and stopped to buy her pastry with lingonberries as a little treat, and goood damn this new screen with customers names with app. pfps is hilarious
like - oh I am too lazy to change this default puffy lips orange as the pre-installed pfp inside this app - and so what nobody will see it anyway and... There it Is.
They usually patient. They don't push you to trust them immediately, understanding it's a not easy and it's intimate process and they understand that everyone is not for everyone and trust might not be earned at all and that's ok.
Consistency in the way they treat others and stick to their beliefs and promises: If they change their mind every single day and talk shit out of nowhere about people they were gushing about yesterday, or if they break promises easily like it's not a big deal, it's a red flag.
Be VERY careful with people who seem to not be able to get along with other people on a constant basis / keep relationships for long and constantly vent about how everyone is a traitor in their life. I mean, don't go for victim-blaming, of course, everyone has different life experiences, and sometimes these persons are on the right, but I had awful expirience with a few such persons. And every time when they ditch me, I finally get my eyes open about how and why they have such serious problems. And no, it was not because everyone around them is a sudden traitor. Be careful, really. No 'i will fix these poor souls' no, just NO.
They do not lash out verbally or physically when angry but also don’t pretend they aren’t. They address it in polite talk, and they understand it's not them vs you it's you and them vs problem/issue. It's also good that you would act that way too, if there is problem, you talk about it with your friend in a way that it's you and them against the issue and you both will win, it's not a fight between friends it's friends fighting against the problem because their friendship is worth it.
Willingness to admit when they're wrong. Ability to take responsibility for their words and actions. No "you provoke me to do it to you' and no 'the wrong stars affect me today' and no 'my head was aching i don't even remember what I did/say'. Even worse if they try to manipulate or weaponize their diagnosis to make YOU feel bad for their offensive words or actions, like 'I have depression and you know it so quit your pretensions about me being rude. I have a pass of doing anything to you in this state' don't buy it and leave immediately. If it happens, it's toxic and not right. No excuses.
Seriously just reread the #5 because it's super important. It's already hard being betrayed and abandoned by friends but seeing this friend has the audacity to think they did nothing wrong (or very little wrong) and mostly they think it's your fault for suddenly getting sick/suddenly needing help/expecting them to be true to their promises/expecting them to treat you like a human being and not like a scholar bully treats their victim/expecting them to be a decent person at the very least... - then.. well, believe me, witnessing this crushes on a very different level - WAY harder than even betrayal itself before it.
Be very careful and cautious how people perceive your own kindness and willingness to forgive, it's often used against you, sadly.
Try to be attentive to your own feelings - if you feel like you always have to walk on eggshells, and it's you who always have to apologize for their emotions and actions, it's a red flag. Yes, it may happen in healthy relationships too (I mean feeling threatened even if there's no real threat), as it ties to insecurities and past traumas, but often it's because you engaged with toxic person who will ditch you right after your wrong step in a wrong direction, and it needs to be spotted and stopped before it goes too far.
Look closely at the pattern behavior. How they react and hold themselves in the situations. Do they rush to help others. Do they expect others to help them while they never do this to others themselves. Do they have this set of mind that it's always others to blame for their wrongs. Do they punish others but not admitting it. Do they ghost or withhold others. How ofthen they lash out. Are they able to apologize. How they act when there is some tension or issue. Is there always something they are hiding. Do they let others to help them. How much of their life is going only around themselves while other people are just NPCs for bringing them dopamine with their first demand. There is not much to say, actually; just observe thoughtfully and carefully. All people are different and everyone is unique but pattern behavior of ones who more likely to stab you in your back in your vulnerable hour is pretty much similar - Try to talk to others who had this experience; it might be surprising in all senses.
Might be too much for such advice, but if you're dealing with serious insecurities / have (C)-PTSD / have experience with codependent / toxic / abusive relationships more than once, it's VERY likely you won't be able to set healthy boundaries / recognize red flags in a new relationship, so it's better to consider seeking professional help first. I do it myself, really; I am getting help. Once again I am sorry if this advice is something that might be too much, as we are just two strangers on the internet
Stratt: I'm kidnapping you. Now I'm forcing you in a room alone with an alien organism to see if it kills you. Now I'm kidnapping you again. Now I'm putting a convicted felon in charge of paving the Sahara desert. Now I'm kidnapping this scientist who hates you and forcing you to be coworkers. Now I'm kidnapping a passionate climatologist. Now I’m forcing him to nuke Antarctica. Now I'm pirating every single thing ever made. Now I’m threatening a judge with the United States army.
