And it’s too early to be alive at the moment.
Okay, I’m going to take this letter and start off reading and write as I go. That’s how letters should be done that way I won’t miss a thing, right? Alright, so, if I’m late to work I’ll just blame you and all will be swell in the world but I just wanted to start this off so that I could tease you a bit on your wrongs (mostly rights) on your little visualization.
Okay, hmm. How do I recover from my rambles..
Okay. Whatever, I’m rolling with it.
So, hi Kaide, Kaide, Kaide, and Kaide. Wow. My nicknames were just so amazing and original and creative, weren’t they? Kaidearoo doesn’t count and I always imagine it being yelled out in the process. Even in my mind that happens. Maybe that does count. I don’t know. Do you still have my kangaroo drawing? I’ll admit his ears were a bit lob sided and his tail looked a bit too skinny in proportion to the body but I’m not an artist, but, you’re welcome. Although, I must say I once drew a pretty incredible butterfly. It had the nicest neon colors. Super cool. Okay, wow. I’m starting to sound a bit like a ten year old, aren’t I? I’m sorry. Like I’ve said earlier, it’s far too early and mornings make me feel all gross especially when the sun still isn’t up.
I have to say that.. yeah. This letter took me by complete surprise. I didn’t expect to ever.. hear from you again. I mean, I figured you’d have bigger and better things to deal with to have the time to get in touch, much less to write me. You know how I am and how I deal with unexpected things and I just.. wow. Too early to be getting all emotional. If you’re ever in town or if they do, like, express delivery from Cheshire to Hollywood, you owe me ice-cream for the lack of a warning. Cookie dough, by the way. That’s the way of life.
I haven’t even been following the note, oh God. Big Sean moment, hello. No, but really. Okay, I need to start taking this letter more seriously. Please don’t think I’m making fun of you or anything, I’m just all over the place, I can admit to that. My own scribbles are proof enough that I’m not holding onto this dumb pen correctly and I just—need to shut up and go on with the letter. Okay. I can do that.
It’s been.. yeah. A little over two months. That text message ruined my life for about three days, just so we’re clear. Hey, speaking of texts. Did you ever get my collection of yours and Harry’s faces that could easily be used as memes? I’ve found more in different memory cards and I just—I know you’d probably say something like me being dumb over saying something like I miss you because I’m surrounded by your brothers who have your face but it’s just.. not /your/ face, you know? Does that make any sense? I hope it does. I actually just got to Melrose, which, I’m sure that if you’ve been talking to Lux has already told you about. We got kicked out of the mansion! Can you believe that? Wow. That’s probably the most punk rock thing I’ve ever done in my life. Wow, off topic a bit. Anyways, I just got to Melrose a week or so ago. Look at you. You got all lucky with me being around and not off in congested NY. How /cool/ would that be, though? Asking a question and then immediately getting an answer back. Oh, wait! There is such a thing! They’re called phones.
Did you hear my deadpan right there? If you didn’t, I’ve failed entirely and I’m definitely never doing that again.
No, but really. I understand what you mean. Have you watched Harry Potter? Have you seen that one movie where they have this book and.. they.. .ask.. questions? I honestly can’t remember but the book writes back, doesn’t it? I think it does. Wow. I can’t even remember. I need to have a marathon soon enough. I mean, hello. What kind of person am I not following up on Luna Lovegood’s life? Wow. But a pigeon—yeah, he was tired out Kaide. I had to feed him.. uh.. what do pigeons even eat? Rats? Yeah, no, I didn’t feed it that. Hah. No, thanks. Anyways, he’s tired and I don’t know how this works. Do I keep him? Send him back? An owl is a big responsibility, Kaide. Are they even allowed in California? Hmm. Wait a second. Wait. You said.. yeah, excuse the scribbles up there. You said /pigeon/ not owl. Where is my brain today? The world may never know. I.. can’t even tut you about your colorful vocabulary but I’m not even going to complain for once. Something’s better than nothing. You weren’t, by the way. A…wanker or whatever that even means. I’m guessing it’s bad but.. yeah, you weren’t. So, shh.
