but i want it to be tech free like the 80's. yknow, walkman, walkie talkies, etc.

jo: send me the songs, i'll put it on a cassette fuck it

jo: i feel blessed that you're changing my look lets do this bb

jo: i think i bought homemade? and blueberry? idk

jo: all i know is i woke up and all my freezer was filled with eggos and my roommates blamed it on me

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

archer: that sounds fucking awful

archer: i'm not going, man

jo: fine, be fucking boring then

jo: more eggos and alcohol for me, you sad dude ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

lawson: are u and all ur nerd ass friends gonna sit around and play dungeons and dragons too

lawson: as much as i would love to watch all of you hork down egos and figure out ur alignment i have better things to do

lawson: like crash my car or get mugged in a dark alley

jo: who hurt you as a child?

jo: that's just sad dude, i mean go for it but i am just sorry for you tbh

[awkwardrobot-archive]

kareenas:

“i sure hope so, even though i’m not the greatest example. well, consider me weak, but my power naps are the only thing that’s holding me together right now. alcohol & a greasy dinner? that’s a terrible norm. but i guess we had it coming.”

     “ I literally wouldn’t know what ‘HEALTHY LIFESTYLE’ is even if it punched me in the face with it’s kale hand so I am no one to talk or judge you. How do you power nap though? I could never. Yeah well, we had it coming, we are fucking terrible as a species. “ 

[brittany-murphy]

Being a freak is the best. I’m a freak.

[joekeerys]

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

steph: i love a party ANY night.

steph: i'm totally out of the loop on that show but im deffo down for alcohol and waffles

jo: by party i mostly mean like, chillin' and drinking tho is that ok?

jo: oooooh i can tell you the basics if you want but you can totally just be up for alcohol and waffles. i have whipped cream vodka

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

halia: i have a collection of scrunchies does that count???

ghalia: wait HOLD up one second.

ghalia: season 2 comes out tonight??? where have i been????

jo: i'll allow it bc scrunchies are p cool, can i have a few?

jo: i have a denim skirt and neon tights that i could lend u in exchange.

jo: im 90% sure yea and idk if it helps time is an illusion and wanting to escape from our reality i can understand u know?

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

seth: im in if we're playing d&d

seth: ofc idk what the shit to do but it'd be fun dont you think?

jo: oh MAN can we actually tho??????

jo: they are supposed to last like hours but idc let's do it. even better DRUNK d&d man this is gonna be awesome

[awkwardrobot-archive]

open iMessage 📱

jo: ok but listen pal... what do you think about a party tonight?

jo: stranger things edition

jo: bring all the 80's clothes you own, if you have any cassettes they'd be welcomed i have a place to play them

jo: i drunkly bought like 100 boxes of eggos online last night so, let's fucking celebrate stranger things is back, we can stay up to watch the second season it'll be cool

[narcissamarlfoy-deactivated2021]

• 41/100 photos of Anna Kendrick

[dogapult-deactivated20141111]

how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”

[trevornolan]

Trevor didn’t do these sorts of things well. He enjoyed going out for the frequent cup of coffee. Sometimes he’d have a beer or two while out, but he preferred sticking to himself. But tonight he was going to make an effort. Swiping through his phone, he tried to find something to get a conversation started with the other; something charming. The warm glass bottle in his hand wasn’t doing him any favors since he was just holding it. “Ah yes,” he whispered to himself, finding the perfect one. “Your daddy must be a baker because you’ve got a nice set of buns…” The moment the words left his lips, he regretted them. His cheeks ran red. “You know on second thought… I’m just going to…” He pointed far away from them.

[awkwardrobot-archive]

     Joey couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped their lips upon hearing the delivery, shaking their head in response for the two people now trapped in an awkward silence. Taking a deep breath, the comedian then walked towards the male, whispering in his ear “ At least it wasn’t ‘I’d smack that ass’ or ‘ HULK SMASH’ , I think they appreciated that. Though, the last one I think it’s definitely a winner “ they commented with a playful smirk. “ You’ve got style, is that the best you’ve got? “

[kareenas-blog1]

‘ wanna know what i had for lunch today ? —— popcorn mixed with m&ms, courtesy of the vending machine. i mean, if that isn’t considered as a poor life choice, i don’t know what is ! ’

[awkwardrobot-archive]

     “ Do people still do lunch? I thought we had decided as a society that lunch and naps were for the weak and we endure life like real men, with alcohol and a greasy dinner. “