I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.
Do you design a lot of characters living in not-modern eras and you’re tired of combing through google for the perfect outfit references? Well I got good news for you kiddo, this website has you covered! Originally @modmad made a post about it, but her link stopped working and I managed to fix it, so here’s a new post. Basically, this is a costume rental website for plays and stage shows and what not, they have outfits for several different decades from medieval to the 1980s. LOOK AT THIS SELECTION:
OPEN ANY CATEGORY AND OH LORDY–
There’s a lot of really specific stuff in here, I design a lot of 1930s characters for my ask blog and with more chapters on the way for the game it belongs to I’m gonna be designing more, and this website is going to be an invaluable reference. I hope this can be useful to my other fellow artists as well! :)
when people don't consider you in the same way you consider them, let them go. there are actually so many people in the world that can match your energy and love you the way you love.
How can anyone kind and empathetic not feel empathy for people who had it hard all their lives, who the universe seems to be always plotting against, as it always seems to treat them harshly and unfairly, very sensitive people who fear abandonment and often appear lonely, confused about themselves and their self-worth, self-conscious and insecure, and in need for support, a lot of support, who could do with some praising to raise their spirits?
Unless we’re slightly horrible people, it’s hard not to empathise with someone like this. Yet, who we’re empathising with is quite possibly a narcissist. A so-called “vulnerable narcissist” to be specific.
The biggest strength and most powerful tool of the vulnerable narcissist is precisely the vulnerability they portray.
This is a type of narcissism we don’t talk about often, yet one which is as toxic as any other.
Awareness concerning vulnerable narcissism should be raised: both to allow those around them to protect themselves and to let vulnerable narcissists know that help is available (unlike other cluster B personalities, those with narcissistic personality disorder do suffer as a direct result of how their disorder makes them interact with the world and with themselves).
This is a good start: https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901
How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist: A Personal Guide
Navigating relationships with narcissists can feel like walking through a field of landmines. They can be charming one minute and emotionally exhausting the next. But one thing is for sure: setting boundaries is essential if you want to protect your peace.
What is a Narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance, constantly craves admiration, and doesn’t have the emotional capacity to empathize with others. While they may appear confident and powerful, their emotional world is often fragile, leading them to manipulate, control, and exploit others for their validation.
Example: You might have a friend who constantly brags about their achievements but never asks how you’re doing or seems uninterested when you’re talking about your own accomplishments. That’s a classic sign of narcissistic behavior.
The Types of Narcissists You Might Encounter
Grandiose Narcissist
Think of someone who believes they’re the king or queen of the world. They act like they’re entitled to special treatment and will use others to elevate themselves.
Example: A boss who demands praise for doing their job while never acknowledging their team’s hard work.
Vulnerable Narcissist
This one seems insecure but still seeks constant attention. They may act like a victim to manipulate you into giving them validation.
Example: A partner who constantly needs reassurance, but when you show concern for their well-being, they twist it into making you feel like you’re the problem.
Malignant Narcissist
The most dangerous type, blending narcissism with traits of sociopathy. They enjoy controlling others and can be aggressive or even violent when they don’t get what they want.
Example: Someone who gaslights you until you question your reality and uses your weaknesses against you to keep control.
Covert Narcissist
Quiet but still toxic. They’ll guilt-trip and manipulate you in subtle ways, always playing the martyr to get attention.
Example: A friend who acts “shy” and modest but frequently drops hints about their achievements to get others to praise them.
Communal Narcissist
These narcissists present themselves as selfless and caring but are actually using their “good deeds” for validation and admiration.
Example: Someone who volunteers in public but is cruel to those closest to them.
Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Not every narcissist has NPD, but all those with NPD are narcissists. The difference is that narcissism is a trait or set of behaviors that can vary in intensity, while NPD is a diagnosed disorder. People with NPD are often unable to see the damage they cause, and treatment is typically necessary.
Why Are Narcissists So Mean?