You remember that one time I asked you to stop apologizing so much? Yeah, I never got the chance to say that because this is all new to me but you don’t need to apologize, you know? I forgave you a long time ago. You know this. I don’t hold grudges. I’m not like a lot of people who hold onto the most terrible things that people have done or said to them. It’s just.. pointless. So, you’re okay, okay? I’m glad you give.. “lots of fucks”. Quoting you entirely right there. I understood what you meant. There, there, you’re okay. Yes, yes, everything’s… been nice. No worries. I’m really, really, glad to hear that things are looking up for you. People can get better, Kaide. It’s like.. think of it as getting a cold. You recover from that if you take /care/ of yourself. I’m glad you did what you felt was best and took care of yourself. I really am. Hey, hey, I hope that if you /do/ decide to write me again that you’ll take it easy on yourself. I don’t think any of what you’ve written was meant to come out spitefully so you can relax, okay? It’s just me. Not the president of the United States. Not.. what’s her name? You were super obsessed with her. Kate Upton! There we go. I’m not her so no need for the worries.
I’m glad you’ve allowed yourself to see that people care about you and that you aren’t alone in this. It’s not easy to admit that you can’t deal with things on your own and I’m so, so, glad that you did what was best for you as well as those that /you/ care about. You don’t know how much I’d like to give you a hug and tell you how proud I am of you. But I’ll just settle with the ink of this pen to let you know that I am proud of you. So proud. What are you taking in Uni? (Btw, we say that here, too. It’s just /University/, which is the same thing but whatever.) I never got to ask what you’ve wanted to be in life so I guess that makes me look pretty crappy but I’m asking now. Better late than never, right? We can talk about you for as much as you’d like, Kaide. You know that I’ll listen so don’t worry about it. All is well. And you’re completely right. When.. your time comes, they’ll be waiting for you. But for now? For now, all you can do is live your life and just.. let yourself be happy. You deserve that, you know? Happiness. You allowed yourself to be sad for too long and now.. I expect nothing but good days out of you where your cheeks start to hurt from that smile of yours and everything. Just kidding. But I do want you to be happy for as long as possible.
I’m ecstatic, actually. Beaming and everything. Except not literally at this particular moment. I… did a Luna thing and spilled my coffee over my pj’s and I just—yeah. Not my brightest of moments but hey, I saved your letter in the process so the material of clothes that I /should/ have put in the washer right away can wait it out. At least I saved your letter. Hoping is.. what a lot of people seem to let go of and I’m glad that you’re seeing that hoping for things isn’t such a bad thing. Once again, no need to apologize, Kaide. Water under the bridge. I’m honestly okay. Life’s been nice to me albeit it was a bit rough a few weeks before we all left the mansion but.. things are okay. They’re looking up. I can’t complain and it’s all good for the most part. I.. hm. Thanks for that. Really. The thought of being a mother still scares me but.. yeah. Just.. thank you.
Oh, of course, yeah, who doesn’t make little imagines or just fascinations in their mind as they go along reading something? That’s the purpose of writing, isn’t it? To create a picture, memories, give off an emotion. Something like that, right? I don’t know. I’m not a writer so I wouldn’t know. You’re right, though. I am tired and I am.. sort of in my pj’s, yes. My hair.. is somewhat shorter now, I’ll tell you that. I had /way/ too much hair before, good grief. But hey, Kaide? Guess what? I’m a blonde now. :) I needed a change and you know how much I’ve been thinking about changing colors. Except, I didn’t go through with the pink tips. I still remember you telling me that I’d look like a neon crayon if I did that so it made me rethink my decisions but the blonde is.. nice. It’s different. A nice change and all that jazz. Anyways, back to what you were saying and your little storyboard. Right, glasses, yes. I do wear those occasionally for reading, yup.
Anyways, it’s October 23rd and… it’s actually /six/ am, thank you very much. Or at least it was when I read the letter. You were off by about five hours if we’re thinking one am and two if you were thinking eight am. Now, looking over to the clock, it’s fifteen until eight am and I’m still not ready for work. Here I am, sitting at the dining table with your letter off to the side and this one meant for you right in front of me. I’m calling in sick, I’ve decided. Not that I’m sick or anything because I’m not. Just.. don’t want to go in today. Rebelling for the day :) But hey, you weren’t entirely wrong. I did open this letter as soon as it was within my sight and yup. The ‘bon’ is nice and high on my head. It’s bun, by the way. But the attempt was cute nonetheless. I’d send you a picture of how ridiculous I look with it and the lack of makeup but I’ve decided that I’m not moving my place until I finish this letter before letting myself fall back into bed.
