just bones

The journey of my life and things I fail to say

[b0n3s-x]

it is entirely exhausting falling in order with the idea of love.

im sick of always loving the most.

im sick of being the only one willing to commit.

im sick of being the only one in love.

how dare you say you love me when I have seen nothing but a cold shoulder?

how dare you say you care for me yet have been so absent?

how DARE you say you want everything to do with me yet show NOTHING!

not a single crumb have you left to indicate your intentions and emotions.

i have been the only one in this ruse showing my feeling,

showing my love,

showing my heart.

do you understand that I am exhausted?

i cannot win this loveless,

unrequited,

hopeless,

fantasy that you allowed me to play out alone

the joke is over.

i am no longer waiting.

i am no longer a pawn.

i am no longer a game.

i’m glad i was convenient for you

that’s all i’ll ever be,

im just mad you had the audacity to say you love me too, when it is clear you never fucking did in the first place

[b0n3s-x]

When words have sound

It feels so lonely When others who are there to listen to you, simply don't I feel as if I have so much to say But no one who can hear my words It is isolating Knowing I speak and speak But get turned away I have contemplated shutting myself off, more than once For am I even human if my words have no sound? Maybe it is I that is the issue Maybe I just have too much to say There is no one to talk to For there is no one to listen

[b0n3s-x]

love teases the mind

i think, i want to be loved to experience someone who cares about me. i think it would be grand but i know that i may never be ready for love, it's very terrifying to have someone know who you are i guess i have too many fears circling the idea of love. but this profound yearning for it will never calm from the blaze, for i am still a fool; never to be ready for what love brings

[b0n3s-x]

I've grown to hate myself more and more consistently through the days i don't want to feel this way, i'm tired of falling so hard. why is it so difficult to just stay constant. it is so tedious going through the emotions of getting crushed. i hate the way i feel and the way i can't express it i am lost and even beyond so. i don't want to feel these emotions for you and i try to tear myself away but i can't seem to forget about you, so i ask you please, forget about me.

[b0n3s-x]

I am Bones

i am bones

i am skin

i am someone         a face in the crowd with a lowly name

i am dependent

i am lost

i can only be so many things       but i can never find the good qualities.

i am the structure that holds myself up yet tears myself down

i am the definition of nonentity unlovable, unworthy i always want to be more than this but i can only ever think of insignificant i am Bones a creature who knows no sunlight and only woe

[b0n3s-x]

no one tells the truth of living how it is full of emotions we cannot understand and it's those emotions we find the hardest to express. the emptiness, the way we can't form the sentences to tell someone how it feels the loneliness yet fulfilment that comes from time to time the way you can't put it to words how could they come to know, when we don't even know what exactly that pain and empty feeling really is. i guess that makes it even more lonely; when they can't understand that void that remains

[b0n3s-x]

i wish you would just tell me whats going on. i feel like a fool on strings.

[b0n3s-x]

the easy spots

it gets tiring..... annoying even...frustrating how I can't maintain my stability how I seek the help of substances to be okay... when I'm really not it's the easy spots, that hurt the most. that split moment of thinking it'll be okay when the next day is just a wreck. the easy spots come and go so fucking quick. I try to hold on....but.. I know it's a matter of time until I'm down again. why can't the easy spots just stay?