Narcissists aren’t always mean, but their behavior can certainly feel that way. Here’s why:
Lack of Empathy
They can’t understand how others feel. What might seem like an innocent comment to them can feel hurtful to someone else.
Example: A narcissistic friend makes a joke about your appearance without realizing how it affects your self-esteem.
Entitlement
Narcissists feel like the world owes them something. If they don’t get the admiration they feel they deserve, they can lash out.
Example: If they’re ignored in a group setting, they might throw a tantrum to get attention.
Fragile Self-Esteem
Despite their grandiosity, narcissists often have deep insecurities that make them vulnerable to criticism. They react aggressively to protect their fragile ego.
Example: If you point out a mistake they made, they may become defensive and accuse you of attacking them.
Manipulation
They manipulate others to feel superior, using tactics like guilt-tripping and control to get their way.
Example: A narcissistic parent might try to control their child’s choices by saying, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
Why Boundaries Are a Must
Boundaries are your invisible line that tells people what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. With a narcissist, boundaries are essential for maintaining your mental and emotional health. Without them, you risk being manipulated, gaslit, and emotionally drained.
Example: Think of your boundaries as a protective fence. It keeps the negative energy from entering your space, and while the narcissist might try to climb over or break down the fence, it’s still there to remind them of your limits.
How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist
Setting boundaries with a narcissist isn’t just important, it’s essential for preserving your sense of self. Here are some strategies:
Acknowledge Their Behavior
Recognize the narcissistic traits and how they impact you.
Example: If they gaslight you, point it out calmly, such as, “I remember the situation differently. Let’s revisit the facts.”
Define Your Boundaries
What will you tolerate? What won’t you? Be clear about your limits.
Example: “I’m not comfortable with you speaking to me in that tone. If you continue, I will need to step away.”
Use “I” Statements
When communicating your boundaries, use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
Example: “I feel hurt when you dismiss my feelings. I need respect and understanding in our conversations.”
Define Consequences
Narcissists often ignore boundaries unless there are clear consequences.
Example: “If you continue to ignore my requests, I will have to distance myself for a while.”
Avoid Engaging in Arguments
Narcissists thrive on drama. Stick to the facts, and don’t get pulled into emotional back-and-forth.
Example: “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not going to argue about this. I’ve made my point clear.”
Practice Self-Care
Don’t let a narcissist drain you emotionally. Take time to nurture your own well-being.
Example: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercising, and spending time with people who uplift you.
Common Challenges You’ll Face
Gaslighting: Narcissists love to twist your words or the facts to make you question your reality. Stand firm in your truth.
Guilt-Tripping: Expect manipulation tactics like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this.” Don’t fall for it.
Retaliation: They may lash out or try to punish you for setting boundaries. Hold your ground.
Violating Boundaries: Narcissists will test your limits, so be prepared to enforce consequences each time.
Can a Narcissist Be Saved?
Some narcissists might change, but it requires genuine self-awareness, humility, and a desire to heal, traits they may not have. Therapy can help, but not every narcissist is willing to go through that process.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling to set or maintain boundaries or if the narcissist’s behavior is causing significant emotional damage, it’s time to seek professional support. A therapist can provide the tools and strategies you need to regain control of your life and emotional health.
If you’re in danger, don’t hesitate to reach out to law enforcement or a domestic violence support group. Your safety is paramount.
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries with a narcissist isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. You deserve to have your feelings respected and your emotional space honored. The more consistently you enforce your boundaries, the better you’ll feel about yourself and the healthier your relationships will be.
A weird strategy of people who support abusers is to point out (actual or made-up) mistakes the victim made. As if the victim making mistakes (or the abuser claiming the victim made mistakes) made the abuse somehow less bad/ the victim's fault/ irrelevant.
Top 7 Covert Narcissist Discard Signs: Recognize the Red Flags
Dealing with a covert narcissist can be confusing, especially when they go through the discard phase. They often disguise their manipulation with passive-aggressive behavior and subtle emotional withdrawal. As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I know how difficult it can be to understand what’s really happening. But trust me, recognizing the signs of a covert narcissist’s discard phase is essential to protecting yourself.
What Is a Covert Narcissist?
