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My Girls

Many people wonder if when a loved one dies that person watches over them. Are they really now part of the sea of lights or are they forever just ceased? Truth is, they do. I do. I guess the sea of lights isn’t real. But now I just sit in the silence of nothingness, watching over Leigh and Beau, making sure my beautiful girls stay living. Even when I’m gone.

I never wanted to leave, to be honest I wanted to keep living with my girls. But they hated me. I lied to them and they hated me. What other choice would I have other than death when they hated me? I didn’t mean to lie to them. It just happened. One lie and their entire trust shattered.

I told them I was clean, that I wasn’t using anymore and hadn’t been for a while. That was a lie. They told me that if I wasn’t clean then they will help me but I have to tell them the truth. But that’s the thing with addicts. You can’t just simply tell the truth. You have to open up about why you started using again, why you felt like you needed it. Why, why, why, why. All these why’s and then afterwards you get told that you need to go back to the hellhole. Where they take away communication and your girls promise they love you and that it is okay to be here.

“I would never put you guys in here, You don’t understand, I love you guys.” I said, crossing my arms and looking away from them. “I would sacrifice myself for you before I ever let someone put you in a place like this.”

“We aren’t like you, Mori. We won’t end up in a place like this. It’s just a few weeks of rehab, you’ve done it before.” Beau replied, brushing my hair behind my ear. “And then you can come home and be with us.”

“Yeah, we love you so much. We want you to get better, that’s all.” Leigh smiled at me.

That was one time they caught me. I hate lying. They should know that. But how come they keep forcing me to. It was in rehab that I died. I managed to get my dealer to come and bring the heroin in a book. He was dressed up for the occasion, acting like my brother so that the guards didn’t think anything of it. I managed to slip the goods in my sleeve when the guard checked the book.

“Looks good. You’re going back to your room right?” Larry asked, handing me the book.

“Yeah. I’m tired. I stayed up all night because of checks. I know that they will still do checks but I just need some sleep. See you later, Larry.” I said quickly as I scurried to my room. I took out the heroin. I needed that. I didn’t have a needle, so I grabbed the pen I took from the crafts room. I took one of the sheets off the bed and put it in my mouth to avoid me screaming. I knew the moment I did this, I needed to get the dope into my system as soon as possible. I took 3

long

deep

breaths

and then I jammed the pen as hard as possible into my vein. I let out a muffled scream, thank god I am not too loud. I poked a small hole in the container and put it against the hole in my skin. I felt the liquid dribbling out into my bloodstream, and all over my arm. I don’t know how long it was there for, I just know the next time I looked down there was no more dope in the container. It felt nice to be replenished like that. I got up and I laid on the bed and closed my eyes to enjoy it.

That container help 3 mL of liquid. That means 327 nanograms. Triple the lethal amount. And I didn’t even feel it.

I fell asleep quickly and never woke up again. So now, I just sit in nothingness, watching my girls who put me in that place, cursing both their names and wishing the same fate as me.

#queer writers #polyamory writing #stories #short story #original character #ocs

I was woken up by mom running around the house, making sure we were all awake, which was just a safety measure after what happened to Will last year. I understand her worrying but god was it annoying when you just want to sleep. Not to mention she peeks into our rooms while we are sleeping just to make sure we are still there.

"Y/N, Jonathan, Will, you gotta get up its time for the school!" Mom yelled. I groaned as I got out of bed. I went over to my dresser and grabbed out some clothes. I closed my curtains and started getting changed. I looked in the mirror to examine my outfit. Muted rainbow sweater with blue jeans and a brown jacket over all of them. As I was about to open the door when Jonathan opened it instead.

"Are you ready to go? I can pick us up some breakfast from popeyes if we leave now." He said.

"Jonathan, what the fuck! I could've been naked!" I yelled, glaring at him. "And yes, I'm ready." I say pushing him out of the way to go say bye to mom. I grabbed my backpack from the closet door and went over to mom. "Hey mom, Mike wants Will to sleepover tonight. So we will drop him off at the Wheelers."

