La Dispute lyrics that make me feel physically cold
• Some days I swear I can hear you sing to me or whisper my name in the slightest way. It's like the warmest light now laid across my bedroom floor is somehow actually you and not just sunlight. // Often later when I'm sleeping you show up in my dreams, just doing simple things like buying groceries, and when I wake up I can swear you must have just left me like you got up to get breakfast or maybe just to get dressed. But the truth is, you were never there, you will never be. Sometimes I think I'm not either, so what do I do when every day still seems to start and end with you?
• In the Winter I wonder what it'd be like if you were still here. // Sunday morning, dreamt about a moment passed, about a time I failed. Sunday morning, I was staring at a clock, trying to push it back. Sunday morning, wished to be a kid. Sunday morning shook me all the way awake, stirred me from the dream. Sunday morning, I was thinking of a phone call I should make to you but never did. I never did.
• Can I ever be forgiven cause I killed that kid? It was an accident, I swear it wasn't meant for him. And if I turn it on me, if I even it out, can I still get in or will they send me to hell? Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?
• January 19: We buried our son today. // Before the moment he left, he briefly rested from death, suddenly opened his eyes, said "I see everything! I see everything!"
• "Hold my hand and stay with me, we'll be released." But the tide clung like an anchor to her feet, and though he tried to make the waterline recede, it pulled her out into the sea. He could not break apart the waves to bring her safely back in. He watched her hand break through the surface once then disappear again. "Forever wait inside the sea for me, my dear, I hear you. You speak in every curling wave and sing in every violent breeze. Someday not far away from here my dear, I swear I'll see you."
• She meant it, I swear that she meant it, she whispered so often: "Husband I'll always be here with you." Always. Always. Always. Always. Always is valueless, I wish I never heard her speak a word.
• And all the ones who seem to fit the best into the chorus never notice there's a song, and the ones who seem to hear it end up tortured by the chords when they fail to find a way to sing along. And when you sing the wrong thing it all starts collapsing. Starts to ring out and feed back, starts lapsing and crashing on notes that don't clash but that never quite feel like they match. And I never quite feel like mine match.
• Tell me what your worst fears are. I bet they look a lot like mine. Tell me what you think about when you can't fall asleep at night. Tell me that you're struggling, tell me that you're scared, no, tell me that you're terrified of life. Tell me that it's difficult to not think of death sometimes.
• I remember once their dad came in, said, “You think this is bad? You don’t know the half.” And he laughed. It’s funny what things come back, the first things you see. How he sort of smiled like it’s only a joke. But he was lying, there was something else inside of his eyes. All those secrets people tell to little children are warnings that they give them, like, “Look, I’m unhappy. Please don’t make the same mistake as me.”
• What would you do if I died? Would you fly out for my funeral? Get too drunk in my wake? Would you make a scene and climb in and try to resuscitate me?
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
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