[aylinsdiary]

I feel like if I isolate myself from social media I’ll just be in my comfort zone again. It makes sense to quit if you’re obsessed with social media, while as I am the complete opposite. I don’t know how to socialize? I prefer being alone…or do I just hate this feeling of not fitting in after attempting socializing. I am not scared, but I guess I don’t process thoughts like normal people. I also lack common sense

[aylinsdiary]

One thing about me is that I am all or nothing person. I want to delete instagram because I can’t be moderate about my thoughts

[aylinsdiary]

Sometimes I want to isolate myself and I stop for a second, because is it as necessary as I think or am I just leaning back into my destructive habits

[aylinsdiary]

I used to be a person who always responded with kindness. Y’all don’t know how satisfying it is to be a mean bitch when people be acting like a mean bitch to you. People used to know that I am soft and don’t like to argue and they would be so mean mean mean to me. Until I started being mean to them too. This is so liberating. I don’t feel frustrated anymore.

[aylinsdiary]

I wish I didn’t have anxiety. I wish I could be a mentally healthy person

[aylinsdiary]

I was reading this diary and I didn’t recognize myself from the past. Is this what kind of person I used to be? I feel like I am looking at someone else. But I suspect it’s because I wasn’t honest with myself in this diary. I have always been afraid of showing my weaknesses, I couldn’t be honest to myself and I put on a confident front. Or maybe I was actually a positive person. I don’t remember anymore

[aylinsdiary]

i don't want to waste my adolescence being sad, insecure, jealous and regretting things

[aylinsdiary]

Almost five years later I almost forgot this

[aylinsdiary]

To me from the past:

Well done. Thank you. You did not struggle for nothing.

It’s been ages since I have opened this page and I’m kinda amazed knowing what kind of stuff I was going through back then.

They say if you persist enough, one day you will look back and be grateful to yourself for not giving up.

I have hit my rock bottom not a long time ago. And then I felt like it teaches me to notice when I feel good. Even though I was at my lowest, I felt like something good will happen to me soon enough. I was really disappointed and sad, but soon I understood that perhaps this will show me what I need to do about my life right now. A lot of good things happened to me since September, and then I felt miserable again in January, but it was much easier for me to get back, because I already knew that this is just another challenge life has prepared for me. Posts bellow were made 2-4 years ago. At that time I only tried to think positively, without acting upon it. It’s only now that my physical condition matches my mental health. Back then I only thought but it was hard to keep up. I kept breaking my promises and not achieving my goals, which only made me lose the last bit of confidence I had. One day I just felt that i have had enough. I don’t want to disappoint myself any further. I just started acting without overthinking. Sometimes it takes time for things to happen.

The day you plant the seed is not the day you see the fruit.

You don’t dig your plants everyday. Sometimes you can’t see the progress on the surface, but changes are already happening inside.

It is sad to read my records(in my notebook) and see how a perfectly fine me slowly becomes so unstable and loses confidence little by little. Back then I was brave and faced world openly, and then I started doubting myself to the point I thought everyone else knows me better than I do. Now I know that people don’t tell you who you are, you tell them.

Also no amount of positive thinking can bring you confidence. You build it by yourself by proving it to yourself. It’s okay if your mental health doesn’t allow you to act right now. Just keep thinking positively until you are ready to do it.

Also there were times when I thought I was fake. I felt like it’s not my thoughts it’s just that I repeat what I see. Now it’s too deeply embedded in me that I don’t even remember where I read, heard that. I just feel like it’s my genuine thoughts. It may be true that I was influenced, but it doesn’t mean I’m fake. So if you keep repeating enough one day it will become a part of you.

[weltenwellen]

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[aylinsdiary]

i feel like im the only who is doing everything wrong meanwhile everyone else is going just in right way.

[courtdraws]

9 loaves, the feline bakery! (click for hq)

[aylinsdiary]

when something goes wrong everything goes wrong as well

everything started when my grades started dropping. i was sad and disappointed. later my relationships with my family got really bad, my body started aching, i got sick and my skin started breaking out(it haven't once in 6 months). this is a conspiracy theory. universe is like a flow. when good thing happens to you it attracts even more good things, but when life is getting hard...oh man everything will fall down

[aylinsdiary]

when life is being tough, it's important to keep going. when it's getting too hard, don't lose your strength, refill it by sticking to your good habbits and healing routines, if you don't have one, then try to develope it. yeah, i may feel stressed, burned out and hopeless, but when i just take a nice shower, drink hot chocolate and accomplish some of my tasks i think maybe i will get there one day, bad times aren't eternal.

sometimes achieving small goals has a deeper meaning that it seems to. it's not something grand and not about being productive, it just means you didn't break, you are growing and tomorrow you won't be at the same point as yesterday. even a little thing makes your life closer to your dream and takes you away from all the bad things happening to you right now. you won't notice it, but eventually you will get better, everything will be okay, trust me.

[aylinsdiary]

basically me in one story

basically i was being sad and wanted to cry and reflect on myself? like wtf is going with me

but then i thought if i start doing that it will take entire night. so i said well let's revise and do math homework then i can cry and overthink as much as i want🤗🤦‍♀️

[aylinsdiary]

i can't say I'm super confident, but i want to believe in myself. i can get it. i will get it. of course you need to work for it if you want something, but it's important to believe in your power, even when no one else does. if i have my own back, then i can do anything. when i have no energy to do things, my own expectations and trust pushes me forward. that's where i get my strength from. i know i am not perfect, i will never be and so is everyone on this planet. i am doing this for me, i wont let me down.

[aylinsdiary]

another day of me failing. you know when you lose everyday and at one point you just think am i even capable of achieving anything?

i don't even want to comfort myself anymore. I'm just...disappointed . i don't know what to do nothink works for me. i don't want to face the reality.

when something goes wrong, you need just find right way instead of giving up on your goal.

i am sick of fighting everyday. ill probably take a rest. im not giving up, i am healing.

[aylinsdiary]

old ways won't open new doors