"Karen didn't tell me about that. I'm sure it will be fine though. I'll just call her to make sure." Mom said, smiling as she went over to the phone. "You guys just head to school, Will's in the car and I gave Jonathan some money to get breakfast."

I smiled at her before heading out. I took the front seat as Will was already in the back and watched as Jonathan came out. I leaned against the window as he started driving to popeyes. Once we got there he looked at me.

"What do you want for breakfast, y/n?" He asked. I huffed. The thought of eating made me sick. It always did. Ever since 4th grade, being made fun of for being slightly overweight, everytime I saw food I was sick of it. I used to love food. I like to think of it of loving it so much I just wanted to savor it.

"I'm not hungry. I just woke up." I said. Jonathan looked very disappointed.

"Mom said you won't get better if you don't try." He said. My stomach churned.

"I will eat later. I'm just not hungry right now." I lied about that. I don't want to eat later. Or ever.

"Fine." Jonathan said as he turned to ask Will. I tuned out. Theres no reason for me to listen. I just want to get to school already, go hang out with Robin and get to Tina's party afterschool.

I must've zoned out for a while because next thing I know we are in the parking lot. I get out, stretching afterward. Then I see a new car pull in. A 1979 camaro. Without thinking I start walking towards it. I smirk slightly. It was a nice navy blue, and very clean. A girl with red hair got out and walked to the middle school. Then a very attractive guy got out. No, not attractive to me of course. Just like, conventionally attractive. The guy had blonde hair, a mullet. Definitely gonna be more of a king than Steve. He was gonna be toppled by the girls. Probably even Nancy Wheeler, little miss perfect, would fall for him. Or at least look at him.

"Yo, who the fuck are you?" He asked. I didn't even notice he was talking to me before I look around. No one. Fuck.

"Uh no one. Bye." I say before quickly turning and going into the school. That was fucking pathetic. I can't believe I would be able to embarrass myself like that. I'm such a fucking idiot. Why'd I even go to him? God you're so fucking stupid. It wasn't long until I got to my locker, where Robin was.

"So, who were you looking at?" She asked, leaning against the lockers. Hers was right next to mine so it'd make sense she walked in with me while I was internally scolding myself.

"No one. I was looking at the car. It was a very nice one. I've never seen a camaro so new so close before, let alone in Hawkins." I say, putting my stuff away other than the stuff I need for my classes. "Why? Do you like him?" I asked jokingly, looking at her. I know she was gay so I was just teasing her.

"What? No. I don't even like guys like that." Robin said. She scoffed and looked away. "I'm gonna head to class, loser. Have fun with your little crush." She teased. I think she was teasing. I'm not gay. I'm most definitely straight. I had a crush on Nancy and Chrissy. Well, I think I did. "I don't have a crush on anyone!" I said, flipping her off before heading to class. She did it back, which wasn't surprising. I sat down in my seat before I see him walk in. The guy from the parking lot. Well fuck.

I stared at him in shock. I wasn't expecting him to be in the same class as me, especially after what happened in the parking lot. I hid my face. God, I wish Robin was here to save me from any more embarrassment from being here. I should've skipped today. But mom would've never allowed it. Soon enough the class filled up with people and everyone took their seats. I presume the guy sat next to me just for my misfortune. Not only do I have to deal with the fact that I deeply embarrassed myself by going toward him in the parking lot, now I have to sit next to him in homeroom. Next thing I know, he's gonna be in all my classes.

"Alright class. I'm gonna go through the attendance. Don't say anything stupid." Our teacher said. I sighed as each name is said, I was one of the first so I just rose my hand. Then the new boys name was said as it wasn't a name I normally hear in the attendance. "Billy Hargrove."

"Right here." The boy said. Billy. What a little kids name. Little Billy. I looked at him. How can such an attractive, conventionally attractive, guy be named something like that. He must've noticed me staring as he then made eye contact with me. His eyes were a nice blue color, a contrast from mine. His pupils seemed to dilate when they looked at me. That was weird. "Is there a reason you're staring at me?" He asked me.