Heeey, Kaide. Hello. You were.. a teeny, tiny jerk but hey, hey, hey, that’s all in the past now. Besides, I was a jerk, too. I’m sorry for pushing so much. And making you try to talk when it was evident you didn’t want to. I learned my lesson, though. With everything that happened with you and to… that dumb night I said I didn’t know what to expect of people that night after I got hit. I just.. I hope you know that I didn’t mean that. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me. Not like that. I regret saying that so much to you and I just.. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not opening up to you all the way and yet still expected you to do the same to me. That was selfish of me. Ridiculously selfish and I’m really sorry for that.
I think, however, that it’d be appropriate if we both.. just stopped beating ourselves over the past. It’s behind us for a reason, right? So, let’s just.. move forward and just learn from our mistakes and not go back to that, yes? Yes. Okay, cool. Now smile. It looks nice on your face. You’re kind of, really, silly if you think I wouldn’t want to see you. Even if it was something as a Skype call or something of that sort. I wouldn’t mind at all. Hey, I don’t know about you but Shrek had some wonderful skin going for him. One of a kind, I’ll tell you that much. Buuut.. gotta admit, you kinda win best looking, though. (Don’t let that go to your head.) I mean, Shrek’s nice and all but.. he’s bald. There’s obviously nothing /wrong/ with that at all but.. I like your hair. Gives you added personality, really. Plus, it’s something to hold onto. I mean, because, you know, it’s nice for whenever you’re frustrated or whatever. Apparently that’s good at calming people down so maybe that’s why Shrek’s always been so grouchy. You never now.
I’ve been reading the last two paragraphs of this letter for the longest time and I just.. wow. Not, like, a bad wow or anything. Just, like, an… unexpected wow, you know? Does that make any sense? I don’t know. I just.. .always figured you hated me. Like, you just.. put up with me because you..had to . I don’t know. I really, really, believed that you hated my guts and here you are telling me this. You haven’t been hooking up with any hot chicks working at grocery stores lately, have you? I’d probably expect you to rinse your mouth out with soap if that were the case before letting my lips touch yours anytime soon. Just standard procedure, you know. I’m joking, I’m joking. I don’t.. hmm. I have no idea how I’m even meant to react or respond to any of this because it’s so.. different to how I always thought you perceived me. I’m rooming with one of your brothers, though. Maybe we can get rid of him and you can take his spot? I’ll take over your bed while you can sleep on the couch? Sound good? Awesome. We’ll fulfill your little fantasy :) Buuuut yeah. You deserve a good smack or two for that. Although, considering the current situation, a good long hug would do me well right now what with everything but I’ll just settle for hugging my pillow in the meantime. Well, once I do get into bed anyways.
I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble on… the third of October. Wow, does it really take that long for messages to get overseas? Jesus. That’s insane. For the last time everrrr, you’re okay. No more apologizing, please. :) Wish you the best as well and I hope everything works out in your favor. I’ll take your advice if you take mine, yes? And hey, I give the people what they want. If that’s a good reality check, I’ve got you babe. I’m glad everything seems to be looking up for you and I hope you find that happiness you deserve. There’s that hope word again.
Anyways, you deserve that and so much more. I don’t know if this was meant to be your final letter or whatever but.. if you ever want to talk to someone? I’m just a phone call, email, letter, Skype call, whatever away. Oh! And the pigeon carrier of course. /Owl/.. what was I even on earlier? Wow. Anyways, bye Kaide. Take care.
….. I shouldn’t have laughed as much earlier and I shouldn’t have laughed at all now but I really hope your eye is fine. Be careful, you butt. Don’t want to lose a pretty little eye.
Also, if this gets in a little later… that’s because I couldn't find any dumb postage stamps. Well, in the house anyways. So, I'm probably going to go buy some later today after I've awaken from my slumber and if I don't... then soon enough. Anyways. Miss you, Kaide. Hope you're happy wherever you may be. Aaand.. That’s all. Wait, no, also, Happy Halloween whether this be early or late. Aaaaand (crap, I don't know when to stop, I'm sorry!) I’m sorry for this extremely long mess you’ve had to read. Luna still hasn’t learned to shut her mouth. Or hands.. or whatever. Sue me. Sorry again.
Also, you’re a shit. Yeah, I said it. :)
amandla
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2087
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