built to fall apart | p8
daryldixxxons:
Daryl’s heart stopped for a quarter of a second whenever he saw Beth walk inside. Daryl had no idea what words were about to come out of her mouth. And, in the few seconds it took her to walk up to him and speak, Daryl’s mind was racing. What if Maggie had said something— what if she found out about them and disapproved? Daryl wasn’t much. He was no Glenn, didn’t have a heart of gold— but he fought like hell to survive, to help those around survive, too. It was strange though, because even at his worst— Daryl was still a better man than he had been before the world ended. And he prayed to God that it was good enough for Beth.
Then, Beth was leaning in. There was a look on her face, and he couldn’t quite tell what it was. All Daryl knew was that it made him uncomfortable, seeing her like that.
Only a few moments later, and Beth had buried her face into his chest. She always made him feel so warm, when she leaned into him like that. She was like sunshine to him.
“I’m… I’m late…”
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of Daryl. It took him a few minutes to register what she’d said. Could that even be possible? Daryl flashed back to all of the nights they’d spent tangled in each other, with little to no thought about the consequences. Daryl was careful, of course, but shit happened.
All of a sudden, Daryl couldn’t stand to be so close to Beth. It felt like he was drowning— it was too much information to process all at once.
“Nah,” Daryl finally said. He pulled away from her, shook his head firmly. “Ain’t no way.” He shrugged, beginning to pace only moments later. He was worried— the lines on his forehead gave him away immediately.
“I ain’t gonna be no dad.”
It came out harsher than he meant. Once the words left his mouth, Daryl knew there was no use in taking them back. He wasn’t gonna shove his foot further up his ass. It took a few minutes, but Daryl finally stopped pacing. He looked at Beth, very seriously.
“That’d be a mistake, an’ you know it.”
“Nah.”
Beth’s heart sunk at his reaction, any feelings she had swimming in her chest completely disappeared. She felt numb.
He had stepped away and she felt very stupid. Of course, of course he would never want-
“I ain’t gonna be no dad.” She wasn’t sure what she had been doing as he spat out words and her mind processed them, but she was sure jaw had literally dropped. Her assumptions were supposed to be the absolute worse outcome, not the outcome she truly deep down in her heart expected. Instinctively, her left hand rose up to squeeze the crook of her right arm, a nervous gesture she had picked up in some sense to protect to herself.
Was it foolish for her to hope he’d be...happy? When Judith was born, it wasn’t a necessarily joyous occasion. Rick went crazy, Lori died. But they gained a beautiful new life, a brand new innocence. And Daryl...Daryl had been so quick to jump when Judith needed someone. He stepped up willingly. If she asked him to...to do the same for her, would she be forcing him? Forcing him into a life he didn’t want?
She couldn’t watch him pace anymore and her eyes dropped to the floor.
A mistake.
That one, that she had to scoff at. The sadness faded and the anger replaced it. It was becoming clearer and clearer to her that perhaps their relationship wasn’t real at all.
“You told me to remind you...remind you that you got away from the ugly things. You remember? You gotta stay who you are?” Her memory drifted back to the trailer they burned in passion and anger. Happiness and forgiveness. “Well right now, you’re acting like an asshole.” Looking up to him, she adjusted her arms so they were crossed against her chest. “You’re scared. You can’t honestly tell me you never thought this could happen?” Frustration and hurt began to swell in her chest and she took a step closer to him, narrowing her eyes. “I didn’t do this by myself, Daryl. It didn’t...they didn’t...” A hand touched her stomach, feeling angry tears in her eyes. “Didn’t ask for this, either...”
