My Girls
Many people wonder if when a loved one dies that person watches over them. Are they really now part of the sea of lights or are they forever just ceased? Truth is, they do. I do. I guess the sea of lights isn’t real. But now I just sit in the silence of nothingness, watching over Leigh and Beau, making sure my beautiful girls stay living. Even when I’m gone.
I never wanted to leave, to be honest I wanted to keep living with my girls. But they hated me. I lied to them and they hated me. What other choice would I have other than death when they hated me? I didn’t mean to lie to them. It just happened. One lie and their entire trust shattered.
I told them I was clean, that I wasn’t using anymore and hadn’t been for a while. That was a lie. They told me that if I wasn’t clean then they will help me but I have to tell them the truth. But that’s the thing with addicts. You can’t just simply tell the truth. You have to open up about why you started using again, why you felt like you needed it. Why, why, why, why. All these why’s and then afterwards you get told that you need to go back to the hellhole. Where they take away communication and your girls promise they love you and that it is okay to be here.
“I would never put you guys in here, You don’t understand, I love you guys.” I said, crossing my arms and looking away from them. “I would sacrifice myself for you before I ever let someone put you in a place like this.”
“We aren’t like you, Mori. We won’t end up in a place like this. It’s just a few weeks of rehab, you’ve done it before.” Beau replied, brushing my hair behind my ear. “And then you can come home and be with us.”
“Yeah, we love you so much. We want you to get better, that’s all.” Leigh smiled at me.
That was one time they caught me. I hate lying. They should know that. But how come they keep forcing me to. It was in rehab that I died. I managed to get my dealer to come and bring the heroin in a book. He was dressed up for the occasion, acting like my brother so that the guards didn’t think anything of it. I managed to slip the goods in my sleeve when the guard checked the book.
“Looks good. You’re going back to your room right?” Larry asked, handing me the book.
“Yeah. I’m tired. I stayed up all night because of checks. I know that they will still do checks but I just need some sleep. See you later, Larry.” I said quickly as I scurried to my room. I took out the heroin. I needed that. I didn’t have a needle, so I grabbed the pen I took from the crafts room. I took one of the sheets off the bed and put it in my mouth to avoid me screaming. I knew the moment I did this, I needed to get the dope into my system as soon as possible. I took 3
long
deep
breaths
and then I jammed the pen as hard as possible into my vein. I let out a muffled scream, thank god I am not too loud. I poked a small hole in the container and put it against the hole in my skin. I felt the liquid dribbling out into my bloodstream, and all over my arm. I don’t know how long it was there for, I just know the next time I looked down there was no more dope in the container. It felt nice to be replenished like that. I got up and I laid on the bed and closed my eyes to enjoy it.
That container help 3 mL of liquid. That means 327 nanograms. Triple the lethal amount. And I didn’t even feel it.
I fell asleep quickly and never woke up again. So now, I just sit in nothingness, watching my girls who put me in that place, cursing both their names and wishing the same fate as me.