"You're just like really hot." I said. Fuck. Shit. I didn't really flirt with him, did I? You're such a fucking idiot with terrible coping mechanisms. He looked stunned, like he hasn't heard that before. "I didn't mean that. You're just kind of terrifying." I turn to the front. "Miss. Can I use the bathroom?" I asked.

"Yes, y/n, go ahead." She said as I stood up and speed walked to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror.

"You fucking idiot. I can't believe you just told some definitely homophobic guy that he is hot." I said to myself before going into a stall. I continue to lecture myself. I know that it would not help, I only know after me and Jonathan had to talk with mom about how to handle mental breakdowns and our anxiety. I wasn't listening to half of it, mostly just zoning out. I then hear the bathroom door open and wipe my face. I didn't even notice the tears until now. There was a knock at the door.

"Byers, get the fuck out of there and get back to class." Billy said. I knew it was him. He is speaking in the same voice as in the parking lot.

"I'm having bowel issues." I lied. It was quite an obvious lie. Why would I come to school with bowel issues.

"Bullshit." He responded. He then started pushing on the door. "At least open the door and tell me something to tell the teacher other than shitting problems."

"Why would I open the door for you? I don't even know you."

"God you're so difficult."

"For a good reason."

Billy just sighed. He leaned against the door. "Well I'm gonna head back to class because I don't wanna go back and carry your things to you for a bullshit excuse."

"No one asked you to carry my things to me." I said, watching him sit against the otherside of the door. He must be having a rough day because there was no way in hell he would talk to me like this.

"I know you're gay. You're even lying to yourself." He said. Wait. What the fuck?

I blinked before looking back underneath the door. No one was there. Must've been dreaming again. I gotta take some medicine for that. I stood up. How much did I imagine? What time was it? I check my watch. Robin got it for me after I told her how much I hate not knowing the time. 3:39. Shit. I skipped all of school. Though my stuff was outside of the door. He must've came here with my stuff.

I opened the door and picked up myself. I then walked outside, going to Jonathans car. School wasn't out for another 10 minutes but I can wait. Mom must be worried by me missing all of school. I'll tell her I was having bad anxiety again. Whatever. I promised Jonathan I would go to the stupid party at Tina's tonight so we would go drop off Will at the Wheelers and then go. Eventually, Jonathan and Will got out and came to the car. Jonathan looked at me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I got out early." I responded. He must've believed me and got in. We began driving to the Wheelers. We were gonna pick up Nancy and Steve since Steve's tires were slashed by some middle schoolers earlier this week. I watched as Billy and his little sister, I assume, came out to their car. Billy looked at me through the window, a slight glare. I hate this. I made the new guy hate me already. Great job me.

Once we got to the Wheelers, Nancy and Steve got in after Will got out. Karen was watching, telling Nancy to not do anything bad or get drunk.

"Dude you had to bring your brother?" Steve said. I flipped him off.

"Shut the fuck up, Harrington before I beat your ass with your own bat." I said. I wouldn't really do that. I don't even know how to properly swing. Nancy rolled her eyes as we drove to Tina's house. The party didn't start till later so we waited for a while. I closed my eyes and dozed off.

I woke up to Nancy tapping my shoulder. "Come on, it's time to go in." She said. She was all dressed up for the Halloween party, everyone in the car was. I wasn't. I only came because I didn't want to watch Will and the last option was to go to a shitty party the whole school is at.

"Fine," I say, getting out. I walked into the already bustling party. Immediately my anxiety peaked, seeing how everyone is so packed together. There was food all over the floor, and beer everywhere as well. I walked toward one of the only clear areas. The kitchen. As I started I see Billy. I slouched some more, crossing my arms, as I passed by. Next thing I know, something gets liquid all over my shirt. I turn to the source. It's Billy. Of fucking course. "What the fuck, dude. I just got beer all over my new shirt." I say walking up to him and standing up straight. I was pretty short compared to the rest of the guys in Hawkins, standing at 5'4". Mom told me my growth must've stunted after I got a concussion at 9. I had to look up at the blonde.

