A Year in San Francisco

The story of an L.A. girl in an S.F. world

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

2017

I slept through the new year. I was too tired to stay up and ring in 2017 last night. Or maybe I was too tired of 2016 to bother.

2016 has been my year of regrets. Bad choices, wrong turns, poor decisions, painful losses. At the beginning of the year, I thought I was going on an adventure, but it turned out to be a Sisyphean slog filled with setbacks and “why didn’t I”s. I watched friends and loved ones have wonderful things happen for them and wondered constantly what I was doing wrong.

When I woke up, I lay in bed and watched the sun rise over Los Angeles. For a long time, I didn’t even think, I just watched the sky grow brighter and the shadows pull back. And I’ve been thinking about that image all morning. And I made a decision. 2016 sucked, but it’s over. I can’t change any of it and I’m going to let it go. I’m going to take this bright blue morning of the first day of 2017 and I’m going to make it my clean slate. Any regret I have over the last year will pale in comparison to the regret I would feel over letting it hold me back in the next.

I will embrace this year. I will try again. I will not be afraid.

Happy New Year, kids. Be bold.

[heyboobooks-blog]

[archiemcphee]

Reading is one of the best things ever and bookworms are awesome.

heyboobooks

Seems accurate…

(Via BuzzFeed Books)

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Brain: Hey! It's 4:30! Time to think about those things that are upsetting and worrying you and how you're a failure and a horrible person!

Me: But...can't I sleep?

Brain: Nope!

Me: Why?

Brain:...'cause

Brain: (later): OK, 5:30, time to go back to sleep!

Me: (falls asleep faster that at any previous point in my life)

Alarm: It's 6:00! Time to wake up!

Me:...fuck you brain...

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Cold night comfort food. Paired with white wine, as you do.

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Thankful

I’m going to be dead honest, 2016 has been an absolute shit year for a host of reasons public and private. This year in San Francisco has not been what I hoped, the most terrible man alive is going to be president, and B and I had to say goodbye to our beloved cat Cole. And that’s just to start.

But.

I am alive, I am healthy, I am loved. The people that I love are all healthy and (mostly) happy. I make enough money to keep a roof over my head and food on my table and still have a little left over for little joys. And somehow, through all the shit life has thrown at me and mine this year, I have not lost my capacity for hope.

And I just wanted to pause briefly today to remind myself of all that and to be grateful for it. I am incredibly, incredibly lucky in so many ways.

[fomysquad]

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Started my morning with coffee and voting.

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

No, condescending maintenance man, I do not need help with this book cart carrying 150 lbs. of archival storage boxes. Know why? Because I am an ARCHIVIST, and we do this shit ALL DAY.

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Foggy Friday

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

It’s an absolutely gorgeous day today

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Sometimes my job requires that I spend an afternoon sailing on the the SF Bay. It’s a tough job....

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

So...apparently my office is closed on Columbus Day? I was out on Friday, I must have missed the memo...

On a related note, working in the archival stacks is SUPER CREEPY when you're the only one in the office.

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

I have this countdown app on my phone, I installed it when I moved up here. I use it to track how many days I have left on my contract and how many days until my next trip/visit. I can go days, even weeks without really paying attention to it, but when things are rough, I find it comforting to be able to look at that number and have a concrete “end” to focus on.

I hadn’t really looked at that number in a while, but it drew my attention this morning.

I have 100 days left. 100 days left in San Francisco. 100 days to do...what?

I haven’t embraced this year as fully as I could have. There are a lot of things I said I would do when I moved up here that never came to fruition. People I haven’t hooked up with. Plans I haven’t made.

I still have time to do those things. But I find my thoughts focusing more on what comes after those 100 days. Looking for the next job. Planning my move back down to LA. I’m looking ahead instead of looking at now. I think I need to rein myself in and make some of those plans I’ve been putting off. Focus more on the present.

I have 100 days left. I’d better make the most of them.

(There’s also only 1 day until B gets here for the weekend, and that’s even better)

[ladimcbeth]

Declarations

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

Spotted outside my office.

[ayearinsanfrancisco]

In the space of a week, I got new wine glasses, courtesy of my wonderful friend Kimi, and my fist shipment of wine from Bright Cellars. The universe is trying to tell me something....

[ladimcbeth]

Celebrating the anniversary of the book The Neverending Story by watching the movie. They’re both over 30 years old and it’s still one of my favorite adventures.

EDIT: Artax has been lost to the Swamps of Sadness and everything is awful forever.