A covert narcissist is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Unlike overt narcissists who are obvious in their grandiosity, covert narcissists hide their self-centeredness behind a façade of humility and vulnerability. On the surface, they might seem sensitive or even self-deprecating, but beneath that mask lies someone who craves constant validation and is always looking to manipulate others.
Example: Think of someone who constantly plays the victim to gain sympathy, but when you need support, they withdraw or deflect, making it about them instead.
Characteristics of Covert Narcissists
Fragile self-esteem
Covert narcissists often have low self-worth and seek validation from others to feel good about themselves. They may appear modest or humble, but that’s just a cover for their need for attention.
Example: They’ll downplay their achievements while secretly hoping you’ll notice and praise them for it.
Lack of empathy
Like other narcissists, covert narcissists struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings. Their world revolves around their own needs.
Example: If you’re upset, they might brush off your feelings, focusing instead on how your emotions inconvenience them.
Manipulative behavior
They use emotional manipulation to get what they want, often hiding it behind a “poor me” act.
Example: They might guilt-trip you into doing something by making you feel like the bad guy if you don’t.
Passive-aggressive tendencies
Covert narcissists often avoid direct confrontation, opting for indirect sabotage instead, like withholding affection or using sarcasm. Example: They may ignore you for days, making you question what you did wrong, but never actually communicate what’s bothering them.
Envy and resentment
If they see others succeeding or being admired, covert narcissists often feel threatened and may try to undermine them.
Example: They may dismiss someone else’s accomplishments, saying, “They’re lucky, but they didn’t work as hard as you.”
Hypersensitivity to criticism
Covert narcissists appear modest but are incredibly sensitive to any form of criticism. If you point out their flaws, they’ll either lash out defensively or retreat into self-pity.
Example: If you gently point out that they were wrong, they’ll act like they’re the victim of an attack.
What Is the Discard Phase?
The discard phase is when a narcissist devalues a person after initially idealizing them. The narcissist will shift from showering you with affection to treating you with coldness, disdain, or emotional distance. They may even gaslight you, making you question your perception of reality.
During this phase, the narcissist may abruptly withdraw their love and become distant, as they seek new sources of admiration or narcissistic supply elsewhere. The purpose? To regain control and maintain their ego by devaluing and discarding you.
Example: One minute, everything feels perfect. Your partner is telling you how special you are. Next, they’re ignoring your texts and pulling away, leaving you questioning what happened or if you did or said anything wrong.
Covert Narcissist Discard Signs
Sudden withdrawal and emotional distance
You might notice a sudden change in their behavior, emotional withdrawal, lack of interest, or disconnection. They stop engaging in the same activities you once enjoyed together.
Example: If they suddenly stop showing interest in your day or avoid making future plans, it’s a clear sign they’re emotionally pulling away.
Blame-shifting
Covert narcissists rarely take responsibility for the end of a relationship. Instead, they’ll make you feel at fault, even if their actions were the cause.
Example: They might say, “If you weren’t so needy, this wouldn’t have happened,” making you question your own needs and emotions.
Idealization of new sources of attention
As soon as the discard happens, they may quickly turn to someone else for validation, whether it’s a new romantic partner, friend, or acquaintance.
Example: They’ll suddenly start talking about how amazing someone else is, trying to make you feel like you’re not measuring up.
Gaslighting
Covert narcissists love to make you doubt your own reality. During the discard phase, they may gaslight you, deny things they’ve said or done, and present a warped version of events.
Example: “I never said that. You’re imagining things,” even when you have clear evidence.
Lack of empathy and disregard for emotions
During the discard phase, they completely disregard your feelings. They show little concern for how their behavior affects you.
Example: If you express hurt or confusion, they may say, “You’re being overly dramatic,” or simply ignore your emotions altogether.
Silent treatment and stonewalling
They may give you the silent treatment, refusing to communicate or acknowledge your attempts to talk. This is their way of maintaining control and manipulating you emotionally.
Example: You try reaching out, but they ignore your calls or messages, leaving you feeling isolated and rejected.
Hoovering
After the discard phase, they may try to draw you back into their web by using tactics like intermittent reinforcement, love bombing, or reminding you of the “good times.”
Example: They’ll message you sweet things out of the blue, hoping to reignite your attachment before pulling away again.
How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist Discard?
Recognize the patterns
The first step is acknowledging the situation for what it is. Educate yourself on covert narcissism and its manipulation tactics to protect yourself emotionally.