"It's fine it washes off." Billy said before snickering. I scoff.

"You're such a douchebag. Go fuck yourself." I said. I turn to head to the kitchen when I hear him and the rest of the brainless basketball guys start laughing. I go into the kitchen to see Steve and Nancy. I pushed them out of the way and got a cup of punch. I knew it would be spiked. It's a high school party full of teenagers who think they are cool. I don't care. Maybe a lack of judgment is what I need. Alcohol infected brain like a smoker's heart to get rid of the daydreams and the anxiety. Maybe people would like me more.

"Woah, y/n, slow down. You're gonna get blackout drunk if you drink anymore." Steve said. I look at him with furrowed eyebrows before putting the cup down and leaving. I see Nancy also getting juiced up before Steve tries to calm her as well. I smile as I see some random people dancing and talking. I join in, dancing and talking as well. It was quite fun. They gave me some more drinks, so I downed them. This was so much fun.

As time went on I felt tired and sick. I made my way to the couch. I saw Billy also sitting down, he seems to still be talking to the ball nerds. I chuckle to myself. Ball nerds. I sat next to Billy. "Heyy, I know we got off on, like, the wrong foot but like, you're actually really cool." I say, looking at him. His eyes furrowed slightly, not expecting me to talk with him.

"Uh, okay? I've heard that a million times already." He said. I laughed slightly, leaning against his shoulder.

"But have you heard how you're eyes are such a good ocean blue and how you and your sister could be models. I mean," I touch his chest, "look at you. You're jacked, even better than Steve. But you also are like a massive asshole to people for no fucking reason." He pushed my hand away but left me leaning on him. "It's okay, that's how Steve was last year. Until my little brother went missing in this place called the upside-down and Steve was like, 'Nancy, don't leave me, I'm insanely hot and everyone loves me but secretly hates me.' and Nancy dumped his ass for my brother for a little bit, but then they got back together after the Demogorgon came over and beat the shit out of them." I spilled. I looked up at Billy. He seemed to be really confused.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this your first time being drunk or some shit?" Billy asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not socially awkward anymore so I guess my life got better after the alcohol. Oh did you know that when I went to the bathroom in homeroom, you came in and told me I was gay? Turns out, I was daydreaming. It's a mental illness I have. I got it all while Jonathan only got anxiety with me." I said, yawning. I looked at the door for a moment. I saw Jonathan rush out Nancy. "I guess Steve and Nance just broke up again, my brother gets only one bitch and that bitch is Nancy Wheeler. Fuck her for being in love with my brother and Steve at the same time." I move to lay on his lap. "I'mma just take nap here, 'kay?" I asked before passing out. Billy looked down at me. He sighed. He must've known that Jonathan was my ride here and now Jonathan is gone.

"Jesus Christ, y/n." He muttered. He didn't push me off. He kept me there. I stayed there until the party ended. I then was picked up by Billy, taken to his car, and buckled in. I shifted, groaning slightly. He didn't know where my house is unless he was stalking me, and mom would be home by now. He took me to his house. He seemed thankful when he looked out into the driveway, a sense of relief as he unbuckled me and got out. He went to my side and took me out, carrying me to his room. I woke up when I was plopped onto the bed.

"Fuck." I said, looking around with hazy eyes. I see a red-head peering into the room.

"Billy, why'd you bring someone back home? Y'know your dad will get mad." She said. She was pretty. Was it Billy's sister?

"Get out, Max." He said, going over to the door and closing it. He turned to me. "You, go back to sleep. I'll take you home tomorrow. I shouldn't have driven now." I listen and immediately went back to sleep. Billy laid down in the bed, facing away from me.

