That was then and this is now. @ayoitsbryan - Tumblr Blog

and like that today marks one year. i hope you're doing well

didn't think 2026 could get any worse than 2025, boy was i fucking wrong

anxiety through the fking roof

thanks for picking me up and thanks for chatting with me. i didn't know that we had talked for almost an hour it felt like we weren't talking for that long. you told me to not overthink but i guess thats what i had to do to get myself to slowly move on, to think that you're living a better life without me. part of the convo and after felt like you may not have cared as much anymore or maybe you had to put up a wall so you don't get hurt again. i know i asked you to have dinner, i hope you do just one last time. i wouldn't bother you anymore after, i just want to be vulnerable with my feelings one last time. but if we i dont i understand too

happy new year AC! i know you'll leave me behind in 2025. i hope your 2026 exceeds your expectations!

2025

you were my toughest year to date. you destroyed me physically, mentally and emotionally. i grieved immensely. i parted ways with someone who was my whole world, my best friend, someone i saw my future with because of the battles i was silently fighting, not wanting to burden her. i pushed my body to the limit and suffered the consequences. but that wasn't enough, you had to continue to drag me down to rock bottom emotionally and mentally. i struggled but i did my best. there were so many silent battles no one knows about. so many countless nights where i cried myself to sleep. the many nights i wished the pain and suffering would end and worse of all the few nights where i almost ended it all. you took me to hell and back, you beat me, broke me but im still somehow here. heres to me, although broken i made it through this year somehow, i survived. 2026, i hope you'll be kinder to me. i hope i can survive again. -12.31.25

To AC

A.C, have you been gwenchana? i hope you are. do you ever still think about me? or do you ever look for me in a sea of people? probably not. I do though everywhere i go. you were always the stronger one out of the both of us so i wouldn't doubt it. im envious of your support system, it still is and has been a lonely and painful 7 months. have your dates or if you're seeing someone treating you well? are the new people you're meeting nice to you? i hope they are, because you deserve the world. i hope they buy you your favorite roses and give you everything you want. it hurts but i just want you to be happy. i walked by the christmas lights today (12/30) hoping i would run into you like a kdrama but i know it wouldn't happen. have you watched any new kdramas? i haven't been able to since we went our separate ways but i know there's some good ones out there. which did you end up watching? its been hard adjusting to the holidays without you when you've been present in them for so many years. tbh i dont know why i'm writing this but i needed to put words down. i'm sorry for failing you, i think about it often. im sorry for letting you down. im trying my best to keep our promise and if i fail im sorry. would i become your mac to your ariana? i wish i could give you a long hug and catch up with some drinks but that would most likely not happen. The new year is coming so in 2026, i wish for you to be gwenchana, healthy and most importantly happy. that was my birthday wish this year. love always -bc

missing you more than usual today. maybe cus i had a dream about you last night, you were really mean lol. sometimes i wish i knew how you were feeling..anyway i hope you're doing well and surrounded by loved ones during the holidays.

it must of been exhausting for you. i'm sorry i was being really negative but that was just the state of mind ive been in. it was probably a lot to deal with, even i wouldn't want to deal with me. it was difficult for me to write down my thoughts, easier to say. but i know we won't meet or speak unless by coincidence. nonetheless it was nice seeing your name pop up on my screen again. i miss my person. the previous post still stands, but im trying. im scared to text you so im leaving this here. thank you for reaching out. i wish you said how you were, i hope that the answer is youre doing well.

if one day you find out im no longer here, just know i tried my best to keep our promise. i really did try. just know i still love you and always will. i hope you live your life to the fullest and that you're happy. make sure to eat, smile and stay safe. Lastly, i wrote you a letter two months after that day, if i feel like its right before i go, ill send it to a place only you know where to check. i hope that day doesn't come but it's been close before.

take care, my love.

-love always

happy birthday A.C -love always

it was a shock running into you, i got scared and anxious but im happy for you

im struggling hard to keep it together. as i reflect back on our last convo, i wish i asked how you were. i wish i told you that i missed you. ask you if we should just try one more time. you were never 3rd, you were always first. i wish i double txted you, sent you your share of the ticket but you seemed angry. i didnt want to bother/anger/annoy you. going through this alone sucks. i miss you, im trying my best to keep going but i just keep digging deeper and deeper down. im sorry

last entry to come.

thepersonalquotes

hitting harder than the first time, sometimes i just want to call you but i know i shouldn't. I hope you're doing well, hope you pass the 3rd part of your exam and if you travel for work, be safe.

wild that I see your car on the day i leave

there's a version of me that i buried quietly, because life kept asking me to be stronger than i felt. people see me moving, working and laughing but they dont see the part of me that's slowly faded away. i miss who i was before the harsh reality of life came crashing down on me

first snap then ig wowww

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That was then and this is now.