Validate your feelings
It’s important to acknowledge the pain and confusion you’re feeling. This isn’t your fault, it’s part of the narcissist’s cycle.
Establish healthy boundaries
Covert narcissists will try to manipulate and hoover you back. Set firm boundaries and stick to them.
Focus on self-care
Engage in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Surround yourself with people who support and care for you.
Challenge negative self-talk
Covert narcissists have a way of undermining your self-esteem. Counteract their negative influence by reminding yourself of your worth.
Avoid seeking closure from them
Covert narcissists rarely provide the closure you seek. Instead, find closure within yourself by accepting the reality of the situation and focusing on your healing.
Engage in self-reflection
Use this experience to reflect on the relationship and identify any patterns that may have attracted you to the narcissist. This will help you establish healthier boundaries in the future.
Conclusion
The discard phase of a covert narcissist relationship can be emotionally devastating. But it’s important to remember that their behavior is a reflection of their own insecurities, not your worth. By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own well-being, you can heal and move forward from the manipulation.
Fragile Narcissism: The Abuse You Don't See Coming
Most people think narcissism looks loud - the grandstanding, the ego, the spotlight addiction. But some narcissists don't roar. Some whisper. Some cry. Some crumble. And those are the ones who can do the deepest damage, because you don't realize what's happening until you're already tangled in their web.
These are the vulnerable or covert narcissists - the ones who hide their entitlement behind insecurity, their manipulation behind victimhood, and their control behind "sensitivity".
And if you've ever loved one, you know exactly how exhausting this is.
The fragile narcissist isn't actually fragile - their ego is.
A vulnerable narcissist presents like someone who's been hurt by the world. They're misunderstood. Overlooked. Underappreciated. They'll tell you how everyone has wronged them, how no one sees their goodness, how they're always the victim of someone else's cruelty.
But here's the twist: their "fragility" is a shield.
It protects them from accountability. It keeps you from tiptoeing. It keeps the spotlight on their wounds instead of their behavior.
Their ego is so delicate that any boundary, any disagreement, any moment where you don't center them becomes an attack.
Their manipulation is quiet, but it's constant. Covert narcissists don't usually explode. They implode - and then make you responsible for cleaning up the emotional fallout. Their tactics are subtle:
guilt disguised as vulnerability
self-put used as a leash
"poor me" narratives that keep you feeling responsible
silent treatment instead of open communication
passive-aggressive digs wrapped in softness
emotional withdrawal as punishment
You end up managing their feelings, their reactions, their insecurities - while yours go completely ignored.
They weaponize their wounds. Everyone has wounds, but a fragile narcissist uses theirs as currency. They'll say things like:
"I can't believe you'd say that to me after everything I've been through"
"You know how sensitive I am."
"You're abandoning me just like everyone else."
Suddenly, you're the villain in a story they wrote to avoid accountability.
Their pain becomes the reason they don't have to change.
Your empathy becomes the reason you stay.
You start shrinking without realizing it. When you love a covert narcissist, you learn to:
soften your tone
swallow your needs
avoid conflict
apologize for things you didn't do
walk on eggshells
over-explain yourself
take responsibility for their emotions
You become the emotional shock absorber for someone who refuses to regulate themselves. And the worst part? They convince you that you're the one who's "too much".
The cycle is quiet, but it's still abuse.
Just because it doesn't look explosive doesn't mean it's harmless. Covert narcissistic abuse is draining, confusing, destabilizing. It's invalidating and isolating. It's the kind of harm that makes you question your reality, your worth, your sanity - all while believing you're helping someone who's "just struggling".
Healing starts with naming what happened. Once you see the pattern, you can't unsee it. You realize their insecurity wasn't an excuse for their behavior. Their pain didn't justify the harm they caused. Their fragility wasn't your responsibility to manage, and their victimhood was a mask, not a truth. And most importantly, you were not wrong for wanting love, clarity, or reciprocity.
You're allowed to walk away from someone who refuses to grow. A fragile narcissist will often stay fragile forever - because their entire identity depends on it. Growth requires accountability, and accountability threatens the story they've built.
You can love someone and still refuse to be their emotional caretaker. You can have compassion without sacrificing yourself. You can walk away without being cruel.
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