I woke up quickly the next day. I looked around the room, catching a glimpse of a garbage can. I hopped out of bed and grabbed the garbage, vomiting into it. God, that shit inside my system is so gross. I vomited straight into it. At this moment, I'm glad I got good aim when it came to this. My stomach hurt so bad. But then I realized, this was not my house. I leaned against the edge of the bed and held my head, as it started to hurt. Soon enough all the memories came back. I told Billy about Will, the Demogorgon, my dreams. Shit. I stood up and looked at the bed. Billy was still asleep. I laid back in bed. I felt terrible, there would be no way mom wouldn't notice that. Jonathan must've been responsible like he always was and didn't drink anything. He left the party early though.

"Finally you're up. I'll take you home when you stop having the urge to throw up." Billy said getting up. He walked out of his room and to his sisters, telling her to make some toast, 2 slices. I heard a groan and whine before walking to the kitchen. Billy came back in. "Max is getting you something to eat. To soak up the beer." He said. He started to put on some different clothes. Instinctively, I looked away. I know usually guys like him, they don't care if they change in front of other guys but it's for some reason weird for me to look at guys changing.

"Thanks. Um, I'm sorry for not making any fucking sense when I was talking to you. I get it if you were severely weirded out by me." I say. "Also, touching you like that. I'm not gay or anything and I really doubt you would be either so it was probably really weird." I rambled. I gotta work on rambling. Billy rolled his eyes. "Also, you could've left me at Tina's, I know how to get home from there." He stopped me from talking anymore by covering my mouth with his hand.

"Shut the fuck up. You are seriously almost as annoying as Max." He said. My heart was beating abnormally fast, especially if it were anxiety or fear. "I took you here because it would be an asshole move to leave you at a girl's house for her to take care of on top of clean up. Yeah, no." He removed his hand. "If you say another word I will kick you out and have your mom take care of you instead." I nodded.

"Billy here's your toast. Your dad's gonna be home soon so if you don't want to be called another slur, then you should get going." Max said, setting the plate down. She looked at me and gave me a dirtyish look before leaving. Billy scoffed, giving me the toast.

"Hurry up, I don't wanna babysit any longer." He said. I nod and began eating quickly.

After finishing, I was rushed out to Billy's car. It was really lovely. The seat was very comfortable. "Why do I have to leave so early?" I asked, looking at him.

"My dad is coming home soon." He responded. I looked a little confused. What would his dad have to do with anything? I didn't want to push any further as Billy did scare me a little bit and I didn't wanna get hurt. Not only that, I understand the daddy issues, I mean with Lonnie and all that. Lonnie is a fucking dick, calling Will a fag at such a young age. I yawned. He seemed to be relieved that I didn't push, his muscles relaxed and so did his eyebrows.

"You're really nice for driving me home," I said. "Thanks for not making me walk home like Steve would."

"Yeah, yeah. Does that Harrington guy give you trouble?" Billy asked.

"A little, only when Nancy decides she's too good for him and chooses my brother instead. Then he really hates me as if Nance would ditch him for me sometime. Nancy isn't even my type." I catch my breath. "Sorry, rambling. I need to fix that." I say giving a small smile.

"I can fix that for you," Billy said.

"And why would you do that for me?" I ask.

"Why not? Gives me a reason to overthrow King Steve." He said rolling his eyes, laughing slightly.

"You don't have to. I mean, the Byers are kind of known as the ones who are supposed to get bullied and not have that much confrontation. The most we've ever been through is my brother going missing for a while." I said. Billy looked at me. "Can you pinch me, or like punch me?" I asked. I was hoping I wasn't dreaming. I mean, it would make sense. There would be no way in hell that- "Ow! Okay, not dreaming. Thanks." I rubbed my shoulder where Billy hit.

"I didn't even hit you that hard. What are you, a pussy?" He asked.

"No, I just don't have enough muscle to protect me from that."

"Then why'd you ask to be hurt?"

"Because I daydream sometimes and that leads to the inability to know if I am in a dream or not."

"You mentioned that last night." My face burned slightly. I don't talk about my disorder and forgot I told him that. I was mostly worried about what he would say about the Demogorgon and him telling me I was gay, not just that I daydream.

"I said a lot of things that probably weren't true last night," I say. Finally, we get to my house. "Thanks, again, for driving me." I unbuckled. "See you at school. Unless you don't want to see me in that case I guess I won't. Say hi to your sister for me, she is really pretty. But not in an 'I'm attracted to her' kind of way, more of a 'She's really pretty and I love her hair' way." I say before leaving. I walked into the house before I could hear him say bye to me. I don't even know if he did. As soon as I walked in, mom ran up to me all frantic.

"Y/n, where have you been? I called Karen to see if you stayed over at her house and I called Tina's parents because Jonathan said you wanted to stay there last night. I was so worried you disappeared like Will." She said.

"Don't worry, I stayed over at a friend's house," I said.

"Which friend?" She asked.

"Billy Hargrove. He's new. Tina kicked me out because she couldn't let me stay so Billy picked me up and let me stay at his house." I say. I smiled at her to assure her I was fine.

"Okay. I'll find his parents in the phonebook." Mom responded. "Just, call me next time. I just want to make sure you're safe."

"I know mom. I'm sorry. I'm gonna take a shower." I walk to the bathroom and lock it. I sat against the door. I was so worried about what I said last night to Billy. What if he tells the whole school about me? Like I'm weird, which they basically already knew about since I'm the brother of the zombie boy and the stalker. Or what if he took what I said about my dream the wrong way and thinks I'm gay so he tells the school? Not there's anything wrong with being gay. Robin's gay. But I'm not. At least I don't think so. I mean, why would I be? I liked girls. Like, Joan Jett. And at one point I thought I liked Nancy. I mean, her sense of style is out of this world. Immaculate even. I don't like guys that way. I think. Maybe there was a spark at one point when I first saw Steve. But that was just admiration. I think so at least. Then Billy. Billy is the reason I'm acting this way. I've never had anyone come to me in a dream like that to tell me I'm gay. There was a knock on the door.

"Y/n, I need to pee, you've been in there for an hour," Jonathan said. I got up and washed my hands. They were sweaty and had crescent-shaped indents in them. I need to cut my nails before they start to cut through my skin. I open the door and see Jonathan as expected but also mom.

"What?" I asked.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mom asked, pulling me aside so Jonathan could use the restroom.

"Nothing. Why would something be wrong?" I ask, putting on a smile.

"You know that whenever you go into the bathroom for a while something is bothering you. The last time was because you thought you were overweight and the time before that is because you wanted to look like Nancy Wheeler. What's wrong this time?" Mom said.

"It doesn't matter. Just school stuff. I just don't think I'm gonna pass a test in a few days. It's in math so it's just really confusing, y'know." I say. I walk to my room and lay on the bed. Jonathan and I have been sharing a room since there isn't enough for all of us to have separate rooms. It didn't bother us. We shared a room for 9 months before we were born. We shared on as babies and then now. We have separate beds and a curtain separating half the room since I got uncomfortable changing in front of Jonathan when I was 9. Luckily we haven't used it in a while since during the summer Jonathan is always working and I only do afternoon shifts. Then during school, he gets up early to wake up Will and get breakfast ready. I think back again, seeing Billy was nice. Like the way he was talking. He was, I don't know, gentle. Not like a douchebag. Which was very different than in the parking lot and at the beginning of the party. Maybe it was because it was morning. But he wasn't that kind to his sister. Why was he nice to me? Maybe we are friends now. Or at least acquaintances. I should get him something, to say thank you. Show appreciation, maybe get him to be my friend so my family could handle a little less bullying and have significantly less trauma than we would if we got bullied and had monsters from a fucking game. I get up and grab Jonathans keys off his bed. "Jonathan! I need you to drive me to the store!" I yell.

#oh fuck i’m gay #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x male reader #fanfic #stranger things

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